Here I am again! I was so eager to post this chapter, it was ready like months ago! But anyway... Little problems... In case you are also reading my other stories, I'll update them very soon.
Chapter 4:
What Happens in New York…
"No, no, no…"
She lets out a shriek and closes her eyes.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Santana says without mercy.
The Unholy Trinity are in one of New York's finest hair salons as they had decided that Quinn had to get her hair cut after the breakdown the blonde had in the hotel room. As there was no way Quinn was going to let her friends near her hair she found herself sitting in this salon, using her mother's credit card of course.
At first she was on board with the idea especially because she didn't want to give Santana too much time to think about the whole 'I'm not that into that' thing. That wasn't the first time she had mistaken what her friends were really proposing with sex. In all fairness it is not her fault that everything about Santana and Brittany involves sex in a way. But now that the hairstylist is standing behind her chair with her scissors poised, she is not so certain.
"You're going to look so sexy, Quinn." Brittany says animatedly.
"Okay. Here I go." The hairstylist teases her. The woman starts cutting the blonde hair. They had already decided the length. Quinn freezes and shuts her eyes closed as the first strands of hair fall onto the floor.
"Oh God…" She says eagerly.
When the hairstylist finally puts the finishing touches to her new hairstyle, Santana is the first to comment.
"Wanky." She smirks. "You know Q; you look less wholesome and boring now."
"Oh my God, you look so hot." Brittany says as she nods with what Santana had just said.
"They are not wrong kiddo…" The young woman winks in the mirror and walks away to another customer as Quinn feels a faint blush form on her cheeks.
Quinn looks at her reflection and in this moment she makes a promise to herself. This is not just about a new hair cut. This is about a change; she is going to be a new Quinn. Senior year is going to be different. No more trying to be the Little Miss Perfect Prom Queen or the perfect Christian girl with the popular boyfriend. In other words, all the things that made her the bitch she was; the girl who tortured Rachel. And she can't bear the fact that Rachel might hate her because of it.
"Well, Judy is certainly going to have a surprise when we get back to that hell hole we call home." Santana teases her.
When they get back, everyone comments on how pretty she looks and that the hair cut is awesome. Santana, of course wants credit for everything, saying that she was the one that came up with the brilliant idea in the first place.
But Quinn only really cares about one opinion.
Kurt and Rachel are the last ones to enter in the hotel room where they had planned to work on their original songs once more.
"Okay, we're here." Kurt says and as soon he lays his eyes on Quinn, he squeals in surprise. Of course he would notice. "Oh my God, look at your hair! And you guys didn't invite me to this makeover party?"
"Yeah, like you and Berry invited us to your little Broadway escapade." Santana says bitterly.
"Did you want to be invited?"
"No. Of course not." She says hastily as she crosses her arms in disdain.
Quinn rolls her eyes at her friends.
"It's just a hair cut, Kurt." She moves her eyes from Kurt to Rachel and notices that Rachel is staring at her with her mouth hanging open. And then all of sudden Rachel invades her personal space.
"You cut your hair…" The brunette runs her fingers through the blonde's hair.
"Uh yeah…" Quinn looks down at Rachel's face and sees the smile spreading across the short girl's face as Rachel strokes Quinn's now short hair.
The moment doesn't last too long, however, as Rachel realizes the absurdity of her action. She pulls her hand away much too quick for both of their liking.
"You look so pretty." She says as she blushes a soft shade of pink. "Though you always look beautiful so… nothing new, right?" She shrugs.
"Thanks." Quinn feels a smile appear on her face.
Soon the room is filled with their animated voices. Rachel and Kurt start debating about what they have to do to beat Vocal Adrenaline. Brittany and Mike are talking about the choreography. Tina is concerned about the costumes. Everybody seems to be focused on something, except Quinn. She lost her focus when Rachel said she looked beautiful. That's an improvement right? She is not just the prettiest girl Rachel has ever met. She 'always looks beautiful' and the prettiest girl Rachel has ever met. It has to mean something, right?
Quinn glances at Rachel and this time it's different from yesterday. First, there is no Finn staring at Rachel with moony eyes, so she doesn't have to be all angry, and second Rachel actually looks at her too.
In the moment that their eyes lock Quinn's heart skips a beat. Rachel is the first to look away as she drops her eyes trying to focus on something else, but Quinn can see that the glee club diva has a smile on the corner of her lips.
Is she imagining things? Probably. There's no way Rachel has feelings… yeah, no. She can't even finish that sentence. Rachel likes Finn. He is the one she likes. Besides, she is not sure if she even has feelings for Rachel. Not completely sure anyway.
She glances at Finn as her mind starts whirring wildly.
Although during this trip Rachel didn't give too much attention to Finn at all. Yes, they had the date. Ugh! The date. So Finn has some moves, who would have known? Well, they are not together. Rachel would be all over Finn now if they were. Maybe they are not going to get back together. Maybe this trip is really going to be amazing. Maybe there is a little possibility that Rachel likes her too.
So for the first time ever Quinn allows herself to dream. However this time she is dreaming with her eyes open. It is exhilarating, liberating even, but extremely dangerous. After all, many things can destroy a dream and nothing breaks a person more than a crushed dream and a broken heart.
Like Jesse's appearance or a stupid love song or even worse, a stupid kiss.
She shouldn't be concerned about the girl. She should be sleeping; they are getting on a plane in the morning and flying back to Ohio. She should rest as she is really tired. But no, here she is thinking about Rachel freaking Berry. Where the hell is she by the way?
Quinn looks around and notices that Kurt is alone in the bed. Which means Rachel is alone somewhere now.
Or she is just with Finn… Fucking Finn!
Although, what if she isn't with Finn?
Yeah right…
She isn't mad about today. Sure it would be easy to put all the blame on Finn, but they wrote and practiced their songs yesterday for Christ's sake! How did they expect to win a national competition like that when the other teams were practicing and rehearsing their performances for months?
The kiss sucked big time. Thank God she actually didn't see it due to the choreography and stage set up. But no, she isn't that bothered about it. She would never let Santana do anything to Rachel of course, maybe to Finn, but not to Rachel.
Spread the news! Quinn Fabray has feelings for Rachel Berry.
Not sure about that…
She fidgets on the floor. This time she is not sleeping on the arm chair like before; that had really messed up her back.
Why can't you sleep then?
Well because of the adrenaline… You know the excitement of performing… and we just lost a competition!
She takes a deep breath. Sometimes it is exhausting arguing with your inner self.
Oh really? You're not sleeping because you lost? I thought that you didn't care, and I'm going to paraphrase you now, 'I don't care about a stupid show choir competition!'
She covers her face with her hands. What now? She can't even convince herself anymore?
Yes! I'm thinking about her. I'm concerned about her! And she is the reason why I'm not sleeping! Happy now?
She stands and walks toward the bathroom door doing her best as not to wake anyone. In the bathroom she puts on some jeans that look like Brittany's, and a shirt, maybe Santana's or Tina's, she doesn't know. She opens the door carefully and closes it slowly. When she reaches the hall she releases a breath she didn't know she was holding.
Quinn passes the boys' room and wonders if Finn is in there. She could knock and ask, but she is not willing to talk to anyone of them. There are five boys in there; three of them are her exes. With her luck she bets Finn will open the door and she would find herself looking for Rachel with him. Actually, with her luck Finn is actually the reason why Rachel is not sleeping in the girls' room.
She shakes her head trying to focus on her task. It's funny but something is telling her that Finn is actually on the other side of that door, sleeping soundly, as if nothing had happened. Maybe it is intuition or maybe she just knows Rachel, but she thinks that the glee club diva is alone somewhere; alone and not with Finn.
The hotel is really big and she has no idea where she should start her search. What if Rachel is outside? She really hopes not; its past midnight and they are in New York City. It's not safe for a seventeen year old girl to be alone out there. She runs her hand through her newly short hair. The blonde looks at her reflection in the elevator's mirror and smirks, memories from her escapade with Brittany and Santana invading her thoughts.
Mom is really going to have a surprise…
After a while of searching the lifeless hotel she finds Rachel on the pool deck. She is still dressed their competition outfit. She has her feet in the water; even though it's not summer yet, it's a warm night. Quinn stops and stares taking in the sight before her. Rachel is the most adorable girl she has ever laid eyes on. How could she have ever said that the girl was anything less than beautiful?
"You should get some rest." She says sweetly as she approaches the brunette girl.
"Uh…" Rachel gets a fright when she hears Quinn's voice. She was lost in her head. Mostly she was thinking about the girl who is now standing close to her. She lifts her head to face the blonde. "Hi Quinn. Yeah I know. I just… I couldn't sleep."
"You'll have next year you know, don't worry."
Rachel chuckles almost imperceptibly. She should have known Quinn would think that was the reason why she couldn't sleep. She is known for being a big drama queen after all. And she always made it pretty clear how winning this kind of competition is important to her.
"I know. I'm not worried though." She turns around to face the pool again.
"Why you couldn't sleep then?"
They look at each other again as Quinn sits down, Indian style, near Rachel. It's brief, but so meaningful as if they were trying to see what was shielded within the others eyes. Both of them have seen glimpses of it in the pass. The sheer number of times Quinn found herself searching those deep brown eyes was too big to count. It was as if they were hypnotising her; pulling her into to swim in the dark pools. Rachel was always looking for that hint of something in the blonde's eyes; they gave her away in those unpredictable moments. Sometimes she has seen it when they were in the middle of an argument, Quinn was saying vicious words, she was screaming, she was mad, but as Rachel looked into those bright hazel eyes she could see it, there it was, right in front of her. But what was it?
What was it that she had seen that day in the auditorium, when Quinn was saying those hurtful things and yet her eyes looked like she was hiding something, something huge that fuelled her anger?
"My head is a mess." She answers honestly because really, that's how she feels.
"Why?" Quinn is genuinely curious.
Because of you?
Rachel thinks.
Silence.
"Okay… never mind I asked."
She tugs her hair behind her ear nervously. "I think I'm just thinking too much…" She sighs. "Do you think Santana hates me?"
"Probably."
They smile.
"I thought it odd. You were holding her to stop her. I expected you to join forces with her."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you don't really like me."
Well, in theory at least. Rachel thinks.
Quinn sighs tiredly. "Rach-"
"And because the kis- it costs us nationals." Rachel cuts her off.
"We should have been better prepared."
"Finn just broke up with you." Rachel shrugs.
"At a funeral." Quinn adds lively.
"Yeah…"
"It's not like I didn't know the reason why he was breaking up with me." She bites her lip. "Are you guys going to get back together?"
"I don't know. I like Finn. But I did realize with this trip that I need to focus on my dreams." She looks away. Her dreams… One of them is currently in front of her.
"That's good."
"I know I come off as insensitive and-"
"You don't… I mean… that's what I want- what you should…"
Rachel looks at Quinn hands and notices how the girl is scratching her nails on her palms. She knows Quinn is in an inner debate. As if she is fighting something. She stares at the blonde girl as Quinn opens and closes her mouth. Ultimately Quinn decides to remain silent.
"What? I should what?" Rachel asks eager.
"You're destined for big things Rachel. The loser who dates the quarterback? That's really cliché, you are better than that." She says resentfully. "I know you're ambitious. But high school doesn't last forever. Just let him go." She looks up and breathes soundly. Rachel notices that once again the blonde seems to be trying too hard to look indifferent as if she doesn't care, but if she doesn't care why is she so concerned about Rachel's future? Shouldn't she be excited about the prospect of Rachel staying in Lima and never leaving for the big city?
"And why do you care?" Rachel challenges her. "As far as I'm concerned you don't like me."
"I… I never said I didn't like you."
Rachel laughs.
"Not in those exacts words. But what are details?"
"And you?"
"What about me?"
"Do you…" Quinn gulps. Her throat is suddenly very dry. Looking down she says with a low voice, "Do you like me?" Actually, it is almost inaudible.
Rachel thinks she has never seen the blonde girl more vulnerable before. Not even on that day before Regionals.
That day…
There is something about that day that seemed so off, so surreal. They were fighting over Finn, right?
Underlines.
Read between the lines Rachel… the subtext…
You can't hate me. Do you like me? You can't hate me. Do you like me?
Underlines.
"What did you mean, Quinn?"
"You were asking if I liked you so I'm asking-"
"No." Rachel cuts her off. "Not that. You said you were helping me to get on my way. You said I don't belong in Lima."
"That's because I really believe in that." She says her voice cracking.
"'You can't hate me' you said."
"I…"
"Why do you care?"
"We should probably get to sleep now." The blonde says regaining her composure.
"No. Just answer me Quinn." Rachel says firmly.
"I don't know what you think I am Rachel. But I do care about friends. If in the future you come to me and say: hey Quinn you were right. I'll be very pleased." She says with little emotion. "Now please. We really should sleep. Lima awaits us." She releases the breath she was holding. Keeping up her act is getting harder and harder.
"There you go again." Rachel lifts her arms dramatically.
Apparently the audience is not convinced. Quinn sighs, frustrated.
"What?"
"Do you know how frustrating you are?"
The blonde gets confused.
"One moment you're here and we're talking and I feel like we have something… like… I feel we can maybe be more than just… we can really be friends." She shakes her head. "And then you step back. You just act like you don't care. As if I am nothing… Who am I kidding right? I'm probably nothing to you."
Quinn licks her lips. She is on the verge with her emotions. She is not sure if she can hold everything back anymore, not with Rachel looking so wounded and vulnerable.
"It's not just you. I don't open myself to anyone Rachel. This is how I am."
And this is exactly the problem. She knows Quinn is a very reserved person. But she wanted to be someone special who she could trust. Someone the blonde would be more open towards. Who is she kidding, right? She is the last person Quinn would be completely herself with.
"I know, I…" Rachel chuckles, what ends up sounding like a sob as her eyes start watering.
How could she not see it before? She is so in love with Quinn. That's why what Quinn thinks of her is so important. She is screwed for sure; she, Rachel Berry is in love with Quinn Fabray. Suddenly a national show choir competition seems so unimportant. Of course, she is devastated about their loss, but she left the hotel room to think about the kiss. Well the consequences of that kiss to be precise. She was so confused about what she should do. Maybe she still has feelings for the tall boy, but she was also pondering what Quinn said about her not belonging in Lima which lead her to think about the blonde. And then her head was overcome with a heavy fog, she needed fresh air. She left the room, and ended up on the pool deck.
"It shouldn't bother me." She laughs humourlessly again.
"What?"
"That I'm like everybody else."
Oh no Rachel… what are you doing? That's bad… just stop now.
"That I'm not important to you."
Oh crap! What is she doing? Rachel closes her eyes; the retaliation will start for sure, she thinks, any minute now. Quinn will get angry, the HBIC will show up. Any minute now.
"Rachel?"
There's no retaliation, just Quinn's sweet voice. She seems to be more… vulnerable?
Rachel opens her eyes and looks at the blonde girl. Quinn's eyes are also watering. This is so like that afternoon in the auditorium. What if… could it be? She is pretty sure anybody would laugh at her right now, Quinn liking her? That's nonsense.
"Tell me the truth. Why do you care if I stay in Lima?" She decides to take a chance.
"I told you." The blonde says voice tumbling.
"Why couldn't you stand the thought of me hating you, Quinn?"
"I was just trying to help you." She is panicking now. Where is this all coming from?
"Really? You seem to be always trying to help me."
"You know what Rachel? I'm going back to our room. We're leaving in the morning, and I'm tired." She stands up to go.
"No!" Rachel says firmly as she also stands up. "We're not over here. I want us to be honest with each other for once Quinn." She hides her face in her hands, moving them slowly up through her hair. "I want to be honest with you."
"Why? Why now?"
"Do you want to know why I'm here? Why I couldn't sleep?"
Quinn nods in response as she is curious.
"Because of you."
"Me? What did I do?"
"I don't even know how to answer that question." She sighs. "But I need to know if you're willing to be honest with me too. Why are you here?"
There it is. The crucial question.
Quinn looks away. Can she be honest with Rachel? What does it mean that she is the reason why Rachel couldn't sleep? Well, she couldn't sleep because of Rachel but Rachel's motivations couldn't be the same as hers. Or could they? She looks at the short girl again and frowns slightly.
But Finn kissed her on stage… Although, Finn was the one who kissed Rachel. She didn't start it.
"Never mind, Quinn. You're right, we should sleep." Rachel sighs disappointed.
"Wait." Quinn grabs Rachel's arm stopping the brunette. "Honest right?" Rachel nods. "I couldn't sleep either. I was thinking about you."
The glee club diva's eyes widen in surprise, her heart pounding in her chest.
"You're…"
"It doesn't matter anyway." She says harshly.
"What- why?" Rachel is taken aback with Quinn change in demeanour.
"Finn."
Rachel faces falls. Did she mistake what Quinn really meant? Is this about Finn again?
"Finn…" She whispers. "Why you care about him? Do you still…" She stutters.
Quinn laughs amused and Rachel frowns angrily.
"No! You fucking idiot I don't care about him!" She says between gritted teeth.
"I'm not an idiot!" She gets angry though she is pretty sure she has never heard Quinn curse before.
"Yes you are; chasing Finn over and over again, like some stupid little girl."
"At least I had feelings for him!" Quinn face contorts into a look of pure anger. "Why were you even dating him?" Rachel continues furious. "Oh, because you wanted a stupid crown, right? But that is Quinn Fabray, isn't it? You could never have feelings for him because you don't have a heart! How could I ever think that-" She stops mid sentence. She couldn't say it out loud. She was a fool to believe Quinn could feel something for her.
"I don't have a heart. Not like I haven't heard that one before." She says sarcastically. "Well that's funny you say that because it didn't feel like I was heartless when Finn broke up with me at that funeral."
"So, you do have feelings for him?"
"I guess I'm a great actress if you really believe that."
They stay in silence for a while, millions of thoughts racing through their heads.
"I think you're a coward." Rachel says resolute.
"Excuse me?" Quinn frowns angrily.
"You're afraid to love."
The blonde laughs. "And you're not right? You're a fearless girl. You just throw yourself in headfirst, not caring about the consequences."
"This used to be true."
"What changed then, might I ask?" She says as she gets a little closer.
I fell in love with you.
Rachel sighs.
"That's us right? Always arguing… I think I'm an idiot after all. I really believed we could be friends." She smiles sadly.
"I don't want to be your fucking friend!"
They both get shocked with Quinn words. Quinn cursed again, Rachel notes, despite being mad.
"Yeah, Quinn Fabray willing to be my friend… I'm delusional. Good night, Quinn."
"No… wait." Quinn closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
I'm so stupid! The blonde girl thinks.
Rachel keeps walking.
"Rachel, wait, you don't understand."
"What Quinn? I don't understand what?"
"I… I don't want to be friends because…" Quinn gulps hesitantly. "I…"
The brunette chuckles and turns around again.
"Rachel."
Quinn grabs Rachel's arm, pulls her close and in one quick motion presses their lips together. It is so fast and so demanding that it is more like a collision of lips and not a kiss. Even though there is no tongue, just their lips pressed against each other's, the intensity of this kiss makes both of them feel butterflies in their bellies. They pull away together. Both shocked; both willing for more.
Eyes lock onto each other once again, hearts racing in their chests, they lean forward at the same time and their lips meet again. This time they both want more. Quinn places both her hands on Rachel's waist pulling her impossibly close; Rachel is also trying to pull the blonde closer as she crosses her arms around the back of Quinn's neck. Quinn runs the tip of her tongue over Rachel's bottom lip tentatively asking for entrance and as the brunette opens her mouth eagerly, she tilts her neck to the side to deepen the kiss. The kiss gets more heated as their tongues start colliding into each other's in a sensuous dance of passion and desire.
Is this really happening? Is she really kissing Rachel? And oh God! Is Rachel really kissing her back? She is not sure what she was expecting when she kissed Rachel. Honestly, she wasn't really thinking. Though, she feels like she can stay like this forever; but she has to breathe.
"That's why I don't want to be your friend."
"Uh… yeah… right…" Is this real life? Did she just kiss Quinn Fabray? Rachel is on cloud nine. "Oh my God… I'm gay for Fabray…" What is she saying? Did she lose the ability to speak coherently? Did she lose the ability to think or move as well? It's probably the fireworks. There are lots of fireworks. "Yes, fireworks…" Oh crap! Did she say it out loud?
"Did I break you?"
"Uh?" Rachel looks at Quinn with a smile on her face. It is kind of a creepy smile actually. "I think." She nods. "Yes." She says, still moving her head up and down.
Quinn giggles amused. "Maybe I should kiss you again?"
"Yes, please."
They kiss again, slower this time, taking their time to savor each other's lips. Quinn wonders if she has ever felt this way before. Was kissing ever this good before? No, but does that mean she is actually… gay? She hadn't really thought about it. Of course she knew liking Rachel was different, but now acting on it changes that completely. There is no denying it anymore.
"Everything is so clear now." Quinn whispers and Rachel nods her head slightly.
"Yeah. How long did you want to…" Rachel blushes suddenly very shy. "Well, do that."
"A while. You?"
"A while."
They smile. For as perfect as the moment is, they are both really tired. Rachel feels her body warning her that she should have been asleep hours ago and Quinn notices how the brunette girl seems to be exhausted.
"We really should go to sleep now."
"I don't want to go back."
Deep down they both know what awaits them as soon as they enter that room.
"You know what's in that room right?" Rachel continues.
"Our friends?" Quinn replies playfully.
"Lima."
Quinn shrugs. Reality hits her. Yes, fucking Lima, fucking school. Her mother...
Rachel kisses her sweetly. "But we do have to go."
The elevator looks like it is a good place to make out, despite the surveillance camera above the door. In their defense, they weren't planning to put a show inside the elevator but Rachel's hair just looks so soft and enticing. So, Quinn lifts her hand and runs her fingers through the brunette's hair and tucks a stand behind the girl's ear. Not even a minute later, she is pulling Rachel into a passionate kiss. Rachel's back hits the wall as she grabs Quinn's hair, then the blonde runs her tongue over Rachel's lips asking for entrance and when the brunette opens her mouth, without hesitation Quinn deepens the kiss. They both moan as their tongues clash with the others.
It's simple. They both are taking what they can now as the future is something too uncertain for them. Is Quinn brave enough? After all they cannot just forget the fact that the person who they are currently kissing is a girl.
"Oh God, this feels so good." Quinn husks, her breath was literally taken away. "So, this is what it feels like to kiss a girl."
"Oh… I'm a girl? With the whole name calling I was starting to question that. Who knows? Maybe my dads ha-"
Quinn presses their lips together again. But before it turns into another make out session the door opens.
They walk toward their room in bliss, though as soon as they reach the door their faces fall. Rachel takes a deep breath and grips the door knob, but before she could open it Quinn stops her.
"Rachel?"
The brunette looks up into Quinn's eyes.
"If… if things get complicated, I…" She closes her eyes. "I know I can be very difficult." She says in a low voice.
"We all have flaws Quinn. This is not an easy thing to deal with."
"I know. It's just that I'm going to freak out when I wake up."
"That's normal."
"Why?" She whines. "Why does it have to be like this?"
Rachel knows that the weight of everything is starting to overwhelm Quinn. Everything she grew up believing in is in check right now.
"You were right. Behind this door are all the things that kept us apart. The things that made me the bitch that treated you horribly." Tears start rolling down her face. "You're so much better than me…" She rests her forehead on Rachel's. They stay like this for while. Not willing to get inside yet. "You belong here in New York." She whispers. "I won't let anything or anyone get in your way. Not even me."
"Quinn…"
"I don't know what's in store for us; but please, don't forget this-"
"What?" Rachel gets confused as Quinn gets closer and presses her mouth onto Rachel's ear.
"I'll never forget tonight." She whispers. "I really like you Rachel, I have since I first laid eyes on you almost three years ago. Just don't forget that, please."
Quinn then opens the door and enters in the room leaving an astonished Rachel behind. After recovering Rachel does the same. She heads toward her suitcase and takes out her pyjamas. She then goes to the bathroom and after she is ready for bed she takes her spot near Kurt.
She glances at Quinn lying next to Brittany and she knows that, even though she has her eyes closed the blonde is not sleeping yet. She is not sure if she will manage to sleep. Funny, she couldn't sleep because she couldn't stop thinking about Quinn and now here she is, still thinking about the girl. Although, this time in a much more pleasurable way, as she is thinking about their kiss, or better yet their kisses, as in there were lots of kisses. And boy, does she want to kiss the girl again.
She wants so much to say she likes Quinn too. Like really likes her. Maybe love? Will she have a chance?
Or was that Quinn saying that things will be different in Lima? That everything that happened only happened because they were in New York?
Does what happen in New York stay in New York?
So? How was it?
College obligations, a short doc I'm filming and I have three other fics to update so... don't want to blackmail anyone but... reviews will be like a fuel to me. Hear you guys makes me happy and makes me want to write faster.