A/N: Oh my gosh, y'all, long time no see! Or read, as the case may be. I haven't updated in MONTHS and for that I apologize. Being pregnant with twins, giving birth to twins and now being a freakin' MOM to TWINS has basically consumed my life. I've actually been sitting on this chapter, which as you will soon see is in Sirius's POV, since like November but I haven't been able to bring myself to finish it. I mostly just stared at it for all that time. Well, I finally decided this sucker just needed to be finished and thus it's a little short, but the upcoming chapters are back to Hermione's POV and involve some action and I'm just ready to get those started. Mad props if you catch the Ghostbusters reference in this chapter! As always, thank you to my AMAZING BETA kanewolf for all that she does. Please review and let me know what you think.
Also, to y'all haters, I straight don't give a fuck what you have to say.
oOo
Harry talks in his sleep.
Those five words, innocuous as they seemed, settled into Sirius' gut like a spoiled meal and, try as he might, the wizard could not fully digest them.
What the bloody fuck is that supposed to mean? How often has she been next to my godson when he sleeps? Or is it when he "sleeps"? She said best friend, right? I swear she called Harry her "best friend". Or maybe, Remus told me she called him that? Best friend and boyfriend are two completely different terms, which I'm sure the little swot is well aware of. Hmph, what do I care? I don't care. What does it matter to me who the little bird has slept next to?
But it did matter to Sirius, as evidenced by his inability to think about anything else. Despite the mission or the dangers Hermione had made clear resided within the Chamber of Secrets, Sirius Black could not keep his mind from what wizards-or witches, hmm- Hermione Granger had been sleeping near. The whole thing made his stomach churn and the Grim inside him growl with teeth bared. Sirius was not so emotionally stunted that he couldn't discern exactly what was simmering through him.
Sirius was jealous of his godson.
A bloody baby.
But Harry wouldn't always be a baby. He may grow up to be as handsome as his mother was gorgeous and meet an insufferable and condescending swot with giant hair and almond eyes and skin Sirius could almost taste-
Merlin's beard, stop imagining her skin! He willed the canine inside him, but the dog had no use for human propriety.
Sirius wanted Hermione, that was very clear to him. The 'why' of the situation was less transparent. He could have his pick of witch or wizard. One who wouldn't relish in ignoring him. So why did this bloody witch get under his pale skin so effectively? The 'why was she ignoring him?' was also gnawing at Sirius's bones. He had made it clear, hadn't he? Sirius had flirted and teased, he had bantered and ogled, hell he'd practically propositioned, but Hermione had done little more than roll her eyes or occasionally blush. Sirius was beginning to live for those blushes. Even Remus had discerned Sirius's intentions.
To be fair, Remus can smell desire, so he has an unfair advantage in the situation.
Desire.
Hermione Granger was electrifying. Her aura filled a room; magic crackled around her like a primordial fire. She was powerful and beautiful and mysterious and so bloody smart that Sirius found her all at once insufferable and enticing. He had never met any witch or wizard who could compare to Hermione, and, honestly, that was pretty damn obnoxious considering the witch barely even looked at him.
She's sweeter on Remus than she is on me and what did I do! Except be unbearably charming.
Somewhere in him a Grim snorted.
Shut it, you.
"...they don't."
Sirius slipped from his inner diatribe to hear the tail end of Hermione's explanation regarding Harry's parselmouth capabilities.
"Harry wasn't a parselmouth his whole life, just for the first eighteen years or so, it's actually a very long story," the witch clarified casually.
"We've got time," Sirius called from behind Remus. You've so many secrets, little witch, when will you fill us in on them all?
"I'm afraid we've got bigger snakes to fry at the moment," Hermione responded, smirking to herself and holding her illuminated wand into the darkness.
Before the trio, the light from Hermione's lumos revealed a great circular door forged from a metal Sirius could not identify, adorned with serpents as thick as his legs that seemed to wither and writhe even as they remained still. The door was at least twice as tall as Remus, the tallest of the group.
With delicate precision, Sirius slipped his wand from his sleeve and flicked the most unobtrusive reconnaissance spell he knew - thanks, Moody- towards the door and felt as the magic, his magic, was simply absorbed into the door itself.
"Dark magic, that," Remus breathed, his neck craned to take in it's full breadth.
"Dark," Sirius mused, taking a step forward to place his hand gingerly on the sculpted metal serpents, "dark may be an understatement."
The wizard could feel the pulse of nearly a millennia of magic coursing through the door; wards that were centuries old and had been gathering power to them for all that time, buried beneath layers of stone and earth.
Suddenly Sirius felt a hand upon his shoulder and was the tiniest bit surprised to turn and discover Hermione's honey eyes upon him. This might have been the first time her touch had not been accompanied by physical abuse, something Sirius could get accustomed to.
"Boys," she began, placing another hand on Remus's shoulder as well. "Basilisks are dangerous-"
"What! No way! Ow!" Sirius yelped as Hermione pinched the muscle between his neck and shoulder.
There you go, fucking shite up again. Being an absolute arse.
"They're not just dangerous because they're giant snakes," Hermione continued after shooting Sirius a wicked glare, "they're dangerous because if you look them directly in the eye, you will errr-die, so I brought us these."
Giant snake?
The witch rummaged through the pocket of her jeans, pulling out three compact mirrors and handed one to each wizard, keeping the third for herself.
"Will we need to be powdering our noses? Need to be looking our best for the wee snakey?" Sirius asked, flipping the compact open to examine himself. "Ah good, still gorgeous."
Remus snorted.
"'Fraid it'll take more than mere powder to make your face presentable, Sirius," Hermione sighed.
Ouch, well that one did sting a little.
"The mirrors are to look around corners, better to stare indirectly into its eyes and be petrified than stare directly and be killed." The witch slid her own compact back into her pocket.
Sirius looked down at his mirror, "Shite," he whispered before pocketing the only thing separating him from death, apparently.
"Basilisk venom is also extremely deadly and has only one known anti-venom, so do try not to get bit."
"Godric, so what does work on the beasts?" Remus asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
"Well, for sure the Sword of Gryffindor," Hermione admitted, prompting a harsh guffaw from Sirius.
"Just that hmm?" the wizard asked.
Hermione shrugged, "There's little to no information regarding the killing or incapacitating of basilisks, as most non-parselmouths who meet one tend to end up deceased and the only instance one has been killed, that I'm aware of, it was by the Sword of Gryffindor."
"Then what's our plan?" Remus asked, scratching the underside of his chin thoughtfully.
"Incapacitate by any means necessary. Set your wands to stun."
"What?!" Both wizards cried in unison.
"Bloody hell, Hermione," Remus sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands.
"Incapacitate?" Sirius gawked. "Are you out of your bloody mind? How are we to incapacitate a bloody basilisk that can kill us just by looking at us and, as if that weren't bad enough, is also highly venomous?"
The witch is insane.
"Well..." Hermione's dark features slipped into a frown that nearly sent Sirius over the edge.
"Oh good Godric, you don't know, do you?" he accused. "What? We're supposed to waltz in there to-to-" the wizard began gesticulating madly at the door, "what was it you said we needed?"
"The venom," Remus supplied. "To destroy the horcruxes."
"The-the-" Sirius sputtered still wildly waving his arms about, "the venom?! We have to incapacitate a snake that can kill us with a look to extract it's highly deadly venom, and I get the feeling that this isn't a little garden snake. I mean, how fucking big is this thing-"
"At least 15 meters," Hermione mumbled, and Sirius could swear he saw the witch cringe a bit at the admission.
"15 METERS!" Sirius roared, running his hands through already tousled ebony locks. "I just, I mean- I don't even know how to respond to that. Moony," Sirius suddenly turned his accusatory gaze to his best mate, "how are you so calm, right now?"
"I'll be honest, Pads," Remus sighed, meeting his friend's eyes, "I'm terrified beyond the realm of rational thought."
"By the gods," Sirius threw his arms in the air.
"Now listen," Hermione's tone was firm, but Sirius didn't turn to look at her, he was too busy mentally composing his will.
Harry can have the motorcycle, that'll really piss Evans off…
"I know this sounds dire, but I have a few ideas," Hermione continued. "Honestly, summon up some Gryffindor bravery and don't get your knickers in such a wad." The witch huffed, placing both hands on her hips.
"My-my knickers? You cheeky little thing..." Now Sirius did turn to her. "Bravery is one thing, pet, but I don't have a death wish. There are still many witches to shag, many pints to drink, and many Death Eaters to hex."
Hermione rolled her dark eyes. "And I guarantee you, Black, you will still have plenty of time left in your life for shagging and drinking."
"That a promise?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows.
"Ugh," Hermione rolled her eyes, "you're incorrigible."
Oh, but that's a blush, isn't it?
"Oh, Merlin, someone hex me," Remus grumbled. "Ouch! Oh fuck, Pads!" The werewolf shot a glare at his friend, rubbing the spot on his arm a small stinging hex had just hit.
"But you said-"
"I hate you, I honestly can say that I fucking loathe you entirely."
"Boys," Hermione exhaled, "I'm about to open the door so get it the fuck together."
The two Marauders exchanged a glance and Remus nodded. "Right."
Sirius noted the way in which his friend gripped his wand just the tiniest fraction tighter.
He's never been in a battle before.
Much to the disappointment of his parents, and thus Sirius' eternal delight, the eldest male heir to the Black name -the only male heir left living, that is- had not only gotten into his fair share of duels at Hogwarts, but was an Auror trained in combat by none other than Alastor Moody himself. Remus, Sirius realized, had most likely never seen more action than the night not long ago when they'd gone after Hermione and found themselves up against Bellatrix and Malfoy.
Sirius reached out a hand to Remus' shoulder and squeezed, flashing the werewolf what he hoped was a reassuring grin. "You ready, Moody-poo?"
"Loathe entirely," Remus deadpanned.
There's the arsehole I know and love.
Hermione wrinkled her nose at the two, but remained silent before stepping towards the door. Sirius watched intently as the petite witch leaned close and whispered, "Ssssshaheeeessss."
The snakes that had once been unmoving now writhed and hissed and Hermione quickly stepped backward, stumbling over a rock in the process.
Unthinking, Sirius reached out and caught the witch, fingers wrapped around her petite shoulders. She was lighter than he would've expected, her hair seemed to take up so much of a room Sirius had unconsciously assumed the witch was bigger than she was. In reality, Hermione had never been a physically imposing character. Except for her hair.
The hair was always an imposing character.
"Gotcha, Hermione." Sirius smiled down at the witch now in his arms and the wizard did not miss the pink that rose to the surface of Hermione's dark cheeks.
The witch opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of the chamber door swinging open.