…Pink Camellia...

/Warning/: This chapter contains, cursing, drama, a little bit of sadness, times skips, near mental break down, a little bit of fluff? And who knows what! All reviews are appreciated.

"Talking"

"Thinking"

….Dreams or flashbacks….

Chapter 9

Staying in his room, Eren had to blink his eyes every time he thought he felt something in his eyes, but the funny thing was, is that no matter how much Eren wanted to cry he just couldn't, his eyes seemed too dry to give him the relief of a few tears to grieve, he didn't know what to mourn, being late? Levi moving on and getting himself a fiancé or maybe it was the way Levi decided to cut him off completely from his life.

Eren sighed to himself as he stood up from his bed, looking at the clock that pointed to him that it was past midnight, Eren stood up from his place and went to his phone, maybe in a daze, maybe because he wanted someone to talk to, but he really needed someone right now. After staying with his family and the Ackerman, he finally saw Mikasa after an hour or so, the teen had screamed her head off as she rushed to Eren to hug him tightly, crying her heart on his chest, which made the young man a little bit surprised but he got over it and held the teen who refused to let go of him.

"Hello, darling! Did you and Levi finally bang? Tell me, tell me, and tell me!"

The sound of Frieda who cheered from the other side of the phone made Eren's lips twitch up into a small smile, he missed the troublemaker, the best friend who is as close to him as Levi, even though Levi start acting like he didn't want to be associated with Eren anymore. "He is engaged to someone…" Eren said after wetting his lips, gazing at the window near his bed, taking in the comfort of the stars, there was a pause on the other end of the line, and then a shaky sigh followed.

"Are you OK?"

Frieda's gentle voice made Eren hum a little and then sighed, opening his mouth and closing it before shrugging his shoulder, only to realize later that the woman couldn't possibly see him. "I really don't know the answer to that." Eren ends up saying after a while, clearing his throat as he felt an itch, though he paid it no attention, it was probably the change of the weather that was affecting him, though he hoped he wasn't catching any cold.

"Do you need me to come? I am sure I can book a flight real quick, then you can meet me at the airport and take me to lunch or dinner, what do you think?"

Frieda tried to cheer him, which made Eren smile at that a little looking at his room. "I don't think that's a good idea, you have to study if you wanted to graduate next month, that's what you get for being a little jealous of me." Eren teased which made the woman growl at him, ever since Eren graduated three months earlier, Frieda vowed to graduate next month, something about not letting Eren getting all of the fame, Isabel pouted about the whole thing is unfair, because who will help Isabel with her hard subjects if Eren was away? Needless to say, his last few days in America were fun.

"I hate you! No wait that's not true, damn you bastard, I love you too much that just this small teasing word left a bad taste in my mouth, and now I really hate you!"

Hearing the whining from the other end, made Eren snort and start laughing a little, feeling lighter than he ever felt in a long time ago, it made Eren pause and look at the window taking a deep breath trying to calm himself down. "Thank you, Frieda, I really needed that." Eren said which made the woman hum and Eren return to his bed lying on the mattress, busying himself hearing Frieda as she shuffles around her room.

"We miss you, you know? Moblit was in a low mood all day, though he tried to act like he wasn't, busy taking care of all of us, I had to send him to a bed today. As for Farlan, he is making an evil plan to kidnap you from Sina, to bring you here, something about him having a safe house somewhere the four of us could crash in after doing the unspeakable… Isabel starts crying, something about you leaving us, which I had to convince her that just because you are away doesn't mean that we are not your friends any more…"

Frieda's soft voice made Eren press his lips tightly as he hummed at that blinking his eyes a little, trying to blink the wetness away before forming into anything. "And what about you?" Eren asked after a while which made the woman hum at that happily a small laugh leaving her making Eren relax at that.

"I know you Eren; you never leave no matter what anyone said I am sure you will be waiting for us at the airport as soon as you know we are returning home, you are just waiting for us."

"You seemed so sure about it?" Eren said after taking a deep breath, which made the woman laugh at that happily, hearing Frieda's laughter, made something tight in Eren lose a little which made breathing a little bit easier, he never knew how much he needed to hear the woman until now.

"I am sure; after all, you are Captain America you can't lie, it practically in your DNA!"

Hearing the laughter that followed the sentence made Eren groan in embarrassment but the smile refused to leave his face, he could only remember the past Halloween that made everyone start calling him that, but it made him feel warm on the inside. Eren and Frieda talk for another hour before the two of them hang up, and Eren returned his phone to the nightstand before he got comfortable in bed, falling asleep as fast as his head touched the pillow, he couldn't help the last thought before going to bed…

He hoped he can handle the heartache…

Waiting, was one of the things that Eren discovered that he hated more and more as the time passed, Eren sighed to himself as he looked at the café's window waiting for Levi to come any minute now, after waking up in the morning, Eren was honestly surprised when he received a text from Levi asking him to meeting in their favorite café.

Eren had to say he was happy when he heard about that until the memories of last night return to him, it was then Eren had to hold his sigh, but it ends with Eren waiting for Levi in the café, trying to force himself to wait for the smaller man, who was half an hour late, Eren let out a sigh, maybe the hundredth one that day, and he stood up ready to go home.

"Eren?" Hearing that voice made Eren turn to the person who called him, and Eren had to hold his gasp at how much the older man had changed, Eren saw Levi grinning happily and rushing to him to hug him tightly while laughing, making Eren a little stunned on the inside but he got over it quickly and hugged the smaller man who could only reach his chest. "Look at you! You become a big ass tree as father said, God, you changed." Levi said with laughter in his voice which made Eren smile a little at that.

"And you are still short, you didn't change." Eren said with a smirk which made Levi hit him gently on his shoulder before smiling happily at him, not caring about being really angry at his words. "So engaged, huh?" Eren asked trying to appear casually after they both sit down in their chairs.

The question made Levi pause a little but a small smile took over his face, and Eren didn't know why it seemed so sad, maybe it was his imagination or that he was in denial about accepting that Levi was actually happy. "Yeah, it surprised me too, but what can you say, you love who you love." Levi said and Eren had to stop his hand from reaching to his heart and rub it, feeling pain taking over, though a few seconds late the pain went away which made Eren take a deep breath through his nose.

"That sucks." Eren said jokingly feeling that he missed his mark by a mile, but Levi, on the other hand, didn't care he just give a small smile and look at the menu waving for the waitress and ordering for both of them, and Eren had to stop himself from smiling sadly as Levi seemed to remember Eren's favorite.

The spent the time in silent, it was awkward for both of them, four years ago the two of them would have chatted each other's heads filling the silence with stories and adventures and other things, but now… now the two of them don't know where they stand, the awkwardness was too much that they couldn't look at each other in the eye. "So…" Levi started which made Eren look at the older man who was fidgeting in his seat. "I was wondering that considering that you finally returned home… do you remember the promise we made? The one about if any of us ever considered marrying, the other will be their best man?" Levi mumbled to himself that Eren had a hard time putting the words together.

And when Eren did, he felt like the whole world was about to collapse on top of his head and he had to stop himself from raising his hand to his heart when it gave a painful bang. Eren cleared his throat when he felt something sticking in his throat, maybe it was his imagination, though Eren did drink from his tea, then he returned his gaze to Levi who was watching him with a sad look on his face. "Do you have to ask?" Eren felt himself say and he was too detached from his body to realize that he was the one who said those words. "Of course I will, you are my friend, and I am not going to leave you alone on your big day shorty." Eren said which made Levi smile happily at Eren, causing the taller man to stop himself from sobbing at that.

Eren wished this nightmare will disappear…

Eren didn't know when he returned home, didn't know he was moving in general, he felt like he was a zombie, as much as it was childish to say it, it was the only thing he felt. Reaching his house, Eren walked to his room, sighing in relief when he read the note that was pinned to his door, telling him that his uncle and aunt will be back tonight, it gave him time to cry….

Eren opened his door then closed it behind him, making a B-line toward his bed, sitting on it, he could only gaze at the wall in a blank look, his mind was a jumbling mess, that couldn't string one word together, a sob left him, then another, and another, and another, until Eren was crying, when was the last time he cried? Really, really cried?

Eren knew it was a long time, he was sure that the last time he cried was his mother's funeral, he didn't know after that, but he was sure the last time he cried for someone, it was his mother, now… now Eren was crying because he was too late, he lost Levi because he was too late, he lost his only chance at happiness because he decided to drop everything and go to America, if only he stayed, if only he stayed or plea with Levi to come with him, but he didn't do any of that.

And now Eren had to pay the price, deep down, Eren wondered if this is what his mother felt the day Grisha left them, this unbearable pain that refused to go, Eren whine as his heart give another painful bang and he finally put his hand on his heart rubbing the spot hoping to lessen the pain he was feeling.

The choking came as a surprise, Eren didn't remember sobbing hard enough to summon coughing or choking, but that's how it ended, with Eren's head between his knees as he coughed and hacked every breath he takes was followed by series of coughs that left Eren scared.

Eren didn't know how long he coughed but when he finally stopped Eren took deep and shaky breaths, finally daring to open his eyes, not knowing when he stopped them, only to let out a heartbreaking and pained sound at what he saw.

Because there before his eyes, on the floor, and some on his hand were petals, camellia's petals, a pink petals that were so familiar to him having associating them with death when he was no older than nine, that made Eren laugh, he laughed, and laughed, until his laughter turned into sobs, he clenched the petals in his head and let out an animalistic sound of pain and rage.

It was funny, the joke was so funny that Eren ends up laughing and sobbing at the same time… ever since he was young he promised himself that he will never end up like his mother, that he will never fall in love with anyone, that he wouldn't die because of some stupid emotion, but here he was, alone in an empty house with the same petals that took his mother away.

The universe was really a funny place, but Eren didn't care anymore, because, in the end, he was his mother's son, indeed, because, in the end, he will end up like his mother, surrounded by bloody camellia always longing for a love that will never happen.

Eren wondered if his mother would be proud of his failure…

Short chapter I know…

But hey I did great, considered that my shoulder hurt…

Hopefully, the next chapter will be longer.

Read and Review.

And let me know what you think…

Nazaki-Sama