A/N: Short chapter, Sirius POV! Originally I thought I'd stick entirely to Hermione's POV, but writing the boyos is too much fun.

oOo

After he stumbled, bleary eyed and exhausted, through the fireplace, Sirius Black took a hard look around the dark living room that greeted him and sighed. Coming home was never going to feel like coming home. Hell, Grimmauld Place was never going to feel like home. Had it ever felt like home? Even as a child, Sirius couldn't remember feeling at ease inside these ancient walls.

It had been a long day. Night? Evening. Yes, evening. It had been a long evening preceded by many even longer evenings, ever since Sirius had taken his Auror oath. Sometimes he considered the merits of accepting his stasis as filthy sodding rich snd sitting around all day, but where was the fun in that? Marauders were made for mischief.

Shrugging off his maroon robes and tossing them onto a nearby chair, Sirius called out for his reluctant roommates.

"Moony! Hermione! I'm hoooome!"

But his calls were met with silence. Bugger, where are they? Sirius set off in search of the witch and wizard he couldn't help but consider his wards- despite how fucking old fashioned that notion was. Hermione and Moony were under his roof and his protection and he would allow absolutely nothing to happen to them. Inviting someone to stay at your home created a sacred bond between the host and hostee- old magic, that- which was partly why Sirius had insisted so forcefully that they both stay with him.

Sirius was raised with the fierce knowledge that there was no bond more relentless than the bond of blood and that family is life. To purebloods, family came before gods and government, before friends and allies, and though Sirius may have rejected his blood, the notion of family could not be broken.

Prongs was his family, Moony was his family, Lily and Harry were his family, and now-fucking unexpectedly- a dark haired witch named Hermione Granger was his family.

Hermione had burst into his life - literally- like a torrent of magic and mystery that he couldn't figure out and Sirius was pretty damn good at figuring shite out. That and his penchant for violent outbursts were what made him a topnotch Auror. Topest of the notches, really. Sirius knew there were many secrets to Hermione-like how the fuck she got through the Black wards in the first place- but when she had thrown herself in front of Harry's cradle, saving the child's life, she had become family.

And family was sacred. At least to Sirius. He wasn't sure how Hermione felt as currently she didn't seem to be speaking to him.

I bet she can hear me just fine, she just doesn't want to say anything. Fucking witch.

In the last two days she'd barely said as many words to Sirius, despite his best efforts to coerce conversation out of her. He had been charming, he had been polite, he may have made a lewd comment or two, but mostly she communicated in raised eyebrows and pursed lips. However, Remus she spoke to like he was the most bloody interesting person on the face of the damned planet.

Oh, Remus, you are so funny! Oh, Remus, thank you for the tea! Oh, Remus, you really are too sweet! Sirius gagged. If I have to hear her say 'Remus' one more time like he's the bloody greatest thing since a bread slicing charm...

"Moooooony!" Sirius howled and then, stepping out into the hallway, sniffed the air a bit- they weren't downstairs. Bet they're in the library, she hasn't left the fucking library in days. He ran up the stairs and rounded the corner into the library with reckless speed. "Moony! Kitten!"

And then he stopped. What the fuck have we here...

"Godric, Sirius. Shut the hell up." Remus groaned from the floor as he carefully dislodged himself from Hermione, who was practically laying on top of the werewolf. Why you smooth little wolf...

"I cast a silencing spell around her so she'd get some sleep, but you don't need to come in here howling like a banshee." Remus yawned.

"First off, banshees are ladies, as you well know." Sirius pointed out.

"My statement stands." Remus growled.

"Sexist, Moony. Don't let our little witch hear you talk like that." Sirius tisked, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against a bookcase. "I may have only met her a few days ago, but I can tell you with no amount of uncertainty that sexism is one of her buttons. Also house-elf rights, which I didn't even realize was a thing."

A big thing to her apparently.

"S'not sexist to point out that you have the high pitched scream of a dead woman." Remus lifted himself from the floor. "Merely factual. Let's go to the kitchen and let our suffragette sleep a bit."

"Shouldn't we put a warming spell around her or something?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes searching the room for a throw, oh which there were none. The Blacks had never been know to go out of their way to make a place comfortable. "This fucking house never seems to warm up. It's probably my mother's cold dead heart buried somewhere in the walls..."

"Already done."

"My mother's cold dead heart?"

"No, prat, the warming spell."

Sirius looked down at Hermione and noted the way she was slumped to the side, her spine at an odd angle. "That can't be comfortable for her."

"I'm not going to leave her on the floor." Remus slid his wand from his sleeve and with a swish and flick, floated Hermione back onto the couch. "See? Easy as cake."

"Show off." Sirius grumbled, following Remus out the door. An expert at transfiguration, Sirius had never managed to perfect his levitation charms, while Remus could probably levitate a whole damned building if he tried hard enough.

"Soooo..." Sirius began as the two wizards descended the stairs and made their way to the kitchen. "Leading on our little witch, eh? You dog, you. Are you hoping she might divulge some secrets between the sheets, perhaps?" Sirius wiggled his dark eyebrows.

"Excuse me?" Remus sputtered, nearly tumbling down the stairs from shock.

"What your step, Moony." Sirius chortled, giving his friend a light nudge. "I see what you're up to, you saucy little minx. Getting close, eh? Reeeal close? Going behind enemy lines, mayhaps?"

"What the fuck are you even saying?" Remus asked, his lip curling in disgust. "Are-are you suggesting I'm seducing Hermione?"

Sirius grinned, despite the odd tugging he felt in the back of his mind to run back up stairs and pee on Hermione while Remus watched. Merlin's beard, is that a fucking dog thing? Get it together. It must've been a longer shift than I realized.

"You're out of your fucking mind." Remus growled.

Sirius froze for a moment, afraid Remus had heard his thoughts or he'd said them out loud. No, he reassured himself, Remus wasn't a Legilimens and Sirius had definitely kept that bizarre train of thought to himself. "Well, you have to admit, based on the position I found the two of you in, it would certainly appear that you are at least leading her on a tad bit, Moony-poo." Sirius pushed the kitchen door open and let Remus step inside first.

"Don't ever call me that again." Remus wiggled his finger in Sirius's face. "Ever."

Sirius gasped. "But it's our special name!"

"I will rip out your throat while you sleep."

"Such violence from my gentle Moony-poo!"

"Circe, you're in a mood." Remus sighed, running his hand through his shaggy hair. "Was it a particularly rough night hunting badies? Get the fucking firewhiskey glasses, would you. I can't handle you being this obnoxious sober."

Sirius chuckled and pulled two glasses from the cabinet as well as the bottle of Ogden's Olde and placed them on the table where Remus now sat. "Same ol' shite really, nothing too exciting. I was fairly close to Bellatrix, I think. I could practically smell her in the air. That kind if crazy pollutes shite."

"Bellatrix?" Remus asked, his shoulders suddenly tensing at the name while he poured firewhiskey for two. "Your cousin?"

"In blood only." Sirius took a drink. "Someone's been hunting down and killing Muggle-born witches and I have sinking suspicion she's behind it."

"Specifically witches?" Remus asked.

"Yea, weird right? Not wizards, just witches." Sirius rubbed his chin, scratching at the stubble he'd been too lazy to shave.

Remus ran his finger around the rim of his glass. "Hermione is Muggle-born." He confided quietly.

"So we at least know something about her, eh? Well, we'll be keeping our little Muggle far the fuck away from anyone, let alone Bellatrix." Sirius looked over at Remus from the corner of his eyes. "So...? What were you doing up there?"

"Where?"

"The library obviously."

"Researching."

"Ha! That didn't look like any researching I've ever seen. Were you researching each other's bodies? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Remus raised a curious eyebrow. "Jealous, Pads?" He asked, his voice tinged with amusement.

Sirius snorted. "Hardly. Shrill Queen of the Harpies, that one."

Though admittedly, a rather fit Queen of the Harpies.

"I'm just wondering if you've been using your masculine wiles to seduce some answers from her. You found out she's a Muggle-born, find out anything else exciting from our little queen?"

"Godric, has everyone read that fucking play but me?" Remus threw his hands in the air in disgust. "You don't even read."

"What are you talking about? What play?"

"Hermione is the queen of..." Remus sighed and took a sip of his whiskey. "Fuck it, never mind. And no, I have not been seducing answers out of Hermione. Or seducing her at all, you right prat."

"Could've fooled me the way your arm was around her waist and her head cradled into your neck." Sirius observed nonchalantly.

Remus's eyes narrowed and then widened suddenly. "You are jealous. Mr. I Bring Home Two Trollops A Night. Jealous. Wait until James hears."

"I!" Sirius announced very forcefully. "Am not jealous. I don't give a flying fuck, I just want to know if your sowing of wild oats has yielded any fruit."

"You're right awful at metaphors."

"That was a brilliant metaphor."

This time Remus snorted.

"Still, laying on the floor like that with a lady tends to give them ideas. The ladies that is. You don't want to be leading her on just to break her poor heart later when she discovers where your Quidditch preferences fly, so to speak."

"Is this you trying to be subtle? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Does she know you're gay, Moony?"

"I'm not gay."

Sirius chocked on his firewhiskey and Remus hit his mate on the back a few times. "I think," Sirius began after he recovered himself. "there are a few blokes who would disagree with that, mate. Gideon Prewett, perhaps?"

"Don't bring up Gideon." Remus stated flatly, finishing off his whiskey and pouring himself another glass.

Still a sore subject then.

"Fine, alright, fair enough. No Gideon talk. But y'see, when a wizard shacks up with other wizards, folks tend to think he's sexually attracted to said wizards."

Remus considered this for a moment, took another sip of whiskey and then sighed. "Unlike you, I try not to limit myself. I simply like interesting people, their sexual organs are of no consequence."

Sirius titled his head and raised on eyebrow.

"Well, maybe a little consequence." Remus conceded with a grin.

"You dog!" Sirius laughed and raised his glass. "To sexual organs!"

Remus chuckled and raised his as well, then tapped it on the table and took a drink. "To sexual organs."

"So did you get a look at Hermione's?" Sirius asked.

Remus spit fire whiskey out on the table. "For fuck's sake, Pads!" He exclaimed between coughs. "Warn a bloke before you say shite like that."

Sirius couldn't respond for laughter and he smiled toothily at his friend, reassured that Remus did not see Hermione's sexual organs. Thought he wasn't altogether sure why that mattered, so he determined to drink more and think about it at a later date.