Blurry Lines: Chapter Four

Edward

"Where are you taking me Edward?" Bella asked as I reversed out of my parking spot and drove away from the school.

"My place."

"Why?" she asked nervously.

"We need to talk." I stated simply.

"No, we don't." I looked sideways at her, is she nuts? Of course we need to talk.

"Bella-"

"No, look," she said interrupting me. "I know you think that you have to explain your life to me, but you don't. What happened between us was years ago. We were kids, and when we were together everything seemed to go away, so when we made those plans we didn't even consider the obstacles we'd have to overcome to actually carry them out to the end.

"Five years is along time Edward, we're different people, we've been through things and obviously we survived so for that I'm grateful. You're happy now, and you're in love, and that's beautiful, honestly it is. I wouldn't wish anything less for you. So just don't, don't bring the past into your future."

"So that's it, I'll never tell you why, you'll never want to know why?" she nodded her head slowly. "So I'll get married and you'll…?"

"I'll find who I'm supposed to be with in life. Find the guy I'll marry, one day. I'll be happy for an old friend, and live my life the best way I can."

"Is James going to be apart of that new life of yours?" the question escaped before I could reel in the venom, or the accusation.

"So what I thought was correct?" she asked amused.

"What are you talking about?"

"When he touched me you sort of glared at him. You don't like him very much do you?"

"I was that noticeable?"

"Just to me." She giggled. "You still do that 'I'll kill you' glare.' That used to be hilarious. Still is by the way. Esme used to-" She broke off, her eyes far away in the past.

"She missed you, you know? She still does."

"I missed her too."

"She um…she keeps this photo of us on the mantel over the fire place. I didn't even know she'd taken it, but she had. It was a few days after we'd both gotten there, we were sitting in the music room on the Piano bench and I was playing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' for you.

"She'd caught the moment you laid your head on my shoulder. The picture came out really nice. She made me a copy, and you. God, she had a lot of pictures of us around the house, but as time grew on…something clicked in her one day Bella. I came home to boxes in the foyer one evening. I got nervous because I though someone was leaving or maybe they were kicking me out, but when I looked into the boxes there was only pictures, of me and you, but mostly you. That's when I realized she couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't fake it."

"What do you mean fake it? Why would she have to fake anything?"

"When Renee took you, Esme was hysterical. She made Carlisle look for lawyer after lawyer hoping to get different advice, which was that you could come back to us. But each one told them the same thing, which was Renee, was your birthmother and there wasn't anything they could do about that.

"Esme got so tired of hearing it that she went to a few of her friends that were judges. When they said the same thing, there was nothing else for her to do, but keep you in her heart of course, and in her memories, and of course in the millions of photos she had of you. So she went on with trying to live her life. She'd try to smile but then she'd turn around and see a picture of you and break down into tears.

"That day I came home and found the pictures of you, I knew she was at her breaking point. She took all of them down, all but the one of us in the music room. When I asked her why not that one, why all of the rest but not that one? She simply told me to remember. I still don't get it."

There was a sniffle, and I looked over to see Bella crying once again. She quickly tried to swab at her tears, but they wouldn't stop falling.

"You honestly don't remember do you?" I looked at her puzzled, and shook my head."It was seven days. We'd been there for seven days and the police came over to tell Carlisle and Esme they couldn't find Renee. I didn't want to hear it so I left the room without a word and went into the music room. I sat at the bench and stared at the keys, desperately wishing I could play. I'd started to cry when a set of arms came around my waist and pulled me closer to the body that I didn't even know was there, it was you, Edward. You sat with me for forever and let me cry all over your Jedi shirt. When I'd calmed down you asked me not to be sad and I told you that I couldn't help it."

"That's right, I told you that everything would be okay, that I would take care of you and no one would ever hurt you again. You told me no one had hurt you, that someone had hurt your dad, and that you missed him a lot."

"And then I started pounding on the piano keys and screaming at it to let me play it. You laughed and said that you would play it for me. I didn't believe you knew how at first, but when your fingers moved across those keys. Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder where you are….

"You played for me all night, the same song on repeat. I never got tired of it. Then I slowly laid my head on your shoulder and wrapped my arms around your torso. I closed my eyes and sighed contently for the first time in seven days. I had no idea she'd photographed it."

"You should go down and visit them you know. When ever you get the chance, a weekend, a vacation. They would love to see you, Bella."

"How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to just show up at their doorstep?"

"Just go, they'd welcome you, you know they would. It would give Esme closure. I still see the sadness in her eyes when she looks at that photo of us. You'd put her worrying at ease."

"I'll thank about it, but I want something from you Edward."

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"I want you to keep me a secret from them. I don't want you to tell them that I'm here. If you told them, you'd get their hopes up about me seeing them, and if I decided I couldn't do it, it would hurt them, so please, don't tell them that I'm here."

"Isabella…."

"Just please, give me your word on that Edward, please?" she pleaded.

"Fine, but I want you to honestly consider going to see them."

"I will." She promised.

"So what now?"

"Um, I live right up there." She pointed to theEast Wheelock Cluster building and I switched lanes to get to the right side of the road. Once the car was safely in park we sat there in silence.

"I wish you would let me explain." I murmured.

"Are you happy?" she asked. I nodded my head, looking into her eyes. "Then stay happy Edward. Don't let your past ruin it for you. Tanya, she seems like a lovely girl Edward. I always knew you'd end up with a lovely girl, you deserve it. I'm gonna go. I have a feeling Alice will be home soon."

She made to open the door, but I grabbed her hand quickly, trying desperately to prolong the moment, but also wanting to warn her about James. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"I need you to promise me something now Isabella."

"What?"

"James-"

"Edward-" she began.

"Bella please, just hear me out." After a contemplative second, she motioned for me to continue. "I know he made himself sound like a good guy, but honestly Bella, he's not. Since I've known him, I've had this bad feeling about him, like something is completely off about him. I just want you to promise me that you'll be careful with him, that if anything feels off to you you'll end it. If he tries to force you into anything, if he doesn't take no for an answer, if he ever puts a hand on you, you'll end it. Promise me."

She nodded her head, slipping her right leg out of the car. "I'll end it. And you'll be the first to know." She promised before she completely slipped out of the car and walked up the pathway to her dorm.

-~~'\\%/'~~-

I drove around for two hours after I dropped Bella off at her dorm, my thoughts running a mock as I thought back on our conversations and our promises. I wondered if she would really tell me if James tried anything with her that she found offensive. I decided if she kept her word for five years then she would probably do it again, because she was a good person like that. But could I keep my promise to her and not tell Esme and Carlisle that I'd found her-well, that she'd found me?

It felt wrong to keep this from them, but Bella was right, it would hurt them much more if they knew she was here and safe and she refused to see them. Why she'd do that-why she'd refuse was beyond me.

I finally made it to my apartment around sunset, my mind burnt out from the issues of the day. This on top of pre-med is going to finish me this year.

As I walked into my apartment, I had the sudden feeling that I was not alone. I flicked on my lights and came face to face with my very pissed fiancé. "Where have you been?" she demanded.

"I was driving around Tanya, thinking."

"With that Bella girl?" she sneered.

"I was with Bella at first. I calmed her down, then we talked for a while, but I dropped her off at her dorm not long after we left the cafeteria. Why?"

"She's the same Bella, isn't she?" she asked annoyingly.

"Yes Tanya. She's the same Bella. Where are you going with this? So she's the same one, what does it matter?"

"What does it matter?" she mocked. "It matters that my fiancé just bailed on me in front of most of our friends to tend to his ex-girlfriend. It matters that you left me there feeling stupid. It matters that you were with her, for only god knows how long, and you didn't call or come back to the cafeteria. So don't you ask me 'what does it matter,' because it matters a damn lot Edward Anthony."

"Fine, I'm sorry okay? So she's my ex-girlfriend, from when I was fourteen Tanya. I haven't seen or spoken with her for five years. And she needed me today, I owed her at least that much. Now I'm sorry I embarrassed you, and I'm sorry I bailed, but you-you just don't understand.

"Isabella and I…we're different from most people. For a long time I needed her and she needed me and that's all we knew. Sure we had Carlisle and Esme, but it was just us that we could count on. She calmed me the way no one else ever could, and I did the same for her, and today she needed that.

"When she was taken away from me I thought I would die, you have no idea how it feels to lose the absolute one thing you care about in this world. To watch it stripped from your arms and plead with you to save it and knowing you couldn't. No matter how much you wanted to, you just couldn't.

"You have no idea how it felt to see them throw her in the back of their car and drive her out of my life. So yeah, I bailed on you, and I'm sorry, but she needed me and for the first time in five years I could do something about it. I wasn't that weak fourteen-year-old boy who stood by and watched them rip his world apart. I was the grown man who saw the girl who was once his everything tearing up inside and for the first time I could do something about it, so I did.

"When she was telling our story Tanya-"

"Stop!" she commanded rigidly. "Just stop. I don't want to hear this anymore. Do you think that if you tell me this, if you tell me how much that girl meant to you that I would be okay with what you did? Because it doesn't make it okay, Edward. Look, I'm going to ask you for one favor, then I am going to tell you something that you need to hear.

"I'm going to ask you, for me, for the girl you love now, to stay away from Isabella Swan. Then I'm going to tell you that she was not telling both her and your story, she was only telling hers. And the fact that you can still- without question- mix your life with hers, shows me that a part of you-even after five years- still wants to be with her.

"Then I'm going to say that you went five years without her, and you fell in love with me. I'm sure you could go three more years without her so we could start our life, our family Edward. Then, I'm going to tell you that if you can't stay away from her then yes, I will know how it feels to lose the absolute one thing I care about in this world. Because I know if you can't stay away from her, I'll lose you. We deserve our happiness Edward; please give me what I deserve."