It was a brisk winter day in Bikini Bottom. Blustery wind swirled through the air and dewy frost clung to the barnacles and coral. SpongeBob was busy catching some deep Zzzs, when suddenly a loud thump launched him from his dreams. Flustered, he slipped on his fuzzy morning shoes, and shuffled downstairs to investigate.

"He-Hello?" SpongeBob stuttered "Is anybody there?"

Spongebob turned on his favorite shell lamp and perused the living room for the culprit.

"Where in the heck did that loud thump come from? SpongeBob thought to himself. He decided to give up on the hunt and scuttled into the kitchen to brew a nice warm cup of joe. The sun was just about to peak over the horizon and Spongebob could see the beautiful ice crystals forming on his perfectly manicured lawn.

"What a lovely day it is today! I think I will go on a nice walk through the neighborhood after breakfast!" Delighted at his plan for the day, Spongebob hastily threw together a tasty meal and chugged down his warm cup of dark roast.

Man, my life could not be any better. I get to wake up in beautiful Bikini Bottom every morn…

Suddenly, there was another loud thump that rattled the house and caused Spongebob to spill his joe onto the tile floor.

"Well, what in the world? That's sounded like it came from the shoe closet. Hello? Anybody there?"

Spongebob grabbed his jellyfishing net from the corner and slowly inched his way toward the closet. He poked the door knob and the door creaked open revealing the dark entryway. A quiet rattle emerged from the space.

"Ummm…is s-somebody i-in there? Just come out, I won't be mad." Spongebob stood and waited with his jelly fishing net primed and ready to go. Suddenly, a broom came crashing out of the closet, knocking his telephone off of the side table.

"Ah! WHO IS IN MY SHOE CLOSET. DON'T MOVE, I AM CALLING MY FRIEND PATRICK AND WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU!"

Shaking, Spongebob reached for the phone and began dialing his trusty pal Patrick the Starfish. It began to ring, but then Spongebob noticed a crunch crunch crunch...

"Meowwwww"

He nudged the door open and was relieved to see a friendly face. Spongebob had forgotten about the chocolate chip cookies Sandy has made him that he had stowed away in his raincoat pocket yesterday. Gary had snuck his way in and eaten every last one of them!

"Meowww"

"Gary! You silly pal! What a relief to see you! I thought there was a spooky monster in my closet. Want some breakfast buddy? After that we can go for a nice walk through the neighborhood. But bundle up, because it is a bitingly cold day out there. The weather flounder said it was going to be a high of 32 F, but it's going to feel like 21 F."

After a nice warm breakfast, Spongebob and Gary geared up for their chilly morning walk and headed out the door. The sky was crystal clear and vibrant and the cold wind tickled their noses. Luckily, Gary had just gotten a super warm snail snow suit for his 56th birthday from Mr. Krabs.

They first made their way past Patrick's rock. "Good morning, my dear friend Patrick! Top of the morning to you!" Spongebob yelled. There was no response, so spongebob went over to knock in the rock. "Patty? You in there bud? Did I wake you? Whatcha up to today? Want to join Gary and me on a chilly day walk?"

Silence…..

"Hm…maybe Patrick went to the market this morning to get his favorite mayonnaise? Let's keep going Gary. Let's see if our bud Sandy is home!"
They kept on goin'. The cold air made their cheeks turn rosy pink and their toes feel tingly. "Brrrrr Gary! I should have worn my thermals today! I can hardly feel my legs!" Hopefully Sandy has some warm hot cocoa in her treehouse dome!"

When they reached Sandy's (not so humble) abode, they put on their bubble suits and knocked on her heavy steel door. "Boy oh boy am I excited to see Sandy! Gary, you can show her your new snow suit! She'll think that's pretty swell, bud!"

Knock knock knock...

Spongebob knocked again….but nobody came to answer the door. "Huh…weird… it's not even 7am….why is nobody home? Gary, I am getting pretty chilly willy, should we try one last stop and see what Squidward is up to? He will love to see us this early in the morning!"

They forged ahead. Spongebob's legs were completely numb and his face was starting to sting. Luckily, Squidward's house wasn't too far away. "Don't worry, Gar Bear. We are almost there. Thanks for coming with me, little friend."

Squidward's house emerged on the horizon, and Spongebob and Gary picked up their pace to a slight gallup. "Let's go Gary! Squidward always has delicious oatmeal cups. I'm sure he will want to share with us while we warm our bums."

Luckily, Squidward was out in his lawn melting the frost with his hairdryer when Spongebob and Gary arrived. "Good morning, Squidward! Gary and I are just out on a chilly walk this morning and we wanted to come see you!"

"Spongebob…what a delight….glad you thought of me first thing in the morning…well….have a good walk…" Squidward looked down and continued with his blow drying.

"No silly! We wanted to come hang out for a bit! I was wondering If you could make us some of your famous oatmeal cups! We are frozen to the bone and need to warm our little tushes for a bit."

"….uh….I'm a little busy so…maybe another time….maybe not at 6:50 in the morning…or maybe never…"

Spongebob's heart sank! He needed to warm up his little tush. His legs had turned to phantom legs during his walk and he wanted to thaw them out…and maybe borrow some long underwear from his good pal Squidward.

"Ah….shoot Squidward….Gary and I came a long way to see you and we would really like to come in and warm up. We'll just stay for a little bit! We'll just have a couple of your famous oatmeal cups…and borrow some long johns…and we will be out of your hair!"

"...Fine" Squidward tossed his hairdryer to the side and rolled his eyes and silently led them into his home.

"Wow thanks Squidward! That's awfully kind of you!"

Spongebob snuggled onto Squidwards luxurious red velvet couch and wrapped himself in a furry blanket and began to rub his legs to bring them back to life. "Gar Bear, come snuggle up with me and warm your little bum" Gary curled up and began to purr and snore in the crook of Spongebob's arm.

Squidward brought out two steaming oatmeal cups and Spongebob placed it on his lap. His legs were starting to come back to life, but they were a little itchy! It's a good sign that my legs are warming up if they itch a little bit, Spongebob thought. He dug into his oatmeal and was chewing on a delicious bite of strawberry and maple syrup when, suddenly, he had the urge to itch his legs again. But this time….they were REAAALLY itchy. He put down his oatmeal and scratched and scratched and scratched.

"Gee guys, my legs are really itching pretty bad! I'm going to go to the restroom to investigate what's going on."

Spongebob hopped off to the bathroom and pulled down his pants to check on his legs, and to his shock and surprise…giant white hot welts the size of golf balls littered his thighs! Spongebob gasped! "Oh my gosh am I dying? My legs were so cold and numb…and now I have GINORMOUS ITCHY WELTS ON THEM! Spongebob yelled for Squidward and Gary to come to the bathroom immediately.

"What in the world is going on Spongebob? What is wrong? Why are your pants down? What are you doing?" Squidward said

"Look at my legs! They got REALLY cold on our walk…and now…where they went numb…I have giant itchy welts! This is definitely not normal….what should I do? Do you think it's going to spread to the rest of my body? Will my throat swell shut? Am I going into anaphylactic shock?"

"Spongebob….calm down..it's just cold hives." Squidward deadpanned

"WhaAaAaaaaAaaAaaAT? Squidward…that's not a thing….I think I am dying….I'm going to call the Bikini Bottom nurses line."

Squidward rolled his eyes. "Spongebob, have you never gotten cold hives before? If your skin gets too cold in a certain spot, it get's itchy hives for a little while….it's really common…you're fine…come eat your oatmeal. You are being absurd…..Spongebob….Spongebob?..."

Rinnnggggg….ringggg….rinnggg…(Squidward and Gary exchange an annoyed look)

"Hello, Bikini Bottom Nurses Line. This is Kathy. What is your first and last name and date of birth?"

"Yes…Hi! My name is SpongeBob SuqarePants..Sponge…like the cleaning item…BOB…..….S…Q…U…A…R…E…like the shape….P….A…N…..T…S…like the clothing item. My Date of Birth is July 14th, 1986. And I am calling because I was on a really cold early morning walk…and my legs went numb from the cold wind….and then I went to my friend Squidwards house for oatmeal….and when I was eating the oatmeal my legs got REALLLLLLLY itchy….so I went to the bathroom to investigate….and I discovered HUGE white hot itchy welts on my thighs! I am worried it is going to spread to my throat and swell up and I might die…."Spongebob was panting…and visibly shaking.

"Um…OK….so you have hives?" said the nurse.

"Yes! But like REALLLLY big white hot ones! Not the normal kind….and I think it's happening in the spots where my legs got really cold on my chilly walk with my favorite snail, Gary! Do you think I am going to be ok?"

"….uh…um yep…..sounds like you have hives…just take a Benadryl…and then pay attention next time you go for a walk….and see if it happens again….and then if it does…you can call us or make an appointment with your doctor…. Is there anything else I can help you with, Spongebob?"

"Oh..OK! Great! That is all! I will definitely keep an eye on them and see if I get hives again! Thanks Kath- "

Click…Kathy hung up….

"So…"

Spongebob went back to eating his oatmeal. Gary and Squidward relentlessly made fun of him for freaking out over a simple case of cold hives. Spongebob decided to definitely avoid chilly walks for a while. He spent the next two days intensely googling and researching cold hives, aka cold urticaria. He never got cold hives again….so it was just a weird one-time thing….

The End.

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