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Finding sleep impossible after all the rest she'd gotten over the two previous days, Lucy sat in her infirmary bed as the evening hours turned into early morning. It wasn't yet light out, just after one o'clock according to the analog clock on the wall opposite her. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, a book propped up against a larger stack of books in front of her, she continued reading and planning to distract herself from the fact that in little more than six hours, she'd be leaving her guild.

She planned to head to Sabretooth first - she had to warn Yuki about the guild if they were after Zodiac Keys. She knew Makarov would insist she meet up with Gildarts after that, but where? She had to find somewhere she could easily hide - she'd couldn't let Fallen Star (Oh, she has got to come up with something else to call them) find her before she was ready.

Thinking over all the possible places she could train, while still reading up on the encyclopedia she held in her hands that covered little-known celestial spells, Lucy found herself unable to focus.

Her mind slowly wandered away from her planning and jumped into memory recall. She couldn't help but sigh as she recalled the moment she'd gotten her guild mark.

Giving it up as a bad job, she closed her reading material. Instead, she found herself staring at that little pink mark on her hand, thinking about how mad she'd been when Natsu called her 'Luigi'.

She was still, to this day, convinced he did it just to frustrate her.

She remembered the first time she met Gray, and he asked her politely if he could 'please borrow her underwear'. She snorted to herself, finding it impossible not to smile when she thought about it.

She remembered how absolutely awestruck she'd been when Erza walked in the guild in all her glory, and how outclassed she'd felt when Mira suggested she tag along with the unlikely trio that had just decided to chase after Lullaby. How she was sure Natsu would die when they returned because he'd challenged Erza to a fight.

She remembered how everyone had fought for her when her abusive father had recruited a rival guild to 'bring her home'. Or in other words, when she was tortured by a man she now called kin.

She smiled, thinking about Gajeel. She still had a scar or two from that encounter, but the person he was now just made her heart soar. Steadfast, honest, sarcastic but extremely loyal and incredibly brave. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened to him if he hadn't joined the guild.

She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she hadn't joined the guild. Would she be a slave to a man her father deemed worthy of his business? Would she be pregnant with babies she didn't want, in a marriage she despised, to a man that disgusted her? Or would she have even made it that far? Would she be dead and buried, having experienced her father's lack of restraint one too many times to recover from?

She couldn't help but wonder what would happen to her now that the very guild that saved her became another part of her painful past.

That sobering thought had her worried. The support Fairy Tail gave her was the only reason she was still alive, she was sure. Would she be okay without it?

Pushing those doubts aside, she reminded herself that, one: she was protecting the guild that had protected her, and two: she wouldn't be truly alone, and three: Fairy Tail was still going to be her support. Most of them just wouldn't know.

Lucy convinced herself that she would be okay. That she had to be, because it was her turn to be the protector.

The celestial felt as though she was teetering on the edge of insanity, and had been since the moment those horrendous wizards had stepped foot into her home. She spent her time balancing between utter and overwhelming despair at leaving her friends and family behind, and the strong and unyielding determination she had to take action and protect them at any cost. She felt sorry for herself, but at the same time, knew that no matter how much pain she was in, she would protect Fairy Tail and it's members at the expense of her own happiness. Her own life, even.

And, truth be told, she felt marginally grateful that Erza was the only person she'd had to confront. As it was now very, very early in the morning, she was almost certain she would be able to get away with not hurting Natsu so badly that he would never forgive her. That she wouldn't have to face Gray, and the disappointment resting on his brooding face, the hurt and betrayal in his cold eyes.

Thank Mavis for small favors.

She made the decision that, since the beginning of her journey was planned, she needed to at least try to sleep so she could make it to Sabretooth mostly intact the following day. Lucy had requipped Virgo's key and called her to return the reference materials to Crux when she heard it.

Footsteps on the stairs. Footsteps that she'd recognize anywhere.

Was it weird that she knew Natsu so well that she recognized even the way he walked?

She wasn't sure, but she knew it was heartbreaking. Because she knew everything about the man approaching her door. And she knew, without a doubt, this was the moment she would be forced to break his heart, and his trust. This was the moment she would lose him for good.

And she had just accepted that she wouldn't have to face him.

Oh well. It wouldn't be the first (or the last, for that matter) time that she was wrong. At least Gray wasn't with him.

Lucy quickly dismissed Virgo, who disappeared in a flash of gold with her reference materials after pushing her bag underneath the infirmary bed, and walked slowly to face the still-splintered door.

She stood stock still, staring at the door. Wishing he would just go away before she had to cause him more pain.

"I know you're awake, the light is on…"

No such luck, then. She sighed, frowning.

"I can hear you in there, Luce-Lucy. You can't hide from me." She could hear the quiet anger in his voice building with each word, and felt as though an arrow had launched into her heart when he stopped himself from using her nickname. 'Ouch… '

Lucy was an author. She knew words could hurt, she just never realized how much.

"Open this fucking door and face me, Heartfilia. Before I burn it down."

At the sound of her last name falling so coldly from his lips, she felt herself crumple inside.

Instead of falling into depression like she wanted to (like she oh so desperately wanted to), she squared her shoulders and reinforced the iron cage she'd been building around her heart.

Using his anger to fuel her hope that she'd be able to pull off the deception she'd planned, she took slow measured steps to the door. He must have heard her them, because he didn't say anything further, just waited (probably impatiently) while she grabbed the doorknob and turned it.

Freed's magic shocked her painfully as a warning and flashed purple, but it allowed the motion. His runes didn't stop her from opening the door, it stopped her from leaving and others from entering. She'd avoided opening the door with Erza because she couldn't bear to see her. She couldn't bear to see Natsu either, but he had insisted. And he, of all people, deserved to face her directly.

The door fell open slowly, and Lucy looked into the angry eyes of who would always be her best friend and partner. Even if she wouldn't be his anymore.

"Natsu." She wanted to call out to him desperately, but instead forced her voice to into an almost monotone expression of disdain.

He looked her over, a frown marring his normally cheerful face. He took in her injuries, starting from the scar where her leg had been broken, up to the scars and still angry red gashes along her arms, and finally up to her missing eye and the large mark splitting her features. His own eyes widened, and for a moment she saw concern and sadness flicker across his features.

She was glad when it passed, because seeing that expression on his face would have likely killed her resolve. She was also glad most of her wounds were covered by her T-shirt and pajama shorts, or that expression would surely have lingered.

His features now carefully rearranged into disappointment and anger, he greeted her.

"Lucy."

His greeting was as cold as hers had been, and while it was good, she needed him not to try following her or to retain his care for her, it felt like Alec's sword was plunging into her heart.

Focusing as much as she could on Natsu's anger, she channeled her own. It wasn't directed at Natsu, but she could pretend it was. Probably.

She forced herself into a persona she wasn't comfortable with: indifferent, angry, and bitter at the world. She found it a little too eerily similar to who she had been at the Konzern, who she'd been expected to be. She detested that, but it would do the job, so she'd work with it.

She sighed grumpily at the pink-haired man through the barrier, and sat down cross-legged on the floor carefully, wincing just slightly when the pain of her broken leg bone aggravated her. It was fixed now, but magical healing wasn't perfect, especially for bones. She'd likely have these phantom pains for weeks. She'd just ignore it.

Natsu followed her lead, falling into the same position as she did and leaning against the wall opposite the door opening. They studied each other for a few moments, silently glaring.

It was Natsu who broke the stillness first, "Is it true?"

"Idiot. Of course it is," Lucy scoffed. In her mind protesting with everything she had, begging him not to believe her, "I told that pathetic red head the same thing. Why do you all keep asking such stupid fucking questions?"

Natsu's frown deepened, "Because it's hard to believe."

Lucy crossed her arms angrily and huffed. "I swear this whole gods-damned guild is a glorified gathering place for clinically-diagnosable dumbasses. How you have powerful secrets at all truly confounds me. You're all powerful wizards, yeah, but you're just so stupid," she rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and smirking slightly, "I was playing you".

The pink-haired dragon slayer was fuming. His glare intensified and Lucy could see flames licking at his hands that were clutching the fabric of his pants, "Right," he growled out, "You said. But tell me something, Lucy. How can you sit there and lie right to my face?"

Lucy's eyes widened for half a second before she reigned herself in, refusing to let him drag the truth out of her. She had to protect him, even if it killed her.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You heard me. I think you're lying. And I don't know why, but it's pissing me off."

Lucy loved that he believed in her. That he knew her well enough to know this was a lie. But she couldn't allow it. His life could depend on him believing those lies, and so despite hating herself for doing it, she doubled down. She pulled every ounce of stubborn will she had and poured all of it into her denial.

"Listen, Natsu," she began, showing a quiet anger normally only reserved for Scary Lucy.

"I don't know what kind of feelings you have going on in that head of yours, but you're seriously deluded if you think you mean anything to me. If you think you have ever meant anything to me. I was here to get secrets that only trusted members have access to, and I used you to get there. It was easy, since you were so very broken up about your precious Igneel leaving you," she sneered, "guess he did us both a favor when he left, huh? He got to be rid of you, and left me a nice little empty spot in your life to worm my way into. Without any trouble, I might add."

Natsu's eyes were wide, hurt, and it was killing her. She didn't stop, though.

"If I'm being honest here, I'm just angry at myself that I focused on using you to get the information I wanted, when it's so clear that you'll never be trusted enough member of this… fine… guild to have any sort of answers at all. I shouldn't have focused my efforts on someone so weak."

She pushed her hair over her shoulder before returning her attention to her best friend, "Huh, I get it now. No wonder my guild considered this mission a failure and scrapped it. Lesson learned, I guess."

'And there goes my heart shattering into a million pieces…' Lucy nearly sobbed outright in front of him. She wanted so badly to throw her arms around him and beg for forgiveness.

But he deserves more than that. He deserves to be protected, after all this time he's been the protector.

And she would protect him until her last day, even if he hated her for it.

Natsu's anger disappeared as Lucy's words sank into his mind. She expected an explosion - literally - but all she saw was a man completely and totally broken. Wounded. And somehow, that was worse, because it wasn't Natsu.

She had used everything she knew as his best friend against him. His insecurity and pain at the loss of Igneel. His frustration at still not being stronger than Gildarts and Laxus and Erza. His feelings of inadequacy at his intelligence, as she knew that despite his cheery attitude, the fact that most of his friends saw him as 'stupid' or 'idiotic' bothered him on some level, even if he denied it. And even his feelings for her, his best friend, she turned against him. That kind of pain was something only she could inflict on him, because he'd opened up to her and trusted her more than anyone in the world.

And just like his birth parents, and just like Igneel, she'd betrayed him.

Lucy couldn't possibly have hated herself more in that moment, as she watched Natsu's face turn from anger into pure, soul-crushing grief.

Quietly, Natsu stood. He didn't look at her again. He probably couldn't. He just turned on his heel and walked back toward the main hall without another word. She thought she was going to sob as she watched him leave, she certainly wanted to. But she held herself in check, because she felt that smallest amount of relief.

She'd convinced him. He'd be safe.

And she didn't have a single doubt that she'd just gotten through the single most painful experience she would ever have to endure in her entire life, so it could only improve from there. She held onto that belief with everything she had left.

Until movement in the darkened hallway Natsu had disappeared down caught her attention. And she saw Gray walking hesitantly into her line of sight.