Crimson Lane - Chapter 18 - Reckoning
He's like nobody else in the world. When I am with him, it's like I'm split in half. Part of me is on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching him. The other half is calm and peaceful, just perfectly content, knowing he is the one for me.
-Unknown
Coruscating sunlight speared through the iron bars of the brothel window as Phasma opened the rich velvet curtains, disturbing swarms of dust left dancing in the dim morning light.
The brothel had a certain smell to it in the morning, a mix of burnt-out incense, disinfectant and sex. The first two odours came and went as the day went on, but the latter was constant, a heady layer of latex, lubricant and body fluids.
She blinked warily against the offending sunlight. She was tired; so damn tired of all of it.
Snoke had left her worn and more than a little bruised last night. Shed worked with him for two solid hours, putting up with the way his fingers trembled with rage each time he yanked her by the hair, that glow of repressed sadistic desire flashing in his cold eyes.
Eventually, the viagra had faded and Snoke's hatred took a less physical form.
That evening, he'd sat up in bed, still wearing his dull gold robe.
"That fucking little shit thinks he can cross me with that whore!" His wrinkled lips continued to move long after the words finished.
Phasma rolled up her stockings, trying not to let them run beneath her long red nails, careful not to say a word. Snoke continued.
"And that little bitch, you know what I will do to her."
Phasma nodded, eyelids lowered.
Yes, she knew. She knew all too well.
"And to think I took him in. Treated him as my protégé. He could have had everything, but now—" Snoke paused, catching his breath— "I'll make sure he has nothing left."
She nodded again, this time wiping a tissue between her legs.
Snoke's eyes narrowed at her. "Did I tell you to clean that up ?"
Phasma's hands froze in place, gritting her teeth behind a forced smile. "I can leave it, if you insist."
Snoke grabbed her blond hair, his iron knuckles grinding into her scalp. "Yes, I want you to leave it. You're my bitch, you can smell like me all day."
She lifted her chin, as much as was possible with him pinning her there.
"Certainly, Mr Snoke," she choked.
He pulled her back to his chest, reaching over her until she could see the hairs of his nose and smell the stench of day-old tobacco on his breath.
"Where are you trying to run away to anyway ?"
"I'm not going anywhere," Phasma replied, her eyes watering the more he dug sharp knuckles into her scalp.
"Good," he groaned, caressing her cheeks. "Because I have a job for you."
She fisted the sheets, fighting the instinct to rip herself from his hold. "Yes?"
Snoke let her go and she pulled away from him, careful not to rub her scalp or show any kind of discontentment over his treatment.
"I want you to change the bookings for tonight. Rey is not longer Kylo's client. Give her to Hux instead."
"What about Kylo?"
"Fuck Kylo," Snoke snapped. " He's finished here."
"He won't like to share. He's grown attached to her."
"Indeed, he has." Snoke stroked his chin, the movement too slow and calculating. Phasma shivered. Fear had always been a part of the job, but something in the way Snoke smirked as he stared off into the distance, gave her a terrible sense of premonition.
This was not going to go the way Kylo had planned.
"Hux can have her for two hours. Then book her in with Seth. That sick bastard will enjoy grazing on Kylo's leftovers."
Phasma swallowed. "Seth, okay. Is that all ?"
"Then me."
Phasma could barely breathe, she knew what this meant, she pressed her hands together, trying to hide the way they trembled.
"What do you need for it?" Her voice wavered with a sharp inclination at the end. She needed to regain her mask.
"Waist harness, ropes, the usual assortment of knives. Lots of towels, plastic sheets, and don't forget a body bag. We don't want that shit getting everywhere like last time."
A Judas Cradle, she realised, feeling like her body had filled with ice cubes. She was going to throw up. He'd done this once before to the last Master of the Knights of Ren. Before Kylo. Before many of them. To think she had been with Snoke for all these years, but why wouldn't she be? He had saved her from the streets when she was young, he had been kind to her, favouring her above everyone else. She had privileges and was trusted with secrets. No one else had that.
But Rey … That stupid girl. She was a child.
"What if someone finds out?"
"They won't, she's a street rat with no family. Nobody will miss it."
It. The word was not lost on her. Is that what he thought of her? How she'd thought she was somehow special. He viewed street trash all the same.
"What's your problem?" Snoke scoffed. " Don't tell me you're going fucking soft now?"
"I don't understand why you're going after her. Kylo 's the one who's pissed you off ."
" Kylo !" Snoke roared, coming to stand. " Kylo !" he shouted again, this time forced a pause, calming himself with a shaking breath before speaking quietly. " Kylo was mine. She stole him from me. If you are like my daughter, Phasma, he was my son."
Phasma stood, wrapping a sage robe around her body. "Either way, he won't let you anywhere near her."
" He won't be alive to stop it."
"You wouldn't—" She didn't care. But this …
This was madness.
Snoke walked to the door, peering back at her with an unbalanced snarl.
" Kylo Ren is not part of our family anymore."
"I'll make you a deal." The silver flash of Kylo's car keys caught in the sunlight as Rey eyed them hungrily.
"No."
She tried not to laugh. "Hear me out."
Kylo folded his arms in an attempt to look menacing. She knew this look, she had seen it on him more times than not, but now it was endearing.
"First one to the bottom of the steps gets to drive the Upsilion ."
There was a flicker at the corner of Kylo's mouth and a brightness to his eyes, even though he was clearly trying to remain stern.
"How about I drive the Upsilion, since it is my car."
"Well," Rey said, pulling him close by the lapels of his jacket. "Technically, it's leased. So it's not really your car, and … "
She yanked the keys so hard they pulled through his fingers and into her hand. She was ready to run when her whole body jolted back, the solid barrier of his arm wrapping around her waist, her feet dangling a couple of inches from the ground.
"Nice try, sweetheart," he whispered into her ear as he snatched the keys back from her, tossing her behind him, gently enough that she landed on her feet, but with enough force to give her a moment of unbalance.
In a whirl of black, the door slammed closed in front of her and he was gone. Rey didn't hesitate. She charged through, catching sight of his tall frame moving down the stairs. She could even hear him laughing as he clomped down every step, and Rey felt a light flitter in her chest at the sound.
"Hey Ben!" she cried out. It was enough to make him pause.
She jumped, slamming roughly against his back and grabbing hold of his shoulders, her legs wrapped around his waist. He stumbled, grabbing hold of the railing with one hand, holding his keys in a death grip, despite Rey's repeated attempts to pull them free.
"Give it up, Solo!" She laughed, sending nimble fingers scrambling to tickle and jab him, but instead of letting go, he sent his arms back to grab hold of her thighs and ran down the stairs.
Rey shrieked and squealed as he bolted down the stairs, both of them erupting in uncontrollable laughter on the landing.
H released her, and she slid off his back, unable to grab her breath between her laughter.
"You're crazy, you know that!?" he said, between gasping breaths.
She placed her hands on his shoulders. " Crazy for you, maybe ."
Then her fingers began to slide down his arm, in slow massaging swirls. Kylo groaned and pressed her against the wall.
"Maybe, is it?"
Rey shrugged with an irrepressible smile. " Maybe ."
"I'll give you maybe !" He lowered his head down to kiss her, but instead, she reached up on her tippy-toes, meeting him with an equally passionate kiss.
There was a groan and a cough behind them. They both jumped at the same time, turning around to see Phasma glaring at them. She was dressed in everyday clothes: black slacks, silver knitted jumper and her hair was, as ever, austerely slicked back.
Rey felt her cheeks grow hot at the thought of someone watching them and slipped behind Kylo.
Phasma rolled her eyes as she worked through the planner.
"Snoke will be here soon," she deadpanned, not even bothering to look up at them.
"He's on the highway."
Rey stiffened, accidentally letting out a degenerate whimper. Phasma's tired eyes glanced up at her at that moment, and something faltered in her steely gaze and she looked … lost.
Rey's heart pounded at the thought of Snoke bursting through the door and she began tugging at the back of Kylo's shirt to go. And still, Phasma was staring. A shiver slipped down Rey's spine, almost like Phasma knew something… Something bad.
"You alright, Phas?" Ben asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.
Phasma's lips tightened into a bitter smile. "It's been a long night."
"Get some rest, hey," Kylo said. "You know he never goes more than two nights in a row."
"Yeah, I know ." Phasma nodded and proceeded to tear a piece of paper out of the planner, holding it out to them." Kylo. Snoke left you this message."
Kylo took the paper, opening the scrunched ball and reading it quietly. Once finished, he peered up at Phasma and said a quiet, "thanks."
" Don't mention it," she said, resuming her pose, bent over the planner, moving bookings around.
Rey raised her eyebrows as he returned to her, holding the motley piece of lined paper up for her to see.
Don't come back.
Once they were on the street, Kylo threw her the keys.
"Here, you earned it."
"You bet I did." Rey beamed, pulling the lanyard around her neck. "Hey, did you think Phasma seemed a little …"
"Nice?"
Rey stifled a laugh. "Yeah."
"Snoke works her pretty hard. How would you be?"
In a flash, Rey imagined opening up herself for that decrepit murderer. "It's horrible."
Kylo shrugged, as though to say, 'it's just how things were here'.
And perhaps it was, but it seemed to Rey no money in the world would ever be worth sleeping with Snoke. She sidled up next to Kylo, his keys heavy around her neck, pressing into her chest uncomfortably.
"What do you think the note meant?"
Kylo looked away from her, hands in his pockets. "It was a warning."
"From Snoke?"
"Phasma." He stopped walking, his large frame cutting a divide in the path, people spilled on either side of them; normal people, with normal lives. Worry etched in the pucker of skin between his eyebrows, the way his brows were low and his eyes fixed on the way back to the brothel, gaze bearing through the thick grey walls.
"What is it?"
"If Phasma's warning us not to come back, she must have a very good reason for it. She doesn't stick her neck out for anyone."
Rey too looked back at the gloss red brothel door, tucked within the black walls of the building, innocuous and quaint in the morning sun. The hairs at the back of her neck began to rise, and she couldn't shake the unsettled way Phasma had looked at her. It was nothing more than paranoia, but still … she couldn't help shaking the feeling there was something more to it …
They hastened away from the shady path where the brothels of Crimson Lane spilled out onto the street, towards a section where the buildings were lower, allowing sunlight to reach their faces.
Kylo powered through the Autumn leaves, laying thick on the ground. They scattered on the pavement, like the forgotten ashes of summer, clumps of them in rotting piles alongside half-squished cigarette butts and pigeon poo.
Rey lagged behind Kylo, looking at the boarded windows squeezed between trendy open-wall cafes, serving smashed avocado sandwiches and matcha lattes. The whole area was a contradiction unto itself; dark, stagnant alleyways lined with overflowing bins and broken glass, decorated with ornate, iron castwork verandas, and hanging plants in rainbow pots.
At the end of the laneway, a young man with silver hair strummed away on his guitar, singing John Denver ballads, dipping his flat cap whenever someone tossed him a coin, a rushed
"thank you" between his lines.
Kylo waited for her to catch up. "What are you doing?"
Rey shrugged, as if waking from a dream. "It's kind of beautiful in a way. Don't you think?"
"In the way that half the buildings are condemned and the street smells like a proliferation of rats and exhaust fumes?"
She swatted him playfully on the shoulder. "No, in the way it's never truly one thing."
A tawny-skinned woman with wiry hair and missing teeth pushed past them, slurring raised words into her mobile phone, "My fucking neighbour and their fucking cat!"
Their eyes met and Kylo wrapped his arm around her waist and, pressing her close to his side as they continued to walk to the car.
Neither said a word and Rey fought hard to hold back the smile that was threatening to make her look like an over-excited school girl. It was such a little thing; the act of walking down the street, arm-in-arm, with another. People did it all the time.
But not her. And being with him like this, amidst the beggars on the corners and Gucci-wearing fashionistas in the cafe, it seemed to her like a snapshot in time that she might look back on one day and remember the moment when she meant something to somebody.
Come let me love you, Let me give my life to you Let me drown in your laughter Let me die in your arms Let me lay down beside you
They strolled past the busker as Kylo left a $50 in his guitar case and Rey squeezed him a little tighter.
"Wow, thank you!" he called out after them and Kylo waved his hand at him, mumbling a simple, "don't mention it."
They reached his car and she turned around to face him, removing the keys.
"You can drive."
He raised a single eyebrow at her.
"That way I can jump out if you start hooning again."
"You're something of a smart arse, you know that?"
His warm, slender fingers traced around her waist onto her bottom, sliding his hands into her back pocket and out again. Rey was barely paying attention, Phasma had mentioned that Snoke was on the highway, not more than 20 minutes away.
When she turned back to Kylo, he was holding out the blank screen of her dead phone.
"I thought you looked everywhere for this?"
"I did!" she argued, trying to grab at it.
"Everywhere, except for your jeans pocket?"
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God, Snoke didn't have it, or anyone else for that matter."
"I want to take you to breakfast. How about that new cafe that opened by the bus stop at the bottom of the hill?"
Rey bit her lip, once more, darting her eyes up and down the street.
"I think we should disappear for a while, don't you?"
"I'm open to that." Kylo leaned into her, his voice thready in the way that threatened to destroy her. "Why don't you come back to my place?"
Rey felt the weight of his gaze pressing down on her with everything those dark eyes promised. She could imagine "his place", some skyrise apartment in the centre of town with matching furniture and minimalist decor. Her shoebox of a home wouldn't hold a candle to it, and yet, that was where she really wanted to bring him, as though letting him in her space was accepting that she was folding him into her life.
Plus, she didn't want to know how rich he was, she had her suspicions, but wealth was something that had intimidated her after growing up with a lifetime of nothing.
"How about you come to mine instead?" she asked, kissing him on the tip of his long nose. "I desperately want to get out of these clothes."
"Oh, yes?"
"And into some fresh ones." She nudged him again and he lowered his head, kissing her chastely.
How she wanted to melt in his arms, to throw caution to the wind and kiss him with the passion that constantly yanked at her. It was not enough, to stand here on the street; hugging, kissing. It would never be enough.
But somebody could be watching, and it wasn't safe to stay here.
She stiffened in his arms, pulling back with a tense smile. "Can we…?" She nodded her head to the door and Kylo moved to let her in.
She squeezed into the restrictive red leather of the chair, thinking about the last time he had taken her for a drive.
Kylo got into the driver's seat and slid his hand across her thigh. He turned the engine on, and removed his wandering hand from her thigh to grip the gear stick, muscles tensing in his forearm just the way she liked.
"I'm starting to wish it was an automatic now," he grumbled.
Rey laughed. "Here, let me." She slid her hand across his thigh. Beneath the material of his trousers, she could feel the messy swirls of his leg hair, and the hardness of his thigh.
Rock hard. She tracked along the lines of his quadriceps. He must work out, or was it just the physical nature of his work? She grimaced, trying not to think of that last part. As her fingers wandered, the material of his trousers shifted and when she looked up his cheeks and ears were red.
What power she had over him. She moved her fingers again, fascinated, closer now between his legs and the movement came again in bounding pulses.
"Are you quite finished?" Kylo asked at last, though he couldn't hide the deep darkness that bloomed in his eyes.
Rey felt the blood rise up into her cheeks also, and nodded. "For now."Then cringed with how forward that sounded. What in God's name was this man doing to her?
He revved the engine twice and Rey rolled her eyes. But then the engine cut suddenly.
"Get down!" he yelled.
A black Chrysler limousine rounded the corner, moving slowly in their direction, windows so heavily tinted it was like looking into a night without stars.
Rey's body jolted with a sickening pulse at the realisation that Snoke was looming towards them.
"Quick, get down and I'll cover you. He can't see you here."
Rey yanked her belt off and pushed the seat back as far as it would go, squeezing her body between the glove compartment and the floor. As soon as she was down, her view was obscured by a heavy wool coat that Kylo had thrown over her head, his rushed fingers spreading it over the top of her to make sure every part was covered.
"Fuck, fuck," he muttered and she could hear the fear in his voice. She only hoped it didn't show on his face.
She heard the electric window going down and Kylo's gentle hand patted her head, whispering for her not to say a word.
There was a slow crunch of tyres pulling up next to them…
And then, silence.
Rey squeezed her eyes shut, skin wet with the humidity of her breath trapped under the heavy coat.
"Where are you going?" Snoke's voice was low, barely audible above the traffic, but carefully controlled, like he wanted Kylo to strain to hear him.
"Breakfast. I'll be back in thirty."
Rey strained to hear them. There was a distant horn blasting from far down the road, the low, breathy sound of busy commuter roads, and lastly the staccato tapping of a pedestrian crossing.
But from Snoke there was nothing.
Just pointed and purposeful silence.
"Do you want me to get you something?" Kylo asked, his voice too unsteady.
"Where's your whore?"
Rey's heart pounded harder than ever, sweat trickling down from her hairline. He knows she's here. She thought of Phasma, the note, the sorry-looking, guarded expression on her face, the closest thing to pity she had ever shown.
"Rey's back in the room," Kylo answered quickly. His voice was masked now, devoid of any fear or emotion. "I'm finished with her. Fuck her yourself if you want."
Rey cringed. She knew he was saying it to get him to leave, but still…
"That's awfully generous of you?"
"My treat."
Rey squeezed her eyes shut, trying to unhear his words. The way she was being treated as a commodity, nothing more than a sex toy for them to share. Digging her fingers into her forearms, she pleaded to God that Snoke would leave already.
"Does she know yet?" Snoke asked.
Rey froze at the question, struggling to breathe in her dark cocoon.
Does she know what?
The leather creaked where Kylo was sitting. Uncomfortable. She could picture him, knuckles blanched at the steering wheel, the slightest flicker of anguish ticking beneath his eye.
"She knows," he answered quietly.
"Huh," Snoke responded. "And still, she fucks you?"
"I don't want to rush you, but Rey was about to head out. If you want to catch her before she goes, then you better hurry up."
"We can't have that, can we?" Rey could hear the smile in Snoke's voice, those yellow-tarnished teeth, flashes of gold. A disgusting image of a man. "Very well. Be back here in thirty."
Finally, the outside noises of the city abruptly fell away into silence as the window wound up again.
The memory of the conversation seemed to disappear into a vacuum, muffled and running away from her as she tried to grasp hold of it, replaying the words in her mind.
What did she know?
Her calves were burning and she was so damn hot, she began to move —
"Not yet," Kylo hissed.
Rey waited for him to do or say something, but instead, they sat in silence, broken only by the sound of Kylo's shaking breath — In out, in out, in out.
Does she know?
...
Does she know?
...
Does she?
...
After all this time, has she always known?
The Upsilion engine started again, followed by the ticking of the indicator lever and the car pulled out. Once he had turned a couple of corners and finished along a stretch of road, Kylo let out a relieved sigh.
"It's safe now."
Rey threw the jacket off and into the back seat, wiping the mix of condensation and sweat off her face. Slowly, she moved back into her chair, unable to focus on anything other than him. Kylo kept his eyes on the road, expression grim.
She did not return her hand to his thigh.
And still it was so quiet, the air so heavy with words left unsaid. He drove, weaving through traffic, speeding like he had the first time, eyes so focused and fixed on the task at hand.
It all seemed too pointed, too purposeful.
She swallowed, her throat cracked with dryness.
"Kylo?"
He breathed out through his nose, fingers gripping the wheel even tighter than before.
" Kylo ?" she said a little louder, this time touching his arm.
He yanked a hard left on the steering wheel and the car swerved, forcing Rey to grasp hold of the roof handle. With a sharp stop, he had pulled into the gutter.
"Ask me," he said.
Rey's mouth dropped in shock. Just like that?
He turned to her, eyes red-rimmed and tired. "Ask me anything Rey. I will answer it."
Anything?
She barely knew what to say.
"No more, secrets. Not with you." He turned to her again, lips trembling. " Ask me! "
Was it you?
The words surfaced, like a stray whisper rising up in her mind like a poisonous fog. It wasn't the first time they had come. It wouldn't be the last, but…
She couldn't. Not now.
A single tear crept down her cheek.
"Why me?" Her voice croaked, throat dry as sandpaper.
His hand dropped to her knee, his fingers warm and sweaty, lips parting as he took a deep breath before answering her.
But she stopped him before he could speak. "I mean..."
How could she stop her voice from shaking?
He waited, looking at her as though he were waiting for the axe to fall.
"You could have had any girls, on any of the nights. Yet, you chose me. Every night." Rey shook her head, as though trying to answer the puzzle in her mind. "Why was I different? I mean, we didn't really even sleep together until last night."
" Technically …"
"Don't avoid the question. There was a reason you chose me. I want to know why."
"To keep you safe," he whispered, blinking quickly.
She raised her eyebrows, sceptically.
"And because I wanted you and couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being with you."
She placed a hand over his knee, and he grasped hold of it, caressing it.
"Because this thing, whatever it is we have, has overtaken me…"
She looked out the window, to the crowds of people passing by, going about their lives. A smile was blooming on her lips. She tried to repress it.
"Because you're so passionate and strong, and …"
She snorted. "Okay, I get the picture."
"Has anyone ever mentioned you're terrible at receiving compliments?"
She looked down at her lap, concentrating on the vintage finish of her jeans. It was fading, and the threading was growing thin. She would have to replace them. "Is that the only reason?"
His lips moved; moist and plush.
"Yes," he said at last.
Rey breathed a sigh of relief.
It wasn't him. She buried the questions rising up inside her heart, shoving them down like the stray hateful thoughts they were.
She smiled, pushing his hand away. But he stole it within his hand and rushed in to kiss her.
His lips met hers again; gentle, chaste... honest.
He pulled away less than an inch, allowing his thumb to stroke her cheek. "Because I…"
Her heart stopped; waiting, fearing, hoping…
"Don't say it," she answered, breathless. "We barely know each other."
Her eyes filled with tears. He couldn't.
"Rey," he whispered, pressing his forehead into her own.
"I don't deserve it. I'm nobody."
He kissed a tear, that lopsided half-smile of his, hesitating with the words that held to his lips.
"You're everything to me."
She turned away, heart pounding too hard, mind rushing with a thousand thoughts as his lips praised her neck and jaw.
"I'm falling in love with you. I can't control it."
"Ben," she whispered. "It's too soon."
She felt the words hot against her face. "I shouldn't have said—"
"No," she stopped him short, fingers reaching into his own. "I feel the same."
Her body gave into his with demanding, desiring, hungry, lascivious kisses. Bodies pressed, fingers searching, pulling, tearing, pulses firing, the rise of lust pulling them closer and harder together, aching for more.
Those rogue questions subsided, like the hint of a mirage disappearing in the morning light.
Was it even there? Had she ever doubted him?
"Let's go home," Rey panted, pawing at his chest.
"You don't need to tell me twice." Kylo sped out onto the road, window down, the cold air hitting their faces. Without a word, he drove faster than he had ever driven before.
One, two, three, four, five…
The last one stuck. Rey shoved the key hard into the lock, wriggling it in the secret way only she knew how.
"Will you hurry up and open the door," Kylo growled, nipping at her neck in a furious rush.
"Give me a minute," she chided. "There are six locks on this door, and each one needs a special kind of wriggle and pressure to open."
"Speaking of which…" He gestured to the locks, with a lost look on his face. "Why?"
Rey smiled sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders.
Because she didn't like to sleep alone, because being anywhere, alone, in the night, brought back memories that left her screaming in her sleep and seeing demons in the day.
But instead...
"I'm protective of my stuff." The words came out far more off-handed than she intended, how could they not? Considering what lay behind them. "I may not have much, but what I do have, I treasure."
He nodded and his face distorted into that uncomfortable scowl, the one that looked like he had swallowed something bitter. But he didn't press the subject and if he suspected she wasn't telling him the whole truth, he wasn't going to pursue it now.
"I understand. I'm protective of my things too, but—" he slid a hand beneath her jumper, curling around her back and pulling her close to him— "if I knew you lived in Fort Knox, I would have made you come to mine."
She stifled a laugh and shoved him back with her arse, an invitation obviously because he pulled her hips back into his and took her earlobe into his mouth, sucking it between his teeth as he groaned.
A cascade of shivers travelled from Rey's neck to her toes and she opened that damn door faster than she'd ever done before. The lock clicked and she pushed her shoulder against the door, giving the lower edge a sharp kick where it always jarred.
They spilled through the doorway, arms grappling each other, stumbling against the door frame, and knocking a side table over in a rush of messy kisses.
Their breaths came in heaves, fingers in a flurry of pulling and ripping until they were in their underwear. Rey covered Kylo's chest in passionate kisses, tongue swirling over every plateau and valley of his torso. She barely breathed, attacking him like their world was about to end.
And who knew, maybe it was? How much longer could they realistically have before something went wrong?
She felt a stone-like weight in her gut at the thought, at the inevitable truth that all of this was racing towards a climax she had no control over.
Kylo pressed her against the wall, grinding his erection against her panties, his crooked fangs grazing across her lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist, squeezing, reciprocating the movement, scratching her nails through his hair as he panted animalistic moans by her ear.
Not enough. Never enough.
"Bed!" she gasped and the world spun around her and she gripped him tighter with her thighs until he threw her on top of it. She tumbled onto the mattress, her head bouncing on the hard base with an "oof".
Unlike the brothel, her mattress was not plush and pillowy, instead, the bed barely held their weight.
"Careful!" she hissed as he climbed on top of her, the mattress creaking with the pressure of his hands and knees. It reminded her of their first night, how predatory he'd seemed, like a panther stalking its prey.
There was that part of him still. Like his body was just a shell that held back an avalanche of passion and urgency. It was there in the way his eyes bore too intently into hers, the way his fingers held her so tight, just past the point of comfort. A man starved of love and touch. He probably didn't even know how much his body craved it.
His lips crushed against hers, and the dark, insatiable hunger in his eyes thrilled her. Her silk panties slipped down her legs, and she kicked them away. Out of the corner of her eye they flew past the kitchen and landed in the trash can. It would have made her laugh out loud, but she was too hungry for this to stop.
"Good," he grunted into her ear and fiddled with her bra until she lost patience and sat up, swatting his hand away and removing it herself.
His eyes widened at the sight of her naked body across from him, unable to hide in the shadow here. He reached his hand out tentatively to her breast, but she caught it and pulled him down.
And then it was her turn, mounted on top of him, the material of his boxer shorts pressing into her, thin and silky, a touch damp.
Not enough.
"Let's get rid of these." Kylo's eyebrows raised and he looked as though he was about to say something when she yanked his boxers down, careful as she moved around his erection, staring up at her; velvety, pink and pulsing. With a devilish glance, she pressed a kiss to the head and it bounded at her touch. She looked up at him through the messy curtains of hair, relishing in the pure ecstasy on his face.
"More?" she purred.
He nodded, the muscles in his neck moving as he swallowed. Her tongue slid around him, tasting of warmth and sex. His flesh prickled in goosebumps as she licked him.
She made him shiver and groan. Pride brought a smile to her face. His desire made her feel powerful, in control of her life, where she'd previously had none.
But then he rolled her over onto her back, clutching hips between his thighs as long, slender fingers searched between her legs, demanding arousal. She writhed and gasped, her eyes closed, focused on the mounting pleasure spiraling out of control within her.
It was too much.
She struggled to move away from his pleasuring strokes, attempting to roll him over. He finally yielded and she straddled her legs over him, stroking his cock with the slick warmth of her body.
"You like to be on top," he said through a smirk.
"You remembered!"
"Of course I do. And you may remember, so do I—" He tried to pull her down again, but at that moment, she guided him into her, enjoying the width stretching her open. She looked down at his half-lidded eyes, glossy with desire, roaming from her face, down to her breasts, fixating on them with heady pupils, mesmerised as she stretched and stroked him with the rhythm of her dance.
She gave him a squeeze between her legs, and he groaned like a tamed beast.
"Still want it your way?"
He pressed his hands over her breasts, massaging them with a boyish smile.
"I suppose this is okay."
Pleasure bloomed in her, she felt it curling in fiery blushes across her chest and cheeks. The sensation was calm enough to disarm her and she closed her eyes as if in prayer, losing herself to the feel of him inside her and the light touch of his right hand trailing down the entirety of her abdomen like a gentle vine, toying with the line of her pubic hair.
Rey's stomach muscles squeezed with anticipation. But he just teased her, never allowing his fingers to wander where she most wanted them.
"Touch me," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him on the lips. " Please ."
He did as she asked, worshipping her womanhood with slow and reverent strokes. She felt like a goddess, in her home of light. There were no shaded windows or heavy curtains here; sunlight speared in through every window. There was no hiding in the sun. She leaned over him again, tasting his lips with hers, dipping her tongue beneath the sweet sheets of his. It didn't take long for the tension to build, with every roll of her body, the muscles burned and beneath her, Kylo was moaning with adoring whispers.
"God, Rey," he muttered, eyelids closing as a wave of pleasure threatened to toss him into wild release. His firm hand grabbed her arse, pressing her body hard against his.
He tried to resume his attention to her, but Rey smiled every time he got distracted. She thrust fast against him, setting the rhythm with the grip of his hand guiding her speed.
"Shit, Rey, it's… fuck, I'm gonna…"
She was ruining him — and she loved it.
He pressed his thumb clumsily against her clit and she chased her orgasm, mindless and needy, mad with desire to bring him to climax.
His hips slapped into her and she gripped hold of his shoulders, on the edge of the precipice and unable to hold back her own cries.
He froze, face concentrating, almost contorted in pain.
"Are you close?" he grunted.
"Yes," she cried out, breathy and desperate.
The pressure of his fingers worked harder, clumsier, mindless and almost detrimental in their urgency, but she didn't need them now, the rush of the orgasm was past the point of no return and her muscles ratcheted tightly until her walls clamped around him, her face pulling with that ultimate tightness, the last barrier before euphoria.
She crashed, her body limp and wet, collapsing on top of him, hardly noticing the way he pulled her beneath him, pounding away the last inch of restraint. With blissful calm, she focused on his face, beautiful in its sweat-glistening yearning, his eyes squeezed tight and lips pressed together as his own tension broke. With a sudden pull back, she felt the familiar warm trickle of his seed spill onto her body and his hot breath heaved into her neck.
She grasped his head, threading her fingers through his thick hair. Even though she still pulsed from her own release, and she was spent and satiated, her body ached to claim him again, already mourning the loss of him inside her.
For a long time, they were silent, speaking in nothing but slowing breaths.
"Ben." Rey tugged at him. "Are you okay?"
His answer was a low, gurgling moan and she giggled.
"Are you dead?"
"I think so," he groaned into her neck, his body hot and sweaty, weighing heavy on top of her.
"It's so fucking hard to pull out of you."
"Maybe we should slow down next time, you know, use a condom?"
A petulant muffle. "Don't want to. I like the way you feel."
She laughed, rolling him off her a little to get out from underneath his overbearing body. "Well, we better start using them or who knows, we'll have a little Ben running around and you'll run a mile!"
He moved his head to face her, almost annoyed. "No, I wouldn't."
"I was just joking."
"I will never run from you," he said, looking at her with such earnest sincerity that Rey had no choice but to believe him.
Her lips toyed with a shy smile. She could have answered "me neither", or "same", or anything, but in the glow of their lovemaking, her mind was muddled, foggy and lethargic.
And perhaps there was something stopping her from promising the same. It crept up on her: that toxic smoky shadow, tall shrouded figures, dark voices, violent hands. She held him tighter, eyes squeezed shut, holding onto this moment, the last glow of sunlight slipping beneath the bed of a crimson sky.
Her body was a traitor; she'd discovered that the night they'd first met, but how much more had her mind betrayed her? Gaslighting her with questions, then gouging away the doubt with some overconfident assurance that, no matter what flittering thoughts ate away at her, this one truth remained.
He was not her enemy.
So, why did she fight it now?
"Here." She grabbed a box of tissues by her bed because that was easier than searching for the answers to her questions. "You made a mess."
She grabbed some for herself, wiping away the remnants of their lovemaking, trying to change the direction of the thoughts in her mind.
"So, this is my home." Rey rested her head on the flat of his chest. "What do you think?"
She looked around the room, seeing with fresh eyes the little compensations she had made in poverty. Her furniture; a couple of old pallets, sanded back and painted shabby chic, with recycled bean bag covers in velvet grey, reshaped and sewn into oversized cushions. The walls were bright with splashes of colour, a calendar photo reimagined into a wall print, featuring white sands, aquamarine water and long-tail boats covered in banners of coloured scarves. Another print, this time pulled from a travel brochure, the rainbow mountains of Peru, grossly photoshopped into more vibrant colours. All of them, a little dream, a promise to herself, a vision of what freedom might look like.
His hand disappeared beneath the bed, feeling around.
"The bed's made of pallets too," she told him quietly and refusing to meet his eyes. "You can get them for free at the hardware shop."
His lips pressed onto her forehead and he squeezed her tighter.
"You're amazing. You made all of this?"
"It's not that hard. There are videos on YouTube."
"Well, I have a confession to make. I can't make anything."
"You make money," she said cheekily. "You don't need to."
"What makes you say that?"
"Umm, I don't know, the car." She raised her fingers as though she were counting. "The clothes, your accent, the watch, and the fact that you don't seem to mind paying me an exorbitant hourly rate every night to not have sex."
"We're making up for it now, aren't we?"
"I hardly consider this a paid visit."
"Thank God for that. You were close to bankrupting me."
"Somehow I doubt that."
"It was a punt, I bought a few too many coins a couple of years ago."
"And now you're a gazillionaire?"
"Not quite." He yawned, stretching his pallid arms out and linking his fingers behind his neck.
"So, what now?"
"I'm going to jump in the shower. Feel free to grab some breakfast. There's baked beans and bread in the kitchen."
"Baked beans," Kylo muttered. "Breakfast of kings."
"You bet it is. Make yourself comfortable."
He snuggled back into the bed, oversized lump that he was, feet dangling off the edge, arms spreadeagled.
"I'll wait for you," he yawned.
Rey grabbed her towel, hanging over the back of a chair and then picked up her jeans, searching through the back pockets until she found her phone. She pressed the home button. Unsurprisingly, it was still dead. On her way to the bathroom, she plugged it in by the bedroom and then left, eager to wash the sweat from her body.
When she looked back at Kylo, his breathing had deepened, blinking slowly. Rey smiled. He was so vulnerable like this, falling asleep like an overtired child. With one last look back, she left him to sleep.
Twenty minutes later, Rey vigorously rubbed her hair with the towel as she looked in the mirror, examining the soft hickey marks running along her neck. She pressed a finger to the largest one; it blanched white at her touch. They weren't bad enough to cover up, and some could be mistaken for shadows if the light was dim.
She traced her finger idly around them, like stepping stones to her lips. She wondered if he had fared any better. Pulling on her jeans and an off-the-shoulder lemon knit, she ran her fingers through the wet tangles as her phone sprung to life in the next room.
Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.
The tinny sound played on repeat. Almost running out of the room, she rushed over to silence it, but there was no need. Kylo was fast asleep, oblivious to the chorus of incoming notifications. Flicking it to "do not disturb", she slipped it into her pocket, ignoring the constant stream of buzzing vibrations. He had curled over on his side now, lips half-buried into the pillow, dark lashes dusting the top of his cheeks. Little puffs of air escaped his lips with every exhale. His hair had fallen across his eyes, causing them to twitch. Her finger glided beneath the lock of hair, brushing it from his eye. She tilted her head, admiring the way he could look both young and old at the same time.
She would have curled up next to him, kissing his shoulder, tracing the few sparse hairs that were on his chest, but her phone was on constant vibrate now, indicating that someone was calling.
Regretfully, she kissed his forehead and left the room.
She had a small balcony, if one could call it that. A small one-by-one metre slab of concrete that the builders forgot to cut away. Around the edges was a lime green railing, cracked and rusted. It came up high, above her belly button, giving the sensation that she was in a cage.
The air outside was surprisingly warm for a mid-Winters day and the sun showered her face with heat and light as she pulled out her phone just as the last ring finished.
Poe Dameron
12 Missed Calls
Twelve? She scrolled down the feed on her lock screen.
Finn
6 Missed Calls
321
You have 8 new voicemails.
And then the messages began arriving.
Poe Dameron
We need to talk. Pronto!
Poe Dameron
it's important. Pick up your phone.
Poe Dameron
Rey. Where are you?
Finn :
Hey, peanut. You around?
Finn :
Rey?
Finn :
Poe is losing his shit here. Call me. I'm starting to get worried.
One after the other, they came. Rey held the phone out in front of her. A strained feeling at the pit of her stomach squeezed tighter with every new ding.
She had forgotten, or at least pushed aside this part of her life. The mission Poe had tasked her with and what it all meant… the blood. The blood had been all over his hands last night. She hadn't pressed it. He wouldn't tell.
She knew, she knew, fuck, she knew what it all meant.
And then her phone rang.
Poe Dameron
Answer / Decline.
Dread trickled down her spine. All she could do was stare at it. Like this was the call that would tear her world apart. Unsure she would even hear him over the pounding of her own heartbeat, she pressed answer and closed her eyes. The brightness of the sun disappeared into a burnt red, light barging through her skin and to her retina.
"Hello?"
"Damn it, Rey!" He was shouting. "Where the hell have you been? Are you safe?"
"I'm f-fine. My phone was out of battery."
"Shit, Rey. I thought — Look." He paused, and she heard him taking a steadying breath, but when he spoke it still sounded like his voice was on the verge of breaking apart. "Lor's dead."
Rey moved her mouth; no words came out of it. Even though she was outside in the sun, the cracked walls of her apartment building seemed to close around her and the sun changed from something light and life-giving to a blazing flame, bearing down on her. Her body caved in, huddled around the phone.
"A fucking bullet through his brain," he said, emotion spilling into his words. "They left him lying in his own blood."
She couldn't breathe. Her hand reached for the railing, clutching hold, beyond the world seemed to fall away.
"We didn't even get the USB drive. It's all lost. The whole fucking story is finished. We've got nothing!"
Silence.
"Well, say something!" he shouted. "Did you know about any of this?"
"He's dead," she whispered, at last, the words barely forming a sound.
"You need to get out of there Rey. It's not safe for you."
She no longer had a heartbeat, in place of it was a bass drum. It boomed with deafening beats; erratic and painful. She felt as though it stopped and started again with a wrench thump. She looked back into her apartment; Kylo was still sleeping. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. It was all crumbling down.
"Rey, are you there?"
"I'm here." Her voice wavered, and all the time she saw the blood, imaging it spiralling down the drain of their bathroom, the blood of an innocent man.
"I also ran the account number you've been paying your debt into. It's Snoke's. He's been playing you from the start. That's why he pulled you in. I fucking knew it, Rey. When you told me about the night you were attacked, I knew straight away that was Kylo Ren. It had his signature all over it. I didn't want to say anything until I was a hundred percent sure…"
The world was collapsing, the street below, spiralling into an endless abyss.
It was him. It was him. It was him. It was him.
Her mind was broken, the words raced around her like stupid circling birds out of some Saturday morning cartoon. If only she could breathe. She clutched her abdomen, pressing on it, trying to force air into her lungs.
"You can't go back there, Rey. Where are you now? We'll come and get you."
It was him. All this time. He knew.
The tears were rising, an overflowing weir, threatening to spill down in a flood of grief.
"Rey? Tell me where you are."
"I'm here." She sputtered out the words. "My apartment. Finn knows."
"Stay right there. We'll be there in a couple of minutes. Okay?"
It was him. He had dragged her through her apartment, forced her on the ground, threatening her with steel blades. The thoughts ran through her like a knife down her gut.
Breathe, she needed to breathe.
"Rey. Did you hear me? We're coming, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," she stammered. "Okay."
Blindly, her finger pressed on "end call" and every sound fell away. With shaking hands, she returned the phone to her pocket and stared out at the horizon. It was broken by the cityscape, like a mouth of cracked teeth, peering into the sky at different heights, grey, worn and rotten. Since when had the city become so bleak? The sky was speckled with pigeons, "rats of the sky" Jess would have called them. Vermin. And always the heat; scalding, irrepressible burning rays, they made her feel sick, the waves of nausea washing over her in sickly waves of hot and cold.
Just needed to breathe.
She forced her lips to open, a strained whisper of breath sucked in, and another, and another, until they were rushing, one racing in after the other. She cupped a hand over her mouth, trying to slow the breathing, trying to see through the tears, and always, Kylo lay, silent and unknowing. She could see him through the glass, the hint of a smile fresh on his lips.
Her lover.
Her murderer.
Her liar.
Her worst nightmare.
Time passed. Slow or fast, she wasn't sure, but when she looked up again, the sun had crept higher in the sky and there was a fresh breeze blowing in from the east. She blinked the tears away, wiping her face clean. She wrangled her breathing into something passing for normal and prepared to go inside.
Notes
Reallife hijacked me this month with lots of late nights working (not writing!) and the rest of the time being a mum.
Special thanks and shout outs to Kath Knight and Azuwrite, who have beta-read this chapter. I encourage you to check out their amazing work.
Fic Rec Time!
I actually managed to read two fics lately and I'd love to share them with you.
First up is Read Between the Lies by thoseindarkness
Summary: Ben is a spy who grew up around spies. Rey is a street smart scavenger. Both are looking for a fresh start. Their lives intersect in the Alliance, a covert organization whose primary mission is to keep the world safe from the remnants of the Empire, the criminal cartels that prey on the weak, and any other denizens of the underworld who seek to prey on those not strong enough to stand for themselves. In this world of secrets, half-truths and deceptions that live in the open, the greatest danger may not come from the outside at all. The real threat might just be the lies they tell each other or the truths they have yet to face.
Love the attention to detail with this one and I can't wait to see where it goes.
Link: /works/19006921/chapters/45136810
And next is Trash Talking with Tico by Semperfidani
Summary: This is the trashy Star Wars daytime talk show you didn't know you wanted. Who's the daddy?
Honestly, this story made me laugh out loud. I can't write comedy and I have so much admiration for anyone who can.
/works/18031502/chapters/42606887
One more thing. To those readers who have read and commented on this fic, your ongoing support means so much to me. I really do welcome any and all feedback. I'm here to learn, improve my craft and hopefully churn out an interesting story. I'm so grateful to those of you who have interacted with me. I love connecting with other writers and readers. Please don't be shy about seeing hello or giving me feedback of any kind.
You can find me on Tumbler ( blog/wayofthepathfinder) and Twitter ( /WayPathfinder).
Until next time, let the angst times roll.