Chapter 10:
It's not always rainbows…
It's been amazing so far; she thinks she is dealing with the whole 'dating a girl' thing pretty well. If she is honest with herself, she is not the same girl that stepped foot into McKinley High two years ago. Despite her conservative background Quinn likes to think that she would never hate on someone just because of their lifestyle. However, she did hate herself, she was in denial, and she definitely found ways to torture the main source of her issue with herself. Two years ago her attraction towards Rachel was definitely an issue. And she needed to fight against it at all costs.
She doesn't have to anymore; she doesn't have to fight against her feelings for Rachel and the freedom she feels is exhilarating. But she is used to things not working out. Is she silly to wish for her mother's support? She knows within her heart that she is not doing anything wrong and it took her a long way to get there, to find acceptance and embrace her true self (or at least trying to). Is Beth a direct consequence of her struggling? She doesn't know for sure whether it was the wine coolers or the confusion about her sexuality or self insecurities, and it doesn't matter now, she just knows that she doesn't regret her daughter; Beth is the best thing she has ever done.
She loves her daughter unconditionally, but the little girl is still a delicate subject to her. Something she can't even discuss with her girlfriend.
One year…
Holding a stuffed bear on her hand and lying on her bed, Quinn sighs. She bought it with the intention of sending it for Beth's first birthday in June. She didn't send it though. Sometimes she feels like she doesn't deserve to be in Beth's life. She did give her up.
And it hurts so much…
The things she would do to get her back…
She wipes the tears on her cheeks, gets out of bed and puts the stuffed toy back into her closet.
Today is one of those days Rachel and her dads spend time together, which means she can't have her Rachel time. Moments ago she was looking for something to wear as she just left the shower when she spotted the stuffed toy. The worst part is that she can't talk about that to Rachel. She doesn't know how Rachel will react; Shelby is the one who adopted Beth after all.
On her nightstand her phone lights up indicating that she has a new text. Quinn takes her phone and throws herself on her bed. She then checks the text.
Rachel: Hey! How is your day going? Shouldn't be missing you, but I'm missing you.
She shakes her head with a huge smile on her lips. Why should she care about anything when she's never felt like this, no boy has never made her feel the way she does about Rachel.
Quinn: Rachel what are you doing? Leroy already dislikes me if he sees you messaging me he is never going to take me off his black list.
Rachel: my dad doesn't have a black list…
Rachel: and I can see you're not missing me :(
Quinn: correction: he didn't have one. He has it now, and I'm number one on it… and of course I miss you…
Rachel: and I'm the drama Queen… you'd better be missing me
Quinn: go back to your dads! We can talk later
Rachel: Fine!
Quinn: seriously though, I think it's amazing the relationship you have with them
Rachel: I think it's amazing too!
Rachel: but thanks, soon you'll be able to hang out with us too ;)
Quinn: it will be an honor
Rachel: it's a deal! Bye Beautiful!
Quinn: Bye baby!
I love you…
She whispers to her empty bedroom.
"There's no way back now."
It starts with a smile, but soon it turns into full blown laughter.
"I'm in love with a girl… I'm in love with Rachel Berry."
Suddenly she feels the need to scream at the top of the highest mountain with all the air she has in her lungs that she is in love and with a girl. She can't though. So she takes one pillow and presses it against her head and screams as loud as she can.
"Oh this is so romantic Quinn..."
"Are you mocking me?" She asks pretending to be dejected, pouting for good measure.
"I'm actually pretty serious." Rachel says placing her hands on her hips.
"Really?" Quinn grimaces playfully.
"Really."
"Is it because of the movie?"
"Maybe…" Rachel draws her lips into her mouth to hide her smile.
"Dork." Quinn teases as she bumps Rachel's shoulder with her own as they are walking towards a former warehouse turned into a paintball arena.
"Me? You're the one that brought your girlfriend to a paintball competition."
"Whatever." She replies nonchalantly. "Can we go in?"
"Yes!" Rachel nods with a wide smile, clapping her hands excitedly.
After they are informed about the rules and appropriately prepared as they had to dress in special clothing, and after they get their ammunition of course, they finally manage to go into the makeshift scenario.
The date Quinn planned involves a lot of color and a lot fun.
"Are you ready to lose Fabray?" Rachel says deviously.
"What makes you think you're going to win Berry?" Quinn asks with her trade mark raised eyebrow.
"I don't know." She shrugs comically. "I guess I like to think positive." She says gesturing her hands as Quinn observes her antics delighted.
"Only you Rachel Berry…" She shakes her head amused.
"Now come on!" Rachel demands excited as she gets closer and pecks Quinn's cheek quickly.
They pull away from each other and assume their competition strategy, after all the point is not getting splashed with all different colors, which means avoiding the balls that the other opponent is throwing at you.
The scenario is pretty impressive Rachel notices, and it's pretty big as well. There are many spots to hide. Currently she is trying to spot her girlfriend however. How did she manage to hide so well in so little time? Before she can answer herself she feels one ball hitting her back and exploding in a yellow mess. She screams in surprise; she doesn't like yellow very much.
"This is going to be so easy…" Quinn says teasingly as Rachel turns around with narrowed eyes.
"We just started." Rachel says as she takes one ball and throws it toward her girlfriend, but Quinn dodges it just in time and runs away laughing as Rachel huffs frustrated.
"I'm gonna get you!" Rachel shouts though she has a smile on her lips. She runs towards the direction Quinn went but she is caught off guard as Quinn appears from behind a wooden wall and throws another ball at Rachel, and this time Rachel is hit by a green one on her chest.
As Quinn is too distracted laughing at and teasing her girlfriend she forgets that Rachel has ammunition as well. So Rachel throws one ball, hitting her girlfriend's torso.
"Yes!" Rachel jumps and throws her fist in the air.
Quinn opens her mouth pretending to be shocked. Then with a smile appearing on her lips, she moves towards the brunette who squeals loudly. They keep throwing balls at each other as they can't help but laugh and scream happily. It's amazing that months ago they were basically the reason behind each other's suffering and now here they are, more than enjoying each other's company, they are the reason for each other happiness.
Rachel manages to avoid her girlfriend's attacks and runs away to hide again.
"You can run but you can't hide." Quinn says playfully.
After a while, Rachel can't find her girlfriend once again so decides it's time to stop.
"Okay. Time out. Where are you? I'm kind of tired."
"Are you trying to trick me?" Quinn asks.
"No… I'm not." Rachel smirks as she gets closer and closer to Quinn, a red ball in her hand. She spots a glimpse of pink hair a few steps away and prepares to throw the ball at her girlfriend.
"Ha!" Quinn stands up with a ball in her hand and ready to hit Rachel. "Don't you think I know you?"
"Damn it!" Rachel huffs annoyed. "Okay truce."
"Fine." Quinn relaxes her arms. "But I won."
"Says who?"
"You're clearly dirtier than I am."
"I think it's a tie." She smirks as she takes advantage of the situation and hits Quinn again.
"That's cheating!" Quinn shouts as Rachel tries to run. She wraps her arms around her girlfriend from behind and lifts her off of the ground. "I'm still the winner."
"You're not!" Rachel says laughing as she tries to get free of Quinn's strong arms.
"Yes I am." Quinn kisses Rachel's neck and lets her go.
Rachel turns around and looks at her girlfriend as Quinn does the same.
"So, did you have fun?" Quinn asks as she caresses the brunette's hair removing it from Rachel's eyes.
"Yes." Rachel nods smiling from ear to ear. "Second best date I've ever been on."
"Oh Really? Which one was the first?"
"There was this girl who took me on a perfect date and asked me to be her girlfriend."
"I hope you're talking about me." Quinn narrows her eyes playfully.
"Of course not. She is kind of beautiful. You're all dirty and messed up." She gestures to Quinn teasingly. There were a couple of moments that they kind of rolled onto the ground trying to best the other, like kids in the playground.
"I am?" Quinn pouts.
"It's kind of cute." Rachel says as she gets closer.
"How cute?" She asks, their lips almost touching.
"Really cute."
"You know, I was thinking…"
"What?" Rachel licks her lips in anticipation.
"How do you think you'd look with pink hair?" She says with a smirk on her lips.
"What do you mean?" Rachel questions, while at the same time she feels the ball exploding on the top of her head, pink liquid streaming down her hair and onto her face. "Fu-shit! Quinn!"
"Sorry…" Quinn pleads laughing. "I couldn't resist."
"You…" Rachel huffs irritated and stomps her foot.
"You're so cute." She tries to hold onto her girlfriend but Rachel pulls away. "Rachel…"
"We should go."
"Rachel, please don't get mad at me."
"Fine." She says trying to hold back her smile.
Quinn smiles happily and presses their lips together passionately. Rachel is taken aback at first but she soon gets lost in the kiss.
"Quinn…" She pulls away looking around, biting her lip eagerly, her eyes still on Quinn's lips.
"What?" She smirks pleased. "Let's go."
"You're going to be the death of me Quinn Fabray." Rachel mumbles to herself as she follows her girlfriend out of the arena.
"Shit, shit, shit!"
"What's wrong?"
"The fuel." Quinn informs as she parks the car on the side of the road.
"What about it?" Rachel asks as her eyes open wide.
"Uh… I forgot to stop at the gas station before I picked you up."
"You…" Rachel opens her mouth in disbelief. "Quinn."
"I know, I know. My bad. Sorry." She huffs upset with herself. They were having such a nice day. Why did she have to forget about such important thing as fuel? Oh yes of course she couldn't get her head out of Racheland.
"It's okay." Rachel reassures her girlfriend with a smile. "We'll figure something out."
Quinn leans her head down and presses her forehead against the steering wheel. Rachel smiles and slides her hand up Quinn's neck and head, feeling Quinn's hair between her fingers.
"I'm an idiot."
"You're not. It can happen."
"It's just that…" She sighs and turns her head towards Rachel, still keeping her head on the steering wheel.
"What?"
She pulls away and looks at her girlfriend.
"I was so… Distracted…" She drops her eyes shyly.
"By what?"
"You." She confesses as Rachel's smile spreads across her face. "I couldn't stop thinking about you and the date and how I wanted it to be perfect. I guess I just… I forgot."
Still showing her trade mark smile (the one that can definitely light up the entire world in Quinn's opinion, at least her world) Rachel leans forward and gives her girlfriend a peck on the lips.
"That's pretty cute. I also can't stop thinking about you sometimes."
"We're just silly."
"Maybe."
They giggle.
"But it's okay I guess. I don't mind. I'm happy." Rachel says honestly.
"Me too. I was just thinking about that the other day. There's the pressure of course. Because you know…" She shrugs as Rachel nods. "But, I don't know… I've never felt this way before, as cliché as that sounds." She bites her bottom lip, happy and content.
"I know the feeling. I… I'm-"
In love with you…
"I feel the same way." Rachel frowns and sighs. It's not that she doesn't want to say it. It's just that she can't help but being cautious when it comes to her feelings for Quinn and she knows she's being unfair as Quinn has been nothing but truthful and amazing to her, but as Quinn pointed it out so well, there's the outside pressure. "Let's get us out of here." She looks away, changing the subject as she takes out her phone.
"What are you doing?" Quinn asks curiously.
"I'm calling my dads." Rachel says eyes on her phone.
"Don't even think about it." Quinn takes the phone from Rachel's hand.
"What- what are you doing?"
"You can't call them. Leroy is going to think I had some kind of ulterior motives."
"Why would he?" Rachel looks at her girlfriend in disbelief.
"We're in a deserted place and look at you." Quinn points at Rachel's hair.
"Be reasonable Quinn. They will know this is from the game, and for the situation we're in. He will believe in us. End of story. Now give me back my phone."
"No."
"Quinn." Rachel tries to reach out and grab the phone but Quinn avoids her attempts.
"I'm going to think of something else."
"Fine." Rachel crosses her arms over her chest. "You're calling your mom?"
"Of course not." Quinn says right away. "She can't see us together." She bursts out without thinking.
"Of course." Rachel nods sadly.
"It's not like that." Quinn explains regretful. "I don't want her to assume things." She closes her eyes fiercely, mentally tapping her head. "That came out wrong. I meant that-"
"I get it Quinn." Rachel cuts her off roughly and Quinn looks at her girlfriend a little upset.
"You can't be mad at me you didn't even tell you dads and they're gay."
"Oh." Rachel chuckles sarcastically. "I had forgotten how this is so much easier for me."
"Well you're not going to get kicked out of your house because of this." She says before she can stop herself.
"What you're implying? That I should be thankful for my dads?" She exclaims exasperated. "Well I am. I am so thankful for having two dads that love me and not some bigoted hypocrites and overall horrible parents." Rachel covers her mouth as soon as she finishes talking.
"That's my parents." Quinn says as she stares blankly forward.
"Quinn I…" Rachel trails off unsure.
"Here." She offers the cell phone to Rachel.
"I-"
"Just take it." She cuts Rachel off.
Rachel takes the phone and watches as Quinn opens the door and gets out of the car.
After she calls her dads and explains everything to them, informing their exact location Rachel gets out of the car as well. Quinn is sitting on the hood of the car smoking a cigarette.
"What are you doing?" Rachel frowns irritated.
The pink haired girl Quinn puffs on her cigarette one more time and blows the smoke in the air, ignoring Rachel's question.
The brunette moves and grabs the cigarette and tosses it to the ground.
"What?" Quinn stares at Rachel with wide eyes.
"This is not healthy."
"Has anyone ever told you how annoyingly boring you are sometimes?" She questions with venom in her voice.
Taken aback Rachel opens and closes her mouth a few times.
"Yes." She says hurtful. "She's right in front of me."
Oh the past… their past. It hurts like a knife being stabbed into her heart and Quinn shrugs sadly.
Rachel closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. The sun is almost gone as the twilight shows its beautiful sight. She opens her eyes and leans on the car putting a comfortable distance between them.
"They are coming."
Quinn nods ever so slightly, trying her best to fight tears. She had to screw things up once again.
She is about to say something, not that she is sure of what she should say, but she looks forward and notices a car slowing down until it stops near them. She stands up and positions herself as shield to Rachel.
"Hello ladies."
A middle age man greets them. He is not much older than her father Quinn thinks.
"Hi." She says in a serious manner.
"Is everything okay?"
Before Rachel could even think about opening her mouth Quinn answers him.
"Yes, my friend wasn't feeling very well so I stopped for a moment."
"Oh." He glances at Rachel.
Quinn clenches her fists and watches Rachel out of the corner of her eyes. She is in protection mode.
"Go to the car and close the door." She orders in a low voice and only for Rachel to hear. "Now." She adds when she notices that Rachel was about to protest.
Rachel gets in the car as he watches her attentively.
"Thank you for stopping sir." She says in a tone that lacks gratitude and indicates that his presence is definitely not welcome.
"Okay then. I thought you girls were having some trouble." The man smiles as he spots another car far enough, coming their way.
As soon as he is back to the road Rachel gets out of the car. She stands in front of Quinn as they lock their eyes onto each other.
"Look, I'm sorry about what I've said…" She starts talking but stops as Rachel shakes her head vehemently. "What?"
"You're here."
"Uh…Yes…?" Quinn frowns confused.
Rachel smiles as she remembers that time she dreamed about Quinn protecting her. Back then she doubted that could ever happen, but she was wrong all along.
"No. The Quinn from my dreams. You're her."
"You're making zero sense right now Rachel."
The brunette moves closer and holds her girlfriend's hand.
"I'm making perfect sense. Weren't you protecting your girlfriend moments ago?"
Quinn looks away trying to hide her smugness.
"You noticed?"
"I did." She squeezes Quinn's hand.
"Are we okay?"
"I guess. I just want you to know that I'm not okay with you smoking and hanging out with certain company."
"I don't hang out with them anymore."
Rachel stares at her not buying it completely.
"It's been a week, maybe more I guess."
"You know you can talk to me right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Quinn…" Rachel tries out as Quinn pulls away and turns around looking at the horizon.
"There's nothing to talk about."
"I know there is."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Look at you."
"What?" She turns around in a bolt. "I was tired of pretending to be something I'm not."
"So this is you?"
"Yeah…" She says uncertainly. It's always so difficult to remain neutral when she is around Rachel.
"I know I'm going to sound very pretentious, but I know you Quinn. I know who you are. And I have faith that the real Quinn will show up eventually. No masks, no acting. I've seen glimpses of her. And I can tell that she is amazing. I just need to make her see that."
Quinn wipes her tears with her hands and shakes her head.
"I know you." Rachel gets close and places one hand on Quinn's waist as the other cups Quinn's face. "That's why I know something is wrong."
"I can't…" It happens that besides Beth being a very delicate subject to discuss with Rachel, Quinn is still a closed person. She doesn't know how to open up. She is not used to it. She is used to holding everything inside and being strong. That's how things work in the Fabray household.
"You can. And I'll be waiting whenever you're ready." She takes Quinn's hand and kisses it fondly.
Not long after Rachel's dads arrive.
"Ah teenagers…" Hiram teases them as soon as he gets out of the cars. "I'm assuming you guys were having so much fun that you forgot about everything else."
"Something like that, daddy." Rachel says giggling.
"It was actually my fault. I was supposed to stop at the gas station before everything."
"It's dangerous for two girls to be alone in such place. Be careful next time." Leroy admonishes her in a light tone as Quinn nods.
"Here it is." Hiram takes the gas can and the filler from his trunk and heads to Quinn's car to fuel it.
"Do you need some help?" Quinn asks unsure.
"Oh no honey. I got it." He winks at her.
She smiles and turns her attention to Leroy as he talks with his daughter.
"Are you okay? What's that?" He asks as he caresses Rachel's hair.
"That's paint. We were in a paintball arena."
"Really?" Hiram asks from the back of Quinn's car. "That seems fun."
"It was. I really liked, it was Quinn's idea." Rachel informs Hiram excitedly as Leroy observes the pink haired girl, well the one who is not his daughter.
"Done!" Hiram exclaims satisfied.
"How much do I owe you?" Quinn asks as Hiram comes over to them.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He says playfully. "So? Let's go?" He addresses to his husband and daughter. "You're coming with us?"
"Of course she is coming with us." Leroy says right away.
"Leroy…" Hiram reprimands.
"We're going back home H, it only makes sense."
"I guess I'll see you later." Quinn says as she thinks it's a good decision not to argue with Leroy.
"Yeah." Rachel shrugs. She opens the back door as Quinn gets back to her car and takes Rachel's purse. "See you then." Quinn hands the purse to Rachel and watches as her girlfriend waves her hand and closes the door.
She gets inside her car and turns the engine on. It's only when she pulls away from the roadside that the Berrys leave as well.
"Are we going to ignore each other's presence forever?"
"I'm sorry?"
"I mean, that's something we're used to in this house, but anyway…" Quinn tosses her fork on the table annoyed. Mother and daughter are having dinner and after minutes of a monotonous silence the pink haired girl got irritated.
Judy rests her elbows on the table, crossing her fingers, pondering her next words.
"I'm not ignoring you."
"You are. We're having dinner and we can't even look at each other." She gestures to the dinner setup over the table. "Just like when you figured out I was pregnant. And you decided to ignore it, to pretend everything was the same. I needed you back then like I…" Quinn bites her bottom lip as she looks away and takes a deep breath. "Never mind… It's not like you care…"
"What? Of course I care. I'm here honey."
"Physically maybe. But I can't…"
"Is this about the…" Judy trails off as she gestures towards her daughter. "New look?"
"What about it?"
"Don't you think I know you're just trying to get attention?"
"What?" Quinn opens her mouth in disbelief.
"I'm not saying it to reprimand you. You're a teenager that's what you guys do right?" Judy inquires genuinely.
"This is me being me for the first time mother." Quinn shakes her head reprovingly.
"Now I know that's not true Quinnie. I know you enough to know that."
"No you're wrong." She looks at his mother sadly. What's up with people thinking they know her? Okay, maybe Rachel does know her, but her mother doesn't. And okay, maybe they are slightly right about her new look, but that's not the point. "You never paid that much attention to me. I don't blame you though. I guess I was always a disappointment to you and my father. I'm not perfect like Frannie." She says bitterly.
Judy lets out a heavy sigh.
"You're being so unfair right now. You've been so much more spoiled than Frannie. You were always our little girl."
"You're sounding so much like my father when he was about to kick me out of here…" She states sarcastically.
"You know I would never do that right."
Quinn chuckles despite herself. She wants to believe that she doesn't need her mother as she's learned her lesson; she knows she can expect nothing from her mother. Even divorced Judy is still a Fabray and the fact that she kept the name says it all. A Fabray lives for the appearance. If Quinn turns out to be an embarrassment to the family again, she is certain that she will be cut for good. Judy has Frannie after all. And even though Judy might not be like Russell, she has the same beliefs.
"I mean… not again."
The blonde woman stares at her daughter as Quinn remains silent.
"Quinn? You know I wouldn't do that to you right?"
"I'm not so sure mother…" She says dejected as she stands up and heads up to her bedroom.
As soon as her mother retired to her bedroom, Quinn sneaks out of her own bedroom. She jumps inside her car and she hopes her car engine is not going to wake up her mother. Much like her, Judy sleeps like a rock, so she only hopes that her escapade is going unnoticed.
Moments later she is parking a few blocks away from Rachel's house.
She looks up at Rachel's window and notices that the lights are on. She looks around scanning the area searching for something to throw at the window. She spots a little rock and takes it. She throws it at the window and waits.
In a few seconds, Rachel is at her window looking down curiously.
"Hey." Quinn whispers.
"Quinn?"
"Can I come in?"
"My dads are downstairs watching TV."
Quinn smirks.
"I'm coming up."
"What?"
The pink haired girl starts climbing up the tree outside of Rachel's window.
"What are you doing?"
"Shh." Quinn reprimands playfully as she steps on the gutter, reaching the window.
When she finally reaches the windowsill Rachel helps her in holding her hands.
"Hi." She says as she stands in front of the brunette.
"Hi." Rachel smiles back at her.
Her eyes rake over Rachel's body as she checks out her girlfriend's clothing. She thought Rachel was more like a pajamas girl.
She raises her eyebrows inquiringly as she still can't take her eyes away from Rachel's legs-shorts; she is admiring Rachel's shorts not her legs.
"It's hot."
"Yes it is." Quinn nods distractedly.
"I meant because it's summer and all."
"Yes sure me too." She recomposes herself.
"So?" Rachel tries out smirking.
As she remembers why she is here Quinn shrugs.
"You were right before. There's something…"
Rachel nods and takes her girlfriend's hand leading Quinn to her bed. They both sit and settle on the mattress.
"I'm… I don't know how to do this."
"What?"
"Open up."
"I know."
Rachel looks at her girlfriend patiently waiting. "Is it about Beth?" She asks carefully and Quinn looks up to face her.
"On one hand I feel like if I don't talk about that with someone I'm going to lose my mind, but on the other hand I don't want to talk about it. It's too painful."
She starts crying.
"Hey. Come here." Rachel hugs her tight. "Let's do something."
"What?" Quinn asks weepy as she snuffles.
"We can do baby steps, you don't have to tell me everything now, but every time you're feeling the weight of it all, please open up to me. Can you do that?"
"I guess." She straights up, wipes her tears and exhales soundly. "It's just my mom. She is so frustrating. I know I shouldn't expect anything from her, and I was really fine with our arrangement. She was living her life and I was living mine. I mean I thought I could fight against some things I was so far in denial. I even thought I could forget about Beth, but now I'm not sure of anything."
"You have me now." Rachel cups Quinn's cheeks with her hands and locks their eyes onto each other. "I'm not just saying that. I'm here if you need me, no matter what it is."
"I know."
"You'll get through it. You're so strong Quinn."
"You always think so much of me."
"That's because I lo-like you." Rachel fidgets with the hem of her shirt. "I mean… I-"
In a quick motion Quinn leans forward and presses their lips together. She cups Rachel's face to keep her in place as the brunette moans softly. With both of their mouths open, allowing their tongues to touch, tentatively at first, but more passionately as they deepen the kiss, Rachel lies down on the mattress dragging Quinn with her.
On top of her girlfriend Quinn starts wandering her hands over Rachel's body as their lips and tongues are engaged in a sensuous dance, sucking, tasting, and biting, they moan in unison.
Everything about it is inebriating to her, sensuous and erotic in a way it has never been before. Making out with Rachel is a torture and a delight. On one hand she can never have enough yet she feels it is too much to handle and she can't control her urges. She feels like a horny teenage boy. She is totally content with being a girl though and she is also more than content that she is making out with a girl. And that's what she is doing, kissing a girl.
Soft skin…
Red lips, so kissable… Hard to resist so touchable… Too good to deny it.
"Are you humming 'I kissed a girl'?" Rachel looks at her girlfriend amused.
"Am I?"
"You were." She smiles.
"Maybe."
"Okay." Rachel cups Quinn's neck and pulls her into a searing kiss as they restart their make out session.
Too good indeed…
Quinn thinks as her hand slides under Rachel's shirt.
Soft skin…
She moves her hand higher, craving more of Rachel's touch but that means...
Breast…
Shit!
Rachel pulls away with a pop and looks up at Quinn with wide eyes.
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I just got carried away."
"I… okay. I was just." Rachel gulps nervously. "Taken aback..."
"Shit." Quinn pulls away and sits up.
"It's okay."
"No it's not!" She exclaims more roughly than she intended. "I'm not a fucking boy."
"I Know that."
Upset Quinn runs her hands through her hair.
"God, I'm an idiot. I always ruin everything."
Rachel gets on her knees, hugging her girlfriend from behind.
"You're worrying too much. I never said I didn't like it, I was just surprised. We never went that far."
"I know. It's just that I'm still learning you know? It was never like this. Usually it was the boys I dated that got too excited. I just stopped them and I don't know, made some excuse or started praying, but I've never felt the urges I feel when I'm with you. It's different. And you're a girl..." She huffs. "I'm not saying it like its bad thing because it's not… I just don't want you to think I'm pushing you. As I said I'm not a stupid boy."
"I'm completely aware that you are a girl baby." She kisses Quinn's shoulders. "In fact you are the prettiest girl I've ever met." She starts kissing up Quinn's neck and jaw line until she reaches Quinn's ear. "You know, it's only fair if I get to touch you too. So we can be even." She says into Quinn's ear with a husky tone.
Quinn gulps nervously. "Do-do you want to?" She stutters.
"Under the shirt."
"Over the bra?" She asks smirking.
"You got more than that now didn't you baby." She says suggestively and Quinn moans quietly as she is remembering that moments ago she was feeling and touching the soft skin of Rachel's breast.
"Okay."
"Really?" Rachel beams as Quinn nods, giving away her excitement.
She starts preparing herself mentally, because wow, she is going to touch Quinn Fabray's breasts. Or breast? If so, which one she should choose?
"But I'm afraid it's late and I have to go."
She opens her mouth and blinks her eyes repeatedly.
"But…" She whispers with puppy eyes and Quinn almost gives in and quits teasing her girlfriend, but she is mean like that. She kisses Rachel's marvelous lips and stands up, going towards the window.
"We can pick this up later." She winks at her girlfriend and Rachel narrows her eyes at her. She gets out of her bed and watches Quinn attentively as the pink haired girl prepares herself to climb down.
"I hope so." She says petulantly, suddenly realizing that she just was teased by the one and only Quinn Fabray.
Quinn smiles and descends carefully. When she is on the ground she turns her head up and looks at Rachel. She blows a kiss, making Rachel smile and heads to her car.
Unfortunately Rachel doesn't have the chance to go further with her girlfriend as they had to be brought out of their little bubble of rainbows and happiness.
"I came as soon as I could." She says right way as soon as Rachel opens the door.
"Come in." Rachel gestures her hand inviting her girlfriend inside her house and smiling a weak and sad smile.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah… just upset."
"Your dads?"
"With her…"
Quinn nods knowingly. Before she can say anything Rachel wraps her arms around Quinn's waist and sighs with her face pressed on her girlfriend's chest.
They remain like that for while until Rachel finally pulls away.
"What happened exactly?" Quinn asks calmly.
"Let's go upstairs."
Rachel takes Quinn's hand and leads them upstairs. She sits on her bed with her back resting on the headboard and she taps the spot between her legs as she wants Quinn to lay down with her. The pink haired girl complies and she settles on the bed and between Rachel's legs. Rachel then tilts her head and kisses her girlfriend on the lips, making Quinn's smile spread across her face.
The brunette takes a deep breath as to prepare herself.
"You remember Mary and Alice?"
Quinn nods.
"Mary suffered a rape attempt."
"That means…" Quinn trails off.
"She was hurt, but they-"
"They?" She asks horrified.
"It was more than one guy…"
"So they didn't…?"
"She was alone, they knew her routine."
"What do you mean?"
"It was something planned. It happens that Alice had some kind of quarrel with some guys in the club they frequent. You know it; your family frequents it too right? I mean I'm pretty sure I saw you there once."
"Really?" Quinn looks up at her girlfriend, intrigued.
"Yes, I think it was freshman year. You and your family had just moved I guess…" Rachel bites her lip as she tugs her hair behind her ear.
"Were you spying on me?" Quinn says playfully and Rachel smiles bashfully.
"Maybe…"
"I don't remember seeing you." She says truthfully.
"I don't blame you. I'm not like you, you were beautiful." Rachel kisses her girlfriend's head as with a smile on her lips she remembers that day.
"Don't say that. I remember as it was today the day I first saw you."
"Really?"
"Really." Quinn takes her hand and kisses it fondly.
"When was it?"
"I'll tell you, but not right now. Back to Mary though."
Rachel nods as she thinks it's a good idea to hear about the day Quinn first saw her later or even on another day.
"This man called Alice names and threatened her. Apparently he was furious that he lost lots of money because Alice defended a woman who was trying to prove he was the father of her child, Alice is a lawyer." Rachel explains as Quinn nods. "So he saw her at the club and thought he could threaten her. Alice said she doubted he could do anything, she dared him to, but he backed off. You met Alice, she is kind of athletic."
"Yes I noticed."
"I think she played soccer when she was on college, I'm not sure… uh…" She trails off trying to remember the term. "Goalkeeper? I believe that's the position she used to play."
"Yes. It makes sense; she is tall."
"She's pretty tall." Rachel reassures as she nods her head. "Anyway… the guys that attacked Mary had their faces covered. But Mary said she recognized one voice. There were three guys. They attacked her when she was walking towards her car on the parking lot, it was kind of deserted… it was some kind of miracle that she managed to escape. She used her pepper spray and ran away towards the entrance. There were security men there who helped her."
"And now what?"
"Now it's up with to the police." Rachel wipes the tears that started streaming down her cheeks.
"Hey." Quinn sits up and turns to her girlfriend. "It's okay. She is okay right?"
"Yes. Alice is beating herself up because she thinks is her fault, but yes Mary is going to be okay…" She huffs.
"What's wrong?"
"The things they said to her…"
"What about it?"
"It was a hate crime Quinn."
Quinn opens her mouth and closes it a couple of times as she is taken aback.
"You mean..."
"They said they were trying to fix her."
"Come here." She gathers her girlfriend in her arms and holds her tight.
After a moment Rachel pulls away and locks her eyes onto Quinn's hazel ones.
"Is something wrong?" Quinn asks unsure.
With tearful eyes Rachel shakes her head as she tugs Quinn's pink short hair behind her ear. As she knows something is bothering Rachel, Quinn takes the brunette's hand and holds it tenderly caressing it with her thumb.
"This is too dangerous…" Rachel finally says.
"This?"
"Us…"
Rachel says with a low voice as she drops her eyes. Quinn holds Rachel's chin, making her girlfriend look up at her.
"Do you want us… do you want to break up with me?"
"No." Rachel shakes her head vehemently. "I just wanted… in case you…" She trails off unsure.
"You think I'll want to end things between us, because of what happened?"
"Well?" Rachel inquires sadly.
Quinn takes a deep breath and Rachel braces herself.
"I want to be able to hold your hand when we are on a date or to kiss you without a care. I want to introduce you to my mom so she could see how amazing you are and how lucky her daughter is. I can't do any of that though."
She bites down on her bottom lip as she does her best to prevent tears from falling down her face; Rachel on the other hand doesn't hold back as she closes her eyes and tears stream down her cheeks.
"I understand." Rachel nods weakly. "You don't-"
"Shh." Quinn presses her index finger on Rachel's lips. "I haven't finished." She cups Rachel's neck and starts caressing her girlfriend's cheek with her thumb. "It was so hard for me to get here Rach. I wasted so much time fighting this. Look… I lo-like you. I really like you." She stutters. "I won't give up on us."
"Are you sure? I mean..."
"You won't get rid of me that easily." She cups Rachel's cheek and pulls her into a sweet kiss.
They pull away, but they keep their foreheads pressed together. It's only when they hear some noises coming from downstairs that they pull apart completely.
Looking at each other, they share a curious look so they get out of Rachel's bed and go downstairs.
"Hey." Rachel greets as soon as they approach the living room, where Mary is sitting on the couch with Alice by her side. Mary has a bandage on her left arm and some bruises on her face and body. She already went through the whole proceedings and exams. "Is something wrong?"
"No honey. You father and I decided that it'd be better if they stay with us for awhile." Hiram informs as he gets close and kisses her head. "Alice is still very upset." He says in a low voice.
"What is she doing here?" Alice asks annoyed, her eyes raking over Quinn.
"Alice…" Mary reprimands.
"Rachel?" Leroy looks at his daughter inquiringly.
"Dad I know what you said, but I was upset and I needed a friend. We didn't want to do anything behind your back. It's just that you were busy I didn't…"
"It's alright sweetheart." Leroy interrupts her looking a little tired.
"You guys are okay with her coming here?" Alice asks in disbelief.
"Honey, it's their house. It's none of your business." Mary interjects firmly.
"You know who she is?" She asks indignant and then she turns to Quinn. "She is his daughter."
Quinn gulps nervously, she is suddenly very uncomfortable.
"Quinn is not like her father." Rachel steps in with determination. A little less distressed, Alice observes Quinn more carefully, noticing that in fact she is not the dad's blonde princess anymore. Well, there was the whole pregnancy thing after all. But Alice is not easy to convince.
"And Quinn is Rachel's friend, which means she is welcome here. I know you've been through a lot these last few hours Alice, don't let it obscure your judgment." Leroy states calmly.
They look at the girls and Quinn notices that Leroy is a little softer with her.
"Honey, they're going to stay at the guest room can you girls take Mary upstairs?" Hiram asks patiently.
Rachel nods and goes over to Mary as the woman holds the teenager's hand and stands up as Alice does the same.
"You stay." Hiram places a gentle hand on Alice's shoulder.
"Come on girls, let's have a pajama party." Mary says mockingly.
"Please let me." Quinn asks Leroy as she takes Mary's bag from his hand.
"Thank you Quinn." He nods politely.
Rachel and Mary walk towards the stairs as Quinn follows slowly, still paying attention to what's happening in the living room.
"She is not Russell Alice, don't forget that."
"It's hard, especially after the restaurant occurrence."
Quinn frowns intrigued but Rachel is calling her over so she hurries to get to her girlfriend.
Later and when they are in Rachel's room watching a movie, or pretending to watch a movie, they were actually enjoying each other, even kissing every once and a while, Quinn finally asks what has been on her mind.
"What happened at the restaurant that other day?" She sits Indian style and looks down at Rachel who is still lying on the bed.
"What day?" Rachel looks at her girlfriend with confusion.
"The day you dads and their friends had some issues at the restaurant they were in."
"Oh." Rachel looks away nervously as she sits up as well. "I told you already."
"Remember when you said you know me? Well I kind of know you too, and I can tell when you're hiding something."
"I'm not hiding anything." Rachel rubs her nose apprehensively.
"I also know when you're lying."
"I…"
"Rachel…"
"It was your dad; the customer who was rude and inconvenient."
"Oh…"
"It's in the past now."
Rachel says in a low voice as Quinn nods.
"I think… I better go…"
"Oh okay." She nods disappointed.
Quinn sighs tiredly, kissing her girlfriend's forehead before getting out of the bed.
"Good night."
"Good night." Rachel replies not at all happy. She has a guess that Quinn's departure has something to do with her finding out about Russell. "Hey."
The pink haired girl turns around to look at her girlfriend.
"Call me." Rachel asks as Quinn nods with a smile even if it's a small one on her face.
"Look who has finally come back."
There are plenty of reasons for her not being here with teenagers who happen to think they are the coolest girls in Lima, The Skanks. Rachel would probably kill her for leaving her for them. Her girlfriend is albeit supportive of Quinn's new look as she thinks it's important for the pink haired girl to get to know herself completely, however Rachel is really adamant regarding these girls, she doesn't approve their attitude and behavior.
She has a reason to be here though; she needed time to herself. She needed to calm herself down as her mind was really messed up.
"Where have you been Fabray?" Mack asks petulantly.
"None of your business." Quinn replies annoyed.
"Hmm the bitch bites. You know we were half expecting you to be the old blonde princess again."
"Why would I do that?" Quinn frowns as she holds her cigarettes up.
"The other day we saw you in the park with one of those losers; I don't know her name…" She disdains and despites her racing heart Quinn manages to keep a neutral expression. They saw them, Rachel and her and God knows who else might have seen them too. "Whatever, anyway…" Mack keeps talking, unaware of Quinn's thoughts. "We were just wondering, because you can't hang out with those losers if you want to be one of us." She informs as the other two nods along.
"I don't care."
"Good, cause that's one of the conditions to be one of us. We don't care about anything."
"You know I have the impression that you really want me to be one of you guys." Quinn raises her eyebrow mockingly. She is pretty good at acting.
They do want that, but Mack is never going to admit it. Truth be told Quinn Fabray still has her prestige and they can't deny it would make their group so much more appealing with her presence.
"What if I don't want to?" Quinn asks smugly.
"I know you want to be respected, but you don't have any will to be back on the cheerios. No one messes with us. You won't be bothered."
Quinn can't argue with that logic.
"I'll think about it." She tosses her cigarette to the ground and steps on it.
Later in the night she steps foot inside her silent house. Her mother is sleeping. She goes to her bedroom and throws herself on her bed.
How could she have been so reckless?
High school is a battlefield; she can't let Rachel be unguarded. Finn was a moron, but at least he was some kind of protection to Rachel. Will being a skank be enough to keep the bullies away from the glee club diva? They just can't risk it. And Quinn Fabray protecting Rachel Berry is something far too suspicious. Besides her biggest problem is not her fellow classmates from McKinley, but the rumors surpassing the school's walls and reaching her mother's ears.
She needs a plan…
Needless to say she has had a terrible night filled with nightmares featuring her girlfriend in dangerous situations. The worst part is that every time she was impotent, powerless, and unable to do anything.
When she wakes up in the morning she has no doubt of what the nightmares are all about and she knows what they need to do.
"You're acting weird." Rachel tells her. They are lying on the brunette's bed as they are once again watching a movie. She walked into the Berry house from the front door this time as Rachel's dads are not home. "Is it because of the… breast thing?" Rachel frowns worriedly. "I'm not going to pressure or anything."
"It's not that."
"Oh… what's wrong then?"
Quinn takes a deep breath as she can't believe she is going to say this.
"I want you to date Finn."
So? how was it?