My old account on here was Ecosphere but I cant remember the password so I just made a new account.
Stacie had no idea how they got to this point.
Well, she obviously knew how but she didn't know how it turned into this.
They were supposed to be sleeping together. Strictly. Nothing more but recently it seems as if things have changed between the two of them.
Stacie would go to the lodge to just have sex with Aubrey. While that did happen, other things happened as well. Such as movie nights, dinners together, late-night talks, and impromptu cuddle session.
It wasn't that she minded if anything it was the exact opposite. But that's what the problem was. She wanted more, needed more.
More of Aubrey.
Honestly the more she thinks about it the more she realizes she wants all of Aubrey and everything that comes with it.
But did Aubrey want the same thing?
Maybe it would be easier if we started from the beginning.
It was right after the ICCA's, they had just won. Everyone was running off the high of just performing and beating the Trebles. They had gone back to the hotel and were all in Chloe and Aubrey's room. Well everyone but Stacie and Aubrey herself.
Everyone was too drunk off the booze Fat Amy brought to even realizes those two were gone. It wasn't like they left them to have sex after they had gotten back to the hotel Aubrey seemed to have just disappeared.
Just before Chloe was about to go and find her Stacie offered, besides it wasn't like Chloe was doing that well either. Having just watched the girl she had spent all year pining over kiss someone else doesn't put you in one of the best moods. So when Stacie offered Chloe didn't put up a fight and was the first out of all the Bellas to start getting drunk.
Stacie walked out of the hotel and at the end of the block found a little square with a couple of benches. Sitting on one of those benches was Aubrey.
"Hey what are you doing out here by yourself? Shouldn't you be inside with the rest of the Bellas celebrating?" asked Stacie sitting down next to her.
Aubrey looked up at the brunette, "The same could be said about you."
"I came looking for you." Stacie said, "What's going on?"
Aubrey sighed loudly leaning back on the bench. "It's nothing, just something stupid."
"It's not stupid if you're this upset over it. I mean you spent all year trying to get us here and now that we've won, you aren't even celebrating."
"I know it's just since my freshman year I've asked my dad to come to one of my performances and he always said he would make at least one of them. Well, tonight was my final performance as a Bella and he never showed. He's the only family I have left and-" But Aubrey was cut off.
"The only one left?" Stacie asked.
"My mom passed of cancer back when I was in 9th grade. Since then it's just been my dad and I. Well he's barely been there. Which I get being a General in the military isn't an easy job but..." she trailed off, pausing to think. "He's always put me last since then, it was like once she passed he stopped becoming my father and was strictly business. Never had time for me, or anyone really."
"I didn't know, I'm sorry Aubrey," Stacie said while putting her arm around Aubrey. "He's your father you're allowed to be upset. Have you talked to him about this?"
"Every time I try he brings it back on me. I'm just tired of holding him up so high and trying to make him proud when he doesn't seem to care." Aubrey then wipes a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry for unloading all of this on you-"
"No don't apologize," Stacie said. "Why don't we go inside and talk about this more, it's getting kind of chilly out here and we are still in our skirts."
Aubrey agreed and they got up and headed back inside. As they got up to their floor they walked closer to the room when Stacie realized that all the Bellas were in Aubrey and Chloe's room.
She suggested that they go to hers and Beca's room to talk.
No talking was done. As soon as they got into the room Stacie turned from shutting the door when suddenly she was pushed up against it. Suddenly Aubrey grabbed her face and kissed her. It was completely unexpected, but not unwelcomed.
Stacie kissed her back with just as much passion as Aubrey kissed her with. Everything was a blur, they went from the door to the bed. Stacie pushed Aubrey down and climbed on top of her. Looking down into bright green eyes she remembered the conversation they had just had outside.
"Aubrey-" Stacie started but was interrupted.
"Stacie I just... please." The look on Aubrey's face, her pleading with Stacie to just shut up and kiss her. Stacie thought she looked beautiful.
She couldn't deny that Aubrey was hot. They had become good friends over the season, hanging out after practices, studying together. She liked what they had, she enjoyed their friendship.
Would this change things?
Stacie had slept with other people before, she has done a one night stand multiple times. But she was never friends with any of them.
Stacie decided not to think about it and leaned down and placed her lips back onto Aubrey's.
They would discuss things in the morning.
They never did.
They got up and pretended as nothing had ever happened between them. When the Bellas returned back to Barden they fell back into their normal routine. Weekly hangouts, study sessions before finals.
With the way, Aubrey was acting it was as if nothing happened. They continued that way until one night they had been studying in Aubrey's room, just the two of them.
Chloe had gone out around dinner and wouldn't be back until later that night. Aubrey asked Stacie to come over to study together because the finals were the following week.
After 30 minutes of studying together, they took a break to get a drink. They started talking and one thing leads to another and they were kissing. No one knew who leaned in first to initiate it, almost as if it was expected to happen.
Later on, when Chloe came back both girls quickly put back on their clothes, and just as the finished getting dressed Chloe knocked on the door.
The last week of school was filled with rushed hookups between the two of them. Whenever Chloe was out Stacie would come over vice versa when Stacie's roommate was out Aubrey came to her dorm.
But they never talked about it.
Normal that wouldn't bother Stacie, in fact, she preferred not to talk about it. Casual sex was just casual sex, nothing more nothing less.
This was different though, it felt different. After they finished Stacie just wanted to roll over and take Aubrey into her arms. When they did it late at night Stacie was always tempted to asking Aubrey to stay.
She wanted to spend more time with the older girl. She wanted to touch her, hold her, anything that could bring them closer.
But she didn't want to ruin whatever they started. She didn't want to lose Aubrey.
Eventually, finals week finished and the blonde graduated. Chloe, on the other hand, failed a Russian lit and maps meaning she didn't have enough credits to graduate.
Stacie and Aubrey met up once more before Stacie drove back home to PA. It was the night before Aubrey and Chloe moved out of their apartment they had. Chloe had already moved her stuff into the Bellas new house and had flown home to Portland for the summer before next school year.
After sex, they lay in bed together and Stacie almost did it. Almost broke the silence of not speaking about what this was or what they were doing. But instead what came out was her asking what Aubreys plans were next.
Aubrey had replied that she was moving to a lodge about an hour's drive away from Barden. This lodge was falling apart and was on the brink of closing but Aubrey saw hope in it. She felt she could build it back up and make it something great. It wasn't her ideal situation but it was better than working as an intern for a major company and spend her first three years there sucking up to the bosses and getting coffee.
After they finished their conversation Stacie got up to get dressed and leave when suddenly Aubrey asked her to stay.
To spend the night with her.
This made Stacie freeze because they didn't do this. Sure they were sleeping together but they never actually slept together.
Stacie agreed and got back into bed with Aubrey. The blonde eventually fell asleep, her head resting on Stacie's chest and an arm around her waist. Stacie had both arms around Aubrey holding her close.
It was midnight and Stacie had to get up at 6 am to leave the next morning if she wanted to drive back home to PA and get there at a decent time, but she couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. She was tired but she wanted to be awake and hold Aubrey for as long as she could.
Eventually, the sleepiness overtook her and she began drifting off. She realized right before falling asleep that maybe she felt something more for Aubrey. That may be just maybe, she wanted more than casual sex with her.
"Have a safe drive home, let me know when you get there," said Aubrey. She walked with Stacie to the Bellas house to get her suitcase and say goodbye to her. Right before she got into her car Aubrey looked her in the eyes and pulled her close.
Stacie's breath hitched at the feeling of being pressed up against Aubrey. "I'll miss you," Aubrey says before she leans in and pulls Stacie in for a kiss.
This wasn't their normal rushed frantic kiss while they are trying to take each other's clothes off. This was softer, sweeter.
It was a light kiss that couldn't have lasted more than 3 seconds but the effected it had on Stacie lasted all day.
She could feel her lips tingling from where Aubrey had pressed hers too. She could still feel one of Aubrey's hands on her face pulling her closer while the other squeezed her hip.
As she drove away from Barden, Aubrey fading into the distance she realized what she felt for Aubrey was no longer platonic.
This had never happened before. She hadn't fallen for someone she was sleeping with. She never slept with the same person twice.
This was uncharted territory and it frightened Stacie.
Maybe she would have felt better if she knew where Aubrey stood. If Aubrey was having these feelings, these thoughts as well. That kiss had to mean something right?
But she wouldn't know because they never talked about it.
Sure they talked all the time, constant texting throughout the summer. Weekly calls when Aubrey was finished work for the day. They had gone back to normal.
After all, they were friends before they started sleeping together.
But did she even want a relationship with the blonde? Did she want them to actually be more than friends?
The more she thought about it the more she came to the conclusion that yes she did. That she wanted more than anything to be able to call the older girl hers. To take her on dates and just be with her.
She wanted the blonde to feel the same as her.
Eventually, summer ended and she was moving back down to Barden except for this year she would be living in the Bellas house. She was rooming with Chloe this year and she couldn't be more excited.
As she was unpacking her boxes on her side of the room she heard a voice down the hallway. She felt her stomach tie up into knots and her heart rate increase. She looked up as Chloe entered the room followed by Aubrey.
Those video chats they had didn't do her any justice. She looked absolutely beautiful. Stacie froze up but eventually moved to get up and hug Aubrey.
As she pulled her close she breathed in the familiar scents that were Aubrey and felt at peace. The blonde then turned and whispered how much she missed Stacie into her ear and all Stacie could do was nod because her voice was caught in her throat.
She didn't know why she was speechless. It was maybe just the effect the blonde had on her.
They finished unpacking, all three of them making conversation. Catching up what they did over the summer, Aubrey telling stories of odd things that happened at the lodge. Stacie found her self smiling, really smiling while listening to Aubrey tell this story about a client who got sucked up into a tree by a trap. It wasn't because of the story she was smiling out was because she was back in Aubrey's presence again.
She'd missed her so much, more than she would ever admit out loud. She could only hope Aubrey felt the same way about her.
As Aubrey left that night she walked into her room with Chloe when the redhead asked her a question. "What was going on between you and Aubrey?"
"What do you mean?" asked Stacie very hesitantly. Did she know, had Aubrey talked to Chloe about them sleeping together?
"I don't know, there was just this tension, you guys are alright, right? Like nothing happened between you two?"
"Yeah Aubrey and I are on good terms," Stacie said getting under the covers.
"Okay," She said very hesitantly, almost like she didn't believe her.
It was about a month into the school year before Aubrey invited her out to the lodge to spend the night with her. Stacie was more than willing and told the Bellas she would be staying at her brother in Atlanta for the night.
She didn't realize how much she needed Aubrey until she pulled her into her cabin at the lodge. Stacie pushed up against the wall kissing her with so much passion as if she was trying to say how she feels about her through the kiss.
She figured the blonde would just chalk it up to it being so long without each other. They quickly got undressed and ended up on Aubrey's bed.
When they were finished they just held each other talking about anything and everything.
This suddenly became a routine between the two of them. Every weekend Stacie would 'spend the weekend with her brother'. If any of the other girls suspected otherwise they never said anything to her.
One weekend Stacie came out on a Friday right after rehearsal and Aubrey was too tired to have sex that night after having a long week, she promised they would the following day she just needed some sleep.
They didn't have sex that weekend.
Instead, they just spent time enjoying each other's company just like two friends hanging out, except there was kissing. Lots of kissing. But none of it led to sex.
Just passionate make outs session with each other and sweet kisses in the morning or before bed.
On the drive back to Barden that weekend Stacie left with this awful feeling in her stomach.
This weekend had been a dream as if Aubrey was her girlfriend instead of a friend with benefits. If anything came out of this weekend it was that Stacie realized that these feelings for the blonde were bigger than just a small crush she had on the older girl.
She let out a deep breath before tears started to cloud her eyes when she realized it was love.
She loved Aubrey.
Maybe she wasn't in love with the girl yet but she loved her. These feelings she had were definitely heading in that direction. The brunette couldn't keep sleeping with the older girl because it was just going to hurt her in the end.
It hurt now so she figured she would end it before the pain got even worse.
She began to pull away from Aubrey, texted her less. The following weekend she made up and excuse that she couldn't come to visit because she had a huge chemistry test on Monday and a lab on Saturday.
She just ended more time to think before she ended things.
Were the small moments when they were together with each other worth this inner turmoil she had? She used to think so.
She used to tell herself that she would take Aubrey anyway she could have her. Whether that meant casual sex, late-night phone calls, or short text throughout the day. But not anymore.
She needed more.
The end of the second week came and Aubrey asked if she would come this weekend but she made up an excuse about having another lab. It wasn't until the following weekend that Stacie had agreed to come out to the lodge.
The whole week Stacie moped around the Bellas house. It affected her school work, she didn't study as much, she gave only 50% in practice instead of her usual enthusiastic 100% she normally gave.
Chloe tried talking to her about it but Stacie just lied and said she was stressed about classes. Chloe knew that wasn't the case but let it go figuring her roommate would come to her when she was ready.
And Stacie almost did. That Thursday she was nervous before the following day when she would see Aubrey she couldn't stop pacing in their room. Chloe asked what's stressing her out so much and the taller girl sat down on the bed and almost spilled her guts.
But she didn't want to tell Chloe about them inc are Aubrey hadn't. What if Aubrey wanted this to be kept in between them. So she just stayed silent saying they would talk about this later.
Friday came and when she arrived at the lodge Aubrey and her went into her cabin.
Stacie figured she could have her one last time before things ended between them.
The brunette tried to commit the feeling of Aubrey's body pressed against hers to memory. How their lips felt pressed against each other. The feeling of Aubreys fingers inside her. The sound of the blonde moans.
As they lay curled against each other afterward Stacie took a deep breath and was about to have the talk with Aubrey when she saw the older girl was asleep.
She took a deep breath and let out a small sob. She cried and held Aubrey tight against her.
God, this was killing her.
She laid there thinking to herself if there was any way Aubrey could possibly feel the same way if she missed any signs.
She came up with nothing because she remembers something Chloe had said about Aubrey while back.
If the older girl wanted someone, she wasn't shy about it. If she liked you she told you because she knew nothing was going to come out of it if you never said anything. Obviously, if Aubrey Rey had wanted her should have said something by now.
It had been almost 7 months since they started sleeping together. That was plenty of time to admit her feelings. But in those 7 months together they never talked about it.
Not once.
The next morning came and the two got up and got dressed before Stacie asked to talk.
Aubrey agreed and said they could go for a walk around the lodge while they did. Stacie noticed Aubrey didn't look nervous at all, instead, she looked happy.
After they started walking Aubrey looked up to her with a smile and said, "So what did you want to talk about?".
Stacie took a deep breath before beginning, "I think we need to end things whatever this is between us."
After she said that the smile fell off Aubrey's face. "Oh... you do?"
"Yeah, I just think you know we are better off being friends and this is just complicating things between us."
"It's not complicated though it's just sex." After Aubrey said that Stacie felt her heartbreak in her chest. That confirmed all her thoughts that that's all it was to the blonde, just sex between them.
There was a lump in Stacie's throat that she tried to swallow before talking. "I'm sorry I just-"
"Is there someone else? Is that why we have to end things?" Aubrey asked hesitantly.
"What no, I just like being your friend and I think we should just go back to that."
Aubrey took a second to process this before speaking. "Okay if that's what you think is best I'm fine with that."
Stacie was trying not to cry. "I think I should head out now, I got a lab later on today and I can't miss it."
Before she left Aubrey gave her a hug and told her to drive safe. She held on to the blonde so tight not wanting to let her go and as they pulled back she swore Aubrey glanced at her lips. almost leaning in.
The drive back was hard, she had tears in her eyes all the way back home to then Bellas house. she kept thinking of what they could have been.
Stacie wondered if she made the right decision. She has just sucked up her feelings and continued on so she could at least have Aubrey in her life like that.
No.
She made the right choice, she was done being hurt even if it wasn't the blonde's intention.
Stacie made it back to the Bellas house and quickly went up to her room and just cried. She stayed in bed crying about what was and what could have been.
Suddenly Chloe walked into their room. "Stacie! Beca just broke up with- Stacie are you okay? Whats's going on?" Her whole tone changing when she realized the younger girl was crying.
"I..." But Stacie stopped talking, should she tell Chloe?
"Stacie, what's going on with you? You haven't been yourself in a while, you know you can tell me anything." said the redhead.
Stacie let out a small sob and hugged the older girl. She knew she needed to get this out, holding all this in wasn't good. She could trust Chloe, even though her best friend was the very girl she was crying over.
She knew if it came down to it, Chloe wouldn't tell Aubrey. She could keep this to herself.
Just before the brunette was about to speak Chloe spoke first and said: "Correct me if I'm wrong but is this about Aubrey?"
Stacie was shocked. "What? How did you..."
"I had my suspicions because oof how you were both actings. Whenever I brought Aubrey up to you, you would get all giddy and the same thing with Aubrey. She talks about you all the time. Also, there was the fact that I told Aubrey I could come and visit her this weekend and she said she had a visitor already. Then you were supposed to be visiting your brother every weekend and yesterday he showed up here asking for you saying he hadn't seen you for a while and was in the city and wanted to take you out to lunch. It was then that I realized that you were with Aubrey." Ugh, of course, her brother would just show up unannounced and surprise her blowing her cover.
"Chloe I wanted to tell you but..."
"No I get it, this was between you two. I had known for a while but I knew you two would come to me when you were ready." the redhead sighed "What happened between you two?"
"I ended this 'arrangement' between us. I couldn't do it anymore, it hurt too much." Stacie said honestly, "I wanted more and she didn't, it was too much."
Chloe stiffened at that, "She told you she didn't want anything more between you two?"
"No, but it was obvious she didn't have the same feelings. I mean she didn't fight for me when I ended things, she just agreed and let me walk away."
Chloe was confused by this and knew she would have to talk to Aubrey later. "I'm sorry Stace."
Stacie wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye before responding. "It's okay it was bound to happen at one point. It just hurts that we were so close. So close to being some more. There were times I thought she wanted more, times when she would act like we were more than just friends with benefits. I guess I was just reading too much into things."
Chloe just nodded as she listens to Stacie let this out.
"I think I just need to be alone now, process thing you know?" Chloe agreed and stood up to leave.
"You text me if you need anything okay, I'll just be downstairs." Stacie nodded and watch Chloe walkout. When the door shut she started crying again.
She felt like she was overreacting, they weren't even anything, to begin with. But they came so close to being something.
So close.
Part 2 coming soon!