Hermione shot up with a gasp that quickly turned into a cry as pain shot through her back.

"Shite," the witch groaned, reaching a hand to her shoulder. Had she been sleeping in an odd position? "What happen-"

And then, remembrance.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," she paniced, throwing the blanket off her legs. Suddenly realizing she was wearing pajamas, Hermione's voice shifted from alarm to confusion, "...what the fuck?"

Amber eyes flicked about what she now recognized was Regulus's room, the room she had been occupying in Grimmauld Place. "How did I…" The witch trailed off as she spotted her wand placed neatly on the side table near the bed. She snatched it quickly, momentarily eased by its presence.

How did I get here and who the fuck put my pajamas on me? Hermione was more than 100% certain she had not been wearing pajamas during their trip to the Chamber and their fight with the-

"Hydra!" Hermione cried, "The hydra! The blood!"

Unable to get her stiff legs under her as she scrambled out of the bed, Hermione ended up cascading to the floor in a tangle of blankets and hair.

"Oh fuuuck," she gasped as the leg that had been poisoned with venom now collided with the wood floor, sending ripples of pain up her side.

There you go, Granger, war-trained Auror hmmm? Can't even get the fuck out of bed.

With a grunt, Hermione pushed herself onto her hands and knees. Why are my muscles so stiff?

"Hermione!" The door burst open and the lanky form of Remus Lupin immediately filled the frame; his hair a mess atop his head while wearing, Hermione noted, pajamas as well. "Oh Godric, Hermione!"

Remus rushed to her side, pulling the witch from the floor and back into bed with ease. "You're awake!"

"Yes, yes it seems I am." Hermione confirmed, pulling her pant leg up her thigh to examine the wrapped wound. "What's happened, how did I get here, what happened to the hydra, where's the blood, did someone tell Hagrid, who put my pajamas on me?"

"Alright, slow down a moment, love," Remus put up his hands, "one rambled question at a time."

Hermione frowned, dark brow creasing in thought, "What happened after I passed out?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" Remus asked, gingerly sitting beside Hermione on the bed.

"I-I remember," Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose, wading through her foggy memories, "I remember you yelling 'murder, snake' and I remember being hit in the leg with poison and-and I remember telling you to collect the blood and then I woke up in bed."

Remus nodded, a small smile had crept to his face at the mention of 'murder snake.'

"Okay," he began, "yes well after you fainted Sirius sent a patronus up to McGonagall, she was able to help us move the debris to unseal the entrance to the Chamber and move you to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey fixed you up."

"This is decidedly not the hospital wing, Remus Lupin." Hermione folded her arms across her chest.

"Obviously," Remus chortled, "You were in and out of consciousness for about a day over there-"

"A DAY!" Hermione sputtered, "I-I've been out for a whole day?!"

Remus nodded, "Yes, as I was saying you were in the hospital wing for about a day and Madame Pomfrey agreed there wasn't much left for your recovery than to sleep, so Sirius and I convinced her to let you do that here so we wouldn't have to worry about being seen by the prying eyes of injured or sick students."

"Most likely for the best," Hermione agreed.

"So she knocked you out with some dreamless draught to make sure you did indeed rest and we brought you back, where you've been basically dead to the world for a day-"

"Wait, hold up, another day?" Hermione swore, "How much bloody time have I wasted being asleep? That's two whole days! Do you know what we could've accomplished in two days! There's so much to do, I need to-"

Remus grabbed Hermione, engulfing her petite wrist in his much larger hand, keeping her from leaping out of the bed as was her intent.

"Remus, I-" The witch looked over at her friend and then stopped, taken off guard by the unexpectedly somber tilt to his head, eyes not meeting her own. "Remus?" She asked cautiously.

"Hermione, I-I'm just," the wizard sighed and buried his face in his free hand, "I'm just searching for a way to explain to you how very very tired I am of sitting by my friends, bruised and bloodied, waiting anxiously for them to wake up. I can't tell you how absolutely fucking sick of it I am so if you could, if you could…"

"Oh, Remus," Hermione scooted herself beside her werewolf, resting her dark mane of curls against his shoulder.

Remus took a sharp breath, "If you could just not jump out of this bed intent on finding your way into the next dangerous situation, if you could just sit here and relax and be awake and alive and unharmed for maybe just twenty-four hours or something like that, I would be so bloody thrilled, I just-I just-"

"Okay," Hermione cut him off.

"Okay?" Remus snapped his head up, eyes on boring into the witch, "Really?"

"Yes, really," she nodded, "twenty-four hours of relaxation."

"I didn't expect you to acquiesce so quickly, I had more speech planned out."

"Oh, well, go on if you'd like, I'm all ears."

"No," Remus chuckled, releasing Hermione's wrist, "no that's alright." The wizard brought his arm around Hermione's shoulders and pulled her even closer to him. Hermione took a deep breath, soaking up his presence and she suddenly realized- this was her Remus.

Her Remus.

The other Remus Lupin belonged somewhere else and even though he was her professor and mentor and perhaps like an uncle, he had never really been her Remus. ut this wizard sitting next to her, large frame pressed so closely, melodic breathing harmonizing with her own, was her Remus.

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen anymore," she whispered into his oversized shirt.

"Hmm?"

"I'll make sure you don't have to sit and wait for your friends to wake up, I'll make sure you don't have to anxiously watch over them I'll make sure," Hermione took another deep breath, "I'll make sure to end this."

"Y'know," Hermione could hear the almost smile in his voice, "I think if anyone can, it'll be you, love. It'll be you."

Hermione wrapped her own arms around Remus's middle, hugging him fiercely,

"Remus," she began seriously.

"Yes?"

"Who the fuck put me in my pajamas?"

Remus gave a guffaw full of unexpected mirth, "Oh don't fret about your virtue, McGonagall and Pomfrey handled that."

"Oh, thank Godric."

Hermione did as she promised and relaxed all day while Remus followed her around like a puppy to ensure her full cooperation. He followed her through the kitchen and fussed over her breakfast, he followed her up to the library where she insisted reading was relaxing, he followed her back down to the kitchen for lunch, he did the good sense not to follow her into the bathroom while she showered, but he continued trailing after her when she went back to the library for more literary leisure.

Circe, at least Sirius is sleeping after his shift last night, I'm not sure what I'd do if I had both of them nipping at my heels to relax. I am relaxing, goddamnit!

Remus wasn't convinced.

"Don't get up!" He chided as he accio'd her tea.

"Which book do you want?" He demanded when she moved to pull another great tome off a shelf.

"I can carry you to the bathroom," he insisted.

"Remus!" Hermione finally snapped and then, more controlled, "Remus, there is no need to carry me to the bathroom, I assure you, my leg only aches now, Pomfrey did a marvelous job, I'm right healed."

Green eyes narrowed, lips drawn into a thin line, Remus regarded the witch discerningly. "I can levitate you if you'd rather."

"Oh for Godric's sake!" Hermione practically roared, throwing up her hands in disbelief until she saw the smallest smile tug at the corners of Remus's mouth. "You," she narrowed her own amber orbs, "you've been playing me this whole bloody day, haven't you, you bloody wolf?"

Remus shrugged noncommittally, "I mean, you should be relaxing."

"I'm going to throttle you."

"I'm quite a bit bigger than you."

"Oh, I've throttled bigger wizards than you, Remus Lupin."

"Have you now?" A silky voice asked from behind her and Hermione turned to see Sirius casually leaning against a bookcase, three glasses and a bottle of Ogden's in hand.

"Yes," Hermione harrumphed, placing her hands on her hips, legs crossed in front of her, "I have. Bigger than both of you."

With a casual grace Hermione suspected was more natural than practiced, Sirius sauntered over and slipped to the floor to sit besides his friends, a wicked grin on his pale face, "Oh do tell, my little harpy."

"I think I preferred 'kitten,'" Hermione rolled her eyes.

"That's fine, kitten, I'm easy," Sirius chortled, placing the glasses in front of the trio before filling them liberally.

"What's this?" Remus asked, but took a glass all the same.

"A celebration!" Sirius declared, grabbing a glass for himself and placing the last in Hermione's reluctant hand.

"Of?" Remus took a sip, "Oh, it's the good stuff even!"

"Of course it is, we are celebrating our little trios first triumph over the dark forces."

"Seems a bit premature," Hermione pointed out, eyeing her glass suspiciously; she'd never been much of a drinker.

No, that's Ron's lot. Ugh, let's not think about that sorry excuse for a ginger twat.

"Excuse me?" Sirius asked with mock incredulity, "We defeated a hydra, Hermione, a feet that has not been done for hundreds of years! Not since our dear Hercules. I think that our survival allows for at least a certain amount of celebration."

Hermione opened her mouth to protest and then stopped.

"You're such a bloody buzzkill." Ron's voice echoed through her head and Hermione sneered into her glass.

"Y'know what, Sirius? You're right." Hermione tipped her head back and let the fiery liquid cascade down her throat before erupting into a sudden fit of coughing. "Oh gods, it's awful!"

It took both wizards a moment to compose themselves enough to speak. Sirius was still fighting back tremors of laughter but managed to get out, "You're supposed to sip, Hermione, not chug."

Hermione glared, "Yes, I know that."

Sirius sighed, "Godric, you've never masturbated-"

"Oh fuck you, Sirius Black!"

"-and now we see that you've never had a drink either? Goodness, what a sheltered life." Sirius teased, grey eyes sparkling.

"I've had a drink before!" The witch defended herself haughtily, "Firewhiskey just always takes me by surprise is all."

"Well then, love," Remus refilled Hermione's glass, "take this one a little slower."

The wizards exchanged mischievous looks and Hermione briefly wondered if drinking in the company of two Marauders was wise and then she thought,

Fuck it. And took another drink. This time a much smaller drink.

"That's better!" Remus praised, taking another sip himself.

"I'm a quick study."

Remus laughed and the sound was so pleasing Hermione couldn't quite discern if it was his merriment or the firewhiskey that was beginning to warm her.

Sirius leaned in, "So, my little harpy kitten," Hermione snorted at that, "pray tell who have you throttled that is apparently so much larger than our dear Moony here?"

Hermione considered for a moment and then smiled, "The name won't mean anything to you."

"So? Tell us anyway." Remus insisted.

"Alright, Viktor Krum."

"You're right," Sirius frowned, "it means nothing. But how big was the brute?"

"Actually, more of a will be rather than a was, I suppose," Hermione mused, "Oh, but he wasn't a brute, he was a Bulgarian Quidditch player. Quite a polite one if I'm being honest."

"Bulgarian!" Remus nudged her with his foot. "Got a taste for the continent do you?"

"Ha! Hardly! He was my first, I guess you could say boyfriend," the witch admitted, casting her eyes down to the wooden floor for a moment lost in the youthful memories of their brief little romance. She hadn't thought about, let alone spoken of, Viktor Krum in years.

Should've kept in touch after the war, he was a good friend.

"Aaaaand you throttled him?" Sirius poured himself another glass. "You're brutal, kitten. Dating you sounds dangerous."

"Well, he deserved it!" Hermione countered, "We had," she shrugged, "a disagreement on the best transfiguration texts."

Sirius spit his drink, "Are you mad? Oh my gods!" He stammered between laughs, "Of course you throttled your boyfriend over a disagreement on books! I'm not shocked at all, but the poor bloke," Sirius shook his head with dramatic sorrow, "did he even stand a chance."

"Oh shut up," Hermione lightly punched the wizard in the arm, "he was like twice my size, he was fine, I seem to remember a lot of laughter involved on his end. I hardly think it even bothered him."

"He was probably into that sort of thing," Remus mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Actually, I have it on good authority that he was," Hermione grinned wickedly. Imagining that look Viktor would give her if she punched him hard enough gave her a euphoric sense of satisfaction. Or maybe it was the alcohol?

Good snogger as well.

"MINX!" Sirius declared, pointing an accusatory finger towards Hermione who giggled fitfully. "And here we were thinking you're so pure!"

"I am pure!" Hermione countered, "Pure as the driven snow!" But even she was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"Alright, alright, I have the most brilliant idea," Sirius leaned in conspiratorially, "I think it's time for a little muggle game of truth or truth."

"I believe it's truth or dare, Pads." Remus corrected, but Sirius waved him off.

"I'm not so cruel, our dear Hermione is in no physical condition for a round of Marauder truth or dare, but truth or truth, now that she is fully capable of."

"Truth or truth is just, well, truth," Hermione pointed out. "The premise of truth or dare gives a person options if they don't want to answer a question, this game would give us no options."

"Exactly!" Sirius declared with triumph. "You'll simply have to answer whatever questions I ask."

"And vice versa!" Hermione insisted, voice laced with firewhiskey boldness.

Sirius nodded his agreement, "And vice versa."

"Maybe we should lay down a few rules," Hermione suggested, "like questions must be-"

"Of a personal nature!" Sirius interjected, "Good idea, Hermione, we should make this very personal."

"That's not what I was going to-"

"Too late, that's the rule!" Sirius turned to Remus, "You in, Moony?"

"This won't end well," Remus sighed under his breath, "but I'm in."

"Of course you are," Sirius laughed, "Who's going first? I volunteer-"

"Me! I'm going first!" Hermione turned to Remus, a question that had been on her mind for awhile swimming to the surface, "What's the deal with you and Gideon?"

Remus choked, his face growing red. "Pass."

"No passing!" Hermione pushed the book that had remained balanced on her knees to the side and scooted closer to the werewolf. "You and Gideon, spill. You two have the most bizarre vibe going on every time you're together."

"We do not!" Remus glared, his eyes shifting to yellow so briefly Hermione didn't notice.

"Liar," Sirius took a drink, "you agreed to the game, truth or truth, no lies."

Remus tightened the grip on his glass, shoulders tense. Sober Hermione would've given up at this point, noting her friend's obvious discomfort, but tipsy Hermione was tenacious and drunk Hermione was ruthless.

The witch leaned forward, placing both her hands on Remus's knees, "Tell me your secrets little wolf."

Remus cocked a brow at that.

Oh crap, said that out loud.

But Hermione did not waver, she stared into his now red face until,

"Fiiiiine, we dated and it did not end well." Remus admitted, looking down.

"I didn't realize you batted for the other team, Remus," Hermione leaned back thoughtfully, "I wonder if the Remus from my timeline was gay as well. Or no, he couldn't be, because of Dora-"

"I bat for whichever team I choose," Remus proclaimed cheekily.

Sirius frowned, "What do bats have to do with sexual preferences?"

Hermione's face lit up, "I have my next question!"

"No!" Sirius interjected, "My turn."

Hermione pouted, "Alright, I'll save it for the next round."

"Yes, you will, because my question is for you, Hermione."

Hermione took a sip, "Shoot."

"Why are you sometimes such a raging bitch to me?" Sirius asked with no preamble.

Hermione stiffened, Am I a raging bitch? A bitch maybe. But a raging bitch?

I meeeean, yea sometimes.

"Fuck, Pads, maybe that shouldn't have been your first question straight out the gate," Remus criticized, both eyebrows now raised in disbelief. "You could've reworded it at least."

"Fair point," Sirius said more to himself than his companions. "Sorry, Hermione, that was a little bit much, let's do a different-"

"No, I'll answer, I agreed to the terms." Hermione began, words suddenly ready to pour out. "Y'know I hadn't given it much thought, until just this moment and now I'm giving it too much thought perhaps, but honestly the you from my timeline was much older than me and he was honestly a bit of a jackass. It wasn't entirely his fault, spent twelve or so years in Azkaban which would mess with even the most pleasant of wizards, but y'know he was a bit mad and a bit reckless and we disagreed and when we disagreed he wasn't exactly kind. He was a good man who loved Harry, but-but I wouldn't have exactly called him my friend."

Sirius stared at the witch, grey eyes unreadable.

Oh, damnit, Granger, we said too much, you and your big mouth always have to just ramble on and on-

"Well, that was sobering," Sirius said quietly, "welp, better drink more!"

He poured everyone another round.

"Your turn, Moony!"

Remus took his refilled glass, "My question is also for Hermione."

Hermione shook her head, curls bouncing, "No fair! That's two in a row for me!"

Sirius rubbed his chin dramatically, "No rules forbid it."

"I move to add such a rule."

"Motion denied, Remus ask away."

"Thank you, good Sir Pads."

"Of course, good Sir Moony."

"You two are ridiculous."

"My question is!" Remus pointed a finger in the air, "Name every person you've ever kissed."

Hermione laughed, "That's not a question, that's a request."

"Fine, will you name every person you've ever kissed?" Remus rephrased.

"No, I won't." Hermione giggled. "There, answered your question."

"You know what I mean, little witch," Remus reached out and gently tugged a curl.

"Okay okay fine, I'll answer even if you did phrase your question improperly."

"How good of you, m'lady." Remus mock bowed at the hip.

"Yes, well, I'm incredibly kind like that," Hermione winked.

Circe, did we just wink. Pull it together, Granger.

"Right well," the witch straightened, a touch of awkwardness creeping into her motions. Prepare for the mocking, Granger. "Two," she blurted, "I-I've kissed two people-ah wizards, I've kissed two wizards."

"No shame in that number," Sirius placed a reassuring hand on Hermione's shoulder and the witch fought the urge to swat it away, though more in playfulness than actual annoyance. "Who are they? Obviously this Bulgarian fellow and then…?"

"I'd assume her ex-fiance," Remus suggested and Hermione suddenly deeply regretted ever mentioning Ron.

"Oh, I just figured out all of my forthcoming questions!" Sirius declared happily raising his glass.

"Ugh!" Hermione buried her face in her hands. "No! That's not fair, you two are going to gang up on me!"

"Yes." The wizards said in tandem.

"Ugh!"

And so they continued into the evening and finally the night, until many an embarrassing story had been told and the bottle of Ogden's was all but empty. After Hermione had finished describing her first and very disastrous kiss with Viktor Krum, the witch wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and waved her hands in the air.

"Alright, alright!" She swayed back and forth, her face warm from the firewhiskey. "My turn! And my question, is for you Sirius Black." Hermione attempted to level the wizard in question with a menacing stare but the effects of the alcohol rendered what normally would have been menacing into just plain ridiculous and Sirius burst out into laughter.

"Oh my gods, what's wrong with your face?" Sirius leaned over and ran a hand down the side of Hermione's face and despite the intoxication, Hermione did not miss the heat that blossomed from his touch and traveled down her body.

Oooooh what the fuck was that, Granger? Whaaaaat the fuuuuuuck we're druuuuunk.

"I'm drunk," the witch giggled uncontrollably.

"Sloppily so," Remus added filling their glasses with the last of the firewhiskey.

"Indeed! Alright," Hermione steadied herself, absently placing a hand on Sirius's knee before continuing, "my dear Sirius-"

"Oh, dear Sirius, I quite like the sound of that." Sirius grinned.

"-my question is whyyyy do the witches like you so very much?"

"Oh Godric, Hermione, think of his ego," Remus groaned, throwing his head back in exasperation.

Sirius's face lit up with absolute pleasure. "You think they like me so very much, hmm?" He asked, scooting a bit closer to the witch.

"Well they must!" Hermione shifted to sit on her knees, "You bring witches over all the time, they apparently must love you!"

"His egooooo!" Remus ran both his hands down the sides of his face. "Hermione what have you done?"

"Remus, this is for science!" Hermione insisted, "Tell me, Sirius, what is it you do?"

"Oh I'll tell you what I do, kitten," Sirius purred.

"Is it your sexual prowess? Your confidence? Good looks? Do you find desperate women?"

"Hey now, that was below the belt."

"I mean, what is it!" Hermione had been waving her hand in the air and now brought it to rest atop her mad curls, "How do you get so many women to bed you? I-I can't even get the man who was supposed to marry me to tell me my eyeshadow looks nice, let alone pull blokes at the bar."

"Oh, love," it was Remus this time, "you would have no trouble pulling blokes, trust me on this one."

"But I can't!" Hermione insisted. "Wizards don't look twice at me, nor witches, wipe that smirk off your face, Sirius! I-I mean I trryyyy to flirt, I do! Ginny and Luna took me out after Ron broke things off and they both got hit on and Ginny's married! But me! I couldn't get a wizard to even look at me. Is it my hair?"

Oh pull it the fuck together, Granger, you're fucking rambling, oh gods what a fucking embarrassment.

"I just, I mean, I just," Hermione stammered, spiraling now, "I just want to know why witches like you, what is it you've got and why-why don't I have it? Why won't anyone...like...me?"

Well, this is fucking depressing.

It wasn't until those words left Hermione's mouth that the witch fully came to terms with the fact that she had even been feeling them, deep down in her core. She felt them.

Why won't anyone like me?

The awkward pity that had settled onto the faces of the wizards around her made Hermione's stomach churn and the witch stood up quickly, too quickly, and nearly fell back down in the process.

"Well! I think that I have made a big enough fool of myself, "Hermione pulled at the bottom of her jumper, fiddling with a loose string, "so I'll be headed off to uh- to bed now, where I sleep, y'know, over there," she began backing up, "in the room on the next floor, so I'll be going now."

"Hermione," Remus made like he was about to get up.

"Right! Off to bed!" Hermione turned and attempted to run, but couldn't really get her legs to cooperate- damn alcohol!- and ended up doing some sort of odd shuffle out of the library which was still quick enough that she didn't hear Remus lean over and say to Sirius,

"Well, you going to chase after her or what?"

Oh god, oh god, I'm a fucking idiot, I'm the biggest idiot this side of the Atlantic. Why would I ask that? Why would I say all that? Why am I so unlikeable? Big fat drunken tears welled at the corner of Hermione's eyes. Oh fuck, stop thinking about Ron's stupid face! The witch grabbed her hair and pulled uncomfortably. That stupid piece of shite awful fiance, I hate him, I hate him, I hate-

"Hermione!" She felt a tug at her jumper and swung around to see Sirius had caught up to her, "Oh, kitten," he whispered wiping her cheek with his thumb, hand suddenly cupped around her cheek. "Why are you crying, love?"

"Because-because-" Hermione stammered, sucking in a deep breath to swallow the tears back down her throat. It wasn't working. "Because you're right! And I'm drunk! And I am a raging bitch!" Sirius started to apologize but Hermione cut him off, "I'm caustic and judgmental and I push away everyone and of course Ron broke things off, look at me I'm-I'm-"

"Fascinatingly beautiful."

Hermione froze and for a moment thought maybe he was being honest, maybe he meant that, but why would he mean that? Why would he?

And then, she growled, "And now you're mocking me? I'm right here baring my soul, digging deep into myself and you're mocking me? That's low even for you-"

"Shut up, you stupid witch." Sirius interrupted her, placing his free hand on the other side of Hermione's face. "Why would I be mocking you right now? Don't you think I'm telling the truth?"

"Well, I-I… no. I don't…"

"Stupid witch," Sirius sighed, pushing a few unruly curls out of Hermione's face, "you are beautiful and let me just tell you, your ex-fiance sounds like a right piece of shite and I would absolutely love to just punch him right in the face because who could've ever let you go once they had you?"

Hermione's heart was pounding in her chest and she couldn't quite tell what was making her knees so very weak.

Firewhiskey, obviously it's the firewhiskey…

Hermione, I-" Sirius's eyes moved down to Hermione's lips, glazing over for a moment, "I really want to kiss you right now," he chuckled a little manically, "but, I know, because this is-this wouldn't be right, we're drunk, we're both drunk, but I just want you to know that I-I-"

"You?" Hermione whispered, surprised she could even talk at this point. Sirius's face was wearing an expression the witch hadn't seen before, it didn't even resemble the casually insufferable arrogance she'd come to associate with the wizard. In fact, it looked altogether vulnerable.

"I think-" Sirius dropped his hands suddenly stuffing them into the pockets of his trousers, "I think you should get some rest."

"O-oh," Hermione stammered, taking a step back as the bubble around them burst. "Yes well- well I suppose you're right, I suppose I should."

Sirius took a few steps back, smiling weakly. "Good night, kitten."

"Night, Sirius," Hermione breathed before turning and shuffling back to her room.