Blurry Lines: Chapter Nine
Isabella
Alice and I left a day before everyone else was supposed to. With the exception of Rosalie, Angela and Jasper we didn't tell anyone goodbye, it was pointless. We would never see these people again, and I didn't care to see most of them now, so we left, heading north-west towards some old friends of mine.
Alice was a real sport about the drive, playing music and games with me. We were a good day and a half into our drive when Alice's phone rung for the first time. She picked it up, her voice filled with amusement from seeing a drifter on side of the road pull down his pants for a ride. I never thought I'd see it, but there it was.
"Hello?" Alice asked excitedly, must be Jasper. There was a moment's pause before she looked at me, her face falling and her bottom lip going between her teeth.
"Oh, Edward," I shook my head, chanting the word 'no' to her. "um, look Edward I'm really sorry, but she doesn't want to talk to you, I'm so sorry, but I have to go. Tell Jazz-"
She was cut off, listening to him.
"I can't Edward." She said after a moment. "I'm sorry, but she wants nothing to do with you. I have to go, bye." She ended the phone call and unknowingly my heart. She was right; I want nothing to do with him. But where I'm going now, do I really get that choice?
-~~'\\%/'~~-
Alice and I were about an hours drive from where we were going. Instead of driving all the way through we decided to take a break and check into a motel for the night. Alice was a little skeptical about staying at a 'motel,' but I was all for it; a warm bed, a nice bath, like I said, all for it. So we checked in a stayed the night; both of us taking turns showering and both of us sharing the single bed in the room.
Alice was an early riser, so she was up and about hours before I was out of bed, gathering our things and packing it all back up. She woke me officially around ten so we could have a late breakfast. When I turned breakfast down and told her we would get better food where we were going she was the first to nod her head.
When the car was all packed up we were on our way, driving the hour it took to our destination. When we finally entered the city limits of Forks Washington I was as nervous as I'd ever been in my entire life. I was starting to feel so unsure of myself, of this decision. What if they don't remember me? What if Edward was wrong about Esme, and Carlisle still considering me as their daughter? God, maybe I shouldn't….
"Bella, you'll be fine. I'll be there with you and you'll be fine." I nodded my head, thanking her silently for being here for me, for always being there for me. I vow from this day forwards to always be there for her.
"That was my dad's house." I whispered as I drove past the familiar white wooden house with the dark blue shutters. It looked almost exactly the same, but the white paint was beginning to chip and the shutters were falling off. "I don't think anyone lives in it."
"I don't think so either."
I passed my old childhood home with a promise to visit it before I left town. We drove down the main street, crossing over the river out of town and down the dirt path. The Cullen's loved their exclusivity so they loved living deep, deep into the woods. About half way down the dirt path I took a familiar right and drove further into the greenery that was the Cullen estate.
"Who would want to live all the way out here?" Alice asked as I drove further.
"Esme loves her peace, and Carlisle loves with Esme does. But don't worry, we're here." I assured her as I pulled in front of the familiar white house. It was just as I remembered it, big, perfect and white, but home. "Come on."
We got out of the car, my heart jumping, my fingers aching. I was so nervous to see them, to be here again. I know I was supposed to take this trip with someone else, but god, I'm glad I have Alice with me right now.
I walked up to the door, Alice knocking because my hands wouldn't move. We waited for what seemed like forever before the front door swung open and a beautiful Auburn haired woman stood in the door way. Her heart shaped face and beautiful light brown eyes giving her away.
"May I help you?" She asked, giving us the once over. She made eye contact with me and held it for the longest time, before looking away and shaking her head as if to clear it.
"Um yes," I spoke. "can you tell me if Dr. C's home?"
"Carlisle isn't here, but I'm expecting him home momentarily. Why don't you two come in." she offered, opening the door wider for us.
We walked in, Alice taking hold of my hand for support. "The living room is to the right, would any of you like something to drink?"
"Um no, no thank you." I answered.
Alice and I took a seat on the long couch, while Esme took a seat across from us in the love-seat. We sat in silence, no one knowing what to say. Esme continued to look at me, her eyes only going to Alice for a brief second before they came back to me.
"So how do you ladies know Carlisle?" Esme asked, curiously. "Are you patients of his?"
"Do you not remember me at all?" I murmured as Alice squeezed my hand tight.
She nodded her head,the motion slight, but noticeable. Her eyes welled. "I do," she said, holding my gaze. "but I want to be absolutely sure, before I make a complete idiot of myself. So if you'll just tell me-"
"It's me mom, it's me." I assured her as I stood.
"Isabella." She cried as she stood, rushing over to me and engulfing me into a hug. "Oh Bella, I thought I'd never see you again."
"Me too mom…" we hugged each other, refusing to let go. Esme was in the middle of telling me how much she'd missed me and how much she loved me when the front door opened.
"Es, you want to tell me why we have a-" Esme and I broke apart at the sound of Carlisle's familiar voice entering the room. I turned around to face him, and my god, that man still looks the same as the day I left. "My god." He murmured, staring directly at me.
"Hi dad, how you been?" I asked, teary eyed.
The moment I spoke there was a bang, then a loud commotion behind Carlisle. "Shit Edward, that hurt!" Emmett exclaimed from somewhere in the distance. Once I heard Edwards name leave his mouth I gasped and stepped back, backing into the wall.
"Isabella?" Carlisle whispered moving towards me. He came over to me, his arms outstretched. "Bella." He whispered once more when he was close. I ran into his arms, and over his shoulder I saw Edward standing as still as a tree branch.
"Dad," I whispered in Carlisle's ear, his arms squeezing me tighter, my eyes on Edward.
-~~'\\%/'~~-
It was sometime later that we were all settled throughout the house in various rooms. I was having a large panic attack and adamantly refusing to talk to or see Edward. Around seven everyone was summoned to join Esme and Carlisle in the kitchen for dinner. Esme and her amazing-ness quickly provided us with a beautiful dinner during the short amount of time she had. And when everyone entered the kitchen they were surprised and excited to dig in, especially the boys.
After a brief prayer, everyone dug in, filling their plates with all sorts of good food, and treats. "So," Esme started as she passed the mash potatoes to Alice. "does anyone else think this is a wonderful, wonderful day. I never thought I'd have both my children under the same roof again. This has to be the best Christmas present I've ever gotten."
"Me as well Esme." Carlisle said before turning his attention to me. "Isabella, you've grown beautifully. How have you been? Were you treated fairly, did they take care of you as you should have been taken care of?" he asked truly curious.
"I've been fair, for the past few months. Um and as far as Renee and Phil are concerned, well we can talk about that later, privately."
"Of course," Carlisle responded, glancing once at Esme "Well tell us what you've been up to since you left them?"
"Um…" I said stalling for an answer.
"Yes, Isabella, tell us what you've been up to?" Edward asked, letting the warning linger in his voice.
"I've been going to school at Dartmouth, with Edward."
"What, so you two have been near each other all of this time?" Esme asked pleased. "Why didn't you tell us Edward? We could have come up to see you, both of you?"
"Isabella didn't want me to." He told her straight out, making me feel even worse for my earlier decisions.
"Isabella, why…?"
"Because I didn't know if…if you would remember me; if I still meant to you now what I did back then. I didn't want to say yes to Edward when he told me he would tell you guys I was here because I was scared that the outcome wouldn't have been what I wanted it to be."
"Oh Isabella, we will always love you as one of ours. You meant too much to us for us to ever disregard you in any way. You're our daughter. So what changed your mind, why did you decide to come?"
"Yeah, what changed your mind Isabella?" Edward asked demandingly.
"Edward," Esme warned. "You're being rude. I didn't raise you that way so stop it."
"I was actually headed some place new, me and Alice…I had to see you guys before I left though. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I didn't at least try…If I didn't get to say goodbye properly."
"So they deserve a proper goodbye; yet you leave without telling me anything?" Edward yelled, standing from his seat, his food forgotten. "I had to hear you were gone from Jasper and that little prick James. Why didn't you tell me!" He demanded of me.
"I don't owe you anything Edward!" I said just as heatedly, also standing, food also forgotten. "My decision was to leave, this time by choice, that's my right. I didn't owe you a thing. Why do you even care? All this time we've been avoiding each other and what, you find out that I left and now you chose to care? Well I don't want you to. I'm doing this for me, for my sanity, and heart. I need to do this, and you can't be apart of it."
"You don't get it, my heart is as emotionally involved in this as yours is."
"So what, now that you've found your feelings for me I'm supposed to run into your arms? No, the world doesn't work like that, Edward. There are people, Tanya, Alice…they've given up so much and it would be selfish of me to even think about being with you."
"I'm asking you not to go Isabella. I'm begging you. I need you. God, i need you so much. I've always needed you. I'm asking you not to go Isabella. I'm begging you" I shook my head, looking around the table at the slightly stunned faces. I'd forgotten about them that quickly.
"I… can't breathe." I turned, running for the back door. I exited and took the familiar path through the woods to a secret hideaway that only Edward and I knew of. A secret spot that always calmed me, and made me feel safe.
I reached the meadow in record time from the white house. I didn't know this when Edward first showed it to me but the meadow is right off the trail from Esme and Carlisle's house. We always took the highway, but one day we got lost and ended up right in our own back yard.
I entered the beautiful meadow, the wind blowing dully, the flowers not yet snow covered, but no longer living. I'd only seen this place like this six times when I lived at the white house, each time, like now, took my breath away.
I sat in the middle of the meadow, thinking and watching the sun fade into darkness. I felt horrible, and at the same time I knew it needed to be done. I didn't owe him anything. I left so he could keep his promise to Tanya, so he could finally let me go as I want to let him go, so he could have a good healthy life with the woman he loves now. Why did he have to follow me?
"I knew I would find you here." You have got to be kidding me! He walked into the meadow, walking pass me and looking out at the scenery.
"Why are you doing this Edward?" I asked remanding seated in the middle of the meadow, my legs coming up to my chin, my arms wrapping around them. "I leave and you follow me, why? You have Tanya now, you made her a promise, and you gave her the ring…."
"I though you would forget." He said as he came to stand in front of me. He sat down Indian style, and watched me as he talked. "I thought once you were out of this small, dead end town you would forget; about me, Esme, Carlisle, our plans, our life together. I thought you would put it in the back of your head and you would never revisit it again. But I held on to you for years. Girls asked me out and I would say 'no, I have a girlfriend named Isabella and she's the only one for me.' I told that to Tanya when she first asked me out, but she was persistent, she didn't want to give up. Tanya wanted me so badly and I never understood why. She was the first girl to put the seed of doubt into my head.
"I didn't care though. I continued to tell her no, but then her friends, and other girls that would ask me out would tell me the same thing that she would tell me; 'that girls probably forgotten all about you.' 'Are you sure she's the only one for you, she may have already found a new boyfriend.' 'You're wasting your time if you think she's coming back to Forks for you.'"
"Why couldn't you just believe in what we planned, what we promised each other? I waited for you. Boy's asked me out too, but I turned them down. I told them I had a boyfriend that I loved. I had faith in you Edward, I had faith in us."
"And now?" he asked. "Do you have faith in me now, in us?"
"There is no us, Edward. There's a me, and there's a you and Tanya, but there is no us."
"What if there could be? What if there could be a you and me Isabella? What if we could be together?" he asked, determination in his eyes.
"We can't Edward, you're engaged to T-"
"I don't think I am anymore."
"What do you mean?" I asked confused.
"Tanya and I were at the frat house packing a few of my things to go to her parents for Christmas. Jasper had something for me and I went to get it, that's where I found out about you. He was in his room talking to James about you leaving, I overheard and barged in. I asked Jasper what was going on, but James kept getting in my face, blaming me for you leaving him. So I got in his face right back. I told him that you weren't in love with him, that you never where because you loved me and that I loved you and that we could never love anyone the way we love each other. Tanya overheard me and…
"She went to her parents, told me if I loved you more then her that I should just be with you. I left after that to find you, to stop you from leaving again. Isabella you can't go, I lost you once, I can't do it again." He reached out, his finger tips grazing along my cheek bone. I melted into his touch, my instincts over powering my thoughts. "I need you."
"I need you too." I tearfully assured him. "I've always needed you, Edward." I croaked. But we can't- I mental ending was cut short.
He reached in, capturing my lips with his. We fell back into the grass, his body warm against mine. He kissed me fervidly, and I returned it. Edward Cullen was like an enigma to me. He always was, and I have a feeling he always will be.
He leaned up, looking into my eyes, searching, probing me for some unknown information, when he found what he was looking for he lifted his shirt, his bare chest glowing in the moonlight. He asked for silent permission to lift mine and I gave it to him completely. He leaned his body on mine and continued to kiss me.
I felt him everywhere; my fingers, my legs, my body. I was completely consumed by Edward Cullen. I was nervous though. I've never done this before, but I trusted him. He was who I belonged with, no one else. But he's engaged, if he still knows it or not, he's going to be with her, he's going to keep his word just this once. I'll give him this; I'll give him me this one night. Give him something no one else in the world can have, but he's going to keep his word to her. If my heart has to break over and over, he's going to keep his word.
I left Edward asleep in the meadow, my clothes covering his body. I walked back to the white house, calling Alice on the way. I was finally ready.
"So, clothes?" she asked as she handed me a pair of pants and shirt in the back yard.
"Yeah, I covered Edward with my other shirt and pants. I don't want to talk about it. Do you have the pen, the paper?"
"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean he loves you Bella, Jasper told me Tanya was out of the picture if you said yes to him."
"I don't want to say yes to him. At one time in my life I belonged to Edward Cullen, but not now. Tanya does now, he gave her the ring and I'm not going to ruin her happiness. He would be marrying her and living happily ever after if I didn't come along again. He gave a woman a promise and a ring and he's going to follow through with it. For once in his privileged life he's going to follow his word. The paper please?"
She handed me the note book and I took it, walking over to the patio and taking a seat. Alice sat across from me, waiting for my next move. So I wrote.
Dear Mom, Dad…
I'm sorry to leave so abruptly, but I have to. I want to thank you for welcoming me back with open arms. You were always parents to me, before and after my father was taken away from me. I always loved you two with all my heart, even through the bad times, the rough and deprived times, I saw your smiling faces and made it through. I wanted to say thank you for that.
Thank you for loving me so much that it did in fact save my life; over and over again.
Now I need you to save Edwards. Make him Marry Tanya. He promised her, he gave her his word. He may hate you for pushing him towards her, but you can't let him look for me. I don't want him to find me. I want to move on with my life, be happy, be with someone that makes me feel how Tanya makes him feel. He and I can never work out, what we had was in the past and that's where it should stay. Please, for me, make him see reason. And can you please tell him to go to her, she's expecting his call.
I'll keep in touch, I promise. I don't think I can go that long without talking to either one of you again. I love you both.
One more thing, give Edward the end of this note, I owe it to him….
"Did you say goodbye to Jasper?"
"Yes, I told him I would call him when we got settled. Then he and I can make plans for our future."
"That's good Ally. Are you ready?"
"Are you?" she answered softly.
"As I'll ever be."
And I was, for the first time there was nothing left of me to give, and nothing more I wanted to receive. I was finally ready to say goodbye to my past. So I guess the end of my note was proper in every sense of the phrase, and he was right, he deserved that much of me.
Goodbye Edward…. I'd wrote. There's you're proper goodbye….
Little did I know, I would never have to say goodbye to him again….
AN: I hope you guys like it...It was short, but aren't all my chapters? :P Love life and live it hard-FJ