Telling Myself Lies
"Lionpaw!" Heatherpaw meowed, happiness displayed in her tone of voice, heather blue eyes, and body language.
"Heatherpaw!" Lionpaw rushed over to the WindClan apprentice, nuzzling her cheek, "Sorry I'm late, had to avoid a lot of suspicions."
Heatherpaw's ears twitched as she heard a bush rustling and she hissed as a silver tabby she-cat slipped out of the bush, sky blue eyes weary and tired of something or other. "What're you doing here?!" Heatherpaw hissed, unsheathing her claws and looking warily at the other she-cat.
"Woah, calm down Heatherpaw, it's okay, Cinderpaw already knows about us, she followed me a while ago." Lionpaw reassures his forbidden friend, licking her ears in a friendly way, "She told me she has something to tell us."
"Are you sure she won't tell?" Heatherpaw asked him in worry, unsure if Cinderpaw would keep their secret.
"I've been keeping your secret for moons." Cinderpaw meowed softly, "I haven't told anyone, I keep Lionpaw out of trouble for you."
"See, she'll keep it a secret." Lionpaw purred, amber eyes gleaming happily.
"I… have an idea to help you two." Cinderpaw meowed with hesitance, blue eyes hesitant and anguished. "The clan is getting suspicious with Lionpaw being so tired during training and suspect he's meeting a cat from another clan… So I was thinking, maybe you two could meet a little less, and I'll take his early patrols."
"How's that going to stop their suspicions?"
"That won't. But if he shows attachment to another she-cat then that would go away." Cinderpaw took a deep breath and let it out in a hesitant sigh, "I'm offering myself as that other she-cat."
"Why you?" Heatherpaw asked suspiciously, "You're not planning on taking him from me are you?"
"No, of course not. What Lionpaw does with his life isn't my decision." Cinderpaw replied softly, "I'm offering myself because I can return the attachment so it doesn't seem one sided and I know what's going on."
"I think it's a good idea." Lionpaw meowed to both she-cats, "But it's just pretending, right?"
Cinderpaw flinched but nodded, "Yes, you love Heatherpaw, not me." 'Even if I love you to StarClan and back.'
"Okay…" Heatherpaw hesitantly agreed, "We'll meet every other day rather than every day and Lionpaw'll act all Lovey Dovey around you."
"Right, I'll see you back at camp Lionpaw." Cinderpaw turned and calmly padded off, keeping her emotions squashed down at her paws.
"What're we going to do today?" Lionpaw asked Heatherpaw, purring loudly and winding his bigger body around hers.
Wind ruffled Cinderpaw's silver tabby fur, the moonlight giving the tabby a silver look. 'Why do you have to break the code… and why did I agree to this?' She asked herself as she closed her blue eyes, muzzle tilted up towards the sky, fluffy tail curled around her small paws. 'This is the worst mistake I could've made. Hurting myself over and over… but… it's worth it I guess… to keep Lionpaw happy.' Her blue eyes opened as she looked brokenly at the stars, 'Are you up there watching over me Starclan? Is this what I'm supposed to do? Torture myself to make him happy? I thought love was supposed to be easy, not hard and painful… Is this what you want?'
Lionpaw watched the silver tabby from his nest, 'Am I doing the right thing here? I love Heatherpaw not Cinderpaw, is it okay for me to do this to her? Make Cinderpaw feel loved when she knows it's a lie?' He watched the tabby as she turned and padded back into the den, blue eyes conflicted, tail drooping slightly. She settled next to him, putting her head on her paws, her fur brushing his, a forced purr rumbling through the her body. "Are you sure your okay with this Cinderpaw?" He mewed softly, amber eyes worried about his friend and the situation they were in.
"Course," She purred, the purr threatening to choke her, "Anything to make you happy." She nuzzled her nose against his cheek before putting her head back on her paws and closing her blue eyes.
"Goodnight then." He murmured, giving her a few licks on the top of her head before resting his head on the bottom of the nest, his ears brushing against the shallow walls.
"Goodnight Lionpaw." Cinderpaw purred, ears twitching slightly, the pain of her decision threatening to choke her along with the purr she was forcing out.
"Cinderpaw," Cloudtail hissed into the apprentice den, poking his white head in to look for his silver tabby apprentice. "You wanted to replace Lionpaw in dawn patrol last night so get up!" He hissed grumpily, he was so grumpy at waking up at the crack of dawn that he didn't notice his apprentice was curled up with a golden tabby tom curled around her. His apprentice opened her eyes and sat up, before twisting to give herself a quick grooming. Cloudtail pulled his head out of the den seeing his apprentice awake and moderately alert and Cinderpaw finished flattening down her sticking up fur. Lionpaw shifted as Cinderpaw moved and lifted his head, looking at the tabby through half closed sleep fogged eyes
"What's going on?" He meowed groggily, about to move and get up.
"Just a patrol." Cinderpaw meowed back, hesitantly licking his head between the ears, "Go back to sleep." She got to her paws and slipped out of the den while Lionpaw listened to her advice and put his head back down on the moss, going back to sleep within moments.
Cinderpaw fluffed out her fur against the chilly wind and focused on putting one paw infront of the other withouth tripping over herself and sending her to the cold earth. Hollypaw padded beside her, the black apprentice focused on keeping a look out for anyway warriors from the opposing clans. 'I wonder if any of the other apprentices noticed Lionpaw and I sharing a nest, all of them were asleep by the time I came back into the den last night.' Cinderpaw wondered absent mindly, blue eyes slightly distant as she let her thoughts wander. 'I still have to wonder if do this was the right choice…' She looked up at the rising sun through the gaps in the trees branches, 'I could've let him deal with the clan on his own… but then I'd feel extremely guilty afterwards… This is so complicated!' She turned her gaze back to the ground in front of her, 'Why couldn't I have chosen any other tom in the world to fall in love with?! Why couldn't it be Mousepaw? Or even the arrogant tom Berrypaw?! Even Berrypaw can't be as bad as the situation I got myself into!' She noticed Hollypaw looking at her expectantly and she shook the troubled thoughts from her head. "What Hollypaw? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." She meowed sheepishly, flattening her ears with embarrassment.
Holly's emerald green eyes twinkled with amusement, "I knew you weren't Cinderpaw, you've been staring at the ground and ignoring the same question ten times. Where's your mind? Up in the clouds?" She purred with amusement, playfully cuffing her friend over the ears.
"You could say that," Cinderpaw purred, feeling amused at her actions as well, "Now what's the question you've been asking me?" She asked, her ears swiveling as she picked up on faint cat voices to their left.
"I'm been trying to ask you what's going on between you and my brother?" Holly murrowed in amusement as her friend ducked her head in embarrassment.
Cinderpaw's fur was burning with embarrassment, talking to her best friend about her interest in Hollypaw's brother was totally humiliating no matter the situation she was in. "Would you believe me if I said nothing was going on?" She asked in a hopeful tone.
"After what I saw this morning? Definitely not!" Hollypaw purred and bumped her shoulder against her friend's flank. "Something's has to be going on between you two. Usually, I'm stuck sharing a nest with that lump of fur, but I found him sharing one with you and curled around you no less!" She purred as her friend's ears flattened against her head in embarrassment.
"Sorry if I stole your heat source." Cinderpaw mewed, attempting to stall while she decided what to say, "He's quite the fluffy source of warmth." 'What should I say? I know what going on but I don't want to admit it yet.'
"I don't mind," Hollypaw purred, "Try sharing a nest with that furball during Greenleaf, he makes you feel like your dying of heat and wish you were a Riverclan cat!"
Cinderpaw purred at those words, she could believe that in a heartbeat, with how much fur that tom had it was a wonder how he even managed to get up and not die of heat. "It's complicated," She decided to say, looking at the rest of the patrol in front of them. 'Now what?' She fumbled for what else to say, "I've liked him for a while though... and It's pretty nice." And it was, being curled up next to the one she loved was the best feeling in the world, excluding the fact she knew he was just pretending to love her and actually loved another cat from another clan.
"Are you kidding? I could tell you've liked Lionpaw longer than Honeypaw has liked Berrynose." Hollypaw murrowed in amusement, "but that was really unexpected, one moment you two were just close friends the next you're sharing a nest and everything."
"Yeah," Cinderpaw responded, her mew a bit distant, "Unexpected is fine with me though." Then the first part of Hollypaw's statement registered and she whirled on her friend, "Hey!" She meowed indignantly, "I do not moon over Lionpaw all the time like Honeypaw does to Berrypaw! I can't be that bad!... Am I?" She meowed, a bit timidly, blue eyes firey but also worried.
"Of course not," Hollypaw reassured her, the scents of the Shadowclan border reaching her nose as they neared the border. "You don't moon over him like your littermate does," She purred and Cinderpaw relaxed slightly, the fur around her neck laying flat along with her fluffy tail. "You just purr like a mouse-brain after he leaves and try to be less scatter brained with he's around."
Cinderpaw breathed out a sigh, looking at the Shadowclan territory, "I can't deny that now can I."
"Probably not," Hollypaw meows, "Unless you've suddenly become smarter than me."
"That's not happening, ever. Even when we're in Starclan you'll still be more senisble and smarter than I am Hollypaw, but that's okay, you be the sensible one and I'll be the scatterbrain with no clue on what's going on." Cinderpaw purred as the patrol stopped and marked the border, feeling a little happier after the conversation with her best friend. 'I'll just pretend as well.' She decided silently, 'If Lionpaw has to pretend that he's in love with me then I can pretend he loves me for real. I can do this, I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, if a lie is the only way I can be at all happy with this whole situation then I'll accept that lie.'
Lionpaw awoke to the smell of a freshly caught mouse under his nose and someone licking his ears a few times. Opening his amber eyes he saw it was Cinderpaw, her blue eyes sparkling with her usual cheer. He sat up and breifly grooomed himself while she pushed the mouse closer to him with a paw,
"Here, it's almost sunhigh and Cloudtail wants us to do battle training in the training hollow soon." She meowed cheerfully, leaning forward and licking down a tufts of fur was sticking up on his left shoulder.
"Thanks," His jaws opened in a small yawn before he leaned down to eat the mouse she had brought him. As he sunk his teeth into the prey he realized it was still warm, meaning it must have been caught not too long ago. "Did you catch this for me?" He asked around his mouthful, looking up at the she-cat who was sitting on her haunches a few mouse tails in front of him, licking a paw and drawing it over her medium gray ears.
"Yes," She mewed, pausing to lick her paw again and draw it over her right ear, "I managed to catch a rabbit for the nursery earlier on patrol with Hollypaw and figured you'd want something as well."
Lionpaw purred a thank you and gulped down the rest of the mouse, swiping his tongue around his jaws once he had finished and cleaning his whiskers. As the she-cat nudged her head under his chin he remembered the idea and plan that had been agreed on last night between him, Cinderpaw, and Heatherpaw. He licked her head between the ears a few times before getting to his paws and following her out of the den where he blinked the sunlight out of his eyes and followed her to where their mentors were waiting.
"Have you eaten Cinderpaw?" Cloudtail asked his apprentice, blue eyes twinkling, much more relaxed and good tempered now that it wasn't so early in the morning. "While I'm sure Hollypaw and Squirrelflight would appreciate that you made sure their son and littermate ate what about you?"
"I'll eat when I get back," Cinderpaw mewed cheerfully, "doing battle training on a full stomach makes me feel like a cumbersome badger."
Cloudtail purred with amusement at his apprentice's words, "Well let's get going, don't you agree, Ashfur?"
"Yes." Ashfur meowed curtly and got to his paws, starting out of camp towards the training hollow with Cloudtail on his tail, the two apprentices right behind the white thick furred warrior, fur occasionally brushing as they quietly chatted about different battle techniques and the different moves they both had small issues with.
Lionpaw let out a murrow of laughter as Cinderpaw came into camp, more prickly than a thorn bush and moving awkwardly with a load of moss so big she was almost hidden behind it from the front. The silver tabby looked cross and annoyed as she made her way towards the elders den through the rain, trying to protect her moss from getting wet. Lionpaw got to his paws and bounded over to her, taking some of the moss from her and together they raced for the elders den, skidding to a halt inside the dry den and putting the mostly dry moss down onto the ground. Over the past two moons the whole thing between them and Heatherpaw had gotten much easier and almost natural, helping eachother out and acting like they were in love but too young to be mates. "I hope this is dry enough." Cinderpaw meowed to Mousefur, her pelt was tangled with thorns and thin branches from her long search for the mostly dry moss.
Mousefur prodded the moss with a keen eye, "It'll do." The female elder meowed in her raspy voice, "Why don't you finish your job and then you can go do what other apprentice duties you have."
Lionpaw could tell Cinderpaw was barely managing to hold her tongue and keep from snapping at the elder in a hissy fit born from having to spend most of the day looking for dry moss as her ears and tail tip twitched, so he intervened. "I'll help you Cinderpaw," He purred, nosing her left ear, making that ear twitch at the touch. He looked at Longtail, "Could you tell us one of your stories while we do this Longtail?" He asked as he and Cinderpaw got to work sorting out Mousefur's nest of the spoiled or hard moss.
"What would you like to hear about?"
"What about Firestar's arrival in ThunderClan?" Lionpaw requested, starting to make a pile of the spoiled moss.
"Well it was at sunhigh where we were all sharing tongues…" Longtail started, tucking his paws neatly under his chest.
"Thank starclan that's over." Cinderpaw grunted as she and Lionpaw emerged from the elders den close to sun set, Cinderpaw's pelt still a mess of burrs, thorns, and twigs. As they stepped outside she complained more, "And of course it stops raining now!" She whined like a kit unable to go play outside, "After getting soaked, treking through wet undergrowth looking for moss, and becoming a hedgehog it stops raining!" She meowed, frustration displayed in her whining and the agitatedly twitching of her tail.
"At least you don't have to go out on dawn patrol in the rain right?" Lionpaw purred in amusement, pulling a twig from of his friend's silver tabby head and spitting it out onto the ground, "Let's go ask Ashfur and Cloutail if they have anything else for us to do, sound good?"
"If I have to do anything else besides getting this stuff out of my fur I'm not doing it." She growled, twisting to tug at a burr stuck on her shoulder.
"Now you sound like Jaypaw." He purred licking the fur between her ears flat before nudging her muzzle out of the way so he could pull out the burr.
"Good, cause that's totally what I was aiming for." She meowed sarcastically before they touched noses and parted, going to each of their mentors to get any extra duties that they were supposed to go do before they could go to sleep.
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Caylee and any other side character – youngcrazyteenageauthor
Cynthia – athleticsapphiresinger
Leon – athleticgoldenboy
Bree – cheerfulcuriosity
Jay – perfectgrumpytone
Holly – emeraldintelligencequeen
Fini – gingerandwhiteteenager
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