Crimson Lane - Chapter 15 - Towards the dawn

Fragments of shattered glass glittered against the polished oak floor, the ferocious lashings of rain dwindling into a soft patter of droplets trickled down the window, and in the middle of a barricade of overturned furniture and scattered debris, Kylo and Rey clutched to one another.

Skin to skin, all tear-streaked cheeks and fervid panting breaths. Lips bruised with the crimson hue of hurried kisses and eyes locked on each other, as though nothing else existed beyond the solitude of their fortress.

"Rey," Kylo breathed, touching his forehead to hers, fingers caressing her face. "Did you just kiss me?"

Her lips parted in a wide smile, eyelashes wet with tears. He marvelled at the way she anchored him now, the bright sun within his dark universe.

"Was it real? Please tell me it was real!"

She lifted her face to his, those sparkling obsidian pools of her eyes locked on him. "It was real," she whispered and her lips brushed against him again, smiling.

No one had ever looked at him like that. Like he was worth looking at.

I can't let you go, Rey. He gently stroked her cheeks with the backs of his knuckles, slipping them through her hair, placing wet, gentle kisses on the top of her cheekbone, the side of her eye, and to her waiting lips. Not now.

She pressed into him and his mind went blank. With rushed, searching fingers he explored every curve of her body. Blood surged between his legs and desire flooded fast behind… He tried to think of the exercises his uncle had taught him in self-discipline and yet he couldn't stop—

"I don't deserve it."

"Shh," she hushed against his earlobe, as she ran her fingers through his hair. It was driving him crazy, truth be told. "Shut up and kiss me."

Her body, the way it moved against him, like a river around rock, encompassing. His cock bounded up in irregular jolt pushes. She must have felt it too, because she moaned, pressing her lips harder against his own.

He couldn't go here again… not after what he'd done to her just moments before… not like this. But fuck, he wanted to.

Breathe. He needed to breathe.

He pulled back, panting, as they stared at each other, chests heaving and hearts pounding. There was a glistening glow in her dark eyes, they were bright and amorous, her lips swollen and red, scratched by the stubble of his shadow.

And then there was a growl, low and unnatural, like the wooden groan of a building collapsing. Rey's eyes widened as she slapped a hand over her mouth, even still her smile broke past it.

"Was that your stomach?" Kylo asked. Again, like a creature from the hidden deep, the growling began again, louder and angrier than before.

"I'm sorry!" Rey burst out laughing, clutching her abdomen.

Her belly growled once more and Rey slapped her hands over it. "Oh my God, shut up!"

This time she snorted, making her laugh harder, and for the first time, he felt like laughing with her. Like, perhaps he could? Perhaps, with Rey, he could laugh for hours on end.

One day.

When this was all over.

"There's something alive in there."

"I'm so hungry. I didn't have dinner before I came and somehow—" she shot him an accusatory glance— "I seem to have worked up an appetite."

"Why didn't you say something? I'll take you out, you can have whatever you want, wherever you want," Kylo said in a rush.

"Anything, hey?" Rey smiled mischievously.

This would cost him, but he didn't care. "Anything."

"Well—" she traced her finger along his pectoral muscles and he tried to concentrate on her words, rather than the knots that were tying his stomach— "you know that little late night kebab shop on the corner."

"Except that!"

"You said anything!" she scolded, folding her arms impertinently.

"Rey, that place was shut down for health violations only last week."

She rolled her eyes at him. "And it opened again just yesterday," she said testily, as though his ignorance on the matter was a pure insult. "Ahmed says it was all a misunderstanding."

"Ahmed? You're buddies with the owner of the rank kebab shop now?"

"Rose introduced me. He's got four kids, makes a mean kebab and hates pasty goth boys."

She flashed him a deadly glare and Kylo teased her with a smirk. "Wow. You get grumpy when you're hungry."

She rolled her eyes, giving him a not-quite-gentle shove.

"You can talk, you're fucking grumpy all the time." He caught her in his arms again, jabbing fingers between her ribs as she kicked and squealed, unable to stop laughing.

"Stop!" she gasped between fits of laughter. "This is important!"

He let go of her, wishing he didn't have to.

"Now listen, don't get this wrong. I want a doner kebab with chicken, hummus, tabbouleh, lettuce, tomato, onion, chicken, cheese, garlic and chilli sauce. Got it?"

"There's no way I'm kissing you after that."

"We'll see," she said with a wink. "I'm going to have a shower. See you soon!"

Rey disappeared behind the bathroom door and like dark magic, the light seemed to fade away with her. He peered at the space where she had just been moments before, listening to the sound of water running, imagining her slipping beneath the water stream, lathering her body with soap...

He had to get out of here, fast.

Like a teenager sprung in the act, he pulled on a spare pair of black trousers and v-neck t-shirt from the wardrobe, and was just about out the door when Rey called out to him.

"That didn't take long," Kylo said with a smirk. "Want me to wash you down?"

She smiled, but there was a faint wariness about it.

"What's wrong?"

"Lock the door, okay?"

His eyes narrowed on her. Studying the way her shoulders rounded in, chin dipped.

Something scared her.

"I will."

She nodded, trying to look satisfied with that answer, but she was struggling. Her eyes darted through the darkened corners of the room and silence stretched around them.

"Did something happen while I was gone?"

"No." She swallowed, shaking her head. "Do you know if Snoke is still here?"

Kylo stepped forward, skin tingling with heat.

"Did he touch you?"

"No," she answered quickly. "Nothing happened."

"Because if he did—" he would fucking tear his arms out of his shoulder sockets, he would pull that trigger and pulverise his crusty head, he would…

"Nothing happened!" she responded firmly. "I'll see you when you get back."

But that wasn't enough.

He stepped forward, his hand outstretched, even though she was too far away to reach it.

"I'll stay, Rey," he said quietly. "I will call it in." Sweetheart was what he wanted to say. Sweetheart. The word came naturally, although he forced himself not to say it.

Rey nodded, shoulders relaxing. "Thank you."

Kylo heard the floorboards creaking before a quiet knock came at the door. He wouldn't open it straight away, listening instead for what he could hear from the other side.

"Kylo! It's me, Dom," whispered a familiar voice and Kylo opened the door.

The tangy smell of garlic and onion wafted into the room and Dom presented him with two large, white bags.

"Delivery for you."

"I thought you went home?"

"Nah, I just went for a drive. It was a shitty night. I needed to think—-holy shit Kylo, what the hell happened in here?"

Kylo looked behind him at the room that resembled something like an abandoned hotel and a bomb site.

"I—" He had nothing. Dom stopped peering past him, his dark blue eyes fixing on Kylo.

"It's okay, mate, I know how it is. Hey—" He paused, stumbling on his words. "Ah, I wasn't sure if I should tell you …"

"What?" Kylo barked. It was a little rude, but he was beyond pleasantries now.

"That reporter guy came around again looking for your girl."

Fuck, of course he had. "Poe Dameron?"

"Yeah, that was it. I sent him on his way. Snoke would blow his top if he knew I let any reporters in here…"

"Yeah," Kylo answered, trying to ignore the pointed way Dom was looking at him. The gentle buzz of Dom's mobile phone vibrated from his pocket, the bright light of the screen lighting up with messages flooding in. Kylo's expression tightened, his lips pressed into the other, brows lowering. Dom must have seen him use the phone at Lor's house. But had Dom acted on it?

As if reading his thoughts, Dom looked up and down the hallway, before whispering, "We got each other's backs, don't we?"

Kylo blanched, the pounding in his heart wrenched up a notch.

"I like to think so," he added stiffly.

Dom shifted his gaze one last time, sucking on the inside of his mouth. "You need to be careful with Hux. He's convinced your girl Rey is the mole."

Kylo stopped breathing, and almost on cue Rey's high-pitched voice blared from the bathroom, not always in tune, but happy. This Girl is on Fire, apparently, or at least that was his best guess; she was butchering the lyrics.

"Did he say something?"

"No."

"Did you see him—"

"Just call it a well-educated hunch, okay?" Dom said.

Kylo nodded as if bracing for something. Rey's delighted screeching chorus raining down

rained

between them.

"She's a keeper," Dom said at last. "Enjoy your dinner."

The door closed, and for a long couple of minutes, Kylo stared at it, anticipating, calculating, trying to master the next move in this dangerous game.

Alone again, Kylo switched on the lights and glowered at the room. He'd really done a number on this place. From the next room, he could hear the muffled lull of the shower stream, the sounds changing in length and rhythm as Rey moved beneath it, still singing.

He had to work quickly. Throwing out the broken glass, Kylo pushed the overturned desk back into place and gathered all the loose papers into their drawers. After that, he began to sweep up the smaller shards of glass, grabbing anything else that didn't belong broken on the floor as well. The rhythmic motion of the broom pushing forward and backwards grounded him, emptying his thoughts. The gentle sound of the glass shards tinkling together like toasting wine glasses. The movement took him back to another time, in another place, the aftermath of another meltdown ...

The hard plastic of the broom was rubbing against his hands. He looked at his fingers, pale and soft. He rubbed them against his jeans, wondering how long he would be here. A warm summer breeze blew in from the broken window, carrying with it the scent of sunscreen and wildflowers. He wished he was back home, skidding pebbles across the backyard pond, watching the way small imprints in the water spiralled out into much larger ripples, disrupting the surface, distorting it.

Just as he did to everyone around him.

"Tired already, Ben?"

He started, almost dropping his broom. "No, Sir."

"Get on with it then," his teacher said, but there was no harshness in his voice, more like the sad resolution to disappointment.

Ben took up his broom, head down, cheeks flushed. "I didn't mean to put his head through the window."

"I know, Ben."

"He just…" his voice was breaking again, he hated when that happened. "He says it every

His voice… again. He

time, always when you're not looking. Elephant ears, retard, creep, psycho… I fucking hate it."

There he went again. "Sorry—"

"It's okay."

There was a knock at the door, and a middle-aged woman ducked her head around the corner. "The principal wants a word, Mr Solo."

His teacher, Mr Edwardson, stepped forward, hands placating, a gentle smile showing above his trimmed brown beard. "It really isn't necessary. Ben has assured me it won't happen again, Marjorie."

"It doesn't matter what he promises, Dale. It's for the police now."

Ben watched as his teacher's eyes squeezed shut, his head shaking. Mr. Edwardson had tried to calm him down before the monster had risen up inside, but the rage had come fast and furious. All the calm-down and self-regulation activities he had tried to master over the years had come to nothing. Not when the world turned red and all he could feel was pain and anger.

The rage had washed over him like a tidal surge, yanking the sounds and air out of the room, and in the next minute, he was drowning. Lashing, punching, pushing. It was the worst one he'd had yet.

He had been an easy target for them, he always ways. From his big feet to his bony hands and towering height that seemed to stretch him out like a beanpole. The year in military school before this one had seen his long hair cut and now tugging at his wing-nut ears had turned into a school sport.

He fucking hated it. All of it.

Ben waited outside the principal's office on an uncomfortable olive cushion chair, watching Marjorie photocopying with her hot pink claws tapping on the lid of the photocopier.

Arms folded, head buried into his chest, his face burned in a scowl. "You know if the wind changes you'll stay like that?" his mother used to tease him. He wished it would.

A grumbling old hobo came around the corner. Ben watched him beneath his scowling beard, transfixed as the man walked in and plonked himself right next to him.

He smelt like sandalwood, pine and old imperial soap, and his eyes were red-rimmed like he'd weathered too many storms and that scraggly beard made him look like an Ent from Lord of the Rings.

Ben kept his head down, but snuck a glimpse at the older man again. He was about five inches away and staring at him. Ben looked away as a tic in his jaw fluttered.

"How does the other guy look?" the old man asked, gesturing to Ben's hand wrapped in white gauze. A pool of blood had been growing there.

Ben shrugged, not sure who the hell this guy was.

Principal Mather's door opened and a weaselly-looking man with wide-circle glasses and a pink complexion pressed his lips into an unsatisfied pout.

"Ben Solo, get in here."

"What about my parents, sir?"

"They're busy," Mathers said. "Luke Skywalker is your witness today."

"Hey, kid," the old man winked at him, flashing a wide smile between that crusty old beard.

"My Uncle?" Ben asked, bewildered. His crazy uncle who had been living like a hermit these past fifteen years? The one that his dad liked to joke was a few screws short of a hardware store? That Luke Skywalker?

"Let's go show this guy not to mess with a Skywalker." Luke led the way like a man on a mission until he stopped at the door and turned back to him. "But no matter what, we're going to keep our cool, okay?"

Ben nodded, praying rather than hoping he would do just that.

Kylo smirked. Despite everything that followed, he always had to stifle a laugh as he remembered their first meeting. That was the first day he had met his uncle. Luke had gone into that meeting like a tiger shark. Ben had expected to come out of there with at least a police charge and expulsion, but somehow Luke turned the situation around. The first time someone had fought in his corner.

It was nice, not to be alone, at least once.

"You're telling me this school allows the systematic bullying of a student until he feels so pushed into a corner and overwhelmed that the only thing he can do is snap, and he's the one expelled for it!?"

"Mr. Skywalker. I assure you, our school takes bullying most seriously. Hence, why Ben is in so much trouble. I won't pretend to understand why he lashes out. Perhaps the work is too hard for him and he feels the need to prove himself in other ways."

"Give me a break!" Luke cried out, slapping his hand to his forehead as his body sank into the chair. "The kid's got a fucking IQ score of over 140 and you think a general maths class is too challenging for him?"

Ben straightened a little, surprised that his uncle knew anything about him at all.

"He doesn't concentrate."

"Because he has these little turds distracting him every two seconds. Move him to a higher grade maths, sit him at the front of the class, and teach him something interesting for once. I mean, what the hell are they teaching you, Ben?"

"Right-angled triangles."

"Oh my God," Luke muttered into his hands, and Ben had to stifle a laugh.

"Look, Mr Skywalker. Your nephew is expelled because he can't be contained in our classrooms. Until he has learnt some semblance of control, he is not welcome back here. We just don't have the facilities to deal with a—" Mathers paused, looking at Ben like he was trying to find his own semblance of control. "—kid with his needs."

Ben flushed, wanting to bury himself under the desk. What the hell did he mean, a kid with his "needs"? What kind of "needs" did he have? He shifted in his chair, the heat rising in his body, prickling at his neck, his breathing rapid. What the fuck were they talking about? His hands were shaking, the sting of tears making his eyes hot and bothered. It was coming back again, the monster was waking… scratching his fingers across his scalp, he pulled his head down, squeezing his eyes closed—always different, always broken.

A gentle hand reached out to his shoulder. It was warm and heavy, a weight bearing down on him, grounding him to the earth and a whisper, distant and kind, "Breathe, just breathe through it, Ben."

That had been the last day of school for him. After that, he had done everything by correspondence during the day and in the night he trained one-on-one with Luke in the dojo.

He thought back fondly on that memory. So much of his past had been twisted into dark roads and bad choices, but this one he could hold on to.

The bathroom door handle turned, and a shard of blinding light speared into the darkness, swirling mists of frangipani and rainforest, the warm humidity of moist air awakening his senses, and then from the light came Rey, patting her damp hair with a towel, dressed in a white t-shirt and some grey tracksuit pants.

He must have been gawking at her, because she stopped, looking down at her clothes, two dimples pinning a sheepish grin to her features.

"I know, it's daggy," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Do you mind?"

Kylo took a moment to answer. No, he didn't mind. In fact — in fact, the sight of her like this had taken his breath away. This wasn't the girl who had been forced to prostitute herself in sexy lace, this was Rey. The girl he could imagine sleeping in with on a Sunday morning, watching movies on on a Friday night, fighting over who got the last piece of pizza. She was real — she was everything he wanted.

"I don't mind," he said quietly, looking about the room, searching for something to say. "Here." He gestured to the cushions and pillows he had scattered on the floor, two plates of kebabs and cold bottles of water, all in front of the fireplace that was now crackling with the rich smell of burning pine. "Take a seat."

"Romantic." Rey looked at the set up with a shy, unreadable smile.

They both sat down together, and it wasn't long before Rey was inhaling her kebab, garlic sauce collecting at the side of her mouth, sprinkles of lettuce falling down onto the bag below.

"Don't forget to breathe," Kylo said with a smirk.

"No time to talk," she mumbled, eating the kebab faster than he could have imagined.

"Oh God, that was good." Rey stretched her legs out and cupped her belly. "Look, I have a food baby."

"I think you ate twice your weight in kebab just then."

"Well that's not difficult, I weigh less than a feather."

He laughed. "I hate to tell you, sweetheart, you're no feather."

"How dare you!" She threw a piece of chicken at his face and it bounced off his nose. They giggled together until they stopped, and she stared at him.

Kylo chuckled and with a cheeky smile, she took both of his hands and wrapped them around her waist as she leaned back into his chest. Kylo froze for a moment as the motion seemed so natural, and then he relaxed, giving into the forces at work around him. Rey's hair was still wet, and he breathed in the fragrance of her shampoo.

"Is this okay for you?" She rested her head back on him.

It was just a small thing, but the movement made his heart swell. "Yes, it's okay," he whispered, placing a quick kiss on her hair.

They stared into the fire, watching the gold and white flames interweave and flicker against the brittle logs. Kylo squeezed her gently and Rey relaxed, letting her warm weight fall against him.

This moment, he thought, perfect. Rey's light fingers swirled over the hairs of his arm, tracing his moles and freckles, as though she were mapping them in her mind. The tender touches sent tantalising pulses through his skin and he lowered his head to the crook of her neck, kissing it tenderly.

It seemed wrong now, that he should sit here, holding the most beautiful thing in his life, after the evil things he had done, not just tonight, but so many nights before, back to the key moment he was first faced with Rey.

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut at the thought, kissing the nape of her neck a little more urgently this time, like a desperate prayer. He had told her to run. Why was she still here? Did she know what he had done tonight… what he had done six years ago?

"Rey," he whispered against her skin, overcome by guilt, pressing his lips against the exposed part of her back, eyes squeezed shut to hide the emotions he forced back inside his heart.

God, please let me just have this one night with her. Just this moment.

"Shh." She held his forearm tighter against her stomach, pulling the other one over as well and holding them in place. "I know, Ben."

He pulled her in even tighter, as though no amount of space could be between them.

"You're beautiful, Rey."

"Oh, shut up," she scolded him, moving away from him as she gave his arm a light whack.

"I mean it," Kylo said with a smile he couldn't quite contain, as he pulled her back into him. "Get back here."

She relaxed in his hold again, bringing his hand to her mouth and pecking soft kisses along the back of it and down his fingers. Kylo exhaled, and together they stared into the flickering flames.

Rey broke the silence.

"Does it help?" Her voice was tentative, as though she had been holding on to the question for a long time, unsure whether to air it or pack it away forever.

"What?"

"The sex, does it help?"

Kylo took a slow breath through his nose. "Sometimes," he said almost wistfully. "Not tonight."

He paused again.

"Not with you."

He let the words settle between them, the cracks and snaps of the fireplace the only sound in the silence.

Rey nodded, threading her fingers within his. "After Plutt put me on that website and I—" She paused, as though unable to bring herself to finish the thought. Silently, Kylo promised himself that if he ever came face to face with Plutt, he would make him pay for what he did to her.

"After it happened, I slept around. A lot." She turned in to him, resting her cheek on his chest, those brilliant hazel eyes misty and vulnerable as she peered up at him. "I don't know. It was a dark time for me. I thought it took away the pain."

Her words trailed off, and Kylo stroked her hair, never taking his eyes off hers.

"It never did though," she continued. "In the end it just made me feel empty, like I was nothing."

He nodded; he knew too well how it felt. How many times had he used women to push it all away, to heal the void that ripped him apart every second of every day? He couldn't do it again. Not any of it. Not the violence, or the sex, it finished here. Somehow, he had to let it all go.

"Whatever Snoke makes you do," she breathed, "it's not you, Ben."

"Yes, it is." His dark words almost snapped at her, cruel and cold. She didn't know, not really.

If she did, she wouldn't still be here.

She turned around to face him this time, her words strong, her expression firm. "No, it isn't."

"Rey, if you knew—" he paused, voice trembling. "You wouldn't—-you would run as far away as you could."

"Then tell me." She pressed a kiss on the tip of his cold nose, her face warm. "Tell me how Snoke got to you. Help me understand."

He shook his head, he couldn't tell her, not everything…

"Please."

Kylo let his shoulders slump, resting back on his palms and lowering his eyes. "I'll tell you some of it Rey, but I won't tell you everything. Not tonight."

"Okay," she said with a small smile. "But some time?"

"Yes," he said, those night-sky eyes staring off into the fire. "Some time."

Happy Easter lovelies. I'm sorry to keep you waiting on this update but I hope you enjoy it. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I had some amazing artwork done for this chapter by Boomdafunk. Please check it out and show her some love. You can find it on my Tumblr ( blog/wayofthepathfinder) and Twitter /WayPathfinder.

Thank you again for continuing to read this story. I know it's a bit plotty heavy at times and there are so many other great works out there, so it is always appreciated.