Harry did not know what to do. While one could argue that eleven years was a long time, at least six of those had been spent as a carefree child, and during the other five he had no memory of anyone fainting around him.
Thankfully, his robot uncle did know what to do. Growing until his cupped hand was the depth of a bucket, Jet Jaguar scooped some water from the lake and splashed Hagrid's face.
The half-giant (a guess on Harry's part; his honed sense of smell said Hagrid was not completely human… either that or he had something very strange in one of those pockets) stirred and started mumbling.
"I was havin' the most wonderful dream. I just met Harry and he was living in a tropical paradise full o' magnificent beasties… and a weird looking golem."
"That wasn't a dream Hagrid. I'm right here," Harry reminded the man. He supposed incredulity was a normal reaction kaiju. He had snuck up to enough photographers in time to see their first reaction to kaiju: based on their expressions, a combination of slack-jawed awe, profound terror, and sheer disbelief to the point of pinching themselves.
Hagrid opened his eyes to see both Harry and Jet Jaguar looking down at him. The robot extended a hand once again, this time to help the large man up.
"I can't tell yah how happy I am ter see yeh and living with so many wonderful creatures too."
From his position in the lake, Godzilla gave an approving nod as Jet Jaguar provided a running translation. It was about time a human showed him proper respect.
"But can I ask yeh somethin'? Not just fer me, but fer Professor Dumbledore. How did yeh get here? I was there when Dumbledore left yeh at yer aunt and uncle's."
Harry gave a surreptitious glance to Jet Jaguar, who gave him a sideways thumbs-up to indicate that it was okay to tell some of the truth.
"Well, it was really cold that night, and my uncle," Harry gestured to the robot, "found me out there with just the blanket and the letter. The letter made no sense to him because he didn't know about magic, but it sounded to him like bad people were after me, so he brought me here because it's the safest place he knows. I was raised by my aunties and the village with my dad and my brother watching over me all the time."
It was a perfectly normal explanation if not for the fact that Harry's gestures indicated a pair of fairies and a pair of kaiju in addition to the robot, but now that Harry had answered, he had his own question; "Before I interrupted – which was rude and I apologize," he added with a glance at the Shobijin, "you were starting to say something. What was it?"
"Hm? Oh, right. Well, yeh said that yeh knew some things, but what is it you know? What do yeh know abou' Hogwarts, and magic, and your parents?"
"Well, I know Hogwarts is in Scotland, and Manda said that magic is some power I have inside me that I need to learn to use, and my birth parents… they died protecting me, right?"
Hagrid sniffed at the memories, but soldiered on. "Yeah. Tha's about right. But who's Manda?"
Before Harry could say anymore he was interrupted by Jet Jaguar's rapid gesticulations and the accompanying sounds.
"Oh, my uncle wants to know why you came today and… a bunch of things really. He can fly, and he was following the owl, but he couldn't find Hogwarts and wants to know why."
"Well that doesn't make a lick o' sense. I've never heard of a golem that can fly, but it's probably possible, but any golem even able to walk around should've had enough magic to get into Hogwarts."
"Uncle JJ's not a golem, he's a robot."
"What's a robot?"
Harry was baffled by Hagrid's lack of knowledge, and Jet Jaguar momentarily stopped translating in shock. Thankfully, the Shobijin offered to explain.
"Mister Hagrid, you are half correct. Jet Jaguar is a robot, which might be described as a nonmagical golem."
"A MUGGLE GOLEM KNOWS ABOUT MAGIC?!" the large man boomed. At this moment he closed his umbrella and pointed it at the robot, who immediately assumed a combat stance. Harry (while very confused about what Hagrid could do with an umbrella) got between them to prevent any fighting – he wanted answers right now, not a fight – but that caused Godzilla to loom over them all and start growling because of the possible threat to Harry.
"Hagrid! Just hold on a second! What's a muggle and why is it a big deal if one knows about magic?"
Hagrid was still trying to point the umbrella at the robot even as Harry tried to keep himself between the two. He responded, "Muggles just a word for nonmagical folk, but them knowing about our world is against the Statute o' Secrecy, it's not allowed!"
"Okay, but why?"
Hagrid looked confused for a moment, but said, "Because if they knew, the muggles would want magical solutions to all their problems, and, er, there's more an' I know it, but I fell asleep in Professor Binn's class that day…"
Harry didn't know what else to say to keep Hagrid and Jet Jaguar from coming to blows, but thankfully the Shobijin interceded again.
"Mister Hagrid, is there an exception to the secrecy rule for relatives?"
"Yes, as a matter o' fact there is."
"Well then since Jet Jaguar is Harry's uncle, he has a right to know then, correct?"
Sensing the logic of this statement, the robot immediately got out of his stance and started trying to calm the still-looming Godzilla. Hagrid took another moment to lower his umbrella as he said, "Yeah, I suppose so, long as he don't tell anybody that is."
Harry smiled gratefully at his aunts and then tried to get Hagrid back on topic.
"So… why couldn't Uncle JJ find Hogwarts?"
"Well there're a bunch o' spells on the school to keep muggles from finding it, so it was probably one of them that kept him out. Can't say I know a spell to keep out a muggle golem though…"
Harry nodded in understanding. "So, I know we got kind of off track, but what bring's you here today?"
"Ah, well the first priority was to make sure that you were safe and sound. But," here Hagrid wore a grin that suggested his next statement was not at all sincere, "I'm not sure you are yet. I need to see what other beasties are creeping around the island. You know, just to be sure."
With what appeared to be all diplomatic issues resolved, Mothra took the Shobijin back to her den. Godzilla, having had the entire conversation translated into kaiju, gave Harry his approval to take Hagrid around the island. Jet Jaguar invited himself on the tour to potentially learn more about Hagrid, Dumbledore, and magic in general.
The nearest kaiju was Anguirus. At the sight of him, Hagrid let out what would eventually come to be referred to as a loud "squee," and expressed a desire to adopt him.
This was fairly indicative of most of Hagrid's reactions to the various kaiju.
The kaiju's reactions to Hagrid were rather mixed. For some, the fact that he was a friend of Harry's was good enough to get him a pass. The carnivores among them expressed slight disappointment though; Gorosaurus in particular commented that most humans weren't very tasty, but that Hagrid looked like he would make a passable morsel.
Jet Jaguar decided Hagrid would be happier not knowing that piece of information.
The one standout among Hagrid's reactions was to Kumonga. Even as the spider kaiju attempted to cover them in his spray of webbing, Hagrid gushed about aspects of his anatomy that both boy and robot suspected even the arachnid did not know. Jet Jaguar was forced to drag the spider enthusiast away, with Hagrid giving the oddly wistful comment, "Memories…"
That evening back at Harry's hut, Hagrid finally admitted the other half of what he was supposed to do.
"I was supposed ter have taken yeh shopping for your school supplies, but yeh could say I got distracted."
Harry laughed. Hanging out with Hagrid had been fun. During the hiking in between kaiju lairs, he'd heard a lot of stories about his birth parents and felt closer to them than he ever had before. He'd also learned more about Voldemort, whose name he apparently should not say around his fellow magic users. Jet Jaguar had almost comically panicked at the very idea of Obliviators, wizards whose sole job was to erase and modify memories and records to expunge all hints of magic, although there coverups of Voldemort's atrocities did explain why he could find no mention of the man or his followers.
Harry's laughter died down and it occurred to him to ask, "How would you have taken me shopping? You say that I would've been able to see any magical areas here since I'm a wizard, and there aren't any."
Hagrid reached into one of his pockets and pulled out what looked like a ratty, discarded shoe. "With this Portkey," the half-giant replied as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Portkey's are old shoes?"
"What? No, no. Portkeys only look like junk so muggles don't pick 'em up. A Portkey is enchanted to take you somewhere. This shoe would take us to London. It's how I'll be getting home tonight and how I got here this mornin'."
"You're kidding."
"Oh no. Magic can do just about anythin' Harry, just you remember that. I'll see you tomorrow, first thing in the morning."
And with that Hagrid tapped the shoe with his umbrella and disappeared before Harry's very eyes.
Author's Note: I tried to capture Hagrid's dialogue and personality as much as I could, but as an author my great weakness is dialogue, so if you could review this chapter in particular and let me know how I did that would be great.
I also feel like I must apologize for skimping on Hagrid's reactions to the monsters, but I really couldn't think of any reaction except a desire to adopt them for any except Kumonga.