Akira

I had been sitting in the guild hall for a good twenty minutes before anyone walked in. A bottle of whiskey and a shot glass sat in front of me. The bottle of whiskey was already two thirds empty. It had been full when I pulled it out. I poured myself what seemed like the millionth shot when I heard the door open. I didn't turn around as the person paused before walking in.

"Akira." I tensed as I heard Gray's voice. I heard more footsteps behind him and soon, I could sense the rest of the guild walking in after Gray. I tilted the glass up and downed the contents, flinching at the burn. I slammed the glass down and breathed deeply. I heard people whispering softly to each other but no one talked to me. They were probably all scared out of their minds.

What was I thinking? Why did I think it was a good idea to fight Erza? I had no idea who was stronger out of the two of us and from the way things were going, it seemed like I could deal out more than she could take. But she had so many more selections of armor that there was no way for me to predict who would win.

I squeezed the glass as I thought about her face when she tried to make up with me. Everything she had said was nothing more than an appease. She didn't actually mean anything she had said. She may have thought she did, but I could see through her. She still hated me just as much and now, I hated her twice as much. If I wasn't careful, I would lose control. I was tired of her games, of her lies, of everything she tried to force down my throat. I hoped she knew that the next time she tried to cross me, I wouldn't surrender. I would crush her.

"Akira?" I flinched as Gray sat down next to me cautiously. Mirajane walked around the bar and took away the bottle of whiskey. I didn't protest and she took away my shot glass as well. I had drunk way too much anyway. I wasn't drunk, not even close, but whenever alcohol penetrated my system, my emotions heightened to extremes.

I closed my eyes in embarrassment at the things I had done when I had had too much to drink.

"Got anything stronger than whiskey in there? I questioned, rubbing my temples. Mirajane frowned disapprovingly.

"I think you've had enough to drink." She said before turning away and walking away before I could ask her again. I sighed as Gray peered at me through his eyelashes.

"I'm not sure what I should say." He said tenderly. I chuckled softly and shook my head, a humorless smile working its way on my face.

"There's really nothing to say. I'm sorry you had to witness that." I said quietly, drawing circles on the table. An awkward silence appeared between us as more people walked in and the guild slowly but surely resumed its normal chatter. I turned my head Lucy and Wendy walked up to us from behind Natsu grinned as he made his way over to us.

"Man, that was some fight! I want a turn now! If I can beat you, then I can beat Erza. So what do say? You want to go at it?" I sniggered as Natsu pounded his fist to his hand. He gave me a determined grin and he looked dead serious on taking me on.

"Sure, I'll fight you. Just maybe after I've sobered up." I said, before standing up and wincing. I didn't realize how sore I had become. It had been my first real duel in months and I was out of shape. I didn't realize just how much until that moment.

"Hey, can I see your wound? I'm worried all that fighting may have reopened it or something." Wendy said, frowning at my wince. I sighed and nodded, gripping the bottom of my shirt. Gray took in a sharp intake of breath as I lifted my shirt all the way to the bottom of my bra. Wendy then proceeded to take off the bandages that still covered my stomach.

At that moment, Erza herself walked back in the door. I frowned as Wendy pulled the bandages off completely. Erza turned to face me and her eyes flickered from my eyes to my stomach where she pursed her lips. I made sure my illusion magic made the wound seem a little worse than this morning. I needed an excuse for my soreness. But I'm pretty sure that she wasn't looking at my wound. She was looking at the scars across my stomach.

"Oh no, it's reopened. I knew this would happen." Wendy said worriedly. Her hands lit up as she began to use her healing magic on me. It didn't work, as usual, but I made sure to make it look like it did. All the while, I hadn't taken my eyes off Erza. She sighed and turned away from me to walk back up the stairs.

"Okay, from now on, you aren't allowed to engage in stupid duels with people. I mean it, if you do, your body won't be able to take it. No more, got it?" Wendy said with surprising firmness. I tore my gaze away from Erza to look into her serious brown eyes. I smiled kindly at her. I had grown fond of this little kid. Yet another person I felt compelled to protect now.

"Yes, ma'am." I said, nodding my head. Wendy sighed and wrapped the bandages back around my wound. When she had finished, I pulled my shirt back down and looked at Gray. He pulled his eyes away from my stomach and up to my eyes, a blush forming on his face. I smirked internally. It was nice to know that even with my scars and without the glamor, I could still make guys swoon over my body.

"I'm going to turn in for today. I think I need to let things cool before coming back out." I said matter-of-factly. I turned to go back to the rooms of the guild when Gray abruptly stood up and grabbed my forearm. I flinched and yanked my arm back.

"Wait, Akira. Don't leave yet." He said quietly. I gave him a confused look.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Gray, don't look so distraught." I smiled softly and shook my head before turning around again and walking back to the back door of the guild hall.

"Come take a walk with me." Gray said suddenly, causing me to pause before touching the doorknob. I turned around to face him. He was giving me an intense look, his hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt. My cheeks heated at the thought of him taking off his shirt again. He hadn't been doing that recently and I kind of missed it. Wait, what?

"Um… well I'm kind of tired." I stuttered. I scolded myself for sounding so weak. Gray looked up and into my eyes, holding out his hand.

"Just for a little while. Please?" my breath hitched in my throat as I looked into his dark eyes. I felt my heart pound against my chest. How was he making me react this was by just looking at me? This wasn't normal and I didn't know how to stop it.

"Okay…" I said, reaching out and taking his hand.

It was like someone else entirely was moving my body for me. I stared wide-eyed at our hands as he led me out of the guild hall. Did I really just agree to going on a walk? Worse, did I do it without even arguing a little first? Was I really holding Gray's hand willingly? Was this even me? I never touched anyone and if I did, it would only be once and then they would never touch me again. How could this boy make me want to touch him over and over again? How could this boy make me want to be touched by him and only him?

The feelings had been growing slowly ever since I had joined the guild. Whenever he wasn't near, I missed him and whenever he was near, I wanted to be closer. It took more and more energy every day to keep me from throwing myself into him. Every time he got within eight inches of my body, it took all the willpower I had not to close the distance between us until there was no more space at all.

The most confusing of all was that I didn't even mind it whenever he randomly would touch his lips to my head or my cheek. Sometimes, he'd do that whenever we were potentially having a moment. I craved his touch, his scent, his aura. I craved him all the time now. If I wasn't careful, he would turn into my drug and when I left after completing the job, I would go through a withdrawal. And I couldn't afford a withdrawal.

Taking a deep breath and keeping the thought of way he would treat me after the job was over, I pulled my hand out of his grasp and fell into step beside him as we continued to walk the streets of Magnolia. I looked over at him and blushed as I noticed he had taken off his shirt. I didn't say anything because I was pretty sure he hadn't noticed it himself.

"I kind of wanted to talk to you about something." Gray said suddenly. I tore my eyes away from his chest and into his eyes. "What you said at the duel, about not having emotions… did you mean it? Do you really feel remorse for killing those people?" I looked away, clenching my hands to fists.

"If you want the truth, the real and honest truth, I'll give it to you. I only recently started to feel remorse." I looked down in shame as Gray's eyes penetrated my skin like fire. "At the time of the killings, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I knew it was wrong but everyone was doing it. It was like a rite of passage. If I didn't get used to killing, I wouldn't have what it took to kill a demon." I took in a sharp intake of breath. "And then—" I gagged and stopped, covering my mouth. I felt nauseous. Gray looked back and reached for me, gripping my shoulders.

"Hey, I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me anything. I was out of line." He put his arm around my shoulders as I closed my eyes, trying to shove the memory away. My head stopped spinning and the nausea went away as I straightened my back.

"I'm fine." Gray released my shoulders and we continued to walk, this time in an awkward. I looked at Gray's face to see him struggling in his mind. He wanted answers. He probably had so many questions that they would make my head spin. I sighed. I knew I owed him answers. He still knew next to nothing about my past and I was making no move to tell him anything. He deserved to have at least one of his questions answered.

"I know you're curious about my past. Go ahead and ask one question. Maybe later I'll answer more, but for now just ask one." I said as we turned a corner to walk next to a river. I looked at my reflection in the water as Gray rubbed his chin.

"When was the last time you killed someone?" I closed my eyes and cringed slightly. I took a deep breath and looked up, determined to answer his question even if did bring back horrible memories for me.

"Three months ago." I said tersely. Gray looked at me and paused near a park bench.

"Three months… isn't that when you…"

"Left the guild? Yes." I said sadly. Gray' hand found mine and I blushed as he pulled me over to the bench. I sat next to him as we looked straight ahead together. Gray looked at me and I jumped in surprise as I felt his warm fingers touch my cheek.

"Sorry, you had a tear…" he said softly. My hand shot to my face, brushing away the tears I didn't even know had fallen. I cleared my throat and sat on my hands to keep them from shaking. I looked up and tried to expel all the painful memories that Gray had prodded. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while, watching people walk by us minding their own daily lives.

"Tell me about your master." I said suddenly. I didn't even know why I wanted to know all of a sudden. It just seemed important to me that I know something about the woman who trapped and killed Deliora. Gray looked at me and then at the ground. I realized that just like me, Gray's memories still haunted him.

"Well, she was probably one of the wisest people I've ever known. She took me in after our city was destroyed. I was consumed with rage and thoughts of revenge. All I wanted was to see Deliora killed with my own hands." He clenched his fists and I resisted the urge to grasp them with my own. "She taught me everything I know about Molding Magic. She got me used to the cold enough that I could be completely naked in a below freezing area and still be just fine." Gray grinned slightly, shaking his head. "That's where I get my stripping habit. She ground it into me like no other." He chuckled and shook his head.

"She sounds wonderful." I said quietly. I frowned, wondering what would have happened if I had been saved by her instead of Albian. Would I have the same magic as Gray? Would we still be together after all these years? Would we have joined the same guild?

"She was." Gray said sadly. His amusement faded as he looking at the ground, the painful memories coming back. "One day, I went off on my own to kill Deliora. I thought I was strong enough. God, I was such an idiotic brat." Gray leaned over and gripped his head in his hands. "Ur came to save me and ordered me to take my friend back. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. She cast the Iced Shell spell and trapped Deliora while dying in the process. I blamed myself. And then I joined Fairy Tail and I learned to forgive myself." He looked at me through his fingers. "I killed my master, but I managed to forgive myself. Have you forgiven yourself?" he questioned suddenly. My eyes widened and I looked away.

"How can you forgive yourself for killing someone out of cold blood?" I whispered gruffly. I swallowed the bile that had risen in my throat and looked back at Gray, trying to lighten the mood. "I guess we both have secrets that are hard to share, huh?" Gray sighed and nodded, forcing a smile.

"You know, I don't think Erza will ever get over what happened today." He said suddenly. I frowned and narrowed my eyes.

"I really couldn't care less about what she thinks of me. I don't like it when people lie to my face." I clenched my fists under my legs and looked at the ground. "I guess I should care. The master takes her input very seriously doesn't he?" I said softly. Suddenly, I felt Gray's hand wrap around my wrist, he pulled my hand out from under me and placed it in his lap, rubbing up and down my palm.

"You still have a week to win her over. You shouldn't give up just yet." I tore my gaze up from our hands and into his eyes. He was smiling warmly at me. My head started spinning and I had to pinch my leg to keep myself from falling into a trance. I smirked and shrugged.

"Well, if you have any brilliant ideas, then they would be very much appreciated." I said sarcastically. Gray laughed, releasing my hand. I all but snatched it back and clasped both hands in front of me on my lap. Gray watched my cautiously and then, his smile faded as he gave me a serious look.

"I've been meaning to ask you something. When we suggested you join the guild, you just kind of went along with it. You didn't say yes or no, I don't even know if this is what you want. Do you even want to join the guild or are you just doing this to make me happy or something?" My breath hitched in my throat. This was the question I had been dreading since I had set foot in the guild hall. Now I would truly be forced to lie directly to my best friend's face. How low could I stoop?

"At first, all I wanted was to stay away from Albian and anyone who could threaten me. This just seemed like the obvious choice. But then I got to know everyone in the guild. With the exception of some people, I really like everyone here. And I feel like they like me too. If I left now, I don't really know what I would do. You guys actually treat me like family. I don't think I could imagine being anywhere else." I forced a smile, masking my guilt as Gray grinned, seeming satisfied.

"Well, you still haven't met everyone. And I think it's time that introduced everyone in the guild, because I just know that soon, you will be a new member of our family." He grasped my hand and stood up, taking me with him back to the guild.

I looked down, trying to ignore the heated electricity that was coursing from our hands to the rest of my body. The guilt spread through me like wildfire and I could barely hold in my pain. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I continued to follow him. I was doing this for him. I was doing this to keep him alive. I was doing this to secure his future. Maybe he would hate me, maybe I would never see him again, and maybe he would even kill me. But it would all be worth it. It had to be worth it.

Gray

I brought her back to the guild hall and introduced her to Laxus and the Thunder Legion. They were the only people she hadn't met yet. She gave Laxus a short smile and nodded politely to the other three. She seemed distracted. She kept glancing over her shoulder, looking at the windows and the doors. She fidgeted after every breath and seemed to take in sharp intakes of breath every time she heard a chair scrape against the floor.

I couldn't figure out why she was so nervous. It was almost as if she sensed something in the air that none of us could. When we had walked into the guild hall, she took her hand away from me and was deliberately standing farther away from me that she did on our walk. In fact, it felt like she almost pushing me away. She avoided my eyes and whenever I had the chance to look at her, her eyes glazed over and she would give me an icy stare until I was forced to look away.

She was pushing me away. She was shoving me and my kindness out of her system the same way she did when I tried to help her before she temporarily joined the guild. Back then, she pushed me away because she was afraid I would get tangled up in her assassin's life. But now she was done with that life, so why did she feel the need to lock me out?

Maybe she had felt the same way I did when I touched her hand. Whenever we were alone, our moments became more intimate that I realized. I found myself inching closer to her unconsciously and without thought as if my body was programmed to be near her. Every time I touched her, I couldn't stop. It was getting frustrating that she wouldn't let me come any closer than a simple touch to her hand or her cheek.

I knew she felt it too. I had seen the way she took in breaths when I touched her. I didn't fail to notice the way she stared at our intertwined fingers in longing. She wanted me as much as I wanted her if not more so. So why did she continue to push me away?

I swallowed in contemplation as I remembered how sick she looked after I had prodded into her past. Something had happened to her three months ago that she still hadn't gotten over. It was enough to make her leave the assassins guild. It was enough to spur remorse in her icy veins. It was enough to bring back the girl I once knew. She still struggled against the monster that Albian had turned her into, but I knew she was in there. It was those tiny smiles, those slight flickers of true hope and happiness that was making me fall harder and harder for her.

We were eating dinner in the guild hall with Natsu, Lucy, Cana, and a few others when she looked at me finally. I was pushing my food around my plate, not feeling very hungry. When I looked up, her eyes were on me, her brow furrowed. I blinked at her and suddenly, the vacant mask over her eyes vanished for a split-second. I saw a boatload of emotions all trapped. The most prominent one that I could see was… guilt.

Pure, hot guilt swirled in circles and looked like it was about to engulf her whole before her eyes glazed over again and she gave me a sarcastic smirk before returning to her food.

My lips parted as I stared at her, unable to produce any kind of response. She laughed at something Natsu said and covered her mouth with her hand. I narrowed my eyes and opened my mouth to prod her about the look in her eyes when the door burst open and a figure stepped inside.

Akira looked up at the person as all the blood drained from her face. Red, poignant fear shown on her face as her lips parted as she stared wide-eyed at whoever had walked in. I turned to look at the person and my spirits lifted as my gaze connected with the intense stare of Gildarts, the most powerful wizard in Fairy Tail.