There are no drugs in his system to save him now. Just a cold, scared feeling. Leo doesn't look angry. He doesn't look upset. He just seems...apathetic. Like he doesn't care, or maybe like he expected this kind of behavior from him in the first place. Like he always knew Mikey was filthy.

"Kind of rude of you to sling my date around. Sorry about that, Eddie."

Eddie wheezes at him in response. It seems like Leo hit one of his pressure points, and he knows that hurts like a bitch. He'll have to pay the poor guy back somehow. Leo doesn't say anything for a moment, just regards him like he would if they were in the dojo; harsh, calculating, looking for a way to take him down as quickly and as efficiently as possible.

"He's not the only one." Leo states. "The person from your painting told me all about you, Angie." He says his nickname fiercely, and it's enough to send shivers down his spine. "About the stall, and the groupies, and how much fun you are."

Mikey chooses not to acknowledge his words. "How did you find me?" He asks instead, crossing his arms and acting nonchalant.

"You weren't in your room or anywhere else in the lair so I got Donnie to track your phone."

Mikey hums, and examines his cuticles. He wishes he was high right now. If he was, then maybe this would be easier. Maybe his nonchalance would be genuine.

"Could have just waited until I came home."

"No, I couldn't have." He steps over Eddie, who's still groaning in pain. It makes Mikey tense. Leo's close now, too close. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been whoring yourself out?"

His words stung, cutting into his heart like knives. Yeah, he knew he was a whore and yeah, he'd fantasized about Leo fucking him and calling him one for even longer. But hearing it, especially in this situation? It fucking hurt.

He's too sober for the conversation. Mikey uncrosses his arms and stands up abruptly.

"None of your fucking business dude. Now get out and go back home, Leo." He's about to shoulder past him when Leo shoves him back. It surprises Mikey and causes him to stumble back onto the bed.

"So you can go fuck some more strangers?" Leo hisses. "You're not staying here for another moment. I'll deal with you when we get home."

"You know what Leo? That's exactly why I want you to leave." He gets up again and shoves a finger at his plastron. "I want you to leave so I can get my cloaca pounded so hard I can't even think man. I want you to leave so I can stuff as many cocks down my throat as I want, and so I can be as slutty and as filthy and as horrible as I fucking want to be."

Leo narrows his eyes, disgust prominent on his features.

"And you know what else? I'm going to do just that, with or without you here. Because this is my life, and it has been for the past year. Bro, you can't change that, nobody can."

"When master Splinter finds out-"

"To be honest I could care less."

The sound of skin hitting skin fills the room and Mikey stares at the ground in shock. The force of Leo's palm hitting his face was enough to send him to the ground just like poor Eddie. He watches as blood drips out of his nose and onto the floor. Absentmindedly, he thinks the shade of red against the grey concrete is nice.

"How dare you disrespect his name? How dare you bring such dishonour to our family?" His brother snarls.

Mikey realizes that the blood isn't coming from his nose, but his forehead. He touches it gingerly and winces when it stings.

"Your family." He corrects.

"Excuse me?"

Mikey looks up at him, a dazed expression on his face. He struggles up to his feet and reaches up to tug his bandana off of his face. Leo watches him, anger slowly bleeding into confusion. "Count me out, dude." He slurs.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean," It's almost like he's watching this unfold from an outside perspective. He doesn't hear himself speak, or feel himself grab Leo's palm. Mikey places the orange fabric in his hand. "I mean I'm not your problem anymore, Leonardo. Go home, tell everyone I said bye, and leave me be."

Leo looks at him like he's not quite comprehending the change of direction the conversation is taking. "You're willing to leave us behind for this?" He can't keep the hurt out of his voice but Mikey doesn't care right now.

"Wouldn't wanna stain the good family name."

Is it just him or are there two Leonardos now? This is almost as trippy as that one time Ronny gave him LSD.

"You can't be serious."

"That's funny, because for once I'm being one hundred percent serious." He stumbles past Leo and this time his former brother does nothing to stop him.

"You can't just leave like that."

"But I can, and I am." He steps over Eddie, who passed out. He probably had drugs earlier. Mikey can only hope the moose doesn't remember this embarrassing ordeal in the morning.

"Mikey, come back. That's an order." The blue banded turtle sounds desperate, and it's such a stark difference from how he acted when he first came into the room that it almost makes him want to laugh.

"Can't be the leader of someone that's not a part of your team, buddy."

He walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. Don't break down, he keeps repeating in his head as he walks through the warehouse. He can feel eyes on him but he ignores that for now. The world is feeling dizzy, and his head throbs painfully. He also feels horribly bare without his mask on.

Don't be, He tells himself as he opens the doors to the actual bathrooms. That mask isn't you anymore. He walks slowly to one of the stalls and collapses onto his knees once he's in one. He crawls the rest of the way to the toilet before bending over it and vomiting all of the contents of his stomach into the bowl.

You're not Mikey anymore. He rests his cheek on the side of the toilet, the porcelain feeling nice against his feverish hot skin.

You're Angie.

He wakes up in a bed. Two bodies are pressed up against him, both furry and both warm. One is significantly bigger than the other and snores loudly.

"You awake yet?" Muffin whispers into his neck.

Mikey stares at the popcorn ceiling, counting the bumps. His head hurts, but the pain he feels in his chest is even worse.

"Yeah."

The poodle's hand traces circles into his plastron, "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault."

There's a buzzing noise. A glance over Ronny's shoulder reveals a box fan placed on top of an office chair. The sound is oddly soothing.

"But I was the one who told him where to find you." His friend mumbles. "I thought…"

"Thought that he was another fuck buddy?"

The poodle nods. He can practically taste the guilt surrounding Muffin. "I don't know why I thought that, It should have been obvious why he was here."

"It's okay. You were busy dude, I'm not angry. Pinky swear, scouts honor, whatever you want me to say bro."

Muffin is quiet, but his paws are still moving on his plastron. "Can...can I ask who that was?"

"My brother. We aren't, weren't, blood related. But we were raised together, we might as well have hatched from the same clutch."

"Oh…"

"Don't sound so sad, he was going to find out eventually. I just wish he hadn't walked in on me while I was trying to give Eddie a blowie."

Muffin snorts, "Better than him walking in on you getting plowed."

Mikey chuckles weakly. "Bro, I totally would have died."

The room trails into another comfortable silence and it leaves Mikey alone with his thoughts. He didn't want to leave his family, because the undeniable truth is that he'll always love them more than life itself. And even though Leo's anger had hurt him, his oldest brother wasn't in the wrong for being mad. Mikey is a whore, and keeping this big of a secret was bound to have consequences eventually.

He has to remind himself that he left on his own, that he was the one who told Leo he wanted out. Leo did say that they would talk about it home, he wasn't banishing him or kicking him out but Mikey still went and overreacted with a move that Raph would've been proud of. And he has to admit, he really did cross a line by saying he didn't care what Master Splinter thought.

His cheek pulsates, a harsh reminder that Leo had overstepped some boundaries too.

"Are you gunna go home today?" Ronny asks. Mikey didn't hear the snores stop.

"I can't. I wanna, I really do, but now that the cat's out of the bag…"

"I get it." Ronny says before Mikey can go on a tangent. The rottweiler runs his large paws over his marginal scutes. The pressure along his shell fills him with warmth. It makes him feel like he's going to be okay.

"You can stay in our room for as long as you want, Angie." Muffin murmurs, and puts his paw on his cheek in a loving manner. "We accept you for who you are."

Leo did too, before Mikey turned into this. His whole family did. Now they probably can't even recognize him.

"Thank you." He says softly. He has to bite his cheek in order to stop the tears that threaten to flow over. Not wanting to seem sensitive or sappy, he changes the topic. "Do you have any E?"

Ronny laughs and rolls over to reach down on the floor. He turns back around with Muffin's bookbag in hand. "Of course we do, when have we ever not had E?"

Muffin giggles at this and sits up. Mikey follows. "I thought you quit again?" Muffin asks.

"Stuff happens."

He nods in understanding as he unzips a side compartment and pulls out a freezer bag. It's full of E and to his surprise long, white bars.

"What's that?" Mikey asks. Ronny settles next to him and crosses his legs.

"Xanax." The gentle giant explains. Muffin digs into the bag and produces three white bars. "Wanna try it?"

"Duh! How do you take it?"

"I like to crush and snort." Muffin says. "It makes me feel tingly." The poodle pulls out a binder and hands that and the bars over to Ronny. He also digs out a razor and gives that to him too. Mikey observes how the rottweiler begins to crush up the bars into a fine powder. He can't help but compare it to Super Acid.

His nostrils burn in phantom pain from the memory of snorting powder. It's a good pain, though. He's excited to let a new drug consume his mind so he doesn't have to think about last night. A sting from his arm pulls him out of his hype and he glances over to his shoulder. Panic grips him as he sees the bite mark out in the open and then he remembers that this kind of stuff is common here.

Here being his new home.

His mood sours.

"Why does it take so long to crush?" He whines impatiently. Muffin pats his scutes in a placating manner.

"There there, this new high will be worth the wait."

Mikey pouts, but lights up like christmas when a new idea enters his head. "Hey, you know what we can do while we wait?"

"What?" Ronny responds but most of his attention is on separating the powder.

"You should DP me." Muffin twitches next to him.

Ronny grins.

"Sure kid, sounds like a plan."

The next time he wakes up Ronny and Muffin are gone. His cloaca burns, there's dried blood on his nose, and his head hurts worse than it did the first time he woke up. But he's numb, and his thoughts are pleasantly blank. His head is wrapped in a pleasant little bubble of unknowing. He almost can't remember where he is, or what his name is.

He wants this feeling to last for forever.

A familiar ring fills the room. Mikey furrows his brow and looks around the room for the first time. Muffin and Ronny have never taken him here before, so it must be their personal living space. It's a cute room, albeit a bit small. The walls are painted a deep purple that reminds him of Donnie, and there's band posters hanging up everywhere. Mikey doesn't recognize most of them.

On the dresser in front of the bed there's a T.V with a VCR player built inside it. On top of that T.V is his shell phone. It buzzes and vibrates, before tapering off after a couple more rings. Mikey stares at it.

Muffin must have brought it up from the stall. His lips twitch to form a shadow of a smile.

It starts ringing again and the smile leaves his face. Leo never calls twice and you have to be the first to call Donnie if you want to speak to him. The only person he could think of that would want to spam his phone non stop is Raphael. Mikey considers not answering, but when Raph wants to talk he'll remain persistent.

He crawls out of the king sized bed and limps over to the TV. He presses the side and the protective cover opens. The first thing he notices is the time; 2:45 am. He's never slept so much in his life, his brothers always waking him up for training. The second thing he notices is that he was right, it was Raphael.

He forgets that when you open the protective case it answers the phone automatically.

"Mikey?"

Raph sounds concerned and slightly panicked.

"That'd be him." His voice is hoarse due to his activities earlier on today.

"What the fuck man, why haven't ya been answering yer phone? This is the hundredth time i've called ya!"

"Been sleeping." And that's the honest to god truth for the first time in a while. "What did you want dude?"

Raph makes an angry noise. "I want ya to explain to me why yer not home, and why Leo came home and told us that ya didn't wanna come back?"

"I don't live there anymore Raph. Didn't Leo tell you what I said?" He walks back over to the bed and sits down. Already he's beyond tired of the conversation. He just wants to go back to sleep.

"Leo said that he walked into some warehouse and everybody was shaggin'. He also said that he walked in on ya suckin on some stranger, and that ya apparently do this every night, and that ya chose that over us. But I told him 'Not Mikey! Mikey would never do that.' And I waited for ya Mikey. I waited all day for ya and now I'm tired of waiting. Cut this shit and come back to the liar."

Mikey closes his eyes. "I don't think Leo wants me back."

Raph laughs harshly. "Ya didn't see how wrecked he looked when he came home. He ain't mad at ya little bro, he's just shocked. Nobody expected this from ya man. Just come back, this is ridiculous."

"You keep saying that." He whispers. He doesn't feel anything in particular. Is he a bad person for not caring?

(But he does care.

Too much.

That's why he has to become numb, to stop it from hurting.)

"Mikey." Raph sounds desperate, now. Like he's on the verge of begging. And Raph never begs, ever. "Can ya at least tell me why ya do it? Why ya leave to sleep with strangers?"

"It makes me happy."

It also gets him drugs but Raph doesn't need to know that.

"The sex part?"

"Pretty much."

The line is quiet. He's about to hang up, but then Raph is speaking again. "What if I give it to ya?"

He doesn't comprehend.

"Give me what?"

"Sex. What if I had sex with ya, that way ya get yer fill without havin to sneak out and worrying everyone?"

Mikey sits there in shock. "Woah. Dude are you tripping balls right now?"

"I just want ya to come back home."

"...Even if I were to agree to this bro, Leo's still mad at me and I shamed master Splinter."

"Splinter don't know, we didn't tell him why ya and Leo got into it. And ya know how Leo is towards ya, he'll always forgive ya. He was so upset when he came home without ya I thought we was gunna have to put him on suicide watch. It looked like he'd been cryin too. We all want ya back, I had to convince Donnie not to go out there and drag yer sorry ass back home."

"Oh...Hey, Raph, why did Leo wanna talk to me bad enough to track me down?"

"That's something ya going to have to ask him."

Mikey flops back onto the bed and tries his best to really think. But he can't, he's too tired both physically and mentally. Making a decision while his headspace is like this is damn near impossible.

"Raph, I'm tired."

"Will ya at least think about my offer before ya hang up? Please?"

"What offer?"

"The sex, Mikey."

Having sex with Raph sounds nice. He bets the turtle would be rough with him. Fuck him right into the mattress.

"You'd wanna fuck me just to keep me home? Your own brother? That's kinda kinky Raph." He laughs but it sounds hollow. He's too exhausted to be amused.

"If it makes ya come to yer senses then I'd gladly do it."

"Bargaining sex…" He snorts. "Sounds desperate."

"Maybe 'cause I am being desperate."

"...You promise to keep your end of the bargain?"

"Yes, I swear."

His mouth suddenly feels too dry and too wet all at the same time. He wishes the drugs could make this choice for him. Going back means facing Leo, it means facing the fact that one of his secrets is out. It's scary. Staying with Muffin and Ronny is safe.

But...he misses Donnie and Raph and Splinter, and he even misses Leo. It hasn't been a full 24 hours and yet he still feels hopelessly empty without his family.

"Okay."

Raph exhales sharply. He sounds beyond relieved. "Tonight?"

"Dude you're fucking dumb if you think I'm walking back tonight."

"I'll come get ya."

"With what car? I'll walk home in the morning."

"I'll-"

"Raphie you know I love talking to you dude, but I'm so tired. I wanna go to bed. I'll talk to you in the morning, okay?"

"...Okay, okay. Goodnight, little bro."

"Oh, and Raph? You better make this worth my while."

He hangs up before Raph can respond.

Mikey moans.

The cloud of pleasure fogs his mind, casting everything in a light pink glow. He breathes in, then out, and watches as his breath forms into another cloud of pink that feels the room. It reminds him of marijuana smoke, the clouds thick and puffy. It blinds him momentarily, but he's not panicked.

All he can feel is the length inside him and the big hands on his carapace that keeps him from squirming.

"Ya like that?"

Mikey nods, and he would open his mouth to respond but everytime he does more clouds fly out. He'll just have to settle for actions.

The other slides in and out at a furious pace, and the brutality of it all shakes him to his very core. Every thrust feels like drugs coursing through his system. He can feel the powder in his nose, taste the bitterness that accompanies candy. His cock pulsates but invisible chains prevent him from reaching down to relieve the tension. They hold his wrists down in a dominant manner.

Good. He wants to be dominated.

"He was right, ya know." He whispers into Mikey's ear. "Ya are a slut. A filthy whore. Takin' me like this. How many other cocks have ya had, huh? How many times have ya been used as a sex toy in just this week?"

The next thrust is almost punishing. Blue eyes roll, pink clouds go flying everywhere. Mikey is choking on them now. Every cough causes more smoke to fill his lungs, every gasp of air causes it to fly out.

It's killing him.

But as he chokes, the dick inside him expands.

It's killing him, but wasn't he already dead before?

A tongue finds its way to his neck. He licks down, down, down.

Maybe not physically but…

Where was his meaning in life? His Purpose?

The saliva stings. He feels pressure beneath the areas where the spit trails down his throat. It pushes, and pushes, until something bursts from his reptilian skin. A glance down reveals red spider lilies blooming from his body.

The dick leaves his body as he continues to move down. Everywhere his tongue touches leaves another spider lily in its place. He traces the center of his plastron, and the spider lilies leave cracks in his shell as they come up. when he reaches the end of the line he surges forward again to crash his lips against Mikey's. His tongue intertwines with his.

But Mikey's not scared.

He's not choking on smoke anymore. The flowers now grow from his tongue, and the roof of his mouth, and the back of his throat. He feels it now, the root of the flowers. He feels it move beneath his skin, through his organs, growing stronger and stronger as the other feeds the budding seeds. He stops kissing him. His heart aches with the loss. Even though it'd cause more flowers to grow, Mikey wishes he hadn't.

Mikey is going to die.

He is going to be consumed.

He saw this coming a long time ago, didn't he?

That first pill. It was his contract to the devil, it was his promise to god.

But being turned into a garden isn't the worst thing that could happen. He prefers it this way. His soul was ugly, and just as tainted as his body was. He doesn't know how he could produce such a beautiful flower, but he's glad he did. It makes him proud. He'd have thought that he would've rotted away.

It's what he would've deserved.

Here one day, gone the next. Forgotten like yesterday's trash.

Even though his presence is parasitical, he doesn't want to be forgotten. He doesn't want to be fertilizer for a garden, either.

A long and hard object enters his body once again, but this time the pace is calmer. More relaxed and gentle, almost as if he's trying to savour every last second he gets with Mikey. Instead of being rammed into he's being rocked against. Large hands move from his scutes to grip tightly onto his shoulders.

The roll of his hips are like waves rocking into a boat. It soothes him. He's happy that even in his death he can find comfort.

Something wet touches his face.

It reminds him of the rain.

Will he ever get to see that again?

He looks away from the spider lilies growing out of his plastron and looks into the emerald green gaze with dazed eyes. Absentmindedly, he notices that the atmosphere around them is still pink. That has to mean something, right?

Another tear drops down onto his face.

Mikey watches them fall from this passionate creature above him and tilts his head. These tears cannot be for him. He is unworthy. He is vile, and filthy, a deceitful creature who hides behind a mask of lies. The smoke curls around them like a blanket and the flowers begin to settle into their new home, the petals having finally finished blooming.

What's wrong, he wants to ask. Why are you crying? The roots in his throat prevented him from doing so.

"I don't want ya to die, little brother." He chokes.

But it was inevitable, he thinks.