Isolation Be Damned
She was transferred to a new dorm by the time she was released from medical, McCoy finally having enough of her longing stares toward the window. She needed to keep the web-like cast on for a couple more days, but he assured she'd have it off at the end of the week so long as she promised to keep heavy-lifting to a minimal—none, if he was being wishful. She didn't really have personal affects, so it didn't take long for her things to be moved. Her office remained where it was, though an additional retinal scan had been placed on the outside of the door as well as reinforced locks she could close when inside the office. It was a relief to know that Pike had been the one to oversee all of the changes, especially in regards to her dorm, but by doing that she hadn't seen him since he'd first come to visit her in medbay.
One surprise that greeted her upon leaving medical was Jim Kirk waiting on the steps outside, not a single security officer to be seen, with a welcoming and somewhat cocky grin on his face. Vahl'Sai's confusion and curiosity was clear on her face as she approached, still wearing the black medical garb they'd given her and her cast hidden beneath her sleeve.
"I will be your escort to your new dorm," Jim informed with a grin, rocking on his heels as he tucked his hands into the black slacks he was wearing. "Pike's orders."
Having a familiar face with her when she stepped into a new place was a relief, and she immediately relaxed with a smile. "Thank you, Jim. The thought of unfamiliar security officers being the ones to take me there was…less than pleasant."
"Yea, I figured. I annoyed Pike into letting it just be me. Apparently I owe him a favour, but I doubt that it'll be anything big," Jim assured, turning as Vahl'Sai approached so they could descend the remainder of the steps and head for the new building. Vahl'Sai was now housed with any of the Admirals and Commanders that lived on campus, the building holding a much higher security level than the one she'd shared previously with the cadets.
Even with the smell of mild pollution, Vahl'Sai was relieved for the breath of fresh air as the wind blew in off the water, carrying the smell of salt and algae. "I am simply relieved to be out of that room—and I am nearly certain that Dr. McCoy shares my sentiments."
Kirk couldn't help but laugh, remembering how Bones had complained to him about Vahl'Sai being an even worse patient than him. "Yea, I can vouch for that. Let's hope we can keep you out of Bones' grasp in the future, hm?" Glancing to him from the corner of her eye, Vahl'Sai smiled before giving a shrug of 'maybe' as she lengthened her stride. Kirk stuttered behind her for a moment, shocked at the silently sarcastic answer. "Don't get started! He'll torture you with hyposprays!"
"Most hyposprays I cannot be given either way; it'll cause the same reaction as what happened a few days ago. However, that does not mean I will be in any hurry to return to Dr. McCoy's care, though he is an excellent doctor." Glancing down at her arm, Vahl'Sai could trace the web-design of the cast with her eyes, the shirt unable to completely conceal its bulk even though it was quite thin. "Commander Spock…I have not had the chance to speak with him, though I was told he was the one to break my arm."
The reminder of Spock stepping on the woman's arm made Jim flinch slightly, the sound immediately echoing through his mind before the unnatural shriek she'd released followed. "Not that he'll ever admit it, but he was spooked. Having to deliberately break a bone, especially on someone who is a comrade, perhaps even a friend, disturbed him a bit. He came with me to see Bones the morning after your surgery…didn't really say much."
"He blames himself for my pain," Vahl'Sai sighed softly, having feared he would once she was told the exact events after she passed out. She could blearily remember shouting and pain, but her mind had mostly shut itself down at that point. Finally, after hours of badgering, McCoy had finally told her what happened from the moment she'd said 'marrow' until she'd been taken in for surgery to correct the break and monitor her blood.
"He'll come around soon. He's got his own way of coping with things—in my opinion it's not the healthiest way, but it's probably the only way he knows how after all these years. Don't worry so much about it."
Vahl'Sai tried to take Jim's word to heart, but she couldn't help but to think about how even Dr. McCoy had picked up on Spock's behaviour, both when he'd broken her bone and when he'd dropped from the grid. She'd had several visits from Jim while she was assigned to bedrest, and McCoy had stayed with her even past the hours he worked on her as a patient. She understood why Pike hadn't been able to visit, but Spock had been a no-show for the days she'd been locked up in medical.
Vahl'Sai used her new codes and scans to enter the building to her new dorm, Jim close at her shoulder the entire time. She was also on the top floor of the building and her hand had to be scanned in the lift as well, the added protection seemed to ease some of the tenseness in Kirk's shoulders. "They really stepped it up for you, huh?"
"It seems that way," she answered in a low murmur, feeling a bit overwhelmed at all of the changes that would require her to adjust.
"You'll get used to it, don't worry," he assured carefully. He wasn't entirely sure what to do to help her feel better about the whole thing. She had people out there that wanted her for God knows what reason and they'd nearly killed her in their attempts to take her from the campus. They were ballsy enough to hack her communicator and draw her somewhere still on campus to get her in a situation they assumed would leave them with the upper hand. He couldn't blame her for being less than enthused about everything.
Sighing almost silently as the lift slowed to a stop, Vahl'Sai stepped out first and glanced both ways as she looked at the room numbers. Jim pointed to their left, having already been informed of where the room was, and followed as she turned to walk that way. "I fell into their beliefs," she said suddenly, arriving at the door that had her name engraved on a metal plate at eye-level.
"What do you mean?" Jim asked with a frown, noticing that she wasn't moving to unlock the door but was only staring at her nameplate with an unreadable expression.
"Everyone seems to think that Sahvarians are unstoppable. That nothing can hurt us. I let myself be fooled; being surrounded by those without the same physical strengths as me caused me to begin to believe that nothing could hurt me. It was my own pride and foolishness that led to this."
"Bullshit."
Vahl'Sai turned to look at Jim with surprise widening her eyes, the shock that registered in her expression looking out of place for her usually composed self. "What?"
"That's bullshit. This is not your fault, Vahl'Sai. Nothing that you did could have prevented them from trying to get to you, or maybe even from you being poisoned. Did you even know that you'd react like that to a sedative?"
"No, but-"
"Then there's no way in hell that this is your fault. You stopped those guys on your own, and all you did was knock them unconscious without even using a phaser. You may not be invincible but you're sure as hell a lot stronger than us. Most of Starfleet wouldn't know what to do in that kind of situation without a weapon in their hands. They would have tried this no matter what and even if you hadn't almost died, the council still would have moved you out of necessary precautions for your safety."
The dark skinned woman swallowed thickly as she looked away from Kirk again, letting her eyes fall to the scanner next to the door.
"Let's go inside, get you settled. I'm sure you want to have a shower after being in medical for so long and maybe even sleep in a decent bed for a bit," Jim continued on smoothly, the anger in his tone fading out when Vahl'Sai seemed to just go deeper into her own thoughts.
Opening the door, Vahl'Sai stepped into the door first. It was larger than her last one; still a small kitchenette but this time with a common area upon entering and a doorway that led to a small bedroom and another that led into a bathroom. The few personal effects that she had had in her previous accommodations had been placed in a way that was similar to before, telling her that Pike had definitely been the one to move her things. Only he would be this careful as to her preferences on such matters.
"Do you want me to go?" Jim asked calmly, still standing in the doorway to her new dorm, though he was a single step inside so that the door had slid shut behind him.
Vahl'Sai's eyes took in the small details that she remembered from her previous dorm, yet the entire room left her feeling empty and claustrophobic. She'd felt much the same way when she had first arrived, given a dorm to herself even back then so that she wasn't overwhelmed during the process. The hollow, empty feeling of being alone was rearing its head again and Vahl'Sai almost wanted to turn and flee to Pike as she had done three years before.
"No," she gasped out quietly, her voice taking on a forced, choked sound as her chest tightened painfully at the thought of being alone in the new dorm. The sound caused any lingering frustration in Jim to bleed away.
Watching Vahl'Sai as closely as he was, it was impossible to miss the shudder that went through her back and shoulders, the hitch of her ribcage telling him what was happening even if she was choking down any sound. When glassy green eyes turned to him over her shoulder, a look of absolute abandonment almost strangled the captain's heart. "Please stay."
He didn't even think on the out-of-place contraction in her quiet plea, just stepped up to the tall woman and immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She was shaking under his hold, though he could tell she was trying to still the unconscious movement.
Within seconds of his arm coming over her shoulders, Vahl'Sai tense posture suddenly dropped and her weight leant against Jim as though she'd been ready to collapse. It wasn't as though he had known Vahl'Sai for very long, but in the time that he had known her she was always so strong in appearance and personality. It was a shock to see her emotionally and physically crumble before his eyes.
Jim never really stopped to consider how quickly she'd been approaching her breaking-point in regards to everything that came with being forced to join Starfleet. Alone.
Not knowing what else he could really do, he had no idea whether Sahvarians took comfort in the same way that humans did, Jim immediately sat himself and Vahl'Sai on the floor where they had been standing, wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders and held her close to him. Her entire body was quaking slightly and he could tell she was half holding her breath to try and drown any noise that might come out.
"You don't have to pretend to be something you're not, Sai. You can show weakness here; we all have something that weakens us. Even Sahvarians." She drew in a shuddering breath as she mulled over his words but kept her head ducked down so as not to meet his eyes. "I probably haven't helped much, always pointing out the things that you can do that blow my mind, but those are true. You heal at a rate that I can't even imagine and that's awe-inspiring, but it doesn't mean that you have to act like nothing can hurt you."
Drawing back enough to lean into her line of vision, Vahl'Sai flinched slightly but met his gaze. Her eyes were still glassy, but she had been able to stop any tears from falling.
"I'm here for you, you know. So are Pike and Bones. I can't say I know what you're going through or anything, but if we can help to make things easier for you just say the word. We're not going anywhere."
A broken sound finally escaped from Vahl'Sai's iron control and her head ducked down to press against Jim's shoulder, applying a steady amount of pressure as she leaned against him. Jim only hesitated a moment before he wound one of his arms around her skull to pull her closer, reassuring her that he didn't intend to go anywhere.
And it seemed that was all she needed. The longer that Jim just sat with her, holding her tightly, the more her tense muscles relaxed and her trembles passed.
Holding her as he was gave Jim the moment of clarity that helped him to realize both sides of Vahl'Sai. She was assured in her strength, and he was as well both from seeing it and the present feel of hard muscles beneath his hands, but there was also a deep well of emotion that was trying to be supressed or overlooked. She wasn't a Vulcan, her emotions weren't meant to be pressed down like she was attempting.
Withholding a sigh, the captain turned to let his head rest atop hers. He may have been wrong, but he was almost certain that the action further relaxed her. The closeness with her was strange—most times they'd been close were during training. The intimacy of the moment would usually make Jim either flirtatious or awkward, but holding her now was purely done to give comfort.
However, he couldn't help but to notice that her hair was as soft as it looked and she had a unique smell that was purely Vahl'Sai; it reminded him of the forest, like a combination of moist earth and heated sand in the sun.
Exhaling softly, her hair shifting against his breath and he could feel her sigh softly in response.
"Not truly the strongest race in Starfleet, hm?" Vahl'Sai asked after the silence had stretched between them. Jim could feel her voice vibrating through her chest, one of his hands still resting at her back.
"Stop that," Jim scolded, shifting his shoulder to jostle her head. "You nearly died and the people who are after you haven't been found yet, no one would hold it against you for getting a bit overwhelmed with it all."
"I'm used to things trying to kill me, Jim."
"Things, not people," he pointed out. "And these guys weren't trying to kill you. They were trying to take you, and that's probably a hell of a lot more dangerous. God knows what they'd do if they'd gotten a hold of you."
Vahl'Sai released a long, drawn out sigh before steadily pulling back from Jim. Her back popped from the motion, having been hunched for quite a while now, and turned to meet Jim's eyes completely. Her cheeks were moist, telling Jim the answer to his silent question. Her eyes didn't redden like a human's did when they cried, but he could detect the faintest hue of blue around the edge of her eyes, further enhancing the green of iris. Had Jim not known that her blood was blue, he'd have been worried about the colour around her bright eyes.
"Normally, as a distraught friend of mine I'd take you out for a drink to get hammered and forget everything, but you're worse than Vulcan's and it would apparently do no good either way." Vahl'Sai tried to supress a laugh and just ended up snorting instead, the sound jolting her body and had her quickly ducking her face in embarrassment.
Jim, of course, only started to abruptly laugh when the tension that had been choking them for the past several minutes finally broke. Vahl'Sai fed off of Jim's laughter, finally beginning to laugh alongside him as the bleak thoughts of loneliness finally rushed from her mind. They must have made quite a scene, sitting in the middle of her new dorm's common area, laughing like lunatics.
A couple of minutes passed before their laughter had died down—almost starting up against when Jim remembered the sound Vahl'Sai had made and grinned, holding back another laugh that would probably have set her off as well. They needed to focus now. It was a good way to break the tenseness of the situation, but they couldn't just sit on her floor laughing for the foreseeable future.
"Thank you, Jim."
Jim returned her smile with one of his own and nodded. "Any time. And I meant that. If you ever need me just ask, doesn't matter why or what, come to me."
Rising to her feet, Vahl'Sai offered Jim a hand and hauled him to his feet, once more shocking him with her strength. He was sure that was one thing he'd never be able to wrap his mind around when it came to Vahl'Sai. She had been masking her strength for so long that seeing her doing day to day things never revealed it, but then she'd do something like pull him up as though he weight nothing more than a feather pillow.
"I'll leave you to get comfortable, then," he started, hesitant to announce his departure. Even though it hadn't been voiced, he could tell that being alone was one of the main reasons for her breakdown.
"I will be fine now, Jim. I promise."
Before more could be said, a chime sounded at Vahl'Sai's door. Both frowned immediately, but Vahl'sai still approached the door and activated the screen to see who was on the other side. Upon seeing Pike, a smile returned to her face and she unlocked the door to let him inside.
"Good afternoon, Admiral."
"It's good to see you, Vahl'Sai."
The Admiral nodded to Jim when he spotted him still standing in the common area, Vahl'Sai moving out of the way to give the older man space to enter. "How do you like your new rooms?" he asked calmly, glancing around as well. Everything was where he had left it upon unpacking, so he suspected she and Kirk had only just arrived.
"They are much larger than my last rooms," she commented, eyes scanning the room as well while she stepped in and motioned over to the small loveseat. Pike accepted and took a seat while Vahl'Sai gently perched on the edge of the coffee table; only Jim remained standing, though there was still an empty chair he could have taken.
"So I'll be the one to jump to the chase," Jim declared when silence fell in the room. "Who's after her?"
Pike heaved a sigh and leaned heavily against the back of the couch. "We don't know. The two men you knocked out have been questioned and ID'd, but they work for a very private security company. They've told us what they know, but they haven't even met whoever it is that sent them. Everything was done via secure lines that we couldn't trace since everything was removed from the servers afterword."
"Can't they be recovered?"
"No, unfortunately we're dealing with someone who knows their way around computers and they're good at hiding themselves. Starfleet's dealing with the company they work for, but these guys were contacted separately from the company so even that might now go anywhere."
"So we have learned nothing," Vahl'Sai mumbled.
"I looked into the patch you gave me that had been on the guys uniform and it didn't really bring up anything, so I'll looking more into it personally, see if I can turn a few stones," Pike assured, knowing that there had to be something he could offer to give Vahl'Sai some peace of mind.
However, the white haired woman only shook her head. "No, that could lead back and endanger you. I cannot live with myself if you are injured because of me." Vahl'Sai went quiet for a moment, but both men could see that there was something more that she wanted to say. She just couldn't quiet bring herself to speak. "I was going to speak with Admiral Bennet about this…but I suppose it would do good to ask you first."
Pike frowned, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and give Vahl'Sai his full attention. Even Jim crossed his arms and turned her face her completely.
"If ever I am threatened again, whether by more men outside of Starfleet or otherwise, I wish to seek permission to take my security and well-being into my own hands. I signed an agreement upon entering Starfleet to adhere to their rules, and that included not using my strength against others unless given express permission. If I am assured that I may do what I see fit in the wake of another attack…I would feel much safer. And there would not be a great need for you to add security around me."
"Why wouldn't you need security? These people could still get near you," Jim pointed out first. He could see where she was going, but if one of them had been able to inject her it could be done again.
"I was injected with that sedative because I was following the rules. I sought only to knock him out, much as someone of the security division would do with a phaser set to stun, and that gave him the chance to further his plan to attack me. I am seeking permission to not hold back in a situation like that again. I will kill them before there is any chance to do harm to my person."