Breathe Deep

Bones and Pike both told Vahl'Sai to take it easy and to keep the use of her injured arm to a minimal; of course, she didn't listen to that advice for more than two days. Not only was she an active person by her own personality, but her species was never known to be lazy. She'd seen how some people of other species, usually the more relaxed, meditative ones, didn't have anything against there being a buildup of fat on the body.

You'd never see an obese or overweight Sahvarian. Their metabolism wouldn't allow it anyway.

So, Vahl'Sai started out easy on her arm but made sure to begin exercises in her new accommodations. She didn't want to delay her own recovery, as she had learned after she'd put herself on further bedrest when it came to her femur. Of course, to most people that would mean sit-ups or other simple exercises that didn't put pressure on the arms. To Vahl'Sai, that just meant she'd have to do her arm exercise with one arminstead of two.

Classes had yet to resume and she had been ordered to take it easy, so after Vahl'Sai had finished her workout and showered, she was left sitting on the couch in her living area trying to think of something to do.

She hated being cooped up inside that room.

Wearing only a pair of tight black workout shorts and her usual black tank-top that went beneath her uniform, Vahl'Sai reclined back at the soft cushions as she lifted her casted arm up to view. The webbing was still as white and clean as it had been when she'd first woken, and there hadn't been any pain from the bone since the first day out of medical. Bones wasn't able to give her any pain relievers, but he was in the process of getting permission from the Council to have some of the medical remedies and cures from her planet shipped to him so she would have something.

It was a miracle that she hadn't gotten sick in the almost four years she had been on Earth, because there would have been nothing to assist her through the illness if she had been infected.

Flexing her hand and tightening it into a fist, the muscles and tendons worked easily with the movements, and rotating her arm didn't prove to have any complications. Perhaps she could go see Bones and have the cast removed in advance?

Before the white-haired woman could further the thought, the chime of her door alerted her to someone seeking entrance. Without even rising from the couch, she looked down at her bare legs and paused to debate whether or not to rush to her room and pull something more appropriate on. However, she also did not want whoever was on the other side to have to wait for her and believe her to have been ignoring them.

Rolling from the small loveseat, Vahl'Sai moved to the door with silent steps, turning on the screen to see who was standing on the other side before actually opening the door.

"Spock," she mumbled to herself in a voice so soft it was barely audible to even her ears.

Without another thought, she opened the door.

Spock opened his mouth, prepared to speak, before the words went silent on the tip of his tongue. Vahl'Sai knew that she was horribly underdressed to be in the presence of another Commander and someone she was beginning to assume as a friend. It was more skin than she had bared in front of anyone at Starfleet, but this was something she was rather accustomed to on her planet. In fact, outside of the cooler seasons, she was rather overdressed.

"Commander Spock," she finally greeted in a breathy voice that revealed her surprise. "I…I am glad you have come. I wished to speak with you."

"Commander Vahl'Sai. I am hoping you are faring better."

"Yes, thank you. Would you like to come inside?" she offered, stepping aside to give him room to enter. He hesitated, averting his eyes from her form out of consideration for her modesty. When he did enter, he was stiff in posture and she could tell that there was something weighing on his mind. "May I get you something to drink? I have tea, though it is much sweeter than that of Vulcan recipe."

"Tea would be much appreciated, actually. I am always interested in learning about new cultures and customs, so it would be most welcome," he answered, surprisingly her to some degree. But as her door slid shut and automatically locked behind him, she turned toward her small kitchen to begin mixing some of the herbs for a tea. It had taken a while, but Pike had procured her some from her planet after a service mission had returned from Sahvariah.

"Please, sit," she offered, motioning to the small sitting area that she had been laying in a minute before.

Spock remained quiet as she went through the mindless routine of blending the crushed herbs, placing them in what appeared to be a cloth strainer before she poured steaming water slowly over the herbs and cloth. Immediately the dorm was flooded with the intense, sweet smell of foreign sugars and herbs. Inhaling deeply to take in as much as he could, Spock was drawn in by the complex smell that was indeed sweeter, but no less intense, than Vulcan's teas.

"That smell…" he began, closing his eyes and concentrating on his senses.

Vahl'Sai glanced back at him over her shoulder with a faint smile, taking in his relaxing posture and closed eyes.

It was a meditative tea that her people used during times of great stress. Most pregnant women drank it daily to make sure they did no harm to their fetus, and Vahl'Sai had come to use it whenever she was injured to stop herself from going mental when on bedrest.

She had to make sure that Spock's dosage was smaller than her own, which would make the flavour no less intense but it would mean that he wouldn't be effected too much. Her metabolism allowed her to burn through the effect of the herbs faster, but his was slower than hers and she didn't know if that could be dangerous. Better safe than sorry, as she had heard some say before.

"It is a blend of herbs, but the main one is the root of a plant called Ahmorshia, although I believe in English they call it 'Scarlet Sleep'. It assists in meditation and relaxation for my people," she explained while carefully pulling the cloth up from the water, keeping the leaves on top as the water strained through, cleaning the grindings out from the water.

"Scarlet Sleep?" Spock asked in surprise.

"Yes, the plant itself it a bright red flower and it has scarlet roots that reach deep into the ground. The roots and plant must be extracted very carefully or the flavour can become bitter. If I remember correctly, the first Starfleet members to come to our planet got carried away with the sweet flavour of our plants and one of them ate an entire Ahmorshia plant, as well as much of the root before it went bitter from the rough treatment. Even a Sahvarian can only have small shavings of the root diluted in a tea, so I'm surprised that he only ended up in a coma instead of the plant stopping his heart."

Placing the cup in front of Spock, she smiled faintly.

"Rest assured I gave you a very small dose in comparison to what I would drink. I do not want to cause you harm."

However, Spock didn't seem concerned and only leaned closer to the steaming cup to inhale the strong smell again. It was overwhelming. When someone smelled the spiced food of Vulcan, they would often comment on how it burned the lungs just to breathe it in. This had the opposite effect. It was as though his entire body was basking in warm, refreshing water.

"Give it a moment more to cool before you drink it. I know you can handle spices, but I'm sure a burned tongue is not a part of your plans." Vahl'Sai remained standing to the side, both of their cups on the table as the apartment filled with the aroma of the tea. Spock finally looked up at her and away from the deep red tea, his eyes catching momentarily on the bared skin of her thighs.

However, it was the black markings that crossed the tops of her feet and around her ankles that drew his attention. They were very similar to the ones he had seen on her ribs when she was in the gym, but they had a slightly different pattern to them. Not wanting to appear rude, Spock's eyes raised up to meet hers. She didn't appear tired or ill as she had when he'd seen her last, nearly dead in a hospital bed with a broken arm, but he could see that she wasn't happy.

Looking down from her eyes, feeling mildly uncomfortable at the buried sorrow within them, Spock felt like he was looking at a caged animal that silently pleaded for freedom. His eyes were then drawn to her bare collar, the bones breaking soft waves in tanned skin that only changed due to the lines of muscle that stretched toward her shoulder joints.

It was a fascinating contradiction; she was sharp but soft, firm but supple.

"I can go put on more clothing if I'm making you uncomfortable," she offered after the silence stretched between them. She had seen the brief flash in his eyes; she wasn't completely sure what it had been, but she knew that it was not in positive reaction to her. She had spent so long not having to worry about her modesty on Sahvariah, then she came to earth and always covered herself to appear as un-unique as possible, but in her own time she didn't care to pretend. Pike often saw her in less clothing when he came by her rooms, but Spock had only seen glimpses of her accidentally.

"No, I apologize. I intruded on your time, you should be allowed to remain as you are," he denied, looking to her eyes again. They didn't seem as sad, but he knew that was only because she had masked it.

"I do not want you to be uncomfortable while you are here, Spock. I have no issues with going to put on some pants," Vahl'Sai tried again, but he shook his head faintly.

"I am not uncomfortable with your state of undress," he assured, causing Vahl'Sai eyes to narrow. So he was uncomfortable—she'd gotten that right, but the reason was incorrect. "It is your eyes," he elaborated. "I can you see you are…unhappy."

Vahl'Sai gave a soft, wistful sigh before she moved to sit on one of the chairs across from the loveseat that Spock was occupying. "That's not untrue," she mumbled, her lips turning in a sad smile. "I am unhappy, but mostly because I feel as though I am back to the beginning."

"The beginning?" His pointed brows pinched in the trace of a confused expression, lips tightening into a line.

Vahl'Sai reached out for her cup of tea, ghosting the pad of her ring finger across the surface to check the temperature before she pulled back, tapping the same finger on her bottom lip. Spock could see the faint trace of a red dot where the liquid collected on her skin before her tongue swiped it away. "Yes. The beginning. When I arrived at Starfleet, it was so different from the freedom that I had at home. I became accustomed to it, and took what liberties I could that reminded me of home. My favourite was to be outside, even if the smells are all wrong and the sounds are sometimes too loud. Now…I am back to the beginning, when I was locked inside a room so far from home and what I have grown to know over the past fifty years."

Spock blinked, trying not to react to the knowledge that she was already over fifty. Perhaps Sahvariah had shorter years than Earth or Vulcan? Or her species are much the same as Vulcans and they have longer lifespans?

"I miss my freedom," she admitted, gently taking the rim of her cup between her fingers and lifting it to her lips, taking a faint sip. The aroma didn't seem as potent anymore, their senses adapting to its presence. "I do not know how long it will be until the men after me are caught, and until then I doubt that the council will be willing to let me do as I please again."

Spock looked down to where his own tea was sitting before him, still misting with steam but not nearly as much when she had first placed it before him.

Reaching for the pristine white cup, the light colour allowing him to see the true intensity of the tea's hue, he could tell from touching the ceramic that it was cool enough to drink. He wondered if what Vahl'Sai had done with the drop on her finger was tradition or her own routine. It was difficult to deny that watching her was anything short of fascinating. Everything she did seemed so new and unique.

Resting the rim of the cup to his lips, Spock took a small sip of the tea. The immediate rush of flavour on his tongue drew a gasp from him, though with his mouth occupied it was barely more than a sharp inhale through the nose. Across from him, Vahl'Sai smiled at the reaction, her sad expression bleeding away as she watching his eyes widen in reaction.

It was sweet. Almost unbearably so.

"What do you think?" she asked calmly, still holding her own cup. It was even interesting the way she held it, from above with just her fingertips cradling the rim.

Spock took a moment more, letting the liquid roll along his tongue as his taste-buds absorbed the new flavor. "Vulcan cannot usually taste sweet things, however…"

"Sahvarian flavours are more intense," Vahl'Sai explained with her eyes still mirthful. "Take sweetener for example," she continued as she stretched forward to put her cup back down. "A human man might like sweet tea, so he takes two sugars. Our equivalent of two sugars is a drop of Camelai, which is nectar similar to bee's honey. It is this intensity that allows you to taste it."

She seemed quite pleased with herself and her people as she explained, watching Spock take another drink and let the liquid sit on his tongue. By doing so he was even letting the Ahmorshia take effect sooner, absorbing into one of his main sensory locations.

The exact moment the Amborshia took effect she could see it; his shoulders eased and his spine curved just slightly as he let his usually perfect posture go lax. She knew that the Vulcans were very strict when it came to meditations, but this was something that cannot be controlled. A meditation can be controlled, especially with the minds that the Vulcans possess. Spock needed to lose some control for once.

"Do you like it?" she asked calmly, feeling the few that she had taken beginning to warm through her muscles as well. It was fast acting and lasted for hours, though it would steadily wear off over that time. It did not affect the mind, thankfully, so she knew Spock would not be muddled or confused while he was taking in the new flavours and reactions he was having to the herbs.

"It is fascinating," he answered quite quickly, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I have never tasted such intense sweetness before."

"Should you ever go to Sahvariah, I think you will enjoy the food greatly. We are not a vegetarian species as Vulcans are, but we have many vegetarian meals that I believe you would enjoy." Talking about home was making her nostalgic, so she reached for her tea again and took a larger than necessary sip. "So, I said earlier that I wished to speak to you, but is there a specific reason you came here?"

"I wished to apologize for…what I did to you."

She knew it; he was feeling guilty about it. Jim was right.

"I wanted to thank you," she admitted, watching him look up from the tea with a quick jerk of his head. "My bones are dense; if you had not been there the others may had too much trouble breaking my arm for Dr. McCoy's plan to work. I know that it was not something that you wished to do; however, I thank you none the less."

It felt wrong to have her thank him. All he could think of was the agonized shriek she had let out as he'd broken the bone, the sound haunting his meditations and sleep.

"I could most likely be dead right now if you had not," she added on, knowing that he was already aware but she felt saying it aloud might get through his guilt a bit more clearly. When he still did not outwardly acknowledge her words, Vahl'Sai gave the softest of sighs. "Perhaps…if we agree to disagree."

Finally, Spock looked up to meet with the crystal clear green eyes that were calmly watching him. Even though she wasn't showing any vivid emotions, her eyes were startlingly intense and made it hard for him to consider looking away.

"I do not blame you, nor am I angry for what you did. I understand that it will be difficult for you to put aside what happened, but I want you to know that I do not hold anything against you. I am grateful for you, Spock."

"Violence is not common or welcome for my people," Spock shares after a brief pause stretched out between them. "It is an inability to control ones emotions."

"Then do not think of it as violence," Vahl'Sai suggested. "True, the act itself is violent, however, you were doing so under the order to both Admiral Pike and one of Starfleet's finest doctors. Just as you would brandish a phaser for Starfleet, you broke my bone to save my life. There is no reason to feel guilty over it."

Spock's dark brows pinched inward for the briefest of moments, a rare show of vulnerability that Vahl'Sai was sure he was accustomed to hiding majority of the time. It made her wonder if there was anyone that he allowed himself to be relaxed with. She had Pike to go to when she just wanted to be herself, and she was coming to understand that Jim was someone she could turn to as well. When she had broken down before him in that very room it had been one of the few times her emotions had overwhelmed her at Starfleet. The only other time that she could really remember was when she'd run to Pike near the beginning of her stay on Earth.

Even if it only lasted a moment, the brief flash of discomfort made Vahl'Sai want to do something to make him feel better. Unfortunately, anything that would have been done by her people was probably on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to what Vulcans did when in need of something. Especially comfort.

Had it been anyone else, even Jim, Vahl'Sai would probably have followed her instincts and moved over to sit with him. Perhaps offer the same comfort that Jim had given to her, a simple arm around the shoulders and a shoulder to lean on—and in her case, to weep into as she tried to compose herself.

The will to stay still had her muscles tensing and releasing, toes curling and cracking as she fought against moving to Spock's side.

"What is the matter?" Spock asked when he noticed her discrete fidgeting, initially taking them as her being uncomfortable about the present conversation. But that was not the case, he knew. She, too, had wanted to speak about the events that had led her to wearing the cast, and her words up to this point proved that she was quite comfortable with her situation—all things considered.

"An opposition of instinct," Valh'Sai explained calmly, though she looked away from him and discretely rearranged herself in her chair. "And knowledge."

Spock's head tipped to the side ever so slightly in thought as he took in Vahl'Sai's hesitation and discomfort. No, not discomfort; an internal struggle. "The instinct and knowledge in regards to what, may I ask?"

Vahl'Sai closed her eyes for a moment in consideration. She herself hated being lied to, so she knew that doing so now would be out of the question. However, she also didn't want to bring tension between her and Spock because of their vastly different upbringings. Only when she remembered his curiosity about her people from their previous discussions did she finally open her eyes and look up to him again. He was waiting patiently, watching her with an analyzing stare.

"My people are very physical; when another is in any kind of distress it is our natural imperative to offer physical presence as a means of assurance. However, I know that Vulcans are not overtly physical in aspects of interaction between those outsides of family—mated or by blood. I could tell you are still upset about when happened, even after my verbal assurance, and I wished to offer comfort for that upset. I knew it would have been…unwelcome, however, if not inappropriate."

Spock leaned forward in interest as he listened to her speak, the Amborshia allowing the freedom of muscle relaxation that gave Vahl'Sai a glimpse into Spock's true expression. "Do your instincts apply to those outside of your species? I understand that many species that enter Starfleet treat those of different origin outside of their planetary norms."

Vahl'Sai blinked momentarily in surprise, though she should have known that his curiosity to learn would have made it easier for him to look passed what could have been a very invasive action on her part. "It is instinct; we do not choose who triggers it. Sahvarian, Human, Vulcan…it would be anyone that draws on the baser instincts of my people."

Turning to look away, Vahl'Sai could help but to continue.

"For every bit of violence in me, there is…kindness, to balance."