CHAPTER THREE- Maybe I Can Do This After All

The road to sobriety was not an easily accessible one; but after what felt like a never ending battle, Klaus showed great perseverance and pulled through on the other side virtually unscathed. It was unimaginably hard on him; not a moment passed where he didn't want just a little something to take the edge off, but he knew better than that, now. It was peculiar, how in the small period of time that had passed since he'd first laid his eyes on his perfect baby girl, he'd managed to blossom; fully bloom into a somehow much better man who actually was capable of putting someone else's well being before his own.

His daughter's safety, health and happiness trumped his lust for such inconsequential, frivolous things such as drugs, or alcohol. She came first, now, and forever would. She was his entire world, there was no room for him to be equivocal anymore, he had to be there whole heartedly for his daughter: Physically, mentally, and with all of his heart and soul.

While deep down in his heart he knew he could, no, would be the perfect parent for his precious baby, Klaus still couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was all somehow so wrong. He still couldn't get over his own past mistakes, and was troubled by his own erstwhile behavior. He was so incredibly thankful for his brother Ben for being so forthcoming in helping him care for his daughter, especially over the duration of the week that he was completely indisposed; utterly sick from withdrawal.

Ironic, how he was not only withdrawing from drugs, but he felt himself beginning to withdrawal from his daughter...

Not that he wanted to, of course. Klaus truly did love his little girl with all of his being, but he couldn't help himself for feeling that way, he was just so afraid.

Terrified, really...

He didn't want to harm her. He didn't trust himself to be the sweet, nurturing guardian that she so deserved. He yearned to be everything she merited and so much more, but he was nervous, and his anxieties over himself just wouldn't seem to diminish, or go away.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" Ben asked as he peered inside the bedroom to check on his brother. It was nearly three in the afternoon and Klaus hadn't come out to interact at all yet. Extremely untypical for his usually boisterous, and sometimes downright tumultuous sibling. Inside the room was cast in shadow; the only illumination were the occasional stray flickers of light that danced between the drawn curtains. "Klaus?"

Klaus's back was facing Ben; he was turned towards the window, focusing his sights on something obscure. He was curled beneath the duvet and didn't respond to his sibling's query.

"Come on man, talk to me. What's wrong?" Ben entered the bedroom, supporting a slumbering Riley against his chest. He closed the door behind them quietly as he approached his dispirited sibling on the bed. Klaus pressed his cheek heavier against the pillow, shrugging the blanket tighter against his slender frame; his expression remaining catatonic. Ben sat on the lip of the bed; the mattress dipping beneath his and Riley's added weight. Ben rubbed the palm of his hand gently down Riley's back, cooing to her when she stirred, but his comforting touch lulled her back to sleep.

"Say something, Klaus. What's going on?" Ben pushed, trying desperately to pull some kind of a response from his silent sibling. Klaus sighed, his eyes momentarily flickering to his daughter within his brother's arms before he relaxed deeper into the mattress.

"I just...I don't feel good, Ben." He finally spoke; his voice hushed, nearly inaudible. Ben's eyebrows furrowed as he took in his brother's appearance.

He didn't look sick anymore, but he had been rather distant the last three days; perhaps he truly wasn't feeling his best just yet.

"You don't feel well? Like, sick?" Ben shifted his weight, leaning forward to lay the back of his hand against his brother's forehead in an attempt to gauge his temperature, earning Klaus to close his eyes at his solicitous touch. Ben hummed, moving his hand to his cheek, and then his neck, before retrieving his hand; situating it to support beneath Riley's bottom. "You don't feel hot - no fever. What's bothering you?"

"I already told you, Ben. I don't feel good." Klaus tugged the blanket tighter beneath his chin, his eyes pinched shut. Ben looked at his brother, scrutiny thick on his expression.

"Not well how, Klaus? Stomachache, headache? I can't help you if you don't let me—"

"You can't help me Ben, don't you get it?" Klaus nearly barked; he would have spoken louder but he didn't want to disturb his baby girl. "I can't be helped, Ben. I'm deplorable, can't you see that? I'm not good; I'll never be good enough for her, I'm an unfit parent. I'll never be able to do right by her." Ben's face fell at his brother's barbed statement.

"Klaus, we've been over this, you are more than enough—"

"No, I'm not, Ben!" His pitch raised just enough to earn a rise out of his daughter who began to whimper in her uncle's arms. Klaus's lips trembled, tears pricking his eyes at the pitiful sounds of his precious angel crying; something as pure as she was should never be forced to shed a tear at the hands of her own father. Klaus felt awful knowing it was his fault his little princess was suddenly so upset.

"See? All I do is bring harm, Ben! I hurt her, I'll never be able to be good enough for her! She deserves so much better than this; so much better than me."

"Stop talking like that, Klaus. You're just upset; probably suffering from some form of postpartum depression." Klaus laughed dryly at his brothers absurd suggestion.

"Postpartum depression? Wow, Ben. I know she's mine, but I didn't exactly play the role of pushing her out of me—"

"Actually, Klaus, postpartum depression happens just as commonly to father's as it does to mother's." He stated simply, "and judging by your recent symptoms: your irritability, you've been more stressed, anxious, and panicky," He leaned in closer, examining his brothers face. "Judging by the bags under your eyes, I presume you've been having difficulty sleeping? All classic signs of it, Klaus. There's not a doubt in my mind that's what's making you feel this way." A soft cry escaped past Klaus's lips as he absorbed this information. Ben rocked Riley trying to calm her, but she continued to wail, inconsolable in the arms of her uncle.

"Shh shh it's okay, sweetheart," Ben cooed to her, voice soft and calming, "daddy loves you, honey bee, he's just going through a tough time right now. Isn't that right, daddy?" Ben's eyes flickered to Klaus, his brother's tear filled eyes meeting his own before they trailed to his daughter.

"More than anything, princess." Klaus's soft voice wavered; laden with guilt. He did love his daughter, so very much, but he just didn't believe he deserved his angel. He'd already hurt his beautiful baby girl, he couldn't bare the idea of him doing it again, and again, and again.

Ben continued to rock Riley, but the precious babe simply wouldn't calm down.

"She doesn't want me, Klaus. Here, I think she wants you—" He attempted to hand the baby to Klaus, but he ducked away; too afraid to take her.

"No, Ben! I'll hurt her!"

Ben couldn't believe his brother truly believed he would ever be capable of harming his little girl.

"No you won't, Klaus," His lip curled into a crooked yet reassuring smile; his tone remaining soft and kind, "You've never hurt anyone in your entire life. You've only ever been hurt. You're a good person with a kind heart, and you would never do anything to hurt her. Deep down I think you know that, too."

Klaus's lips trembled as he inhaled a sharp breath, desperately attempting to suppress the despair trying to creep out of his chest. He wanted to believe Ben, he truly did, but he couldn't get past the terrible ideation in his mind.

Klaus truly believed that his touch was toxic; poisonous, and just the thought of touching his perfect little girl frightened him. Perhaps the scariest thing about all of this to Klaus, however, was how badly he wanted to. He loved Riley so much, he had the strongest covetous urge to simply take her into his arms, and just hold her; cherish her. He yearned to feel her warmth against his chest, her velvety skin against his own. Watching his precious girl cry just deepened those instinctual urges within his heart. It was killing him to see her so distraught, he wished he could comfort her; to be the one she could turn to during her fits, and be able to take away her woes.

Ben could see the longing look in his brother's sorrowful green eyes; he knew Klaus was battling his inner demons, but he could see through his insecurities, and knew his true intent. Klaus loved his daughter, and Ben knew he would never, ever hurt her.

"Take her, Klaus. She wants her daddy to hold her." He held the screaming baby up, bringing her closer to her grief-stricken father. Klaus went to protest, but Ben wouldn't allow it. He needed to do this, right here, right now, or he feared Klaus would never be able to allow himself the simple gratification of accepting his capabilities; and just allowing himself to hold his baby girl.

Without hesitation, Ben pressed Riley into Klaus's trembling arms. Klaus's eyes widened; his jaw clenching at the sudden presence of his daughter within his hands. Strangely enough, his physical reaction was much better than what he fearfully anticipated. His tense muscles slackened; every ounce of negativity he'd amassed deep within himself abruptly dissolved away, leaving him physically melting beneath his daughter's tiny figure.

God, he missed this...

He looked to his daughter, their sorrowful eyes meeting in a much anticipated moment of awakening. Klaus's lips curled into a sad yet hopeful smile when his beautiful, perfect little girl's tears seemed to swiftly cease; her scrunched, upset features softening into a calm expression. He couldn't suppress the soft exhale of an almost laugh when her own lips quirked into what he nearly swore was a smile, enhancing her perfect dimples on her flawless little cheeks. Ben smiled at the sight before him; it warmed his heart to see his brother's anxious nature finally seem to curb; he couldn't help but to bask in the glory of it all. This was what Klaus needed all along, he just needed to hold his baby girl.

"Aw, would you look at her, smiling at her daddy." Ben pressed his hand against Klaus's back, rubbing comforting circles of encouragement on his slender frame. Klaus exhaled a laugh through his nose.

"Probably just gas."

"Gas?" Ben laughed, edging himself closer to peer down to his niece in his brother's lap. "No way, she's definitely smiling, dude. She's happy to be back in her daddy's arms." Klaus glanced at Ben, shooting him a quick smile before returning his focus to his daughter. He took her tiny hand within his own; her fingers curled around the digit immediately, sending waves of warmth sprawling throughout Klaus's chest.

"You really think so?"

Ben wrapped his arms around his brother's waist, pulling him into a chaste hug.

"I know so." He ruffled Klaus's mop of curls, releasing him from his embrace. "She missed you."

Klaus could feel a warm sensation flooding his chest; as his cheeks flushed with adoration and love.

"I missed her, too." He pulled his daughter closer to himself, tucking her tiny little body firmly against his chest as he nuzzled his cheek atop her head. He closed his eyes as he rocked her, humming a soothing tone to her; comforting her to try to ease her to sleep.

Ben watched the picture perfect moment before him; a wide grin spreading across his features. Watching his brother rock his baby girl was the most wholesome thing he'd ever seen; the most beautiful scene he could ever dream. He exhaled a laugh, leaning back so his weight was resting on his palms against the mattress, his shoulders slumping forward in a relaxed stance.

"I gotta say," Ben began, eyes soft with admiration, "I never thought I'd see the day: Klaus Hargeeves, a father?" Klaus hummed in response to his brother; never opening his eyes, simply too content in this moment of finally holding his daughter in his arms again.

"I know, who knew?" He whispered softly, smiling against the crown of his baby girl's head; her dark curls tickling against her daddy's lips. Riley's eyes drifted closed as she laid in her father's loving embrace, nestled snugly against his warm and inviting chest; while the resonating melody of his heartbeat ultimately soothed her to sleep. Klaus adjusted himself in the bed so his back was leant against the headboard as he just continued to hold his little princess; his smile never wavering or fading. He'd never felt so euphoric in his entire existence.

Riley brought so much joy; so much love, and light to his dark and dismal life.

Ben watched his brother cradling his baby girl keenly, a soft hum of approval resounding within his chest.

"She looks just like you." He stated carefully, quiet as to not wake the baby. Klaus hummed in response, his eyes opening into slits.

"Me?" He whispered, closing his eyes once more as he cuddled Riley closer; breathing in her newborn baby scent. "Nah, she's way better looking. Have you seen those dimples, or her beautiful blue eyes? She's perfect." Ben smiled as he watched Klaus rock his little girl, gently tracing his fingertips up and down her back while he hummed her a soft tune. Ben couldn't help but feel amazed at how gentle his brother was with his daughter, to tender and sweet.

"What song is that?" Ben asked, noting the familiar sound.

"Hmm? Oh, it's a Billy Joel song. I can't remember the name of it," Riley curled closer against her daddy's embrace, her little button nose pressing against the warmth of his neck. "You know, it's funny; I never pictured myself singing lullabies."

Ben's smile intensified as he absorbed this precious moment. He never would have pictured this to ever be possible, either. Yet here he was; privileged enough to witness such a momentous occurrence unfolding before his very eyes. A strong sense of satisfaction filled his chest; pride for his brother.

He was so incredibly proud of Klaus.

"Well, I'm pleased to say you're a natural." Ben affirmed, furthering his brother's establishment of confidence within himself. Klaus's smile deepened; his heart overflowing with love.

"Yeah, maybe I am."

—-

Authors Note- Hope ya'll are enjoying this story!

Anyone who is curious, the song Klaus was humming to Riley was Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel) by Billy Joel. Beautiful song and a fitting match for them!

If you're reading and following along to this story I would LOVE to hear your thoughts and opinions on this! Let me know in the comments how this story makes you feel! Thank you to those of you who have favorited and followed, I appreciate you!