A/N: Hey, y'all! It was pointed out to me in a review from the last chapter that Hermione has had firewhiskey before, with the Prewett twins. I'd forgotten about that! I wrote it so long ago. I went back and edited the last chapter to fix that. Sorry for any continuity errors. I've got a spreadsheet with what I think is most of my plot points, but inevitably things fall between the cracks. Thank you for all the lovely reviews, btw!
oOo
The next morning Hermione remembered with biting clarity why she had never enjoyed drinking. Hangovers were Satan's work. Fortunately, one thing the wizarding world certainly had over the muggle was the pepper up potion. It took her about an hour after crawling out of bed- literally crawling-to find all the ingredients and then concoct the brew, but she would not have been able to function that day without it.
This is the second time I've gotten too drunk since arriving, maybe I need to just stay away from alcohol. Hermione sighed, burying her face in her hands, elbows resting on the rustic kitchen table.
"I really want to kiss you right now."
Hermione's stomach churned, but she couldn't blame it on the firewhiskey.
Why the fuck would he say that? Hermione had been ruminating on that bizarre conversation with Sirius all morning. Why would he want to kiss me?
Because he was drunk, Granger. What's the term? Drunk goggles? Yes, yes drunk goggles. He was wearing drunk goggles.
What's the other saying? Drunk man, sober thoughts?
"Ugh!" Hermione slammed both her hands on the table and stood up suddenly. Remus, who had been sitting across from her, looked up from his breakfast quizzically. "I-" Hermione began, not sure how to explain her behavior even to herself, "I'm going to the library!"
"Okay," Remus leaned back in his chair, "at least that's a little more normal, you've been acting weird all morning."
"Weird? Who's weird? I'm certainly not weird."
Remus stared.
Hermione panicked, "You're weird!"
"Who's weird?" Sirius asked from the door, as if having materialized from thin air.
"Ah!" Hermione squeaked.
Where did he come from!
"Ah, what? Wh-who, I mean, no one," Hermione swallowed hard, willing the color to leave her cheeks, "no one's weird."
Sirius raised an ebony eyebrow, "Awfully jumpy this morning, kitten," the wizard noted, heading towards the table.
"She brewed a pepper up, evidently an exceptionally potent pepper up," Remus informed him before turning his attention back to his breakfast.
"Everything I brew is exceptionally potent," Hermione boasted, her nerves calmed by the subject change, "though a complete and total arse, I was in fact taught by one of the most gifted potion masters ever to grace the halls of Hogwarts; his recipes are second to none."
"That so?" Sirius asked, sliding into a chair beside Remus, "Couldn't have been our dear Slughorn then, the old git. Who taught at Hogwarts the years you attended?"
"Oh, actually," Hermione began thoughtfully, "he was uh-hmm..."
Hermione had been meaning to find the right time to bring up Snape; thus far no one had mentioned him and if he was a spy for the Order, his involvement wasn't a detail McGonagall had made her privy to. Her interest had been piqued when Sirius had failed to name Snape as one of the known Death Eaters that morning in this very kitchen after her drinking adventure with the Prewett twins -I really can't go making a habit of this- but Snape simply had yet to come up.
"Y'know, that doesn't really matter actually," Hermione said dismissively, having decided maybe this wasn't the best time to walk into the landmine that was bringing up Severus Snape to Sirius Black.
Or at least for the other Sirius it would've been a landmine.
In fact, Hermione decided it wasn't the best time to bring up anything to Sirius Black. His very presence was making her nauseated.
"I'm off to the library," she said gathering her mug and half-eaten toast.
"As I said," Remus teased, "finally some normal behavior."
"Shut it, you," Hermione stuck her tongue out, "I've got research to do."
"I'll follow you there," Sirius said, pushing himself up.
Hermione stiffened, "What? Why?"
My sanctuary! Not my sanctuary!
"I've actually got a spot of research to do myself," Sirius shrugged.
Remus took a very long drink from his glass of water, but did not take his eyes off the scene unfolding before him.
"You hate the library," Hermione accused almost desperately.
Sirius snorted, "I'm not the biggest fan, no, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the merits when necessary."
"What research do you have to do?" Hermione demanded. Oh gods, why is he doing this? Haven't we made big enough fools of ourselves? Can't we just leave each other alone?
"It is my family's library, y'know," Sirius pointed out, "I'm allowed to go up there whenever I want. But if you must know, it's for a case I'm working."
"A case? What case?" Stall, Granger! Stall him and then, then- just run! Run to the library and shut the door!
Hermione had the sense, even hungover, to know that wasn't actually an option.
"Confidential information, kitten, you know proper Auror procedure and all. C'mon," Sirius linked his arm with Hermione's and steered her through the door, "we can head up together."
Crappity crap crap.
Despite Hermione's fears, it appeared Sirius was being truthful and did have research to do. They'd barely spoken to each other since making their way to the Black Family Library, which made things all the more awkward, or at least it did in Hermione's mind.
What is he thinking? Why isn't he talking? What book is he reading? Did he just look at me? Why is he looking at me? Why am I looking at him? Stop looking at him, Granger! Oh gods he smiled at me, why is he smiling at me? Don't smile back! Glare! Glare back!
Why am I glaring at my friend? Pull yourself together, Granger.
But that was just the problem then, wasn't it? Sirius, despite Hermione's initial resistance, had become her friend and seeing as currently she had a total of two friends, the witch wasn't so keen on losing either of them. And that's what happened when you kissed your friends- you lost them. Kisses led to feelings. Feelings led to romantic involvements and romantic involvements, inevitably, came to an end.
And then, that was it. No more friend.
Hermione never had many friends, she knew she could be a difficult pill to swallow, but the friends she had were as sacred to her as any ancient tome. Harry was her friend. Ginny was her friend. Luna was her friend. Neville was her friend. Seamus was her partner, maybe her friend? She'd saved his life enough times, she reckoned she'd earned the 'friend' title.
But they weren't here. Here she had two friends. Sirius and Remus. End of list. And if things became strained between her and Sirius well then, that list would become less a list and more of just a name. If things became strained between her and Sirius, beyond what Hermione considered mostly good natured rows, she was one step closer to being alone and she wasn't sure she could handle alone right now. She had tried alone. It didn't work.
Hermione came as a set.
Growing up it had been Mom, Dad, Hermione.
Then it was Harry, Ron, Hermione.
Now it was Sirius, Remus, Hermione.
If she lost Sirius, would Remus go along with him? And then she would be alone. Truly, wholly alone. If Sirius pulled away that would be it.
Problem was, Sirius didn't seem to be pulling away.
Yet. We still have time to mess everything up.
Hermione eyed the wizard, who was leaning against a bookshelf by the fireplace, suspiciously from over the top of her book. He was, she had to admit, unapologetically handsome. His skin was porcelain- not in the way of someone who's sick, but like the crisp pages of a new book; smooth and unmarked. Unlike Hermione's body that was full of scars and marks, profanities carved with cursed blades. When he pushed a pale hand through his hair, the ebony locks fell neatly like they'd been charmed into place. Unlike Hermione's wild mane that refused to be tamed by even the most robust of spells. Sirius had edges where Hermione had curves, he was elegant where Hermione was unrefined, polished where she was coarse, confident where she was doubtful.
Hermione Granger's fingernails were stained with ink, her clothes a mess of wrinkles, her hands calloused, her eyebrows unplucked, her hair uncontrollable.
Hermione Granger was not the kind of witch Sirius Black wanted to kiss.
He was drunk last night. So drunk. He must've been unimaginably drunk. Right? Right. He was drunk! He probably doesn't even remember- THAT'S IT! HE DOESN'T REMEMBER. That's why he's been acting so normal, for him everything is normal! Everything is just-
"Like what you see, kitten?" Sirius purred, not looking up.
"What- I'm not, you're not-I'm just," Hermione bit down hard on her cheek to get herself to shut up. "What are you talking about?"
"The book, love, you've been staring at that page for the last ten minutes, are you going to share what's so interesting?" He asked, idly turning the page of the book he'd been leafing through.
Oh crappity crap crap. What am I reading again? Hermione glanced down. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Right.
Hermione had been searching for Scamander's thoughts on hydras, but apparently the magizoologist hadn't come across any in his travels. Which was odd; it seemed hydras were even more rare than basilisks, begging the question; how did Salazar Slytherin find one to begin with?
Shame we had to kill it, Hermione frowned.
"I'm just looking for any information on hydra blood," Hermione informed him, shutting the book, "but so far no one seems to know anything. The only references I can find to hydras at all are in writings on the Twelve Labours of Hercules, but even that's all second hand."
Sirius placed his book back on a shelf and meandered over to the sofa Hermione was curled up in.
"I've been meaning to ask you about that," the wizard plopped himself beside her, solidly in her space but not so close that they were touching, arm casually sung over the back of the sofa, "why did you have us collect the blood?"
"Last ditch hunch, really," Hermione responded, trying to inconspicuously squeeze herself as far into the corner and away from Sirius's warm body as she could.
Don't you come over here and sit next to me, Black!
"Care to explain?" Sirius asked.
At least this is a neutral topic. He hasn't said something like, 'Sorry about last night, Hermione, you know of course I'd never want to kiss you, that would be so weird and gross.'
"Well," Hermione began, "one of the special things about the basilisk, I explained before, is that their venom can destroy horcruxes, it's one of the few things known to do so. I'm hopeful that maybe a hydra's blood can do the same thing."
"Why the blood, why not it's potent as fuck acid spit?"
"Good point, but when Hercules fought the Lernaean Hydra, he kept some of the blood and dipped his arrows in it. He used those arrows to kill some other chaps in his remaining trials. I was hoping I'd be able to find more information on hydras but so far the texts have been surprisingly scant. Like I said, the only thing I can find is information about Hercules's Second Trial, but none of it is the original material anyway."
"So that hydra was a rare beasty indeed."
"Seems so, yes."
Sirius sighed, "Shame we had to kill it then."
Hermione glanced over at the wizard, she hadn't been expecting any sort of remorse. "Yes," she said softly, "it was."
"Right so," Sirius clapped his hands together, "when're we going to destroy this horcrux, then?"
"I-I'm not so sure, honestly," Hermione shifted uncomfortably, "I wanted to have some sort of background information before I tried, but it seems I might just have to go straight from hypothesis to experiment and just see what happens."
"We."
"Hmm?" Hermione furrowed her dark brow.
"We will have to go straight from hypothesis to experiment," Sirius corrected her, "we're in this together, kitten, you, me and lil' Moony down there."
"Yes, well," Hermione wasn't much in the mood for an argument, "what are you looking for?" She asked, changing the subject, "Anything I can help with?"
Sirius sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, his face clouding for a moment.
"Actually, maybe there is," he replied slowly, "could I ask you something? I'm trying to-to get into someone's head- a Death Eater- and I'm trying to figure out what she's going to do next. Maybe if you could tell me what happened to her in your world, the trajectory she's on, maybe that will make things a little bit clearer."
Hermione nodded, "I can certainly try, who's the Death Eater?
"My cousin, Bellatrix Black or-or Lestrange, maybe you'd know her as Bellatrix Lestrange."
Hermione's body became very still, like when a rabbit catches the scent of a fox, the type of stillness only the hunted are capable of. Slowly and deliberately, Hermione placed Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them on the small table beside the sofa, before turning her body towards Sirius.
Breath even.
Pulse slow.
Jaw set.
"What," she began, her voice suddenly steeled, "would you like to know about Bellatrix?"
Hermione could see that Sirius noticed the change in her instantly, but this reaction was a practiced and calculated means of emotional self-preservation. It was Hermione's only means of emotional self-preservation.
Sirius frowned, cocking his head to the side discerningly, "Everything alright?" He asked with obvious worry.
"Mmhmm," Hermione nodded, "Peachy keen. Talk to me about Bellatrix."
Sirius's frown deepened, but he continued, "I just want to know what happens to her where you're from, was she a Death Eater? What did she do- what were her crimes, if any? I suppose I'm working under the assumption that Bella is the same or even-even that she exists at all-"
"She did," Hermione cut in, "exist that is."
"Did?"
"Yes. In my world, in my time, she's dead."
"Oh well that's uh- good, I guess?"
Hermione nodded, "It is."
Sirius sighed rubbing his forehead, "I take it she was batshit crazy in your world as well then?"
A hollow chuckle escaped from Hermione, "Yes, that's a good way of putting it. Batshit crazy."
The witch took a deep breath, "She was Bellatrix Lestrange in my time as well. She was a Death Eater, one of his favorites, his most loyal soldier. After Voldemort was defeated the first time, she was arrested for torturing Alice and Frank Longbottom to madness and sent to Azkaban-"
"Godric," Sirius ran a hand through his hair, "I was kind of hoping maybe in your world they'd gotten a happier ending."
"No," Hermione shook her head, "no the Longbottoms are profoundly unlucky in both our timelines it seems."
"But Bella was captured and sent to rot? At least there's a spot of justice."
Hermione shrugged, "Cold comfort that it was for Neville. And then when Voldemort came back he freed her and it's my understanding that Azkaban took any semblance of humanity she had and twisted it into utter derangement. By the time I met her I'm not even sure you could call her human."
A hand around her throat. Nails sharp as talons scraping her skin. The metallic tang of fresh blood in her mouth. The terrifying lilt to her voice when she whispered a crucio.
Hermione dug her own nails into her arm.
Breath even.
Pulse slow.
Jaw set.
A mantra for survival.
"She wasn't always this way, y'know," Hermione's attention snapped back to Sirius's soft voice, "growing up she was an absolute bitch but-but she wasn't cruel, th-that came later after Andromeda was disowned and Cissy married Malfoy and she married Lestrange. They brought this out in her. Or maybe," Sirius sighed, "maybe she was always like this and I was too busy, too wrapped in myself to notice. Godric knows I didn't notice Regulus drowning in those Slytherin circles. Maybe Lestrange and Voldemort just finally gave her an outlet. I don't know, my family is so fucked up," Sirius was rambling now, "Andy is the only one who's not awful but the rest of them, the Ancient and Noble House of Black is full arseholes and villains. They've done such terrible things, Hermione, my heritage, my ancestors, my family, my fucked up legacy. I-I just..."
Hermione had her arms wrapped around Sirius before she even knew what she was doing.
"Oh Sirius," she said into his hair, "you are so much more than your family's legacy."
"I know, I know," Sirius breathed, burying his face into Hermione's shoulder, "I know I am. It's just- gods they're all awful," he laughed, "they're just awful. I hate that I even have to be thinking about Bellatrix right now, but when she's in Azkaban it'll be worth it."
Hermione nodded, pulling away from Sirius, but the wizard held tight. She turned her face to look up into his and her breath hitched.
Breath even.
But she wasn't breathing.
Pulse slow.
But her heart was attempting to pound its way through her ribcage.
Jaw set.
But how was she to expect herself to focus on anything except for the subtle curves of Sirius's lips, the planes of his face, the feel of his hands on her waist?
How could she breathe when he was looking at her like this? No one had ever looked at her like this. Not Ron, not Viktor, no one had ever looked at Hermione like they weren't looking at her at all. Like they were seeing her.
"S-Sirius," she whispered, amber eyes locked with grey.
"When I kiss you for the first time, little witch," his voice was low and husky and Hermione's insides twisted at the sound of it, "you are going to want to kiss me, you're not going to hesitate, you're going to be ready and I am not going to kiss you until then."
Hermione's mouth was dry, her limbs on fire, her face flushed.
"But," he continued, "I am going to kiss you, Hermione." When did he learn to say her name like that? With a voice so full of power.
This is why they like him, Hermione thought to herself somehow through the murky cloud of her mind. Because when he looks at them he makes them believe he wants them, only them.
Son of a bitch.
"When you're ready," Sirius whispered, releasing the hold he had on her waist and moving away.
"When I'm-when I'm ready?" Hermione stuttered.
"When you're ready," he nodded.
"HEY WE HAVE A FLOO-" Remus burst through the library door and then stopped, staring at the two of them on the sofa. His green eyes narrowed a fraction. "I've interrupted something," he said matter-of-factly.
"No-no!" Hermione jumped up, hands outstretched. "Nope! Nothing! Just-uh, just research!" Hermione looked down at Sirius pleadingly.
"So much research," the wizard smirked.
Aaaaaand he's back.
Hermione shot Sirius a wicked glare which he ignored.
"Right," Remus drew out the word a bit, "well, Minerva's got us on a floo call downstairs, so you two need to wrap up your 'research' -"
"Don't put 'research' in quotes!" Hermione demanded indignantly.
"-and follow me downstairs. She's sending Gideon and Fabian over so they'll be here soon."
"Why?" Sirius asked, getting up from the sofa.
"No clue," Remus said over his shoulder, "come downstairs and hear for yourself."