Alexander and Hercules left to join General Washington's forces the next day. Neither Angelica nor Eliza showed up to see them off. Alexander had hoped that they would.
Hercules led the pack. Alexander was content to follow after him blindly. He was too absorbed in his thoughts to focus on where they were going. It was all he could do to look around at the men they now commanded every so often.
"Snap out of it, Hammie." Hercules advised Alexander once they had stopped to allow the men to eat lunch. "You cannot allow Miss Schuyler to haunt you when we are headed off to war. You will get shot on the first day if you are not careful."
"We are handling the artillery." Alexander grumbled.
"Forgive me; why would British soldiers wish to shoot at the soldiers handling cannons?" Hercules rolled his eyes.
"I know that it was unethical to lie about my name, but it isn't as though I lied to her about anything else." Alexander ignored Hercules. "I cannot understand why she was so angry."
"I don't know, Alex." Hercules sighed. "I don't know why she has not forgiven you. I don't know why she did not show up to see you off this morning, even after you forced us to wait an entire hour for them. I do not know why the sky is blue, nor do I know why birds opt to sing instead of shout. All I know is that we gathered up the men for the company that you wanted to start, and now you are forcing me to train and transport them on my own! I need you right now, Hammie. Eliza doesn't. Forget about her and focus on a career that could catapult us both into a new life - a better life. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me."
Alexander wrung his hands.
"Do you think I should write to her?" He wondered.
"I give up." Hercules said, shaking his head and walking away from where Alexander stood.
Alexander wrote Eliza a letter every night. She never wrote back. This did not discourage Alexander. If anything, it only encouraged him to continue trying. He was sure that, even if she did not reply to his letters, she read them.
They arrived at Washington's camp after a weeklong journey. John was waiting at the gate to greet them. There, he told them the gate password that they would use while they stayed at camp.
"Are you all right?" He asked Alexander as they walked into the camp. He cast him a strange look.
"Sure." Alexander replied, forcing a smile.
Hercules and John exchanged silent looks. Hercules closed his eyes and shook his head. John frowned. Alexander ignored them.
"General Washington has created a schedule and allotted you the space to train your men over the next two weeks. There will be a small amount of paperwork, but not nearly so much as I receive weekly. If I can handle my share of paperwork, I'm sure that you can handle yours." John said as they walked throughout camp.
Alexander nodded.
"And this is where I leave you." John gestured towards a run-down shack. Presumably, the shack was meant to be Alexander and Hercules' quarters. Everyone understood that the rest of the men would sleep in the ragged canvas tents dotting the camp.
"Thank you, Colonel Laurens." Hercules said.
Both he and John then looked at Alexander expectantly. Alexander stared back at them. He was not quite paying attention. Hercules nudged Alexander in the ribs. Alexander looked to him in surprise before catching the look on his face.
"Oh." He mumbled. "Right. Thank you, John."
John blushed as he gave a perfunctory nod and departed for Washington's quarters. Hercules turned to look at Alexander. His expression was one of extreme disapproval.
"Aren't you supposed to be the one with social graces?" Hercules wondered. "You can't very well call him John while we are here. Suppose General Washington heard you."
"I assume that he is aware of the existence of Colonel Laurens' Christian name." Alexander murmured.
"Hamilton." Hercules folded his arms across his chest.
"I believe that's Captain Hamilton, if we are to address each other by the appropriate rank." Alexander bit back.
Hercules exhaled and shook his head.
"Forget it." He said. "Go write your letter to Eliza."
He stalked off before Alexander could come up with a response.
It was just as well, Alexander figured. He had a letter to write.
Alexander continued to walk through his work as he waited for Eliza to respond to his letters. He did not pay much attention to the paperwork that he and Hercules were churning out. He was confident that even his lackluster efforts were equal to the best efforts of most other men.
Hercules had all but given up on reproaching Alexander for his lack of enthusiasm. Alexander figured it was because he finally understood that there was no way that Alexander could be enthusiastic. He had experienced Eliza's affections only to have them cruelly taken from him again. It was a wonder that he hoisted himself out of bed every morning.
John, though, had not yet given up.
"Colonel Hamilton," He said, carefully adhering to Washington's requirement that everyone be addressed by rank. "I received your report this morning. It's…"
He looked around for anyone who might be listening in. He leaned closer to Alexander, his brows knitting together in concern.
"Alex, it isn't your best work." He said in a low voice.
Alexander frowned.
"Perhaps it is not my best work, but it must be among the best work that you have reviewed this morning." He argued. "I have met the other captains at this camp. Herc and I are the only ones with half a brain."
"The other captains are not interested in attaining a position with General Washington. He knows that you are capable of much more than this - as do I. He will not hire you if he does not believe you are not taking your work seriously." John said.
"How could he know? He does not know my capabilities. He has only spoken to me a handful of times." Alexander shook his head.
He knew that John was being dramatic; likely out of a concern for his own job. He feared that if Alexander was not impressive enough for Washington, Washington would blame John for recommending him. It was a rather selfish concern, and a most unwelcome one. Alexander had worries enough without John adding on.
"Everyone can see the difference in your conduct quite plainly." John insisted. "Before…when we were still in New York, it was as though you were a different person. General Washington was very impressed with you. Now, he asks me if you have sustained a head injury since joining the militia. What am I supposed to tell him?"
"You may tell him that I have lost the love of the only woman who matters." Alexander sniped. He was growing tired of the constant criticism from his so-called friends. "It is difficult to see the merit in such petty trifles when Eliza loathes me."
"It has been weeks!" John threw up his arms in exasperation. "How long are you going to permit this woman to destroy your life?"
"You do not understand what it is like to be in such pain!" Alexander replied, his voice rising with anger. It cracked at the last word. Alexander swallowed hard and struggled to continue. "To be in such…agony. We loved one another, Eliza and I. And then she…she stopped loving me, without my consent. She no longer loves me, but I still love her. What am I meant to do with that?"
"Do you think I truly do not understand what it is to love someone who does not love you back?" John asked incredulously.
"How could you? You have never loved anyone in your life. Even if you had, they would love you back. You have land, you have status, you have money…" Alexander's volume increased with each listed item. He rolled his eyes.
"The only reason anyone could love me is for what I may own?" John demanded, his voice trembling with rage.
"Alex, what are you doing?" Hercules stormed over to where John and Alexander were glowering at one another.
Hercules grabbed Alexander by the arm and dragged him away. John watched as they departed, before turning and walking in the direction of Washington's quarters. Alexander was sure that John would tell Washington something about their dispute; something to poison his mind against Alexander further.
"What was that?" Hercules demanded once John had disappeared. He gestured in the direction of the spot where Alexander and John had been standing.
Alexander folded his arms across his chest. He lifted his chin and pouted.
"I don't know what you mean." He said.
"Quit it, Hammie. You cannot fool me as easily as you can fool the rest of the men at this camp." Hercules dismissed his lie right away. "What possessed you to speak to John that way? He is your oldest and most loyal friend."
"He was my friend." Alexander corrected him. "But no man who seeks to undermine me in such a way could dare call himself my friend."
"He is no longer your friend because he suggested that you are more capable than you are leading General Washington to believe?" Hercules' tone was one of skepticism. He was trying to make Alexander feel foolish. "You are more capable than this. You have been walking through your work since we got here. If you want General Washington to promote you, you must give him a reason to do so. You must get back to your former self."
"You don't understand." Alexander protested.
It seemed impossible for any of his friends to understand. John had never seriously courted anyone, so he could not possibly understand the pain of rejection. Hercules' first and only love was his shop. That had not been taken from him. He was still happy.
"No, Hammie. You don't understand. Do you really believe that John confronted you because he wanted to undermine you? Do you think that, if he wanted for you to look foolish before General Washington, he would advise you to improve your work?"
"I suppose not." Alexander sulked.
"Do you want to know why it is that John pesters you about improving your work?" Hercules continued as though he had not heard Alexander. "It is because he wants you to get promoted by General Washington. He cares about your career. He cares about you. He loves you, Hammie. He's loved you for years. You've just been too self-absorbed to see it."
Alexander looked at Hercules as though he was crazy. He very well might have been.
"I don't…" He started, shaking his head.
"I know that you don't." Hercules sighed. "You never do. You never saw it when John bent over backwards just to get you in a position to meet Eliza Schuyler, and you never saw it when Angelica Schuyler risked her own reputation to help you deserve her sister. They weren't doing it because they were looking for a new hobby, Hammie. They love you. You may be the only person in the entire country who is lucky enough to have two people - two exceptional people - love you, and you are hurting them both at every chance you get. You must stop all of this nonsense with Eliza Schuyler. Look to what you have, not to what you have lost. If you will not do it for your own sense of peace, do it for theirs."
He walked off before Alexander could come up with a response.
Alexander stood where he was, his head spinning.
After that afternoon, his work began to improve.