The only standout among the trio's classes this term was defense against the dark arts with Gilderoy Lockhart, but for all of the wrong reasons. Despite all of the great things he claimed to have done in his books he was definitely a failure as a teacher. Their first lesson was about pixies of all things, and he'd set them on the class saying that the only way to stop them was with a fake spell (Peskipiksi Pesternomi, really?), then locked himself in his office. Harry and Neville knew that the spell had to be fake, because not even Hermione could make it work.
Harry had wound up testing the first of the fifty-two elemental curses, a weak vortex to pull all the mischievous pixies into a bag, and it had left him exhausted. When Hermione had found out where he'd learned the spell she had intermittently scolded him for taking unnecessary risks and begged him for a copy. Apparently wizarding money was considered to be worth quite a bit more than muggle money when switching currencies, so despite being rather well off in the muggle world Hermione's parents couldn't afford to indulge her voracious hunger for magical knowledge. Harry naturally agreed to owl order it for her when he sent out his letter asking for a Quibbler subscription, and sent both orders out with his owl, who now responded to the name Hedwig.
A week later things got… interesting.
First, one evening after transfiguration finished, Professor McGonagall gave Harry a note summoning him to the headmaster's office. There was a nonsensical note on the bottom about the man being in the mood for toffee, which made Harry guess that that was the password.
Dumbledore's office was certainly interesting – a large circular room where the walls were covered in the portraits of previous headmasters and headmistresses, and several spindle-legged desks covered in silver instruments each making its own tiny noise and some emitting puffs of smoke. There was also a large desk in the center that Harry guessed belonged to Dumbledore, and on the shelf behind it sat the Sorting Hat. However, what caught Harry's attention was the elaborate perch off to one side – or rather, the bird that stood atop it.
"You!" Harry snarled. He was tempted to kill the bird for taking away his uncle, consequences be damned – and then it suddenly burst into flames!
"Ah, I wondered if that might happen tonight. A pity that you had to see it though. Fawkes is quite magnificent when it isn't a burning day."
Harry disliked the headmaster, but he was now so confused he didn't know what to think. Was it normal for the man's bird to spontaneously combust?
"Fawkes is a phoenix. When they reach old age rather than dying they burst into flames and are reborn from the ashes."
Dumbledore illustrated this, sifting through the pile of soot and cinders to lift out a small baby bird, which chirped happily now that it was in his hands. The chirping made Harry almost feel calm and happy… but those weren't Harry's emotions. Those were being… not entirely forced on him, but encouraged. Harry didn't like the subtle manipulation. Still, he would do his best to be polite; best to let manipulators think that they were being successful.
"Now Harry, Hagrid brought it to my attention that you are quite concerned about Jet Jaguar."
What Harry wanted to say was "Really, you couldn't guess that I'd be concerned about my own uncle?" but what he did say was, "Yes, sir. It's been months since I last saw him and I hope he's alright."
"He is indeed alright, but he is a muggle… I believe the term is 'roh-butt'? Regardless, when Fawkes brought him here to protect me the presence of so much magic damaged him. We have been repairing him for these past few months."
Harry forced a smile to his face while on the inside he wanted to scream. If Jet Jaguar had been damaged then the smart thing to do would have been to return him so that they could contact his original inventor and get him fixed by someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Who knew what kind of damage had been done?
"He is a robot, yes, but he is also my uncle. He can think, just like you and I, and I request on his behalf that you return him to Monster Island for any remaining repairs that need to be done."
There, even the Shobijin would be proud of how polite that was.
"I was unaware that he was sapient. I admit, I thought him an uncommonly intelligent golem, but that is neither here nor there. I would be happy to return him to Monster Island, but that brings me to the other issue I wanted to speak with you about: your living arrangements."
Harry did his best to keep his smile plastered in place as he replied, "I am happy, healthy, and safe on Monster Island, Headmaster. Until the owl that brought my Hogwarts letter, no one had ever found me despite the dangers described in the letter you left in my blanket."
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he responded, "I am aware, and I believe that I acted too hastily on that day all those months ago, but Jet Jaguar and I have had many discussions since then regarding the specific dangers you may face now that you have returned to the wizarding world, and he has come to believe as I do that it would be best if you stay with your blood relatives to take full advantage of your mother's protection."
One of the silver instruments shattered as Harry wrestled with his anger. He would send the Shobijin a letter of apology for not following their lessons on manners, but he could not continue this farce.
"Now I know you're lying," he growled.
"Harry–"
His voice trembling with rage, Harry continued, "My uncle JJ would never agree to let me stay with people who hated me, no matter what you did to him. He's a risk taker, and he would say to bring on all the threats in the world to protect me, and the same goes for everyone else in my family, and before you say anything else, those blood relatives are not my family. Family loves you, helps you, protects you, and wants you. Those people called all wizard-kind freaks while fully knowing that my birth parents were among them and were outraged that you wanted them to take me in."
Harry took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself. He failed, so he made one final proclamation. "Let me express myself clearly. If my robot uncle is still alive, I demand that you let him go, and whether he is or isn't let me make one thing crystal clear: there is no home for me other than Monster Island."
Another silver instrument shattered when Harry said that, and the twinkle vanished from Dumbledore's eyes. "I wish you hadn't said that. By renouncing your relatives' home you have just completely negated the blood wards."
"Good, then you have no more reason to interfere with where I choose to live. Good night, Headmaster. If my uncle really is still alive, I hope you'll let him go now that you have no more reason to try to manipulate me."
The second event happened the following day.
The next morning the headmaster gave no sign that he acknowledged the previous night's events, but the owl post arrived. Most students received a copy of the Daily Prophet, but thanks to Harry's choice to wander invisibly while holding Luna's hand, there were more than a few copies of the Quibbler as well.
Harry read his copy with great interest, and the first few articles brought a smile to his face. Part of him could almost understand people not believing in these creatures or conspiracies, but if nothing else they were entertaining. Then he got to page ten and by the sounds of gasping and screaming so did a bunch of other people.
Right there in large, bold font was the headline, "You-Know-Who, Hogwarts Professor? Harry Potter Talks of Truth, Trials, and Tribulations."
Harry could really only nod along as he read the article. It was almost entirely as he'd explained things to Luna, apart from a few edits where her father had gone back and put in details Harry had only mentioned later in his interview. It even went into some detail about the background. Apparently a break in at Gringotts had coincided with the day that a high-security vault had been emptied; Xenophilius Lovegood (Harry guessed that that was Luna's dad) could not prove anything, but speculated that the vault had housed the Philosopher's Stone.
One way or another, everything he'd talked about with Luna during the interview made it into the article, including seemingly unrelated things like Harry's statement that he'd never received any mail until his Hogwarts letter and still hadn't received any fan mail from anyone.
"Hello Harry. May I ask you something in addition to this question?"
"Hi Luna, of course you may."
"Would you mind breathing fire for me? Some of my housemates are calling us liars. They say that's impossible."
Harry grinned devilishly, then got on top of the Gryffindor table and then blasted blue flames into the air from his mouth.
The Great Hall went absolutely silent. Harry distinctly heard a pin drop, followed by someone (presumably George Weasley) whispering, "Hear that? Pay up Fred."
"Potter! Fifty points from Gryffindor and a week's detention for showing off!" bellowed a certain greasy git.
"I rescind those detentions and give a hundred points to Gryffindor for disproving one of the laws of magic!" Professor McGonagall shouted, just as loudly.
A whole bunch of things happened at once. Some people began stampeding towards Harry to talk to him, congratulate him, or find out how he did it. Others started reading the Quibbler over their friends' shoulders, trying to gain insight from it. Harry almost got carried away by a tidal wave of Gryffindors who suddenly all wanted to be his best friend, and it took some kind of spell that sounded like a cannon blast from the headmaster to get everyone's attention. He did not look particularly happy, but all he said was that he wanted everyone to make sure they ate their breakfast because, earth-shaking discoveries or not, classes were still in session.
That brought a degree of order and sobriety to the hall, but Harry had already eaten and went to hang out with Luna at the Ravenclaw table, just in time for Professor Flitwick come down to ask what had all of his Ravenclaws aflutter before Harry's display. To the disgust of a Ravenclaw Harry recognized as one of Luna's bullies (and therefore to Harry's great delight) one of the younger ones pointed to Luna's copy of the Quibbler and the article in question.
Flitwick's normally jovial face took on a rather grave expression as he neared the end of the article, the part about You-Know-Who and the obstacle course.
"Ms. Lovegood, may I borrow this? I shall return it before the day is over, but there I some points I believe that the staff needs to discuss."
"Of course Professor Flitwick."
There was too much noise in the hall for Harry to hear the conversation at the staff table, but it seemed that a great many of the staff were angry with the headmaster, who's serene demeanor had cracked even more. Even those who hadn't been part of the process of guarding the stone were reading the article and frowning more and more as they got closer to the end, until they too were arguing with Dumbledore. The only ones unaffected were Snape, who seemed to be as sour as ever – perhaps more so since McGonagall had overridden his punishment – and Gilderoy Lockhart, who seemed unaffected by anything that wasn't about himself.
Harry wondered what it was about the article that was upsetting all of them.
Author's Note: I know that this chapter isn't exactly sweet or action packed, but I need it in order to set up future plot points. Chapter 19 is going to be at least partially from Dumbledore's perspective, so you'll be able to decide for yourselves if he's good, evil, neutral, or just senile. It will also include Harry and company making use of those spell books of his. Unfortunately, this means that Halloween won't be until chapter 20 at the earliest. I hope I'm not asking too much by asking you to be patient; I have plans and I need to tread carefully to avoid creating plot-holes.