1.

"When I die, what kind of funeral will you give me?"

Raph pauses. He doesn't expect the question. The room is cast in a light glow from the t.v, and everything is quiet. It's one of those rare nights where Mikey and Raph can sit together, alone, and simply be. No stupid pranks, no useless banter, just them and the t.v.

"What kinda fuckin' question is that?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

Mikey just smiles. "I dunno. We're all going to die one day, aren't we? And one of us is probably gunna die before the other, so if it was me, what kinda funeral would you give me?"

"How about ya just don't die?"

Mikey pouts. "Come on Raphie, humor me."

He scowls. Mikey has this way of talking that just makes him so angry, sometimes. And he hates that he feels like this, because Mikey is his favorite person aside from Master Splinter. It's not like the dude is trying to make him angry. He's just got a talent for it. "Only if ya don't call me that. And I don't know, where the fuck would we bury ya?"

"Under some tree in a big open meadow, maybe?"

Raph snorts. "In New York? Not a chance. We'll probably just burn ya, and leave it at that." He's not serious, of course, but he doesn't think about what he'll do if Mikey dies. The thought is unfathomable for me.

Mikey laughs and pulls his knees up to his plastron. "That's harsh! Burned like last week's garbage, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. "Don't make me bap ya. If we could, we'd probably make yer funeral the most loudest and dumbest funeral to ever happen. We'll even higher clowns, 'cause you'd probably think it's fucking funny."

He expects Mikey to laugh again, but instead all he gets is a hum. A glance at Mikey shows he's deep in thought, a rare thing. Mikey's not dumb, far from it, but usually he's so go with the flow that even the thought of thinking things through never occurs. Seeing him like this, with his face scrunched up in deep thought, is off putting.

"I think I want a funeral like the first one. Simple. I don't want it to be a big thing."

Raph blinks.

"Ya sure are putting a lot of thought into this, ain't ya?"

Mikey shrugs. "Just something to think about, you feel me?"

He frowns deeply. "No, not really."

His brother giggles. "I didn't think you would. Hey, at my funeral, can you make sure Leo and Donnie aren't alone? I know you and Leo like to duke it the fuck out all the time, but I don't want you to do it while you're supposed to be mourning over your beloved brother. I know Leo will withdraw, angst over it like it was his fault even though it probably wasn't. And I'm not gunna be there to prank him out of his stupid emo melodrama, so you've gotta do it for me."

"Mike-"

"And Donnie! Donnie's going to hole himself up in his lab. You know he will. He'll drive himself insane, Raph. Someone's gotta pull him out of that cave of his, and since I won't be able to lure him out with my great cooking you're going to have to figure something out. But I know you can, because you're one of those dudes that never half ass anything."

Raph suddenly feels very, very uncomfortable. "Can we stop talking about this…" He says, rubbing his shoulder in an awkward manner. The uncharacteristically serious look Mikey sends his way makes him listen closely to his next words though.

"You've got to promise me Raph."

"Right. Yeah. I promise."

The relieved smile he gives Raph makes him feel anxious.

"Thank you so much." He whispers.

Raph doesn't know what to make of the conversation he just had, but luckily Mikey changes the subject. "Oh, a new episode of Law & Order! We've gotta record it for Leo, you know how much he loves these crime shows."

He clears his throat before speaking, unaware of how clogged it had become in the first place. "I'd say let him miss it. I'm still mad about training earlier."

This time, Mikey does laugh. It's enough to put him at ease again.

2.

"I wish we were bird mutants." Mikey says weeks later. They're on top of a roof now, paired up for a steak out. It's incredibly boring, and because of this he's glad he got partnered with Mikey.

"Why do ya say that?" He asks, drawing lazy patterns into the cement with his sai.

"Duh, because we'd be able to fly."

Mikey is leaning precariously over the edge of the building they're on. He always does this so it doesn't make him nervous. His brother is just the same as him, an adrenaline junkie at heart. "Wouldn't matter much. We'd be stuck in the sewers, with or without wings."

Mikey groans. "Raphie, has anyone ever told you that you're kinda pessimistic? Because you are."

Raph yawns. He wonders if his Lilo & Stitch vhs tape still works. If it does work, he bets Leo or Mikey snagged it. Both of them like to steal his movies. But that's something to bitch about later, when he's in the mood to blow some steam.

"Don't call me that. Also, pretty sure Leo beat ya to it. Sorry."

"Still." Mikey looks up at the sky. His eyes reflect the stars, and the look of longing makes him do a double take. "Wouldn't it be nice? To just fly away."

"Not really. It gets real fuckin' cold bein' so high. And if ya fuck up and can't fly no more the only thing that'd catch you is the ground. Then, there wouldn't be no point in flyin' cause ya'd just be mush on the sidewalk."

"My, Raph, your words are always so elegant. You should be a poet in your next life."

"Thanks." He says dryly. "And ya should be a comedian in yers."

"I don't wanna be a comedian. I kinda wanna be like...a bee."

This is enough to draw a surprised laugh out of Raph. He's taken back by the obscurity, but obscure is how Mikey's brain works. "A bee?"

He nods, completely serious. "A bee. A small little dude whose only purpose in life is to make honey. Plus, I won't live that long, so I'll get to die banging. Probably. And then I'll get to be reborn as something else."

"Did ya really plan yer whole reincarnation cycle? Bro, that is such a Donnie thing to do."

Mikey shrugs. His eyes haven't left the sky yet. "We're already kind of like bees. Except we can't fly. We don't have a purpose, do we?"

Raph doesn't like the direction this conversation is taking. "Sure we do. It's just not as cookie cutter as a bee's life is."

Mikey giggles. It's not as bright as it usually is. "You pick the weirdest times to be optimistic my dude."

"I'm not optimistic, or pessimistic. I'm just...realistic."

"Sure you are. Hey, will you be a bee with me in your next life?"

"What happened to me bein' a poet?"

"You can do that after you're a bee."

Raph sighs and shakes his head. "Sure. I guess I'll be a bee with you."

Mikey turns away from the stars to beam at him. Raph's not a poet, but when Mikey smiles like that he burns brighter than the sun. He could almost mistake it for daytime when he's around. Raph can't imagine a life without him, so he supposes being a bee wouldn't be so bad as long as he had his ball of sunshine with him.

3.

"If all dogs go to heaven, does the same rule apply to turtles?"

They're driving back home after hours of being stuck in jersey over some stupid false lead that Donnie picked up on foot clan activity. Donnie is focused on driving, and Leo's passed out in the front seat. It's just the two of them in the back. They've been quietly chatting for over an hour now.

"I thought ya believed in reincarnation?"

"I do. But if there was a heaven, do you think we'd make the qualifications?"

"Leo would, that's for damn sure. And Donnie would probably make it up there too. I ain't so sure about ya, because God would probably think ya'd pull some stupid ass pranks on all the angels."

Mikey laughs. "True. What about you? Would you go to heaven?"

"Mmm...Nah."

He tilts his head, a rare frown forming on his angelic face. "I disagree."

This amuses Raph. "That so?"

He nods. "Yeah. You're angry, sure. But you're not a bad person because of that. You're kind of like...a burnt marshmallow. Crunchy, but nice and gooey on the inside. So I think you'd definitely go to heaven!"

Raph gives him the best deadpan look he can manage. "A marshmallow."

"Yup!"

"Ya know, ya've been watchin' way too many cartoons lately."

"No I haven't! I'm just bein' honest! You and Leo and Donnie all belong up there in heaven because you're all so great and if you think otherwise then you're wrong."

Raph shakes his head. And they say he's the stubborn one. "With the way ya wordin it, ya make it seem like yer not up there with us."

Mikey smiles, but doesn't respond. He just moves right onto the next thing on his mind and Raph thinks nothing of it. "You remember that one movie with the talking car?"

"Knight Rider?"

"No, no, the bug looking car."

"Uh...Kerbie?"

"Oh! Herbie, well, listen, I was thinking what if…" And then he trails onto one of his crazy tangents. Raph listens and pitches in every once in a while and soon forgets all about the conversation about heaven.

4.

"I cannot believe they killed that little boy." Raph says with disbelief.

Donnie snorts, and Leo subtly wipes tears away from his eyes. Mikey, on the other hand, just keeps on watching.

"You know," Mikey begins. "When I read the title 'My Girl' I was expecting some cheesy romance film."

"Ditto." Donnie says.

"I still can't believe it." Raph says. He won't lie, his heartstrings were being tugged at. He's not going to cry like his sissy for a leader though he sure does feel like it.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Leo says. He stands up and swiftly leaves the room.

"And I'm going to get more popcorn. Pause the movie, Mikey." And then Donnie takes his leave too.

Mikey grumbles, but gets up and presses the button on the VHS. It's just him and Raph now.

"Did ya see it coming Mikey?" He asks once his brother is sitting down.

"Nope."

"Why do ya seem so damn unaffected?"

"Because death is just a thing that happens. Sometimes you don't expect it bro. And when it does happen, you have to be prepared for it."

Raph blinks. "Holy shit Mikey. Ya not allowed to call me a downer ever again."

Mikey giggles. "I mean it was sad, don't get me wrong, that poor little boy didn't stand a chance against those bees. Another reason why I wanna be a bee though. They're kick-ass! Killers!"

Donnie walks into the room, a new bowl of popcorn in his hands.

"And they also die when they sting someone, so I wouldn't say they're kickass. Leo's going to take forever, isn't he?"

Raph shrugs.

"Probably. Go ahead and start the movie back up Mike, we'll just catch fearless up when he comes back."

They start My Girl back up and all have a good laugh when Leo comes back into the room mad as can be.

5.

"Are you scared of it?"

"Scared of what?" Raph says as he waxes his motorcycle.

"Dying."

By now, he's used to the randomly dark questions Mikey will send his way so he answers without missing a beat

"Yeah, of course I am. Are ya?"

"Maybe." He says. He turns a page in his comic book. It's one of Mikey's originals, drawn and written by himself. Sometimes he likes to read them over if he's out of new comic book material. Raph's been intending on asking when Mikey's going to make a new issue, he likes the stories his brother comes up with.

Sometimes he wishes he had the imagination Mikey has. Not that he'd ever admit it outloud.

"I'm pretty sure that's a yes or no question, Mike."

"Then...no."

This makes him pause. He gives Mikey a funny look.

"No?"

"It's inevitable, isn't it? It's like being scared of waking up in the morning dude."

"...Ya doing okay?" He asks, a little bit concerned. Mikey glances up from his comic to beam at him.

"Yeah, I'm reading one of my character's deaths again and was just thinking about it is all."

"Who, Miss Spectre? Man, Leo got so mad at ya when ya killed her off. I thought for sure he was gunna strangle ya."

Mikey laughs. "I had to! For plot reasons, you know?"

Raph rolls his eyes. "Tell that to Leo. Ya traumatized him."

"He's more than welcome to write an alternative universe where she does live, if it makes him feel better."

He snorts. "I'll give him the memo."

The Letter.

Raphie.

I know you don't like it when I call you that, but since this is the last time mind throwing me a bone? I know you didn't see it coming. I don't think anybody did. But I guess I better start this off with saying i'm sorry.

I said no when you asked if I was scared of death because the truth of the matter is, I'm not. I'm not scared at all. Obviously, I really wanted it actually. I'd lay awake for hours and dream of it, and of how you guys would react if I did suddenly up and die. But I never really imagined how I'd die until recently.

I don't know why I'm sad, I just am. And I know I shouldn't be.

I feel broken.

I feel lost.

I feel so many weird things, Raph. I don't like them. I want them to go away. But I feel like they never are, and that I'm always going to be like this.

It wasn't your fault. Don't pull a Leo. Don't blame yourself, please. And don't let it hang over your head for forever, because I know you will and people just can't live like that. I love you, you know? I love you guys so much.

But I just can't keep going on feeling the way I do.

I hope you remember that request I made when I asked you about my funeral. And I hope you take it seriously, because I'm seriously going to beat your ass in the afterlife if you didn't keep it. You and Donnie and Leo need to stick together okay? And you need to take care of splinter too.

There's a couple of things I want you to do for me.

One, Tell April and Casey I'm sorry.

Two, watch the Incredibles for me. It's supposed to come out in a couple of months and you have to tell me all about it when we see each other again.

Three, finish my comics. I want you to be my next artist. Carry on my legacy bro. You're really good at drawing too, I peeped at your sketchbook. Don't be mad at me! I was just curious, you know?

I think that's it. Sorry this isn't longer.

I love you. See you when we're bees, I'll wait for you.

Your brother,

Michelangelo Splinterson.