Hello Readers!
I hope you like this next installment! It's one of my favorite moments in the story so far - in a super depressing kind of way - so I hope I was able to capture it the way it is in my head.
Please review! Reviews literally make my whole week, so don't be shy!
On another note, I got good feedback on a 'pilot' story I did so I'm going to be using that as the starting point for my second multi-chapter fiction. It's called 'Major Problems' and you can find it on my page. Don't worry, this is still my priority but the other is going to be updating semi-regularly as well. If you haven't noticed, I'm somewhat obsessed with Lucy being a stronger character, and she is my favorite character, so most of my stories revolve around her - you've been warned.
Thank you so much for reading the stories that hop around in my head all day!
Enjoy!
Laxus was her big brother, overprotective, strong, dependable - family in a way she hadn't really had since her mother passed. The kind of brother you strove to impress, the kind of brother you would do anything just to make proud. Not one you would show your weakest self to.
Erza was a sibling just the same, more overprotective than even Laxus was, but almost inaccessible for Lucy, or at least she thought that sometimes. So determined not to get hurt again that she made herself invulnerable. She didn't let anyone truly see her, so Lucy couldn't burden her with her own suffering, couldn't let herself be vulnerable around her.
Natsu was her best friend, and was so overabundantly cheerful that she couldn't allow herself to be dark around him. She hated the way he looked at her when she was sad, like he was upset with himself for not being able to fix it.
But Gray… Gray was cool and contained and he'd seen enough of the worst parts of the world to know that things don't always go the way they should. He was the brother that she could be herself with - even when that person was pessimistic and tired and depressed - and he with her. Two somewhat-normal people in the sea of insanity that was Fairy Tail, despite the fact that when they met he had unashamedly asked to borrow her underwear.
That's probably why Gray was the only one who knew about Aquarius. Why he was the only one she had trusted with the knowledge of her failure, and of her guilt over having sacrificed the woman who practically raised her because she wasn't strong enough.
And that's probably why, when she saw him hesitantly stepping into the hall, her heart nearly stopped beating altogether. She couldn't do this.
As Gray walked into view, he was greeted with a blank look on the usually open face of the person he thought he'd always be able to count on.
She sat on the floor, her legs crossed under her, unmoving and focused on some unidentified spot on the wall in front of her. He took one look at her and he knew, he knew, it was still Lucy. Still that wonderfully compassionate, loving girl (well, woman now) that had come to be his best and truest friend.
Shuffling forward, he took a moment to occupy the space that Natsu had just vacated.
They both sat silently for a while, Lucy studiously ignoring him and studying the wally, while he studied her. She knew he was there, obviously, but she didn't say anything. Her expression remained indifferent, blank, empty and devoid of life. He'd have accepted her for dead if it weren't the occasional flick of her remaining eye to study some other meaningless speck on the wall, or the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed unsteadily in and out.
After a long moment, she finally addressed her guest, "What do you want?"
He couldn't tell for sure, but she sounded almost ashamed. Apologetic. She'd said it rather rudely, but it didn't hide the emotion lingering beneath the surface. Not from him, she never could hide anything from him. He looked at her closely once more, as she finally turned her deadened gaze to his to look him in the eye.
"There's more to this than you're letting on." Gray stated plainly. No point in beating around the bush. It wasn't a question, it was simply stating a fact.
She looked at him blankly and shook her head, denying the words he knew to be true, but finding herself somehow unable to voice her denial out loud. Internally, she was disgusted with herself for the lie to the one person she'd never lied to, even superficially.
"Don't give me that bullshit." Another statement.
Gray watched as Lucy bit her lip across from him, her tell. She had never done it while speaking with him, she never lied to him. He'd seen it a million times, though, when she told Natsu or Erza or Levy, or even Happy, that she was 'fine'.
Maybe, if Gray had been here before Natsu, before she'd torn open her own heart and Natu's, she'd have been stronger. Maybe if he had come before Erza had stomped away crying and angry, she would have been able to protect him too. Maybe it would have all been fine, but as it was? She couldn't do it. She was too raw, too hurt, and the bond they shared was too important - Lucy felt like if she turned Gray away in this moment, than she would actually physically die. She'd been tortured more times in her life than she'd like to remember, the most recent being that very week, but somehow the thought of lying to him, here and now, was a million times more unbearable than even the worst torture.
She'd sooner gouge out her own, and only remaining, eye.
"Lucy…" Gray was sitting across from her still, and instead of the frustration he'd held on his face moments before. Now, he simply looked hopelessly sad.
He saw her struggling internally. Saw the tears lining her eye, just barely refusing to fall. He saw it all, as he always did, "You don't have to say it, Lu. Just nod. There's something more, right?"
She did everything she could to summon the last of her abandoned courage, to do what needed to be done to protect him, to allow him to hate her so that he could move on and be safe. But it was no use. He'd just thrown her a lifeline, and she was tired of drowning.
The tears she had sworn to herself she wouldn't cry anymore spilled down her cheek as she nodded, just barely. Giving in to the utter sadness that was leaving her family behind, the despair she felt at having been the cause of their suffering, the total unfairness of the world for making her the target for yet another dark agenda, she allowed her tears to stain her injured face as she dropped her head into her hands.
Looking back up, she saw tears spring to Gray's eyes in response as well. There was a little hope on his face, now, but mostly he looked heartbroken. She prayed to the spirit king and anyone else listening that he would believe in her enough to let her do what she vowed to do. That he would leave the issue alone, protect himself and their guildmates, and understand why she had to do it alone.
He spoke quietly, his voice sounding like he had already accepted defeat, he continued questioning her.
"There's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?"
Lucy shook her head, wiping tears from the good side of her face. She looked deep into the saddened eyes of her companion as his tears spilled over as well.
"It… It's important? Whatever you're going off to do alone?"
She nodded in confirmation.
"Master and Laxus, they know about it? Or are you tricking them too?"
Lucy let out a slightly bitter, quiet chuckle at that. She spoke up, her voice raspy with emotion, "I actually did, kind of. But they know, they're helping me, as much as they can."
Gray was still crying but he let out a laugh of his own, "Why am I not surprised? How'd you manage that?"
Lucy's gave him a small, sly smile, "I promised them I'd do it anyway".
At that, they both laughed quietly and wiped up their drying eyes. It didn't last long, and a few moments later they were just sitting silently again, deep in thought, each studying the other.
Finally, Gray broke the silence, "Can…" he began softly, then cleared his throat, "Can I go with you?" He knew her answer before he even asked the question, but he had to ask. If she'd let him, he'd leave everything here to help her. She was his sister, and he would do anything to keep her safe.
She looked at him with a sad smile. She knew he would ask, and she loved him for wanting to do everything he could for her. Even knowing that it could likely get him killed or seriously injured.
Taking a deep breath, she sighed and shook her head, "No".
He saw the pain she hid behind that little smile, and it tore him up inside. The only reason she wouldn't let him come is if it was extremely dangerous, or it involved her spirits. The look on her face suggested that it was maybe both, and he found himself terrified for her. And for himself, at the prospect of losing her for good.
"Lu," he could barely force himself to ask the last question, but he had to know, "Lu… Are you coming back?"
Seeing her bite her lip and look away at the question, Gray felt his heart constrict painfully. 'No… She can't be serious…There's no fucking way'
He stood up and took a few steps towards the blonde, cursing the barrier he knew would prevent him from reaching her. He had to stop her somehow, get the information from her and convince her that there was another way-
"I don't know…" Lucy admitted tiredly, interrupting Gray's train of thought. "I-I… I will, if I can. I'm going to fight like hell to come back here."
Standing, ignoring the small remaining ache in her limbs, she looked him in the eyes, "Gray, if there were another way I could see to keep you all safe and stay by your side, I would have taken it. This is what I have to do. Please, please accept that."
Lucy and Gray stood face to face on either side of the rune barrier, both deep in their own dark thoughts. Lucy lifted her hand to the magic wall, and Gray did the same.
They could the warmth of each other's hands through the runic barrier, barely, but enough that it gave them the smallest amount of comfort. They both forced their tears away, refusing to allow themselves more crying over a decision that had already been made. They had both known despair before, they had used each other as a crutch to move past that very emotion, time and again. This was the reality of the situation and they could not change it, so like they always did, they would fight through it.
"Please, Gray," Lucy repeated, needing him to say that he would not interfere. That he would not be in danger from this. That he would trust in her, as he always has.
He nodded, slowly.
"I believe you, Lu. And I believe in you. If there was any other way to do this you'd be doing it, I know that. Just, please. Be careful. I don't think I can lose you for good. How will I ever get the courage to tell Juvia how I feel if you aren't around to kick my ass?"
She smiled, then, letting out a small version of her usual giggle, "You just did tell Juvia!" she whisper-shouted. Gray blanched and looked around, terrified, waiting for Juvia to pop out of one of her usual hiding spots.
When there was no excited squeaking of a water wizard, Gray turned back and narrowed his eyes on Lucy, "that was uncalled for."
For the first time since this whole thing started, she let out a real laugh. Gray soon followed, in spite of himself.
Lucy shoved on his hand playfully as much as she could through the barrier, receiving an uncomfortable jolt of the magic as she did so, "Get outta here," Lucy said, her face serious once more, but she seemed a little less broken.
Gray sighed and nodded, stepping back. "Yeah, I'm going. Stay safe, yeah?"
Lucy nodded, and as Gray turned to leave, she called after him as quietly as she could while still getting his attention, "I love ya, you know? Don't forget".
He paused for a moment, and spoke, "Yeah, love you too, Lu".
As Gray walked away from the infirmary, he felt his heart breaking at the thought that he may never see his best friend again.