Chapter 3

Carla's p.o.v:

'To what do I owe this pleasure?' Peter quizzed me.

'Just having a bit of a mooch,' I bantered with him. 'I didn't believe Michelle when she told me you'd taken over this place'.

'Trust me, it's not the maddest thing to happen around here. Although I can't blame you being suspicious'.

'You're alright though, aren't you?' I checked, changing the subject. 'You're not back on the drink?'

'I'm not, no. I've come extremely close though, don't get me wrong… I've been to a ton of meetings this week. One nearly every day', he sighed.

'You never answered me question'.

'What one?' He was good, I thought. Almost as good as I was at avoiding things. Only I wasn't going to let him off the hook. I'd just repeat the question until I got a straight answer. 'I asked if you're okay'.

'I'm fine'.

'Just fine? Alright, well you know where I am if you ever wanna…talk', I assured him. I didn't want to push him. If he wanted to tell me, he would.

'I appreciate it. Anyway, enough about me, how about you? You okay?'

'Me? Well –' I stopped as I heard someone trundling downstairs. Whoever it was must've heard our endless chatter, as they entered the back room. Turning around, I was face to face with someone I'd never met before. Presumably this was Toyah, so I greeted her a friendly smile.

'Ah, Toyah this is Carla. Carla, Toyah'. I was right. It was his partner that stood puzzled to see me standing in her back room.

'Pleased to meet you', I said.

'Yeah I know who she is', she said. Her tone had a sharp edge that was far from welcoming. However, I was willing to forget that as I could see her trying to make an effort with me. This became extremely apparent when she confessed she'd seen pictures of me… I think I heard her say I looked 'glamourous' which I slightly cringed at… She was trying too hard, bless her. Funny she'd seen pictures of me… Had Peter really gone through pictures of his ex-wife with his current girlfriend? I suppose Peter must've given her chapter and verse of our shared past…

'I hear you're staying with Roy. It's absolutely awful what happened to him. Will you give him our love'? I nodded, trying to ignore Peter's immature sniggers that began to filter the room. Attempting to stifle his giggles, and failing, I had to address his childish behaviour.

'What's so funny?'

'It's just… You staying with Roy'.

'It's not weird ok,' I snapped. I knew what he was thinking.

'It is a bit', he mocked. But he wasn't done with his jibes. Far from it. 'Here, you might as well take some hotpot back to Roy's. Save him having to taste your cooking'.

'I'm not that bad'. I defended myself.

'Do you know what she used to do', he said involving Toyah in the conversation. 'She used to put pizza in the oven with the plastic cover still on'. He immediately burst into fits of laughter at the memory while Toyah feigned a smile.

'That was one time!' I mock-yelled at him, slightly embarrassed at the awful picture he was building up of me in front of his girlfriend. 'I hope he doesn't speak to you like this', I joked to Toyah.

'No, I don't because at least she can butter bread'. While revealing my culinary errors, he winked at me. Winked. What was he after? He had a girlfriend. His wavering eye made me turn a shade of crimson. I prayed Toyah hadn't noticed his flirty behaviour. I was convinced she had though when she swiftly changed the subject from my cooking. 'Ehhh, has he offered you a tea or a coffee?' While I would've loved to sit and chat to Peter and catch up on old times, I didn't like the idea of prying ears listening and giving Peter a hard time afterwards once I'd left.

'No, I'm good thanks. I'm just gonna get off, anyway. Peter, hopefully catch you soon. Lovely to meet you, Toyah'. I smiled before making my way back through to the bar.

'And you.' I heard her coldly respond, loud enough that I heard her as I headed back into the pub. I crept up behind Michelle, seeing she was still perched by the bar.

'Boo!' I shouted, tickling her sides from behind. She turned round, extremely pleased to see me by the look that was spread on her face.

'About time! You were gone ages! What were you doing through there anyway?' At the risk of any nosy parkers listening in, I said I wanted to go. She had long since finished her drink and had been waiting for me, so she was happy to oblige.

Walking out onto the street I said, 'Chelle, look I don't wanna be rude but I should really go and check up on Roy. I'm worried he'll be worrying about me'.

'Of course. You get off, Car. I should think about getting home - I need a shower before my shift.'

'You're working tonight?'

'Evening shift, yeah. Oh the joys'. She rolled her eyes. 'Anyway, I'll see ya'.

'Bye', I called. She blew me a kiss as she headed in the opposite direction.

Heading upstairs to the poky flat, I could see Roy sitting on his sofa, reading a pamphlet with great interest. 'Hi Roy'. He jumped at the sound of my voice, rather on edge, which was no surprise after what he'd recently been through. 'Oh my god, Roy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give you a fright'.

'That is quite alright'.

'What you got there?' I said, joining him on the sofa. Taking the leaflet out of his hands, I was overcome by a wave of nausea as I read the words: Living With Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). 'Since you don't seem to be taking responsibility for your health, I have sought to endeavour what your next steps are… You need to start facing up to this, Carla. You cannot simply bury your head in the sand forever. In fact, you haven't got forever if you carry on behaving like this'.

'Wow. You're being rather frank'.

'The longer you delay -'

'- I know!' I was so frustrated with him. Because I knew he was right, but also because I hated him making decisions for me.

'I'm not going anywhere', I promised as I put an arm around him.

'You cannot guarantee that until you start to face facts. You have kidney failure. You need to get registered at the medical centre. You require regular appointments, you-'

' - I get it! Ok I get it', I interrupt him. Before I even realise, I begin to sob. Ugly, hot, wet tears. 'Roy I know I need to do all these things. It's just… My heads a mess. You don't want to know what goes on in there. And along with that, I'm sore… My ankles ache – they're so swollen I can't even fit into my Jimmy Choos anymore. On top of that, I'm tired. All the time – doesn't matter how much sleep I get. I know I need to tell my family… I just can't bear the thought of the pity I'll get from them. I'm the one that's always been the strong one, the one to lean on in a state of crisis. They'll fall apart and I don't think I can sit and watch that happen. So there. That's why I've been a chicken. I know time is running away. I haven't got much time. I need to sort this, because if there is one thing I know, its this: I don't want to die. I haven't gone through turmoil and heartache all my life not to survive this'.

'Then you know what you've got to do'.

'I know', I whispered as I bawled like a baby. Tears spurting from my eyes. I had finally confessing that I am ill and I need help. Something I was never very good at asking for. Overcome with emotion, I collapsed into Roy's arms as he held me. Admittedly awkwardly. Roy struggled with emotions. Nevertheless, he persevered his own discomfort for the sake of mine. He was there. He didn't say anything. He just let me cry, and for that I was eternally grateful.