Part 41; To Breathe New Life.

Love is space and time

measured with the heart.

Sansa

It took only a single glance out of the corner of her eye and she would have recognized those green eyes anywhere. Looking at Colton was like peeking into Theon's youthful reflection.

They could have been twins. And the appearance was so uncanny it took her a long moment to double take and breathe—in order to remind herself that she was not staring down Theon's twin—but his son.

Son.

He had a living, breathing child. Something she could never give to him.

Her one wish in all the world was to give him a child.

She felt a burn in the back of her throat as she blinked back tears. The weight of this truth caused her deep pain. And suddenly—she knew what her mother had felt when she looked upon Jon. Knowing another woman gave her husband a child—that was not her—caused an insurmountable pain to swiftly gouge into her.

Seeing him, here—like this—was a jolting shock that resounded to every single limb and bone in her body.

She felt Little Robb cling to her hand and gawk up with wide eyes—she heard the breathing of her husband hitch in his throat and she felt in her chest that something in Theon broke—again.

His eyes glazed over and she could tell he was no longer there. It was a second—and then he blinked.

Colton was stood watching him, as was Yara, both expectantly awaiting his response.

Sudden anger pierced inside Sansa—caused by the shock from something of this magnitude being thrust upon them both.

"Are you mad, Yara? You cannot surprise, Theon! Not with something like this!" She hissed out, shooting daggers with her eyes toward Colton.

She wasn't angry with Colton per-say—but she was wounded by his appearance. Deeply.

"I believed he would be pleased with the news. How was I to fucking know it would do…well what in the seven hells is wrong with him?" Theon was stood very still and Sansa knew that Reek was now with them.

"He cannot always help when he changes personalities, I told you that, Yara!" Sansa brushed against his cheeks and he blinked.

"Sansa…" Reek's voice was gentle as he peered over her shoulder and recognized Yara and recognition lit his eyes as he saw Colton just to her left. "I came out too early…" Sansa remembered that Theon had planned to let Reek come forward a little later in the day. He wanted Reek to have an opportunity to spend time with Yara as well.

"Yes, Theon had a bit of a shock." Sansa put all of her focus into keeping Reek from spiraling. In truth she would do anything in order to momentarily divert her attention away from the problem that presented itself in front of them.

Yara watched their exchange in complete silence a hard stare on her face. Before she piped up.

"Gods. He is not a child, Sansa. He does not need you to coddle him like one! He has the blood of an Iron-Born running through his veins. He can handle himself."

Jon made a noise in his throat a light smile spreading across his face, despite the situation at hand and Sansa gave him a death glare of warning for him to stay out of it.

He seemed to take a hint, because he began to instruct those standing around the courtyard in stunned silence about their business. And even guided his wife and children inside the castle. Leaving only the five of them behind.

"How would you know? He may have been Iron-Born, but Reek never was. Theon and Reek are different. Nothing about them is the same." Sansa sighed, lowered her hands and turned to (finally), face the young man that so completely resembled her husband.

She had known Theon for so long that she had memorized every inch of him. The crooked smile he used to harbor in his youth had always drawn her in. It was the reason she let him chase her even though she could never hope to outrun him. Why she fell so deeply into the cocoon of love and need for this man. To see that smile again…it hurt deeper than she could ever express. She hadn't seen that smile since the day she left for King's Landing. Which felt like a lifetime ago.

She never believed she would again.

"Your last name…You are a bastard of the Iron Islands? How is that…? Theon was a child when he came here…" She reached up to stroke the curve of Colton's jaw. She could hardly believe that he was real—flesh, bone—and when she touched him it cemented this reality into her mind.

Colton offered an uncertain smile that just barely curved at the sides of his mouth. His own hand lifted soft and warm to barely graze Sansa's and she shivered. "My mother told me the story once, before she passed away."

Yara gave a reassuring nod in his direction when his eyes met hers. Sansa reacted like a bolt of lightening and jolted her hand from his cheek in apprehension. Suddenly painfully aware of everyone's eyes on her.

"Lilliyan…" Reek's voice rang out, startling everyone. His eyebrows drew tight together and Sansa's eyes turned toward him her heart beginning to patter and race.

"You remember her?" Colton's smile grew wider and more certain.

"Some of the memories…from before…the Iron-Islands have always been clearer than my more recent memories. At least…since I woke." Sansa recognized the nervous dart of his eyes toward her as he mentioned it. And her heart ached for him.

Yara's eyes softened and she smiled at her brother. "Of course, you do. You have our home in your bones."

Reek offered her a shy smile and a nod. He pondered something for a moment before he spoke up again. "Lilliyan was revered among the other Iron-Born. She was always such a beautiful girl, her hair auburn in the rays of light. I remember the other boys used to tease that she was impossible to charm. It was a right of passage to bed a girl by your tenth name day." His eyes gave another nervous dart in her direction and Sansa saw him blush. His hands began to tremble and he twitched mildly from the stress.

Colton's eyes grew heavy with emotion and Sansa could tell he was holding something back—but couldn't decipher what, exactly, it might be.

"I knew Lilliyan since I can remember. I ran with most of the village children. Yara, too." He appeared to look to Yara for reassurance and she nodded.

"I remember Lilliyan." Yara admitted. "She was always pretty the way men deemed a Lady should be—even though Lilliyan harbored no title." Sansa sensed jealousy in Yara's tone.

"I kissed Lilliyan, once. When we were five." His eyes grew distant as though he were seeing the memory clearly in his mind's eye. "She was soft and warm for an Iron-Born. Always smiling with kind eyes. I cared for her. Promised her things…" Sansa could feel in her heart that Reek was troubled by the memories shown to him by the fractured pieces of his mind—but he powered through.

"You loved her?" Sansa piped in and Reek stiffened clearly torn between the truth and not wishing to betray the love he had for her.

Sansa reached out and grasped his hand—entwining their fingers in solidarity. "I could never be mad at you for your past, Reek. Nor Theon for his. Go on." She mused and kissed his knuckles. She ignored the little flutter of jealousy that stuck inside of her belly.

She wondered if he always remembered Lilliyan, or if those memories were burrowed deep along with all of the other memories he would rather forget (or that Ramsay had stolen from him) over time.

Encouraged by her show of support his back straightened a bit and his nervous glances in her direction ceased altogether as confidence began to shine through in him.

"I let the other boys believe that I took from her the way Iron-born are meant to—but the truth is I found her in my bedchambers on my tenth name day. She wanted to be the first to share my bed. We cared for each other by then—spent so much time in our own bubble. I meant everything I promised her. I meant to make her my Lady. To marry her before the Drowned God." He closed his eyes and sighed in his throat.

"We were together in secret until the day I was taken from the Iron Islands. But I swear I never knew she carried my babe. I never was even able to say farewell to her."

Colton's hand was tight on the helm of his sword, tethered to his hip. His hand pale, white. "She left the village when you were taken. She never wanted anyone to know she carried the bastard babe of a Greyjoy." Colton's voice broke.

"I remember she vanished. Her parents searched for her. They never found her, I thought she might have died—we all believed she had died." Yara intersected a forcibly unreadable tone in her voice.

Colton's eyes never left Reek. "She witnessed what became of your brothers—of you. It broke her to lose you. She never carried that light you speak of—not that I recall. And she never bedded another man…not of her own volition."

Sansa knitted her brow together and took in a deep, shaking breath. "A man forced himself on her. Before she perished. Put a babe inside of her and she died—birthing a son for the rutting savage. The child was born ill—did not last the week. I buried him and sought you out at the castle—but I found only Aunt Yara. It is my fault for your trauma. Not Yara's. I pleaded with her to bring me to you. You are all I have left in the world. You and Aunt Yara…"

Sansa felt her heart flutter and shift. The jealousy felt deep down felt bitter and made her feel ashamed of her jealous impulse.

"She spoke of you often…my Mother. Believed that you might return to her one day. Believed you might come for us." Colton's voice shook.

Reek was rigid, tears in his eyes his trembling worsened. "I never…I thought she would forget me…That she had forgotten me…"

Sansa never knew about Lilliyan. Theon never mentioned a woman he left behind. Not once in all the years she knew him. All their secrets were laid bare—he knew everything there was to know about her. About her life. How could Theon never tell her about Lilliyan? That single question made the sickness inside of her only strengthen—despite what she told him.

"She never did. She spoke of you all the time. She would listen in our little village for scraps of news on your whereabouts…she heard when you returned home—after you had already returned to Winterfell. She thought you perished…I thought you perished…Until I heard about you on the lips of another. Word that you had wed a daughter of Winterfell…" Colton's eyes finally met Sansa's and her heart raced.

"Mum never knew…I did not have the heart to tell her…" He swallowed thick in his throat and tears glistened in his eyes.

Reek reached out to him and drew him in for a hug. Sansa had never seen Reek touch a stranger before. Not if he could help it—touch hurt him. Terrified him most of the time. Sansa let the tears fall down her cheeks as the impulse to hug Colton raced through her own bones.

It was her mothering instinct. It had to be. She wanted to care for this stranger's child. This man who lost his mother. Who never knew his father…

Despite how much it hurt her to even look upon his face. How much it dug into her chest to witness an uncanny reincarnation of Theon's visage. Theon's sandy-brown hair held flecks of gray scattered throughout. His eyes were aged years beyond his true age but he was still handsome—to her.

Little Robb had stood watching all of this with wide, reflective eyes. Sansa took the moment to coil an arm around her son and hold him near. She could see tears gathering on his cheeks—he was crying. Before she could even speak to Robb he was scurrying from the courtyard. Drawing from her arms as though he was punched.

"I was fucked up for a long time…I never thought…If I knew…" Reek whispered. Sansa couldn't believe how well Reek was handling this situation. Had he finally grown used to being forced out when the worst of events came to pass? She remembered how it broke him last time. How his mind never recovered from the trauma of the brothel rape.

When Colton pulled away Reek's trembling hands lowered back to his sides. His skin was pale and eyes tired. "You are welcome at my hearth. Always. I would never turn you away." Reek's voice cracked with emotion.

Sansa could feel Colton's eyes on her. Felt the burn underneath her skin. "We will both take care of you now." Sansa piped up. Colton offered a sad smile and she looked back to Reek. This would take time. Time for her to grow used to—but she felt affection for this man. He was a piece of Reek—of Theon. She could feel nothing less.

"I should go after Robb…" Her voice was dry and shook. She wanted to displace herself—for a little while. Just a little while.

"You should." Reek agreed and Yara nodded in agreement.

Free from the tethers to this strained first meeting—Sansa hurried from the courtyard and didn't turn back.

It took time but she found him. Huddled in one of the spare guest chambers. Nestled in a corner with his head between his knees. Sobs wracking his tiny shoulders.

"Robb…" Sansa approached him only to kneel before him on the floor.

He jolted and their eyes met. Liquid wet his cheeks; redness pooled in his cheeks.

"Daddy isn't going to want me now…" He sniffled and coughed.

Sansa's eyes widened. "What are you talking about? Of course, Theon wants you. He will always want you. You're his son…You're our son."

Robb's head shook viciously and he rubbed his eyes and nose. "Why would he? He has a real son now…I am just the son of a man that hurt, Daddy…"

Bile rose in Sansa's throat and she stared in blatant shock. Of all the reactions she could have imagined—this was the very last. Robb was everything to her. Everything. She loved him more than words could express. And she knew Theon did too. Reek. Theon—they both loved Robb.

"No, Sweetheart…Hey. Neither of us blame you. Not for him. I promise. We meant what we said that night. Reek meant it…This changes nothing…"

It wasn't true of course. Everything had changed. And would remain—changed.

"I just want to be alone, Mum…Leave me alone…" Robb burrowed his face into his knees and sobbed anew.

She scooted closer and drew him into her arms. "You're my little boy. You are the only person in this world that was connected to my body. That I carried inside of me. I've loved you since I first held you. Since I kissed you that first time and promised to protect you. You're mine. And Theon was there too…He promised to love you, forever—too. Colton will be your brother…but he won't matter more, I promise…No one could matter more than you. Not to me…"

He didn't speak—didn't respond only sobbed into her shoulder. Clutched at her dress and sobbed until his tears ran dry—until his voice was hoarse and skin overheated. And she held him.

Until everything else ceased to exist in the world.