Hello dear readers! Finally, some humor in this darkest story of mine!

Tell me what you think, I'm anxiously awaiting feedback!

Also, if you still need the reminder, I don't own Fairy Tail (Hiro Mashima) or the Pradesh family (Desna).

Enjoy!

"Sting"

The dragon slayer jumped at the sound of a voice behind him, sitting up abruptly from his desk and swirling around in his wonderfully spinny office chair to address the threat, drool still present on the side of his mouth and ink from the paperwork he was laying on imprinted on his cheek.

The intruder stood in the window, dripping wet from the rain outside, took one look at the irritated and highly alert, dangerous dragon that was ready to rip the figure limb from limb and fucking giggled.

"Ahahahahaaa, Sting…," The feminine voice called out between fits of hysterics, clutching her stomach, doubled over with her cloak concealing her identity, "Oh my god, Dragon Force is so much less intimidating when you've got half an apology letter scrawled backwards over your… oh god… over your fucking scales… and… and…. Fuck… drool…. You're drooling…. Ahahahaha… Yuki!"

"What the fuck!?" Sting yelled at the intruder, before Rogue and Yukino burst through the master's office door on high alert to investigate the disturbance.

Rogue was instantly on the defensive, seeing the cloaked figure dripping wet, having obviously broken in through the window, but his stance relaxed shortly after - having recognized the intruder's pretty unique scent. Not many people smelled like stardust, not even Yukino, who's smell reminded him of roses. If that wasn't enough, a few moments of observation revealed that said cloaked figure was cackling, in outright hysterics, and was clearly… not a threat. He wasn't even sure the cloaked female could move due to the overwhelming amount of energy she was expending to laugh right in Sting's face.

He was actually a little proud. Not many had successfully annoyed the biggest nuisance in Rogue's life.

Yukino, who had heard her name being yelled, was just confused and had never been overly concerned, but heard her name being called by a voice that was, obviously, not Sting's but was still vaguely familiar. Not having the advantage of scent that Rogue did (and that Sting should have had, if he weren't so frazzled), she had no idea what was going on, but was more curious than anything.

"Ryos… oh my god… Why… Why'd you let him do the paperwork… god… does he always sleep on it?" the cackling intruder continued giggling, but the laughter was starting to subside slightly, and Rogue, at least, had confirmed who the cloaked intruder was. There weren't many people who called him Ryos, after all. And that voice most definitely did not belong to Black Steel Gajeel.

Yukino had started chuckling softly as well, likely putting the pieces together herself.

Smirking at Sting's ignorance, and tapping his nose in a 'use your dragon senses you fucking moron'-type gesture, Rogue addressed their surprise guest, "Lucy? What are you doing here?"

She didn't answer right away, still fully incapable of any semblance of normal speech.

After a moment's consideration, Rogue added, "And is there something wrong with our front door?"

Lucy just laughed harder, and this time, Rogue and Yukino both joined in.

Sting stared at the two, appalled at their seeming betrayal, until Lucy finally composed herself enough to stand and remove the hood from her face.

"Blondie? Oh damn it, Heartfilia, I could have killed you!" Sting shouted, after recognizing who she was.

The other two had… somewhat different reactions. As they had actually noticed that their blonde friend was sporting a new, and rather extensive looking scar on her face and now seemed to employ the use of only one of her eyes.

"Shit, Lucy. Are you okay? What happened?!" Rogue asked frantically, rushing to Lucy's side and pulling the wet cloak from her shoulders. Yukino simply covered her mouth with her hand to hide a gasp.

Lucy, for all their concern, simply waved them off and addressed Sting, "You very well could not have killed me, lamplight, but I appreciate your concern," she commented lightly.

Sting, who had finally noticed his fellow blonde's injuries, had gone from angry, to concerned, and with Lucy's last comment, right back to anger. He grumbled like a petulant child and slouched back down in his chair.

Yukino smiled at the interaction, accepting Lucy's reaction to her new scars as her not wanting to discuss it. She laughed lightly at Sting's frustration, because honestly, he was so used to being the one annoying others, that witnessing how poorly he handled getting annoyed himself was… seriously adorable.

Rogue was still trying to pull the soaking cloak from Lucy's shoulders, but found himself fighting her dismissive hands until he shot her a glare and started having his shadows help him. She was shaking anyway, and cold, so she just threw her hands up in defeat after a few moments and accepted his assistance.

"Seriously, Blondie, you could've gotten hurt! It's not funny!" Sting grumbled when Lucy had finally been extricated from the fabric.

"Oh, relax, Lightbulb!" Lucy chastised him, "I'd have dodged. You're not quicker than me, or have you already forgotten your last extremely embarrassing performance at the grand magic games when I kicked your ass?" She said that last line with a wink, approaching the guild master and ruffling his hair.

Rogue and Yukino snickered at that and Sting narrowed his gaze on Lucy briefly, muttering something about traitors to the other two occupants of his office, and something else about cheating, unfair blonde women.

He was ignored.

Lucy stepped out of her soggy boots and kicked them to the corner where Ryos had tossed her cloak, and took on a more serious expression as she perched herself on Sting's desk cross-legged. It was oddly reminiscent of a certain, short-statured guildmaster.

"Yuki, can you get the door? I have some things to discuss with you all that can't be overheard," Lucy said, the smile she'd been sporting becoming more subdued.

Yukino nodded at her childhood idol before stepping away to do as she asked.

"Is this room warded for silence?"

Sting rolled his eyes at her, "Yeah, Blondie. Not that you bothered to check before you started cackling like a madwoman. Half the town probably knows your here, though, the runes don't activate on their own." As he said this, he lifted his left hand into the air and sent a pulse of magic toward the ceiling. Purple runes appeared overhead briefly before disappearing again. He nodded at her to indicate she should continue.

She raised an eyebrow in question. "Freed's work? And stars above, why is it that the only two mages on Earthland that call me Blondie are also blonde?"

Rogue answered her, as Sting was too busy being proud of himself for annoying his fellow blonde to bother actually responding to her question.

"Yes, Lucy. Rufus wanted the opportunity to memorize some of Freed's rune work, so we asked him to come by and help us set up some basic runes to help with security of our files, offices, and library. Our relationship with your guild has been tremendously helpful."

Her normally bright expression darkened slightly at the mention of her home, but if they noticed, they didn't say anything. Lucy just nodded to Yukino and Rogue and indicated they should sit so she could begin the long story. They both took their seats on the opposite side of the desk from Sting.

Lucy felt awkward sitting on Sting's desk when he was behind her, so she hopped off the desk when he made no move to join his comrades on the couch.

She grabbed the back of Sting's rolling office chair and pushed him to the other side of the room, maneuvering him to sit next to Yukino. Her smirk turned victorious when his face got a slight green tinge to it at the motion, "Really, Sting. Why do you even have a chair with wheels?"

Sting didn't respond, only clutched his stomach in an effort to calm it down somewhat, and shot her a glare that rivaled Erza's. Not that it affected her, much to his annoyance. Yukino giggled quietly, but Rogue seemed to look a little pale at just the thought of rolling around in that death trap Sting calls a chair.

Lucy gently shifted the piles of disorganized paper on Sting's desk to give herself more room, and lifted herself to sit on top of the desk once again, resuming her earlier position. Her navy-colored leggings and the light blue off the shoulder shirt she wore were still a bit damp, but she didn't pay it any mind. After all, Sting was just drooling all over his desk, so clearly it could handle a little water. She snorted at the thought.

Sting, though she hadn't said anything aloud, just knew her twisted mind had come up with some way to make fun of him again and he shot her another glare, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly, and looking away from her and studying the wall, "What do you want, Fairy?"

Lucy, who'd been staring at her hands in her lap trying to figure out how to start, sucked in a sharp breath.

"Please… Don't call me that."

The three Sabres looked very confused by that response, as it had never bothered her before. Rogue was the first to react though, his brain seemed to process information a little faster than his comrades.

"Lucy… Let me see your hand," he stood up and approached her.

She looked away from him and made no move to do as he asked.

"Lucy," he spoke firmly.

Finally meeting his gaze, she squared her shoulders and raised her hand in front of her face. They'd find out eventually, it was kind of the whole reason she was here, so she figured she might as well rip off the bandaid.

She'd done it for her friends, so she refused to act ashamed of it, looking him straight in the eye as she revealed the empty back of her hand, where her original guild mark had once been.

All three gasped in surprise, but Rogue was the one to actually speak up, "What happened, Lucy?" he questioned softly, grabbing her hand and lightly touching the spot where her mark used to be, as if referencing it.

She pulled her hand from his grasp gently, answering his question while averting her gaze, "Ryos, please. Sit down. It's a long story."

Sighing, he did as she asked and resumed his seat, crossing his legs and waiting for her to elaborate.

And so she did. She told them everything. Even gave them detailed descriptions of the mages they encountered and showed them the new guild mark she sported over her angry-looking scar, as well as pointing out the scar on her face and assuring them that it did not bother her.

"Blondie…" Sting said delicately once she'd finished.

"I'm glad you told us, but you lied to your whole guild about this. Obviously the more people who know, the harder this mission will be. Why are you here, telling us?"

Yukino was the one who answered this time, to everyone's shock. She'd been silent the whole time, moving only to wipe the tears from her face as she listened intently to the woman she considered her hero, "It's because of me".

She looked right into Lucy's eyes, and the blonde nodded slowly, "Yeah. Fallen Star is chasing the Zodiac."

Sting growled low in his throat at the looming threat to his mate. Rogue didn't seem phased, he understood, and celestial mages were frequently the target in evil plots so he was just cataloguing information and thinking through ways to keep his friend safe. Yukino just sat there, looking at Lucy intently, as if thinking something over.

"Lucy."

"Yuki? Look, I'm sorry I brought this on you, I just had to warn-"

"Lu, please. Stop."

Lucy quieted.

"Will you take my keys?"

All three others in the room went still. For several moments. Before erupting in protestations.

"Kino, what are you thinking?!" Sting.

"Have you thought this through?" Rogue.

"We've talked about this, Yuki. They are your friends and family. I can't." Lucy.

"SHUT UP!" Yukino shouted at all three of them. Lucy was glad for the silencing runes, because without them she was certain the entire guild would have woken up and come barging in.

Yukino waited for several moments for her friends to get ahold of themselves before starting again, "Lucy, please take them. Not just the Zodiac, take them all. I've been thinking about this for a very long time, and this threat is just finally helping me make the decision. I've discussed this with my spirits and they understand. They are actually kind of excited to make contracts with you, it's been so long since they'd all had the freedom to work together. They want to make contracts with you."

Yukino smiled, then, "I have a duty to them to make sure they're safe, and they're safer with you than with anyone else in the world. I know this is a heavy burden to put on your shoulders, but I need you to protect them. I… I can't do it anymore."

"...why, Yuki? Help me understand?"

"Lu, you and I both know that there is no safe, carefree, and happy life for a celestial mage. Our magic, that ties to the heavens, space, and time itself, will forever and always be capable of accomplishing terrible things in the wrong hands. And the wrong hands will always seek it out."

The white-haired mage took a deep breath before continuing, "I love my spirits, and if the only option I had to keep them safe was to hold onto them and risk my life over and over again for the rest of my life, I would do it," She sighed heavily, but smiled a bit at her friend, "But, that's not my only option, Lu. You're here. And I know, no matter what, you'd never give up your magic or your friends. And you're stronger than I will ever be, and we both know that. I can trust you with them, and I can move on with my life. My time as a celestial spirit mage is over, because I'm not strong enough to do that and still have what I want," she looked at Sting after that sentence, "I can't protect them and protect the child we are about to have at the same time, and my spirits and I agree, that I have to put my child first."

Sting sat, utterly stunned. As did the rest of them. Apparently, the pregnancy was a secret.

Suddenly, once it sank in, Sting shouted in joy and half-tacked Yukino in a smothering hug. The two shared a loving moment that Lucy couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on. Ryos seemingly felt the same, as he stood up slowly and edged his way back to Lucy's side.

After several uncomfortable moments between Yuki and Sting (and several games of Rock, Paper, Scissors between Lucy and Ryos), Yukino spoke up again.

"Besides," she started cheerfully, "all of us know that helping Sting run this place without burning it down is basically a full time job anyway!"

A round of laughs followed her comment as things turned playful once again.

"Please Lu," Yukino asked once again, facing her friend and taking on a pleading look, "I know I'm asking a lot. But please take them. And take care of them. It's what they want. And what I need, if I'm going to be ready to raise a child while dealing with another child as a mate."

Sting and Rogue still seemed a little confused, as giving up her magic and her friends was something they'd never considered Yukino might want. But Lucy, she understood.

The burden of being a celestial mage was a high one, and most people didn't realize that. Even being as strong as she was, and surrounded by the strongest guild in Fiore for years, Lucy'd been abducted and targeted over and over again, and that torture and captivity weren't exacltly the most enjoyable things in the world.

While Lucy wouldn't give up that responsibility for the world, she could see how difficult a life she'd chosen. She'd give her life, and her sanity, for her friends in the spirit world, but even she could see the appeal of finally just resting.

Of not having to constantly look over your shoulder.

Considering it all seriously, Lucy addressed Yukino, "...Are you positive about this, Yuki? I didn't come here to steal your keys away from you…"

"Lucy, yes. I'm sure," she stood up and approached the visiting mage, pulling her keys from her belt as she went, "And they are too, can't you tell?"

Yukino took Lucy's now guildmarkless hand in her own, placed her keyring in it, and closed Lucy's fingers over the celestial metal. She kept her hands on top of Lucy's and stared her down, silently encouraging her to pay attention to the keys in her hand.

She brought her magic to the surface and pulsed a small amount into the keys resting in her palm. Yukino smiled when she felt the warmth of it, and Lucy smiled when she felt the overwhelming acceptance they keys pushed back to her. Since she started requipping her keys, she didn't get to feel this connection very often, and it was soothing.

'Lucy, Libra told me to inform you that you're being an idiot, and that you should just take them and make contracts already. If I'm being honest here, princess, they all seem rather anxious.' Loke voiced in her head.

'This bond is sometimes still startling, Loke, a little warning next time?' Lucy chastised through the link, closing her eyes while still feeding magic into the remaining Zodiac keys.

Loke's mental chuckle could be heard through the link, but he sounded a little… desperate when he spoke next, 'Sorry, princess, but seriously. They all just randomly approached me and started staring me down. I'm worried for my safety if you were to turn them down. I'd… uh… appreciate if you did not do that."

Lucy's laugh was out loud this time, and she opened her eye to smile brightly at the woman still holding onto her hands, "Loke informs me that your spirits mean to cause him bodily harm should I not accept. Is that kind of behavior something I should come to expect?" she asked with amusement lacing her tone.

Yuki smiled and nodded, "Oh yeah. They are very.. Opinionated." she confirmed, "So, you'll take them?"

Lucy studied her one more time, before nodding, "Of course I'll protect them, Yuki. You deserve the chance to just relax and be happy."

Yukino smiled happily and pulled the keys from Lucy's hand. She placed a kiss on each one before addressing them aloud, thanking them for all they had done for her, and handing them back to the celestial mage.

Sting, who seemed to be on his second round of happiness, was practically bouncing from his spinny chair, "You're seriously pregnant?!" he asked his mate again.

The white haired girl just rolled her eyes and confirmed it once more, placing a delicate hand on her abdomen.

As Sting started prattling off about being a dad and how excited he was, Lucy and Rogue seemed to come to the same conclusion simultaneously.

If Yukino was going to be a mother, then Sting...

Lucy and Rogue shared a slightly horrified glance before they both seemed to consider the implications of Sting… being… a… father.

They both shuddered, praying to the gods to give Yukino enough patience to handle parenting both her children and her mate.

…

Over the next hour, Yukino wrote notes to the spirits she was leaving in Lucy's care. She and Lucy both would have preferred she be there when Lucy made the contracts, but as many of her spirits were just too large to be summoned in the office, and Lucy couldn't be seen at Sabretooth, it wasn't possible.

Lucy took the letters and had Virgo deliver them, and sent a pulse of magic through the new keys to comfort them and express her desire to protect them and fight by their side, always. She felt them warm at her side and smiled softly. She couldn't requip them until the contracts were made, so she'd just have to be careful with them at her side until she got somewhere suitable to call them.

The twin dragons had stayed holed up in the office with the girls. Lucy had to leave soon, and they had things to discuss before she left for good. And considering the position Lucy was in, none of them were eager to leave her side until she was gone. They got to spend so little time with her as it was, they planned to make the most of it before she fell off the grid indefinitely.

Sting was still shaking with excitement over the news of his impending father status, and Rogue had been doing his best to calm him down so he didn't blow up the office with excess magic, while still congratulating his brother on the new life they would soon welcome.

"Okay. I think it's time I get out of here. I've been here too long already," Lucy said with a resigned sigh, pulling on her newly dried cloak and boots (courtesy of Virgo).

"Where will you go?" Yukino questioned her. She was worried for her friend and still felt bad about the burden she had placed on her, but was mostly unbelievably excited to bring her future child into an environment where she didn't have to constantly worry for their safety.

"You're sure I'm not asking too much of you? If you can't take them, really, I'd understand," Yukino offered, though somewhat reluctantly.

"Yuki, I can't fault you for the way you feel. Especially bringing new life to the world. You take care of yourself, and I'll take care of your family. Besides, I promised Stache Face I'd protect any spirit I came across to the best of my ability, and that promise can't ever be broken. I'm in this for life, good or bad. And now you don't have to be. But I do have one favor to ask?"

"Anything, Lu," Yuki answered, "What do you need?"

Lucy smiled at her warmly, "Save any key you come across if they are in the hands of someone who would hurt them. There are too few of us left who care about them, and someone has to look out for them. You don't have to contract them or use your Celestial Magic ever again, I promise you, but please save them until I can reach them."

Yukino nodded her head quickly, "Of course! I'd never leave a spirit to be abused. You have my word, and I bet the boys will be on the lookout too. Right?"

Her glare was enough to get quick agreeance from both Dragon Slayers, not that they needed the encouragement. They would have done so anyway.

Lucy smiled once again and thanked her, then turned her own gaze to the boys, looking at them thoughtfully.

"I need favors from you two, as well. If you'll consider them?"

They both regarded her for a moment before agreeing.

"This would all be for nothing if Fairy Tail found out it was all a ruse. I need you to protect this secret. Please, tell them that I stole the keys from Yuki? And make sure word gets out, far and wide, so we take Yukino off Fallen Star's radar for good. Hell, call in Sorcerer's Weekly and have them tell it?"

"Lucy, are you really sure about all this? That kind of move will kill your hard-earned reputation. Probably for good. Hell, I doubt the new council will stand for it without taking steps to have you captured."

Lucy bit her lip, but nodded, "Yeah, I know that. But it has to be done. I'm not taking Yuki's keys just so she can be targeted anyway. And anything that gets back to Fairy Tail to discourage my friends from digging too deeply will only help me protect them."

They all three nodded, though they looked unhappy about it.

"You never answered me, Lu. Where will you go?"

Lucy looked at her friend sadly, "That, I can't tell you. Knowing would only put you in danger. Which brings me to my next favor. I need to stay hidden, and hiding my tracks is pretty much impossible with the way rumors spread around Fiore's magical community."

They all seemed to agree. Rogue asked the obvious question, "So… what are you going to do? I assume you have a plan?"

Lucy's smile turned a bit devious, and Sting shuddered slightly. He'd been on the receiving end of her inter-guild pranks one too many times for that smile to put him at ease. "Oh, I won't be trying to hide my plans at all. That won't work. So I'm going to spread news of my plans across all of Fiore. All of my plans, except the real one. I've got my spirits dotting the landscape being sure they are spotted throughout Ishgar. And Gemini, the dears, have been galavanting around the capital cities of all the nearby countries apart from Peregrand - because, no. I'm not even sending Gemi and Mini there. That country is despicable - in my form," the glint in her eyes showed unabashed pride as she talked of her plans, "and you two are going to help me," she finished, eyeing Sting and Rogue.

Both of them looked at her cautiously, but Rogue motioned for her to continue.

"You're going to 'track me down' for stealing Yukino's keys. For the next month, you're going to take missions throughout the kingdom and give credibility to some of my false leads, and spread more rumors of sightings." The deviousness in her expression lessened as she regarded her two dragon friends, "That is, if you will do so. I know I'm asking a lot, especially since Yuki is pregnant, Sting. But I don't have many people I can rely on these days and I could really use the help, honestly."

Rogue walked up to her and gathered her in a hug, "Of course, Lucy. You're kin. And we owe you a lot for, well… a lot of different things, actually. So of course we will help. You should ask the same of your friends in other guilds as well, but only those you can trust."

Lucy sank into the hug and allowed herself to feel the momentary comfort before pulling away. Moments later she was pulled into the crushing embrace of the White Dragon Slayer, who whispered a soft, "Thank you for protecting Kino, Blondie," into her ear before releasing her and giving her a bright grin that rivaled Natsu's.

"This means a lot to me. Thank you guys," Lucy said to them, adjusting her clothes again and making her way back to the window. She pulled Yukino into an embrace before she climbed back on the sill, and reiterated her promise to keep her spirits safe. Yukino returned the embrace wholeheartedly.

"Goodbye then. I'll see you when this is all over, so I can meet my new niece or nephew." She winked before hopping out of the window, falling into the arms of Taurus, who she'd summoned silently.

The three Sabers watched as she disappeared into the night, giggling softly.