Part 39; To Instill Curiosity

There's nothing

that I wouldn't do

to make you feel my love.

Sansa

She never expected acceptance such as that which she found in her husband's eyes. She had spent so much time wondering what he might choose if he knew everything, truthfully—and she couldn't believe he chose her.

Warm in his arms, Sansa heard the creak of their chamber door on its hinges. Then the click of it closing anew. Small feet pattered near to their bed and a few seconds of rustling later, Sansa made a low noise as Little Robb pounced on top of her. The warm heat of his flesh scorched her skin as he moved to slide between them.

Theon shifted and his eyes opened. A low grumbling laugh sounded from his throat. And Sansa wound her arm around Robb's middle only to draw him in tight to her breast.

"You are both glowing, did you bed her, Papa?" Sansa's cheeks flooded with color and shock surged straight up her spine.

Theon's eyes widened with shock and he looked to Sansa for support.

"Gods! Our son knows about bedding?" She was still flaming red as he poised such a question at her.

"Apparently he has been sneaking around and spying on unsuspecting couples in the act." Sansa tickled Little Robb and earned a few giggles and squirms in response.

Sansa was beginning to think he stole a little bit of Arya's forwardness when he came into the world, not only Robb's spirit. Arya used to speak her mind despite the consequences which was far more scandalous for a girl.

"Only Uncle Jon and Aunt Alysia!" He countered.

"Well you best not spy on us! I mean it, son." Theon gave a half-hearted smile.

And Little Robb seemed puzzled by his words. "Why not? It doesn't hurt anyone…"

Sansa stifled a giggle into Robb's hair. He was absolutely hopeless.

"A little help?" Theon inclined his head towards her and she laughed.

"Don't look at me, he doesn't listen to me, either."

Robb squirmed in her arms and kept tilting his head back and forth to survey both of their expressions in turn.

"I listen, Mum. But I don't see the harm in just watching. It is a secret, just like I cannot tell Uncle Jon and Aunt Alysia that I still feed from your breast." Sansa held her breath.

Theon quirked a brow, "So that is how you kept your milk flowing all these years?"

"He likes to feed from me…" She defended and Robb nodded in agreement.

Theon laughed and rubbed his temple. "Gods above, Sansa. He is uncontrollable, however did you manage?"

"He is just like Arya and Robb, if they both embodied one single person." She teased back. "And I managed quite well I think."

Robb launched into Theon's arms and landed on his waist with a huff. "Look at you? So strong." Theon kissed Robb's forehead.

"And quite content with keeping lots and lots of secrets." Robb puffed out his chest and beamed.

Theon shook his head and Sansa joined in. Her heart swelled watching them like that. She never thought she would witness the day where Theon would get to hold their son and attempt to teach him life lessons. She would never take these moments for granted, again.

Reek

Reek found contentment in his heart when he awoke to the feel of Sansa and Robb alongside him. Memories from his counterpart grazed the forefront of his mind and made his smile widen. Sansa was okay again. They both were.

Hunger rumbled in his stomach and instinctively he sought out Sansa's teat to fulfill it. The alternative was to head down to the kitchens and eat with painful chews—Sansa's milk was the kinder choice. And he preferred it.

Mother's milk tasted sweet and succulent against his dry, cracked lips. The aroma from Sansa's skin invaded his senses enthralling him with honeysweet dewy scents. And he faded into it naturally.

He found his mind was more mystical than the deepest of the ocean depths. Unable to retain his memories easily, it took time for him to dig and find what he sought.

Theon's memories.

Dozy fingers wound into the strands of his sandy-brown hair. Milk squirted upon his tongue and was quickly swallowed with fervor.

Suddenly, floods of memories came to him. Laughter in the courtyard—the firm tug of a bow's string and promises from Theon's lips. Love. Touches. So many little whispers transposed between them. And the truth at hand came to view.

Sansa knew the darkest of their truths. All of the personalities knew about the child scorched with fire—hung from the castle walls of Winterfell. All were aware that their only (known) offspring was lost forever—but none of them spoke of it.

The shame wound deep and the sick truth tore at his innards with every suck and pull of sweet milk. He never wanted Sansa to know of that treachery. Even the memory rooted deep into the recesses of his mind—ate at him.

Robb slept positioned nearby. His snores gentle in the morning light that shone briefly through the curtains. Completely unaware of the darkness that followed Reek around like a ghastly shadow. It never left him. Not really.

Done suckling he sat up on his haunches and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. With gentle eyes he looked upon Sansa's frame. Listened as she drew in shaky breaths of air. The rise and fall soothed him. Calmed the rancor in his mind.

"Reek…" Sansa hummed. "Come lay down…" Perhaps he had awoken her after all. Now that he peeked closer, he could see the thinly veiled smile curl at the corners of her mouth. Hear the uneven sound of her breathing. And he saw her shift mildly on the bedsheets.

"You spoke to Theon." It was the first words he thought to speak once he settled back into her arms just as she asked.

With a nod, she beamed. "Is he correct in believing you forgive me, Reek?"

"I could never be mad at you for that, Sansa." And he found those words to ring true. Any length of time without her would always prove too much to bear.

"I cannot bear to think of what was taken from you, Reek." Sansa's breath tickled his lips and he shivered.

"I know what was taken from us, Sansa. I know what Theon did. I've always known." He had to belay the truth—he needed her to understand.

"You…You did?" Her voice was shocked.

"It haunts all of us. It haunted even the protector." Reek could no longer feel the protective personality inside of his mind. He hadn't felt that presence in so long.

"I wanted to hurt him, Reek. I feel awful for it—but I did."

Reek slid his hand over her cheek, caressing her skin with love and care. "I understand, you never have to worry that I will leave you, Sansa." His skin felt prickly and aged well past his years. He always felt so broken when he looked into Sansa's eyes and recognized fear reflected back at him.

His entire life was built around fear. His existence came to be, due to Theon's own fear. Every crack in Theon's psyche was built into Reek's consciousness. And now—now he knew how it felt to love Sansa and long to be whole for her.

He would always long to be whole—for her.

He presented her with a chaste kiss and fought back the urge to kiss away her tears and climb on top of her. He had to remember that they had a son now. And their son slept alongside of them most of the time. He was once a barrier—wielded by Sansa to prevent their sexual encounters. Now—now Robb was used to being close.

He expected to be.

"Are you going to bed Mama?" The sound of Robb's voice jolted Reek and rippled his skin with shock. Another swift memory from the night previous came to him.

"Robb! No of course not!" Reek stumbled over his words, cheeks pinking and he straightened his back nervously sitting up against the headboard.

He could hardly deny the tingle in his lower-half that alerted him to how potent his desire for Sansa currently happened to be. Mornings when he awoke and nights just before sleep were his most need-filled moments.

Sansa burst into laughter hardly willing to further continue to scold Robb for his curious nature. It did little good to chastise him for being curious at his age. Especially considering it appeared as though he had taken it upon himself to begin spying on intimate moments whenever he could.

"Why not?" Robb sat up then rubbed at his eyes wiping the sleep from them with a yawn.

Sansa sat up and tugged Robb onto her lap. "What did we talk about last night, Robb?" She kissed his nose and smiled at him. "Leave your Papa alone, hm?"

"Yes, Mum." He squirmed on her lap, unsteadily.

Reek's face was still on fire and his eyes were still trained down at the bedcovers.

"I still don't see any harm in just watching though." Robb muttered under his breath and Reek noticed Sansa stifling a smile. She forced a pointedly stern look to cross her face.

"You are far too young to watch. That is why." She kissed his forehead and Robb made a face.

"I just wondered how it was different from Uncle Jon and Aunt Alysia…" Reek's face turned a darker shade of red and he fisted the furs his heart rising in his chest.

Even around their son he found himself self-conscious about his body. His own nudity would always bring him shame, now. He knew Little Robb meant no harm, but it made it no less humiliating to picture in his mind the differences between his own body and other men. The way he bedded his wife and the way everyone else bedded theirs.

His jaw clenched tight and he bit back tears.

"Robb, you cannot keep going on about things of this nature. It is not proper. I mean it. Tell me you understand?" Sansa's voice tightened noticeably; all good humor vanished from her eyes.

Robb's gaze guilty shied from Sansa's then over to Reek who refused to meet his stare.

"Robb?" Sansa's tone was icy.

Robb squirmed. "I understand." He huffed and wiped at his eyes; this time noticeably upset himself.

"You are very lucky that you are a boy that is fully intact. You do not have to fret about bedding a woman when the time comes. It is unkind to ask questions about how one that is not so lucky as you, beds his wife. I know that I have taught you better than that. We do not poke fun or ask unkind or embarrassing questions about anyone. Ever." Sansa was serious. Her eyes were unyielding and Reek had never seen her clearer and more concise about anything before. Every time she interacted with Robb, she was light and gentle with him. Coaxing and willing to answer his questions without fail. This was the first time she attempted to set boundaries that Reek could recall.

Tears spilled down Robb's cheeks. He too, was unused to receiving a stern scolding from her.

"I didn't mean to upset him, Mum…Honest. I only wondered. I'm sorry…Don't be mad at me, Mum…" He descended into sobs and sniffles. Sansa sighed her stern exterior softening as her son broke down on her lap.

Reek felt guilt for being the reason she scolded Robb.

"You do not have to scold him. He only shocked me is all. I am fine. He is my son. He can ask me whatever he wants." Reek never believed that he would have a son. A child that relied on him and idolized him. That looked to him for answers in this life. No one had ever needed Reek for anything other than pain and suffering. He was unused to the innocence of a child's mind. Robb was innocent—and meant no harm.

Once Reek mulled the obvious over his mind then he could overcome the temporary grip of pain that overwhelmed him when such questions came to fruition.

Robb's eyes perked up through the swarm of tears and Reek extended his arms. "Come here." Robb scurried onto his lap and clung to him for dear life. His tiny knees poked into Reek's lower abdomen and small frame shook with the force of his sniffles.

Sansa looked on in apparent bewilderment at Reek's ability to recover from his momentary distress.

When Robb managed to quiet his tears, Reek drew him back to look him in the eyes. It was uncanny how much like Sansa's brother their son looked. It chilled him right to the bone to see those achingly familiar eyes reflected back at him.

"I am not always as strong as Theon is, Robb. Sometimes I take a while to process the things that are said. I learned a long time ago that my mind is very easy to break, but I am always going to try to answer your questions, alright? Even if they aren't exactly conventional." Reek chanced a glance at his now bewildered wife prior to returning his gaze to meet Robb's. "I will do my best." He promised.

Reek wanted to be better for his son. He wanted to be better for himself as well. He couldn't detach anymore. Nor could he simply revert the way he used to. Having Robb made him stronger in ways that were difficult to describe. But that were felt on a potent level.

"I cannot be inside of my wife, that is true. But I can still be with her. It isn't normal and I suppose to some it isn't right, but we still find pleasure with one another. One day you will understand that there is more than one way to find intimacy with a woman." Even as he spoke the words, he felt his heart racing and skin pulsing. He was embarrassed. And his cheeks were filled with heat but he managed to force the words out.

He was determined to help Robb understand so that his curiosity may finally be sated.

Robb fidgeted and clearly had more to say but seemed hesitant to ask. He remained silent.

"Do you have more questions for me?" Reek prepared himself mentally for what Robb might inquire about next.

"I want to know why it is forbidden to speak about. What is so shameful about being with a woman if you love her? Why would anyone think it is wrong, Papa?" Reek's mind reeled as he struggled to grasp the concept of Robb's thoughts. How did a child draw conclusions such as these? He decided that their son was not normal. He clearly harbored more than one of Ramsay's traits. Ramsay's scent and keen mind.

He took a breath and answered. "Nothing is shameful about being with a woman you love, Robb. But you know how people are here, don't you?" Robb cocked his head to the side. "They tend to stick their nose where it doesn't belong. And if someone does something that is deemed abnormal then to them it is wrong. There will always be those that do not like how I bed Sansa. Even though we love each other. Even though it isn't wrong. People believe that it is and so it is made so in polite conversation." Reek tried to explain. Yearned to make Robb understand.

"Okay, Papa." His little palms rested on Reek's pecks. One of his thumbs brushed curiously over the scar where his right nipple once existed.

"I am sorry the man who created me did these things to you, Papa. I am sorry you cannot bed Mama the way you want to." Reek's heart nearly stopped right there in his chest.

He found himself speechless his mouth hung open dumbly and his face flushed anew.

Sansa too, stiffened. Her face paled.

"Robb. You are not to blame for Ramsay. Not for anything that he did to me or to your Mum. You never have to apologize for him. We would never blame you. Either of us…" Reek found his voice after several moments of blank gaping.

Robb shifted. "I am to blame, Papa. I am the son of a monster that hurt you and Mum. I would never have been born if Papa did not hurt Mum to make me. And he is the reason you cannot have babies of your own…I wish you could have babies of your own…" Reek's heart shattered into pieces. What he once believed himself came out of Robb's lips and made him recognize how foolish he had been once to believe that Robb could ever become like Ramsay simply be existing.

"Robb…" Reek breathed out his name and Sansa reached out to brush the length of Robb's spine. He shivered and leaned into her touch for comfort.

"You are my son, Robb. The man who fathered you will never matter. Not to me. You are my baby. I do not need another son to be happy. I have you. You make me happy." He leaned in and kissed Robb softly on his cheeks, lips, nose—everywhere. "You mean everything to me. To Theon, too. You make me better, Robb. I am stronger because of you."

Robb nodded but it was apparent his guilt and self-hatred would never go away entirely. It would always be hidden beneath the surface. Reek knew that pain well. He lived with that pain everyday that he existed. He could spot it in another. Especially a child.

"What if I take you out to the courtyard? Theon can come out and teach you how to shoot a bow and arrow." Reek whispered and nudged him lightly with his nose.

Robb was unmoved. His eyes hollow and distant.

"I don't want you to leave, Papa…I want you to stay…" Nearly inaudible huffs came from Robb's chest as he offered insistent words.

Reek's eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You leave for so long and you don't come back…"

"I…I don't mean to, Robb. Sometimes I cannot control when it happens. But I promise you, that even when Theon is here rather than me, I will remember."

"You will?" Robb appeared skeptical.

"Of course. We share memories, you know." He was thankful for the lighter tone the conversation took on.

"You remember everything he did yesterday?" Robb further inquired.

"I do. And he can remember everything that I say and do, too."

Robb pressed his cheek against Reek's chest and small arms circled around his middle.

"I will go down to the kitchens and eat breakfast first." Robb mused. "Then you can have privacy with Mum." Robb retracted from his lap and was off the bed before Reek could so much as protest. Yanking on the various articles of his discarded clothing prior to scurrying from their chambers. All of the heavy emotions from moments previous were once more packed away and hidden under that bright smile of his.

Sansa moved to straddle Reek and linked their fingers together. "I didn't expect you to handle that as well as you did." Ocean-eyes found his sea-green admiration shinning from within.

"He is our son, Sansa. I know he would never seek to cause me harm." Reek lifted her hand and planted a kiss to the back.

"Still, I saw the look on your face when he started asking about the way we couple."

"He took me off guard. He is one of the most inquisitive children I have ever met. And I met quite a few over the years."

"It is not healthy for him to be questioning us about bedding…he is so young yet…I do not want him to get any ideas…"

"Theon was curious at his age. Though Iron-Born boys tend to be born with the thought to rape and reeve in their blood." Images of the sea came to mind and he whisked them away.

A troubled expression crossed her face. "What if he gets it from Ramsay? Do you think…could he be hiding the same dark thoughts that Ramsay had…? Would we even know?"

Reek's heart pattered and rose. "He is petrified to turn out like his Father. It is not possible for Robb to turn out like him. After all, Ramsay never once worried about hurting anyone else. He never apologized for anything that he did. Never."

"I know…but still. I will always worry for him."

"You are his mother. That is what mother's do." Reek sighed in discontentment and stole another kiss. "He will be just fine. Give him time, Sansa. Time is all he needs."

She planted a chaste kiss to his neck and nudged him with her nose. "I hope you are right. I could not bear it if anything ever happened to him and I could have prevented it…"

"If he is destined to be like Ramsay—then nothing we say or do will change that. But he has a heart of gold. He is nothing like Ramsay. Do not worry for him. Not anymore, Sansa."

She nodded her head—but fell silent.