Here it is! I told it was ready!

I don't own Glee.

Well, Quinn is struggling too…

Chapter 3:

She likes me, but she loves Lucy.

She had it pretty clear in her head; she didn't want to be a Lima loser. She was smart and ambitious. She wanted more from life than being a typical housewife. Yes, she has always been, and even when she didn't know what it meant, a feminist.

But, she is still a teenager and because of that, got lost in high school drama, and being obsessed with the idea of being popular, admired, and envied. Most importantly though, she wanted to get rid of the past, and the memories of the time when she was a loser. At McKinley, she was no longer Lucy. She was Quinn Fabray, HBIC of the school. Well, she made the brilliant choice of sleeping with Puck. But besides that, everything was going according to her plan. Then Rachel Berry happened.

Rachel Berry, a major source of confusion in Quinn's life. At first the brunette was an easy and obvious target for her. Then Rachel decided to unabashedly pursue her boyfriend. So, the war was declared officially then, as their interactions were never exactly friendly before. Sure, they were not exactly a prime example of a couple in love. Finn liked her outside and she liked the fact the he was the quarterback and easy to deal with. Puck was more difficult to control and manipulate. He could have been more, maybe. He undeniably has more charm than Finn but, still stupid nonetheless.

She needed Finn, and Rachel was getting in the way. So, Quinn was mean like she never thought she would be. She wanted to put Rachel in her place. It wasn't about being jealous of Finn but about power. She didn't change almost everything about herself for nothing. She worked hard for her body. She worked hard for her toned, rock hard abs, and yes, the nose job was something very difficult too. But, it was nowhere near the most brutal change of her life. Shoving away that part of herself that she refers to as "Lucy" was brutal.

What did she do? She let Rachel Berry into her head and second-guess everything. Then she got herself into a mess that came to light in the form of a brief moment of weakness and fragility. Why was she so weak? Why did she trust Puck of all people? She should have been in control. She was always in control. She doesn't act out of impulse. At first, she decided that she would never forgive herself for her mistake. But then, she remembers her baby's face. Beth is the best thing she's ever done.

Unplanned and perfect.

It was a very dark and difficult summer after that. She was fighting tears nearly every day. Although she was devastated, she knew she needed to move on. Beth was gone. She was home again. Everything should return to normal. Somehow it did, but that feeling that something was off remained there. And it was frustrating. School started and she was back to the cheerios, HBIC again. She was desperately determined to have her life back. And soon enough, she got lost in her ambitions again. Everything returned to normal, but something was still off.

It was then that she made a list of things that it weren't the same. Most of it was about her pregnancy and Beth. Some things were about her family since her parents got divorced. She thought about Glee club and how at least that was going to be the same as they got another year. And then before she could stop herself, she was writing about Rachel.

I can't see Rachel's scar.

Rachel's new hair cut hid it. She wouldn't dare ever admit this to anyone, but she kind of thinks Rachel's forehead scar is cute. She has already caught herself wondering how she got it.

She threw the list in the trash. She shouldn't be thinking about Rachel's scar. She should be thinking about new ways of torturing the girl. Not because of Finn, she had Sam after all. But because she still needed to put her in her place. She was back to the top now and what if Rachel was planning to befriend her? She admired her strength, her determination, and her damn talent, but no, some things need to stay as they are. Rachel was still a loser, even dating Finn. She likes Glee club but she had her goals. Nothing was going to stop her.

Okay, so Sam breaking up with her was a setback. But the golden couple was no longer an item so she got back together with Finn. It was so predictable. How could Rachel not see it? Finn was an anchor in her life. High school won't be forever and when it's over, Rachel will take on the world and will shine like she is destined to. She is destined to greatness, to New York, to Broadway.

Whereas Rachel had a world out there waiting for her, high school was going to be Quinn's moment of glory. How could Rachel not understand that? She might have looked selfish but she really believed Rachel didn't belong with Finn or any other boy in that stupid school. She was just giving the girl a little push. Rachel couldn't hate her for that. She didn't want Rachel to hate her. The confrontation in the auditorium was rough for her as she almost lost her composure when she realized it. It was when reality hit her. Rachel asked why she was so mean and all she wanted was to cry right there. She thought she was just chasing her goal of being prom queen, but she was not. It was true, they managed to leave the name calling and bullying behind, though mostly because Rachel is too good with forgiveness, but the truth is that Quinn was scared. Scared because she just realized she would do anything to make sure Rachel wasn't going to regret anything. Why did she care that much? She didn't know. All she knew is that the prospect of Rachel getting back with Finn and risking her future because of a schoolgirl fantasy was unbearable. She cared about her friend, which must be it. Yes, that sounds right.

But prom was a disaster. Did she really slap Rachel? It was the worst thing she has ever done for sure. In the end, everything seemed to be okay between them though. They even held hands. And she could take comfort in the fact that she was still dating Finn which meant Rachel wasn't dating him. This is a good thing right? It's an excellent reason for dating someone. Besides, if she is going to be prom queen next year, she still needed him. Rachel didn't need Finn. Rachel was better off without him.

That ass! Finn broke up with her, at a freaking funeral! Plus, she knew it for sure that he was going after Rachel. They were going to get back together. The tears she shed that day had nothing to do with Finn and being dumped. Quinn was losing. She was losing once again. What she was losing though, she didn't dare think about. She repressed it. Like she did almost two years ago…

Flashback:

"The girl is lame."

"What?"

"Berry." Santana gestures to the brunette sitting near Tina.

"Yeah whatever," Quinn says coldly.

"I mean I know your boyfriend is a dumbass but come on, getting all excited because of that? Who dresses her?"

"I think her sweater is funny," Brittany says smiling.

"Boys are stupid," she says as she is staring at Rachel more carefully now. Yes, the girl has no sense of fashion but… she is… cute? What? She thinks Rachel is cute now? "She's not lame, she's annoying, and needs to be put in her place. What do you guys think of drawing some artistic renditions of Manhands in the bathroom?"

"That's lame," Santana says as she crosses her arms. "I'm not a child."

"Whatever. I don't need your help."

"I think you should slushy her. How come I never see you slushing her?"

"You haven't either you know."

"She isn't trying to steal my boyfriend."

"Who is a child now?"

"Whatever, these are the rules."

"I don't get the rules." Brittany frowns as she is upset.

"You don't have to B. You're on top, that's all you have to know."

"What are you doing this weekend Quinn?" the blue eyed girl asks and turns to the other blonde.

"I don't know. Why?"

"You can join Santana and I we're going to-"

"No!" she answers abruptly.

"We're going to go shopping," Brittany finishes saying.

"Oh… yeah okay."

"What were you thinking?" Santana inquires, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing," Quinn says promptly and is saved by the bell. "Yes Britt. I'm coming with you guys." She stands up. "See you later."

The rest of the day goes as usual and then she was free to go home. Later that night before she gets in bed, she receives texts from Brittany, Santana, Finn, and Puck. After answering her friends, she ignores the ones from the two boys and decides to call it a night. And for the first time ever, she dreams about Rachel…

She is walking down the hallway and Rachel is collecting some books from her locker. It's weird, but it seems that some kind of force is pulling her toward the brunette girl, like a magnet or something. She gets really close but Rachel is still unaware of Quinn's presence. The blonde stops and stares at Rachel's features, how her forehead is furrowing slightly in concentration. After a good amount of staring, Rachel finally notices her.

"Hi," she says shyly.

"Hi." Quinn smiles amused. Something tells her that the whole situation is odd; like she suspects this is not reality but at the same time, it does look like real life. She is really enjoying it.

"I like your smile," Rachel says sweetly.

"I like yours too."

"Hey Quinn." He kisses her cheek. "Come on, let me walk you to class."

She looks away from the brunette girl and toward where Finn is now standing still. "No, I'm okay. Go away Finn." She turns to Rachel.

"Okay." The boy smiles openly as he turns to Rachel too. "Can I walk you to your class Rach?"

Rachel smiles her big smile.

"No, she can't Finn. I said go away." She takes Rachel's hand and walks them away from Finn.

"Where are we going?"

"Away from him."

"Why? Finn is nice, I like him."

"No." She stops and faces the other girl holding Rachel's shoulders. "Say you like me."

"I like you." She smiles happily and them her eyes move as she looks over Quinn's shoulder. "You're very pretty Lucy."

"What did you call me?"

"No. Not you." Rachel points with her finger. "Her."

"Hi," Lucy says smiling from ear to ear.

"Hi there," Rachel says dreamy.

The other girl gets closer as Quinn watches the whole scene in shock. It gets worse as Lucy cups Rachel's face and presses their lips together in a tender kiss.

"What the hell is going on here?"Quinn shouts.

"Oh, hi there bitch! Miss me?" Lucy teases her.

Quinn looks at herself as Lucy angrily. The only difference between them both is that sixteen year old Quinn is wearing her cheerios uniform with her blonde hair up in a high pony, and sixteen year old Lucy is totally geeked out in jeans, a random Indy band t-shirt, wearing glasses, and her hair is pink! Pink!

"No. Of course not."

"Really?" Lucy pouts.

"What are you doing with Rachel?"

"What do you mean? She is my girlfriend."

Quinn's mouth drops open. "No I'm not. I mean you're not."

"I totally am." She embraces Rachel, wrapping an arm around her waste. "Right baby?"

Rachel nods and they kiss again.

"Stop!" Quinn takes Lucy arm and pulls her away from Rachel. "Come on. We need to talk."

"Okay."

"You can't be dating her."

"Why not?"

"Because you're me. Quinn Fabray doesn't date Rachel Berry. Quinn Fabray doesn't date a girl at all."

"Are you homophobic or something? That's a big problem you know. You have two gay friends."

"They're not gay!"

"I'm not sure about B, but Santana is pretty gay," Lucy says nonchalantly.

"She slept with Puck."

"Whatever. You think she likes girls. I know it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're still very good at being evasive."

"And you're still a nerd."

"Whatever. I am you. And you are me. Now let me get back to my girlfriend."

"You know?" Quinn smirks "If I am you and you are me, it means I'm her girlfriend."

Lucy laughs amused, "Oh honey… Rachel doesn't like you. She likes me."

"Let's see," she says, arching an eyebrow and turning to Rachel again. "Hi Rachel."

"Hi Quinn."

Without warning Quinn leans and tries to kiss the brunette but Rachel moves away in time. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna kiss you."

"Why? You don't like me."

"Do you?"

"What?" Rachel asks confused.

"Do you like me?"

"I like you. But I love Lucy."

"Told you."Lucy takes Rachel hand and they walk away.

"But I'm Lucy," Quinn says sadly. "I'm Lucy." She closes her eyes.

"I know," she hears Rachel say.

"What?" She opens her eyes and sees that they are not in the hallway anymore. They are in her bedroom, on her bed. Her phone starts ringing.

"I know you're Lucy," Rachel says in bliss. "But I like Quinn too. I like both names."

"You do?"

More ringing.

"Yes."

Rachel gets even closer. The noise is getting louder and louder.

"Why are you here?"Quinn asks.

"I don't know. I just want to kiss you."

Their lips are almost touching…but before it happens, she wakes up. Her phone is ringing. Though now it is real life.

"What the hell!" She sits up in one motion, eyes wide open. "What was that all about?" She frowns confused and turns off her phone alarm and lies down again.

"This is all your fault Berry. You annoy me so much that I'm even dreaming about you now!"

She huffs angrily.

"Please God, don't let this happen again."

Years later:

She never dreamed about Rachel like that again. Sure, Rachel appeared from time to time but she never tried to kiss her again. Quinn didn't realize it then but even her subconscious mind kept drawing her to Rachel, now in the form of normal, ordinary dreams.

After the funeral things got complicated. She couldn't pretend the tears and projection of heartbreak were because of Finn. But once again, she took the path of denial and assumed her feelings were a result of her pride being bruised. Now, the only thing left for her was revenge.

"So, are you ready to go the big city?"

"Yes I am Mom," Quinn smiles at her mother. Her and Judy don't have the best mother daughter relationship but they manage to be civil and try to be involved with each other's life as much as possible.

"Good. I want you to have fun and to forget about that boy. He is not worth your time." Judy is very disappointed and a little upset with Finn. The funeral break up was the nail in the coffin, solidifying her dislike of the boy. She still remembers the way he announced Quinn's pregnancy, and how quickly he moved on to the Berry girl. Even though she was a little shocked when she found out Puck was the real dad, it didn't earn him any points. So, she wasn't exactly over the moon when Quinn told her she was dating the boy again. But, her daughter was excited about the idea of winning the prom queen crown. Yes, as a mother she should have said something about it, as she was sure her daughter didn't feel anything deeper for the boy but Quinn seemed so happy with prom and the prom queen idea.

Moving on, she wants her daughter to have a good time and have fun, away from the dumb boy. He can go and be with the other girl. Her Quinnie can have any boy she wants. She really hopes that said boy is not Noah Puckerman though.

"Yeah, he really is not," Quinn says absentmindedly. They are having dinner in the dinner room. Quinn and the glee club are leaving to New York the following day. Everything else aside, she is really excited about this trip. It's not every day she has the opportunity to visit New York City after all.

"I mean, I know I'm your mother and I'm suppose to say this but look at you honey, he has to be really dumb to choose her over you. She seems a little clumsy to me."

Quinn sighs dreamily. Clumsy? That's not Rachel at all. Well, maybe with her mouth. She smiles at that. Rachel really has no filter.

"I know she has talent, I saw her singing. She definitely has a great and powerful voice. But anyway, it really is his loss. You can do so much better Quinnie."

"I can." She is listening to her mother but her mind is wandering. Yes, she said she was going to plot something as a revenge act. She just doesn't know what exactly she is going to do. Why can't she let them be?

"Mom?"

"Yes honey?"

"Am I lovable?"

"What do you mean sweetie?"

"Nothing. Just… nothing," she says, regretting that she asked. "You're right. I'm going to have fun. It's New York right?" The blonde girl smiles half-heartedly.

"Exactly." Judy nods as she sips her wine.

She is avoiding Jesse's texts, trying not to think about the fact that they broke up. It shouldn't be a difficult task since she is going to New York tomorrow. Fucking New York! Her dream is coming true. She should be totally focused on this, focused on their set list or better yet, their nonexistent set list. She should be focused on her nightly routine. After all, she must be her best as she is their leader, their star. But no, for all the things she should be focusing right now, she is thinking about her. And if she is okay.

I could send a text.

She is mulling this idea over, as she is getting ready to sleep.

Yeah, no… she will kill me.

Through the phone?

I don't know! Tomorrow?

She finishes her nightly routine and prepares her bed for sleep.

What will I say anyway? Hey Quinn I heard Finn and you broke up. I know he is the guy I've been chasing and all but I just wanted to know if you're okay.

Yeah… no way…

"Oh God," she sighs soundly. When did things get so complicated? Quinn used to be the girl who bullied her, then Finn's girlfriend, and then Finn's ex girlfriend. Why can't she stop thinking about the girl? Why can she just go on and ignore Quinn's existence?

Not that she is cocky or anything, but she knows Finn broke up with Quinn and is going to try and get her back. She is not sure if she wants it now. Maybe Quinn was right; it's time to leave the schoolgirl fantasy behind. She has to send a text.

From Rachel: Hi Quinn, it's me Rachel. I just want you to know that I'm sorry about the break up…

She deletes it, as she is pretty sure it will upset the other girl. She can't do it, she is sure Quinn is not interested anyway.

Texts! Quinn is not interested in her texts. The only reason she has Quinn's number is because Mr. Shue insisted everybody exchanged phone numbers. They are nothing to each other. Even though she said they were something, had a connection of some kind as her mother adopted Beth, the truth is that they have nothing.

Why does it bother her so much? Why does it drive her crazy that Quinn doesn't care about her, that the blonde girl will never want to be her friend? Because this is true, right? Quinn made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be her friend. Every time she showed the slightest interest, she had selfish reasons behind her acts.

She doesn't care. Rachel needs to keep telling herself that. This way, she can keep her mind as far away from the truth on why she's obsessed with being Quinn's friend, and why she is on an endless pursuit to make it happen.

"You can't hate me…"

"What does it mean Quinn? And why can't I stop thinking about you?" She lies on her bed and covers herself; she is ready to sleep when she receives a text.

From Finn: Hey! How r u? ready for NY?

She answers the text right away. Well, she is not a rude person.

From Rachel: I'm ok. I'm in bed, ready to sleep. And of course I'm ready! Have a good night Finn. See you tomorrow!

From Finn: K. See U tomorrow! Good night to u 2.

That night, her dreams are a mix of Finn and a certain blonde girl.

Quinn is having the same problem. Her subconscious has still not gotten the memo about the not caring about Rachel Berry policy.

After dinner with her mother, she went to her bedroom and finished arranging her bag, not that there was much to do. She may have been lying in bed but she is far from being able to sleep; too many thoughts in her head. She still doesn't know what she is going to do as revenge and she is actually not so sure about it now. Before her eyes finally flutter closed, all she can think about is that she doesn't want to lose.

All is fair in war and love. Or love and war? Love? She doesn't love Finn. Is she in a war? In a war for love?

Wow, she really needs to sleep. Except that she is already sleeping…

"Wait, am I sleeping?"

"Why? am I bothering you?"

She looks up and sees Rachel on top of her. "Uh- Rachel?"

The brunette girl giggles, "Are you okay? You seem distracted."

"You're on my bed, of course I'm distracted," she says amused.

"Is it a bad thing?"

"It is actually."

Rachel frowns and rolls over to lie at her side.

"I mean you have a boyfriend."

"But I love you more."

"I thought you loved Lucy?" Quinn inquires, as Rachel gets closer and rests her forehead on the blonde's temple. The brunette doesn't answer as she puts her arm over and embraces Quinn.

"It makes sense…" Quinn continues.

"Hm?"

"You loving Lucy. You've always seen through me Rachel."

Rachel nods ever so slightly.

"You saw Lucy. You said I'm pretty but that I'm more than that. It means the world to me; I just wanted you to know that. It was the best thing someone could have said to me." She turns to face the other girl and sighs. "I still want to hear someone say they love me. I know Finn said it but he was just feeling guilty for breaking up with me. For real though? No one has ever said it to me and meant it."

"What are you talking about? I lo-"

"Quinn honey, wake up. You'll be late." Judy's voice wakes her up and brings her back to reality.

"Hm? Oh… okay… thanks Mom," she says as frustration overcomes her.

"No problem dear. Just go get ready, I made breakfast."

She nods as her mother leaves her bedroom. This time, she won't ask God to never let that kind of dream happen again. She so desperately wanted to have heard the end of that sentence.

"I'm losing you again," she finally admits out loud. Finn is free to go after Rachel and they are going to get back together again which means Quinn is going to lose. She is going to lose something she never had because she didn't have the guts to admit how attracted to Rachel she is in every possible way.

"I'm screwed," she sighs sadly.

Somehow, she knows that nothing will be the same after New York. What does the city that never sleeps have in store for her? She doesn't know yet but it is going to be an interesting trip. This she knows for sure.

I can't make promises to chapter 4, but i promise it won't be long.

No more thoughts, faberry for real! Next stop New York!