PART ONE: ANACHRONISM

Chapter XXVIII: A Nice Day For A Swim

I cannonballed into the pool. Water sprayed up in all directions, drenching the perfect-figured, red biki-wearing Karen in chlorine water. She crossed her arms under her D-cup breasts and scowled as I bobbed back up to the surface of the pool, my short legs kicking beneath me.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Karen.

I grinned up at her. "You're wet now."

She ran her fingers through her long, brown hair. "Well, damn."

"Water's fun," I said. "You should try it sometime. It won't hurt you."

Karen stared at me, rolled her eyes, and said, "I'm going to go get a coke."

She started to turn around when Nick came sprinting past her. He jumped into the air and cannonballed into the pool a few feet from me. Water flew into my face, and I wrenched my eyes shut, laughing and coughing all at once.

"Nick!" I cried as he resurfaced.

"Revenge," said Nick, sticking his tongue out at me. He swam to the side of the pool and grinned up at his girlfriend. "Coming in?"

"I want a coke," said Karen.

"Then will you come in?"

"You're already wet," I said. "Might as well come swim."

Karen scowled at me. "Maybe later. Come with me?" she asked Nick, her big brown eyes pleading with him.

"But I want to swim," said Nick, pouting.

Karen sighed. "Fine. I'll go get the coke by myself."

She turned around and walked away. Nick watched her go with a forlorn expression on his face.

"Well," I said. "She seems nicer than Joanna."

"She's not happy with me," said Nick. "Why isn't she happy with me?"

"Men." I sighed. "You just blew her off to spend time with your female best friend. That's kind of suspicious. According to evolutionary biology, sexual jealousy, which Karen is experiencing at the moment, is an adaptive function meant to protect her from desertion. Males also experience sexual jealousy, but rather than be concerned with desertion, males are worried that they will be cuckolded into raising another male's offspring. It all comes back to reproductive success—which means that your offspring live on the reproduce. In order to increase reproductive success, we undergo a period of courtship—AKA dating—where males and females investigate in each to ensure that desertion and cuckoldry will not happen. Studies show that on average males are more upset by sexual infidelity whereas females are more upset by emotional infidelity. And in the introduction of an attractive third party, males are more likely to end the relationship while females are more likely to try to maintain the relationship."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's called the internet. You should try looking up some educational things on there sometime. You might learn someth—"

"I read educational things," said Nick. "It's just that not all of us have your memory." He hoisted himself out of the pool, dripping water all over the pavement.

"Fine," I said. "Go comfort your female mating partner. Just remember, it all comes back to reproductive success."

Nick rolled his eyes before heading down the path toward the food hut where Karen was waiting in line for her coke. I watched them for a second as Nick went up to her, wrapped an arm around her waist and murmured something in her ear. She laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

I kicked my legs up and floated on my back. Great. I was the third wheel on another one of Nick's dates. If Bonnie had been here, the two of us would've stayed in the pool the whole time and complained about Nick's model-perfect girlfriends and their rotten personalities. But, of course, Bonnie wasn't here anymore. She was somewhere in Middle Earth. Maybe she was alive. Maybe she wasn't. But I was going to stick with the alive option because I couldn't face the alternative.

"There is something floating in the water!"

"Not something, someone."

Opening my eyes, I rolled over, dogging paddling to stay afloat. I looked around. What were they talking about? There was nothing in the water.

Wait.

I wasn't in the pool anymore. To my right, there was a rocky beach leading up to a steep slope covered in a forest of dark, evergreen trees. To my left, there was a rocky beach that turned into a dying terrain of browning grass and fading trees. The difference between the two was as clear as night and day.

Twisting around in the water, I saw three white canoes drifting down river. At the front, Frodo and Sam leaned over the edge of their boat, their eyes practically popping out of their heads, while paddle in hand, Aragorn looked rather exasperated. In the next boat over, Merry and Pippin were gawking at me and Boromir had a wide grin on his face. In the last boat were Legolas and Gimli. Legolas had his "Oh God, not again" face on, while Gimli just looked plain confused.

"Boromir!" I cried. He looked alive and well as he paddled down the river. No wounds. No injuries. Safe and sound. Which meant I still had time to save him.

"Hello, Ana," said Boromir. "What are you doing in the river?"

"It's a pleasant day for a swim," I said. "You should join me. It's quite nice." I rolled onto my back and drifting down stream again.

"What are you wearing?" asked Legolas.

I blinked and then went back to treading water.. Right. I had forgotten that I was only wearing a pale blue bikini. Not Middle Earth appropriate attire.

"It's what people in my world wear when we go swimming," I said. "It dries quickly."

"People wear that in your world?" Legolas looked like he might pass out from the scandal of it all.

"Yep. My world's standards of modesty are dropping rapidly. Pretty soon we won't be wearing anything when we go swimming. Though, I suppose nudist beaches already exist, so that's not that weird. And topless beaches."

"Sometimes," said Aragorn, "I do not understand what she is saying, and other times, I do not want to understand what she is saying."

"Aw. I love you too, Aragorn," I said, waving.

"I have a shirt you can borrow in my bag," offered Merry.

"If it's that faded white shirt of yours, the answer is no," I said. "Keep it on you. I'm going to need it in the future."

"I doubt it would fit," added Boromir. "Hobbit-size is too small even for Ana. She can borrow one of mine."

I swam breaststroke over to Boromir, Merry, and Pippin's boat. Boromir pulled me into the canoe and handed me the shirt. All the members of the Fellowship were very careful not to look at me, I noticed. Sam's face was bright red, and Legolas still looked scandalized. I debated prancing around in my bikini a little longer just to tease the Fellowship, but their hearts probably couldn't take it, so I pulled the shirt over my head. As expected, the shirt was huge on me, coming down to my knees. It probably still wasn't Middle Earth appropriate fashion, but oh well, they would learn to live with it.

"So," I said, settling down in the boat, "how have you guys been?"

I kept grinning at Boromir. He was alive. He would, of course, die some time in the future, but for now he was alive. Which meant I could tell him the future and, in doing so, change said future. Perfect. (Yes, I know there are holes in my plan. You know there are holes in my plan. But, of course, being me, I found out those holes only after everything else had screwed up beyond belief.)

"We departed from Lórien not ten days ago," said Boromir. "It is a fair place…so fair that I do not think another forest like it exists anymore in this world." A faint smile crossed his face, and I decided not to mention that I wasn't a fan of Lórien. Boromir continued, "We had a short rest in Caras Galadhon with the Lady and the Lord. The Lady Galadriel gave us each gifts to take with us upon our departure."

"Presents, nice." I grinned. "What did she give you?"

"A gold belt," said Boromir, gesturing to his waist.

"Very nice. Very fashion forward. And you?" I glanced at Merry and Pippin who sat at the front of the boat.

"We received belts as well," said Pippin.

"Oh, so she tried to improve the fashion sense of everyone." When I had visited Caras Galadhon, the only gift she'd given me was the news that I was slowly going to go insane.

"Aragorn received a sheath and a gem from Lady Arwen," said Pippin.

"Well," I said. "He's a to-be king. He has to up his shiny bling levels before he ascends to the throne."

"Shiny bling?" repeated Merry with a blank expression on his face.

"Sparky stuff what makes him seem more awesome."

"Oh."

"What else?" I asked.

"Legolas received a bow," said Merry. "And Sam received a box of earth to use when he returns to the Shire."

"So Legolas gets to be even more obnoxious, and Sam gets to be even more of a gardener." I nodded. "And Frodo?"

"The Lady Galadriel called it the Star of Eärendil," said Pippin. "She said it served as a light in dark places when all other lights go out."

"So, basically, it's a flashlight." I nodded. "Okay. Good job crazy lady Galadriel, those things always come in handy. And what'd Gimli get?"

Pippin frowned, and Merry said, "We do not actually know what gift Gimli received."

Immediately, we all turned to stare at Legolas and Gimli's boat. The dwarf seemed extremely uncomfortable with water, and he kept eyeing the glassy surface suspiciously.

"Hey, Gimli," I shouted, "what did Galadriel give you?"

Gimli looked up from the water. He saw the four of us—Boromir, Merry, Pippin, and me—practically leaning out of our canoe, listening attentively. Gimli's face flushed under his red beard, and he quickly looked away. "It is a secret."

Boromir and I exchanged excited looks.

"This is getting so interesting," I said.

"Gimli," said Boromir as pleasantly as he could, "we are all friends here."

Legolas smirked, while Gimli refused to acknowledge our existence.

"Sharing is caring," I said.

"You cannot hide from us forever," added Merry. "We will find out the truth."

"Legolas knows," said Pippin. "Legolas, you must tell us."

Legolas shook his head. "I have been sworn into secrecy."

"Come on," I said. "I know you and Gimli have become unnaturally good friends considering you're an elf and a dwarf, but there's got to be some of that old hatred still seething beneath the surface. Think of all the anti-elf comments Gimli has made that you want revenge for…"

Legolas looked thoughtful.

"You must be joking," said Gimli, turning to Legolas. "You are going to betray me with that?"

"Well, you did call me a beardless, pointy-eared she-male ."

"That was, um, before we were friends," said Gimli.

Legolas stared at Gimli for a second and then turned around. "He asked Galadriel for a strand of her hair. She gave him three."

"Hair?" I asked incredulously. "From that crazy woman? What do you need hair for? Is that for some kind of voodoo magic? What do you do with three strands of a woman's hair?"

"Do not be cruel," said Boromir. "Gimli is just a hopeless romantic." A huge grin spread across Boromir's face. "Though you have to admit that is unexpected."

"He is smitten!" cried Pippin. "An arrow struck him through the heart and now he cannot break free." Pippin mimed getting hit by an arrow and then started batting his eyelashes at Gimli.

Gimli's face was bright red. He shuffled to the other side of his boat and refused to look at us for the rest of the trip. We made jokes at his expense for a little while, but then the guilt hit us, and we started flattering Gimli's boldness and his romantic side to convince him to talk to us again. Of course, it didn't help that every time we did manage to get Gimli to say something, Legolas would make a quip about Galadriel's hair and we would have to start the process all over again.

Eventually, our conversation shifted, and Merry and Pippin started describing to me their passage through the Gates of Argonath the day before. From what I could tell, the gates were two enormous statues between which the River Anduin flowed. The statues depicted two men, each wearing a crown and a helm, with their arms extended outward, making the universal sign for stop.

"The Pillars of Kings," said Boromir. "They mark the northern border of Gondor. They were constructed almost two-thousand years ago under the order of King Rómendacil of Gondor and carved in the likeness of the legendary brothers Isildur and Anárion."

"Oh yeah," I said. "Totally know who are those names refer to."

Boromir ignored me. "We are headed to the outpost Amon Hen."

"Nope, still don't know what you're talking about."

Boromir sighed. "Currently, we are on the River Anduin, the longest river in Middle Earth. If we follow the Anduin much further, we will reach Nen Hithoel, which is a large lake. There are three hills at the southern end of the lake—Amon Hen, Amon Lhaw, and Tol Brandir. Amon Lhaw, the Seat of Hearing, rests on the eastern banks of the Falls of Rauros, where Nen Hithoel drains. Amon Hen, the Seat of Seeing, is a hill on the western banks. Tol Brandir rests in the center of the falls. No one has ever set foot upon its land because the currents around it are too strong."

"Those hills were made in the days of the great kings," said Aragorn softly.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw him, Frodo, and Sam resting in their white boat, listening to our geography lesson. Aragorn had a sort of faraway look in his eyes.

"It is at Amon Hen where we will abandon the boats," said Aragorn.

"Oh." I patted the side of the white canoe. "I like the boats."

"I do not," said Sam. "Hobbits were not made to swim."

I laughed. "There you go. There's one thing hobbits are afraid of that I'm not. If nothing else, I can swim."

"It is good to know you have at least one talent," said Boromir.

A couple hours later, we reached Amon Hen. Crossing the waters had been difficult as the rushing waters of the Falls of Rauros pulled use down river, but we managed to paddle over to the western shore, where dark green trees looked over the rocky beach. Then we hauled the white boats up onto the bank. (Well, actually, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, and Legolas did most of the hauling, the hobbits and I watched and cheered them on.)

The Fellowship unpacked the necessities from the boats and started to set up camp behind the tree line. Boromir went to get firewood, while Sam prepared dinner. Legolas and Aragorn took care of the boats, pulling them up into the forest so that they were hidden from any enemies on the eastern shore. Frodo wandered apart from the group, a contemplative look in his blue eyes. Gimli kept to himself, still angry at the rest of us for mocking his gift. (Sorry, Gimli.) Merry and Pippin didn't help that much with the set up and spent most of the time chatting and skipping rocks in the river. Given the choice between setting up camp and skipping rocks, I picked skipping rocks.

"I cannot believe you wear such clothing in your world," said Merry.

I glanced down at Boromir's cotton shirt and then shrugged. "It's just different cultures. This isn't even the worst I've Skipped in."

"It is not?" asked Pippin. He threw a flat pebble in the water and watched it skip across the surface four times.

"If you ever meet the Third Marshal of the Riddermark, tell him I say hi." I threw a pebble and watched it sink without bouncing even once.

"You are bad at this as well," said Pippin, tossing another rock.

"I wish I could be surprised," said Merry. "But I fear I have come to know Ana too well."

"You guys suck." I walked along the beach, searching for more flat rocks. Through the trees, I could see the makeshift campsite. Sam was still crouching over the low-burning fire, roasting some fish that Aragorn had caught. "Hey," I said, turning back to Merry and Pippin, "where's Frodo gone off to?"

Merry and Pippin exchanged frowns.

"Frodo is still upset over what happened in Moria," said Merry. "We all are upset, of course, but I think him more so than the rest of us. He was very close to Gandalf."

"Poor guy," I murmured.

I needed to choose my words carefully. I knew Gandalf had come back to life eleven days ago and had arrived in Lórien nine days ago, but I wasn't sure if I should share this information with the Fellowship. Every time-travelling movie I'd ever seen told me no, and I decided to listen to the movies. Besides, I knew Pippin was going to be with Gandalf in Gondor later on in the timeline, so no harm done.

To avoid spilling any secrets, I left Merry and Pippin and headed through the forest in search of Boromir. If I could find him alone while gathering firewood, I could warn him of his possible death and in doing so change the future.

Yes, I now realize the contradiction of not telling Merry and Pippin that Gandalf was alive, but then telling Boromir that he was going to die. You know that I go all sorts of illogical when it comes to things like this.

So where was I? Oh yes, I was wandering through the forest, searching for Boromir. Unlike the dying eastern banks, which were suffering under the growing power of Mordor and the spread of orcs, the western banks of Anduin were flourishing. I walked under the green canopy, listening to the sound of leaves and twigs crunching under my feet. It was nice day, a blue sky day. I was going to save Boromir. It was a damn happy day.

"Give it! Give it to me!"

I stopped. That did not sound like a happy day tone of voice.

Through the trees I could see two figures fighting. Or, more accurately, one large figure was trying to grab hold of a smaller figure. The two fought—pushing and kicking and struggling and shouting. Dirt and leaves flew in every direction as Frodo and Boromir fell to the ground.

"Get away!" cried Frodo. He kicked Boromir in the chest, and Boromir fell backwards onto the ground.

Frodo scrambled, fumbling for something around his neck. The Ring.

I opened my mouth to stop him, tell him it was dangerous, but it was too late. Frodo slipped the Ring onto his finger and vanished.

"I see the future!" screamed Boromir. "You sneaky hobbit, I see the future! You will take the Ring to Sauron! You will betray us all! You will leave the White City in ruin! Traitor! Coward! Halfling!"

"What the hell are you saying?"

Boromir stopped shouting at the invisible Frodo. Slowly, he turned to stare at me. At first, he seemed not to recognize me, his eyes filled with some paranoid haze. Then, his blinked. The madness left him, and Boromir crouched on the forest floor, too shocked by his own actions to even more.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

"What have you done?" My voice was unnaturally high pitched. "What have you done?"

"The Ring…"

"Yes," I snapped. My hands were actually trembling in anger. "The Ring. The one Ring to rule them all. The evil Ring. The Ring that is used by the enemy. The Ring you are trying to destroy. The Ring which Frodo was entrusted to carry. The Ring you just tried to take from him!"

"I wanted the Ring." Boromir stumbled to his feet. "Why did I want the Ring?"

"I don't know! I don't know! But it was stupid! Fucking stupid!"

"But the Halfling," murmured Boromir, his eyes slipping out of focus again. "He cannot be trusted. The Ring, the Ring should go to Gondor."

I slapped him.

I kid you not. The moment I heard those words pass through his lips, I stepped forward and slapped Boromir right across the face.

That was my mistake.

You see, in that second, that split second, in which my hand cracked across his face, I Skipped. One moment, we were standing in a forest amongst leaves and trees and the next, we were standing beside a pool in the warm Ohio summer.

A girl screamed. Someone shouted something about cosplayers. People were talking. I could hear them all around me. "What's going on? Where did they come from? Did she just slap him? Is this some kind of stunt? They just appeared there. Out of thin air."

I could only stare at Boromir. His right cheek was slightly red, and his face was extremely pale. He wasn't looking at me, but rather taking in the unfamiliar sight around him.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Oh my God," I said, taking a step backwards. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God."

"Ana?"

"You're in Ohio."