After becoming stuck in the body of an Umbreon, Sim has a lot to reconsider. How can he still be himself when he's got four paws? Is it even possible, after being thrust onto somebody as their pet? Whether a human or Pokemon, life is full of restraints...and Sim might have to accept his new role fighting the Yeerks whether he likes it or not. Animorphs/Pokemon crossover AU oneshot with different main characters. Experimental.
INTRODUCTION
All that you touch, you change.
Rusty Lake: Seasons
After accidently recovering alien technology, a small group of friends discover that they have the ability to transform into any Pokemon they touch. Upon learning of the infiltration of the Earth by a race of parasitic extraterrestrials called 'Yeerks', the teenagers assume the role of a guerrilla force to repel the alien invasion. Their stolen technology allows a person to assume the form of any Pokemon they contact and acquire the DNA of. However, there are a number of limitations to the morphing ability:
The person cannot stay in the Pokemon 'morph' for more than one hour, fifty-two minutes
A person must de-morph back into their human form before morphing into another Pokemon
During a 'morph', a person must maintain mental concentration to prevent the Pokemon's natural instincts from overwhelming their human intellect.
Thanks to the technology that initiates this morphing ability, those able to use the power also have the ability to telepathically communicate with nearby 'morphs' and are able to heal any superficial injury sustained when in a morph.
XXX
Night is the best time to think.
At night, humanity falls asleep and the ferocious intensity of their waking world dissipates into a tranquil silence. It's just me, my thoughts, and the faint hum of drizzle on the pavement...and that stray Purrloin that likes to roam the street opposite my house. Sometimes small Kricketots are attracted to orange street lamps, fluttering their wings in the void. It's peaceful nonetheless.
I know I shouldn't morph on my own, but I can't help it. Michael would kill me if he found out. As would John, Kathryn, and maybe Fleur? She kinda knew just how often I transformed. We talked about it a lot.
I decided to take the form of an Umbreon two months earlier. It was a strategic choice for a night-raid on a Yeerk pool….and I've been hooked ever since. Compared to my weak human body, this Umbreon form was sleek, muscular, and elegant. You gained night vision and a sense of smell so sensitive it rivaled eyesight for mapping out your surroundings. Not to mention four legs and a bushy tail that could maintain balance no matter how badly you tripped. An evolutionary design made to thrive in nature...not my normal and rather cumbersome human self.
That's what made it so difficult to resist.
I felt like I was constantly fighting the temptation to return to the morph. I only felt alive when I had four feet tracing the tarmac under my paws and a faint breeze tickling the soft black fur coating my body. As a Pokemon, all my worries seemed to fade away. I didn't have to consider homework, school, nor keeping up appearances in my disjointed family. All those things seem trivial when I'm an Umbreon. I could stalk the night like I owned it; bothered by no one and nothing.
It's a frightening addiction.
My tail wags behind my back as I leap over my garden fence with ease. The feat would have been impossible for a normal human being. A cheap plastic pocket-watch awkwardly tied around a front paw clunks against the concrete as I land on the other side. Even if I was willing to risk morphing alone, I wasn't stupid enough not to keep an eye on the time.
My night-time excursions had become a bad habit in the last few weeks. In truth, I've grown sick of the claustrophobia of living with my parents. I'm forced to maintain appearances, smiling happily as I balance school life with saving the planet. Not to mention their arguments. I hear them fighting when they think I've gone to sleep, squabbling over increasingly stupid things.
It's been like this ever since the yeerks arrived.
Yeerks are worm-like creatures capable of invading the heads of a human, living inside them whilst taking complete control of their bodies. For the most part, this goes unnoticed. The alien Yeerks ensure their hosts continue normally as if nothing had happened. Anybody might be a Yeerk host; your brother, mother, father, or even your best friend at school. It's no wonder I'm in a perpetual state of stress. I can't trust anybody seems it's impossible to tell who's infected.
The worst part is that I have a secret to hide. If the Yeerks knew that me, along with Kathryn, Michael, Fleur, and John could transform into Pokemon? Well, we'd be dead. As far as we know, only our little band of teenagers know anything about the ongoing invasion. The problem with Yeerks is that you can't trust anybody. Not even your family. Who would believe a bunch of kids anyway?
I don't have to worry about any of that as an Umbreon.
Morphing is a release. I can escape being me, transforming into just another nocturnal Pokemon soaking up the moonlight. Every night I explore further and further from my home. Living in the quiet suburbs, there's plenty of gardens to nose around. There's even a park a couple of blocks away. It's got a stream and sometimes I just sit on the bridge and listen to the trickling water. Most of the time I just explore. I tell myself it's reconnaissance for potential Yeerks, almost as if it's some kind of game.
Some nights I chase down the street to where Fleur lives. Out of everybody, she's the only one who knows about my night time forays. Even amongst the Animorphs, she's the only one I can really trust with this.
It's a sprint to make it in time. Whatever technology we stole that allows morphing has its limits. One of them is time. Nobody but me knows that it's almost exactly one hour and fifty-two minutes before you get trapped in a morph. I've had a few near-misses. Sheesh. That's one hell of an understatement. I'd rather not recall the sense of dread that comes from thinking your Pokemon form has become permanent. Not only do I fear being trapped in this form...but how that would make me useless at fighting the Yeerks. The ability to morph is the only card up our sleeve. It's the only weapon we have to locate, isolate, and destroy these aliens.
It's a beautiful night. Vivid white moonlight dances across my golden rings, glowing faintly with their own subtle light. It was nights like these that I can run for miles without tiring, content with the moon overhead and the wind in my fur. It's tempting. Oh hell it's hard to resist. I hold the instincts of an Umbreon at arms-length for the most part. Still...sometimes it's nice to feel the unthinking joy of the species. The satisfaction in being able to lope unheaded in the dusk. The peacefulness of my own company, my body and senses in perfect balance. It was hard not to lose yourself in the pure simplicity of such thoughts. The acceptance that I am all I am.
But in truth, I'm Sim. An Animorph and one of a group of teenagers acting as the only line of defence against the Yeerks. I might not be legally able to drive, but I can transform into any Pokemon at will, and that might be the only tool we have to locate these aliens before it's too late.
MASTERED
A Zencolour oneshot
With thanks to Just-A-Reader0Love
XXX
The past is never dead, it's not even past
Rusty Lake: Seasons
I didn't know at what point I became lucid. For eternity it was as if I was in the deepest and most restful of slumbers. An instant later, there was a flash of pain and an explosion of white light. I felt like my body was being turned inside out and then back again...my lungs heaving in air like I'd somehow drowned. A second of dizziness, europhia, and then calm. It might have lasted little more than a second. There was a delay before any sense of direction registered in my brain.
Maybe that's why I crash-landed onto the floor in a pile of limbs and black fur. I slumped against the floorboards, muscles twitching. The faint smell of lavender touched the tip of my nose before I sneezed. My eyelids fluttered. Ummm...What happened? A floorboard creaked under me and I moaned slightly, more out of confusion than pain.
To say I was disorientated was an understatement. As a matter of fact, I was utterly clueless regarding my present location...only that is smelt familiar?
The world righted itself, my vision focusing to gaze across the floor of what appeared to be someone's bedroom. I stared around lazily, recognising the room even with my face resting against the floorboards. Um, how did I end up sprawled on Fleur's floor? Did we have another sleepover?
"...Fleur…?" I mumbled. Slowly the wrongness about my muddled words began to register. All that was coming out of my muzzle were some animistic sounds. Muzzle? Ok, so I was still an Umbreon. My mind worked in reverse trying to remember what had happened and how long I'd been in this form. I needed to change back soon, right? Where was my watch? However, my groggy brain refused to work on any of these worries. I huffed out a breath, unsure why I felt so tired.
Fleur? I tried again, projecting my thoughts outwards.
Blinking, I pushed myself onto my feet. Umm...why was everything so numb? I felt myself stumble before I could catch myself, front paws slipping on the floorboards as my hind legs buckled. I scrambled only to be caught at the last moment by two large human hands. They held on tightly, holding my upright as I found my feet.
I raised my muzzle to look up into Fleur's warm hazel eyes. She was sitting next to me, cross legged and dressed in what looked like a pajama top. It was her favourite, covered in hundreds of little surfing Pikachus. I remember that from our last impromptu sleepover.
Relaxing into her hands, I struggled to coordinate myself. A short whine escaped my throat.
'It's Ok Sim….I'm here.'
Fluer's hands were cold, checking me over with probing fingers before the girl let me stand unaided. The next sensation I became aware of was the cold. Shivering, I blinked the room into stark clarity. Wait. wasn't it supposed to be night?The curtains were closed and Fleur had her bedside lamp on, yet the room was easily visible thanks to dawn light streaming under the curtains. But if it was morning, that meant…?
"What's going on?" I asked shakily, still trying to remember how I got here. It couldn't be daytime already? That would have meant...no no no that can't be possible! How…! NO!
Fleur lifted me up into her lap gently. I didn't resist, the soft touch of her hands on my fur the only comfort in my growing confusion. My friend petted at my head, easing the tension out of my shoulders as my mind began spinning faster and faster. The only thing that would satisfy my gnawing doubts was to test it. Even sitting on Fleur's lap, I was too agitated to care as I went through the motions of transforming back. Haunches tense. Come on…!
Focus on a mental image. Imagine fusing with that image...imagine...THINK SIM!
Nothing.
A small growl escaped my throat. This wasn't possible! I was only human a few minutes ago! How had I been magically transported through time? This was impossible. It had to be a dream! I always kept an eye on the time. Fleur...she wouldn't have allowed it! No! NO!
'Talk to me Sim.' Fleur mumbled, still stroking at my black pelt with her hands. Even with all the burning struggle inside, the desperation in my friends made me stop. Fleur...Fleur was crying? I turned my attention up to see the moisture in her eyes. She sniffles, rubbing at her cute little nose. Her voice was stricken with tears. 'Sim? Are you still in there?'
What's going on? I asked in a small voice, What's-
'I'm so sorry Sim…I don't know the best way to tell you all of this. But…But…' Fleurs struggles to avoid sobbing. She bends her head down, hugging me up against her chest. I felt the moisture from her cheeks against my pelt, ears drooping in response as I felt a hole open in my chest. Something was wrong. I couldn't transform and Fleur...What's happened to me!?
Tangled in Fleur's arms, I spotted a lone Pokeball lying on the floor a few feet away. It's central white circle was protruding, indicating the contained Pokemon was currently outside. I knew without thinking that Fleur didn't have a Pokemon...mostly because of how much she always lamented about becoming a trainer. Maybe it was a toy? Maybe...no it couldn't be!?
The pieces of the puzzle began to slot together in my head.
'It was my father…' Fleur sniffled, 'After seeing you hanging around again and…he's been threatening it for a while now. This...this morning and...and...'
My friend squeezed me tightly, unable to talk through her raw sobbing. My brain worked through my fatigue to second guess what she was going to say...not that needed to explain. It only took a few moments to correctly link the strange shift in time, the open Pokeball, and Fleur's breakdown.
The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. I abruptly became aware of my four canine limbs curled up in Fleur's hug, tail drooping and the faint aroma of lavender and tears on my nose. It's not that I'd never focused on my form before...but this time it was different. The morph had lasted way past the two-hour mark. From the laws governing our transformation, whatever changes had occurred would become permanent. Had become permanent.
He caught me…didn't he? I pushed the thought out into the space between. Fleur hugged me closer, my telepathic projection shaking How...how long...h…
Even speaking between our adjoined minds, I couldn't form the words. Every fibre of my lithe black body fought the urge to puke as reality hit me like a lead weight. This was it. This was my form now. I'd loved being an Umbreon but to be stuck as one...to never be human again? I'd failed. What use was I now to the animorphs? How could I still be Fleur's friend when I was like...like this?
'There's more Sim.' Fleur sniffled, loosening her grip to set me down softly. I trembled, gazing up at my oldest friend with wide, anxious, crimson eyes. The teenager turned her face away, shame haunting her expression. She tried to wipe away a tear, as if I wouldn't notice. Forcing a rough smile only highlighted her pain further. With a shuffle, the girl fished something out of her pocket. It looked something like a notebook, my ears perking up in aprehension. A black folder with the classic Pokeball label stamped across the front.
I visibly shook.
'It's your passport Sim…though you've…well…you're called…' The girl sniffed a few more times before pulling herself together. 'She couldn't say it.'
'You're m...m...my first starter Pokémon. My father registered me as...as a trainer and you as…as my first…' Fleur couldn't finish the sentence. She broke into a sob, once again diving forward to pull me into a tight hug. Time seemed to drag on for eternity as she rocked back and forth. I was squished awkwardly in her grasp, a growing sense of denial about the whole situation. This couldn't be happening.
That's…that's wonderful Fleur I tried to mumble, squeezing my eyes shut as I struggled to control my breathing. My lungs felt like they were going to burst That's…that's...
It was then that I learnt that Pokemon can cry.
XXX
Stoicism
[Hellenistic philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium, 3rd century BC]
[Adopted by the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, the last of the Five Good Emperors, 1st century AD]
To avoid unhappiness, anger, and disappointment we must learn to control the things only within our power. Very little in life is under our direct control...apart from our ethos, ideals, and emotions. Even then we are still subject to impulses which can only be partly controlled. Our chief task is simply to identify and separate that which is external from what is internal. Do not search for life to happen as you wish...but rather than everything happens as it actually will.
XXX
I woke in the evening dusk as I normally do. It had been a long day befitted for overcast skies and damp, frigid air. With no leaves on the trees, the canopy of the woods was open to the heavens. Stars were beginning to sparkle as the world descended into night. One speck of light was so bright that it didn't seem to twinkle at all. That one was called venus..though the name had no origin. Instead, it was one of those tickles that existed at the back of my mind; like rotten leaves floating to the surface of a pond. Names where none should exist.
Moisture hung to my thick pelt as I shook, pulling myself out of my nest of twigs and leaves. My burrow was only just deep enough to squeeze in with my head poking out. However, the oak tree which covered it provided ample protection from the wind and rain.
Twitching, my nose sifted the air searching for predators and prey alike. It was unthinking, a natural precaution as I slunk out of my hole, weaving between the unearthed roots of the oak. Drizzle cloaked the scents of the forest into a persistent stench of damp leaf-litter. Snorting, I trotted over to a trail I often used. It continued west to a large reservoir. A successful winter hunting ground
In the dusk it was a peaceful walk, my paws squishing soft mud underfoot. Every sense came alive, crimson eyes scanning the darkness as my ears rotated on my head, isolating each sound in turn. With the golden glow characterising my rings completely diminished, I slipped into the night like a shadow.
The forest had become my mistress as much as my refuge.
My life was dictated by the changing seasons. I foraged in the rain and hunted under starry skies. I ate when I was hungry and slept when I was tired. Everything fell into a routine only punctuated by the unpredictability of the weather, the hunt, and what predators lay in wait on my midnight forays. All this musing came without thought. Instinct. Survival. My mind was devoid of the recollections of the past and the musings on the future. I lived from one moment to the next, in tune with my form and the ecosystem I'd mastered.
A scream punctured the night.
My paws stopped, head tilting to provide contrast on the direction of the sound. Another scream, definitely not Pokemon by the lack of guttural tones. Ears perking up, I judged the distance to within a few minutes of a fast run. Too close. Instinct told me to flee away from the disturbance and sink into the night once more. Preserve yourself. Hunt.
Uncertainty awoke within the back of my mind.
Whether it was sheer curiosity or some long-forgotten memory, I couldn't resist finding the source of the yell. It didn't belong in this forest...nor within this tranquil night. Raising my snout into the air, any attempts at finding a scent was thwarted by the steady rain. I sniffed, sneezed, and conceded that I might be forced to stalk the noises with sight and sound alone.
Another scream. Louder, closer...human? My ears strained, locating what sounded like a small scuffle only a short run downhill. My eyes parted the darkness, locating a route through the thick understorey. Paws bouncing off a few well-placed boulders, I ducked under a scraggly birch tree and approached a thin clearing without a sound. I was the hunter. It wasn't an area of the forest I used often, warily scanning the vegetation for dangers. What were humans doing in the middle of the forest at this time of night?
'We don't have time to morph!' A thin voice cut through the night. 'Kath...Kath are you ok?!'
I located the creatures instantly, cautiously hunkering down behind the cover of dense hazel bush. There was a group of them, four if counting their scents could be trusted. They chatted hurriedly, shouting back and forth in a snappy language that I unconsciously decoded.
'What was that?' A young female spoke up. In fact, all the humans seemed to be no older than adolescents. One looked injured, holding a wound on her leg. The ferric stench of blood made my nose twitch.
'You think we're safe here?' The wounded girl asked. She was dressed in tight fitting clothes, something ill suited to the frigid air. 'I can barely see anything!'
'If that one was a Yeerk then there's likely to be more.' A male replied. He seemed to be in charge, brushing a fringe of brown hair out of his eyes. I crept closer, curiosity tickling the back of my mind. Humans were infamous for having no natural predators, the true top of the food chain. Yet these adolescents spoke with genuine fear. They were being stalked by something? Nothing in this forest had the courage for such an exploit.
The name 'Yeerk' created a strange foreboding in my stomach. I'd never heard of such a Pokemon.
For a brief moment there was a gap in the rain, the wind shifted direction, and the faintest waft of something pungent stung my senses. My body immediately tensed. Ears up, I made myself as small as possible...pressing myself into the sodden ground as I tried to identify the threat. A stench filled my nostrils. Something rancid, sour, and not of this place….and oddly familiar.
The group of humans spotted the monster too late.
'Since when could they...RUN!'
I made myself as small I could, squishing into the mud hoping it would mask me from the new arrival. An Ariados stepped into clearing, squeezing between the trees. It balanced on four huge legs, towering much higher than the spider typically should. Slipping in the mud, the arachnid's eyes narrowed when it spotted the group of humans. The spines on its back trembled in rage, spittle flying between its mandibles as the Pokemon roared. I'd never seen one react in such a way.
The humans fled as quickly as they could scramble onto their feet. There was no organisation, just an impulsive bolt through the underbrush. I quivered, frozen to the spot in fear over the large bug type. Ariados were agile and clever hunters...and my body was weak to their stinging poison. I clung to my breath, tucking up as small as I could so as to remain unseen. Survive.
Thankfully, the spider didn't pause for long before chasing after the small group. It's movements were mechanical, obsessive even as it chased the humans. I don't believe it even noticed my existence. Relief filled my stomach at the sound of heavy footfall and clumsy human noises faded into the distance. Safe.
I was in the process of crawling out of the underbrush when another scream ruptured the night.
'FLEUR!'
Protect. My body reacted before thought. Fear tore through my stomach, a strange swirl of emotions and the unwavering certainty that I needed to defend the human. I didn't need to understand why. It was instinctive. My feet bounded into a sprint before I could question the desire. Impulse twinned with adrenaline surged into my muscles as I lay chase.
'She's...FLEUR! Shit!'
'I'll-!' A male voice interrupted a hysterical female voice.
'No...Run!'
I wasn't sure who was who at this point. It didn't seem to matter...only that they were safe. Protect! My mind was spinning. Unable to locate the Ariados in the rain, I stumbled across the humans almost without meaning to.
One in particular seemed to absorb my focus. A teenager, if that was the right word, with blonde hair and a grim expression. She had tripped, catching her foot under a tree root and was sprawled across the ground. I sniffed at the blood already starting to pool over a cut across her forehead. The teenager struggled, rolling over onto her back as I skidded to a halt mere inches from her feet. Panting, I buried my paws in the muddied ground, frozen in panic. Humans! Danger!
Eyes twitching, I shook off the strange compulsion to protect...only to have the scent of lavender touch my nose.
'Fleur it's…!' A boy appeared from behind a tree, pointing at me with a chubby finger. His eyes were wide as I wavered, unsure whether to fight or flee. I dropped back, puffing myself up even as a dribble of rain ran down my snout. My hackles rose. A low warning growl turned into a whimper when a scent drifted from upwind. The ground behind me shifted. Danger! My ears flattened at the rasp of insectoid lungs. Rain splattered against the carapace of the Ariados, a harsh pitterpatter as it strode towards us. It's mandibles twitched as I slowly turned, cowering under the huge bug-type towering above me. This wasn't good.
Out of everything that could have happened...I didn't expect to find myself protecting a pair of humans from a predator with a type-advantage.
I snarled anyhow, showing my canines.
Having lived alone in the forest for so long, I knew I was grossly outmatched for this battle. I should have fled into the undergrowth and hidden until it was safe. There was no hope of me taking down the huge spider unscathed! Yet that thought never surfaced in my mind. Instead, there was only a resolute determination that I needed to protect this female human teenager...or die trying. My hackles rose to form a black mane, the yellow ovals of my pelt flashing to life. Golden light burst forth from the rings sporadically in a poor attempt to confuse or even frighten the insect. As if a small Umbreon like myself could face down the beast!
'Fleur, can you get up?' I heard from behind. My heart fluttered at the name. Why did it possess me in such a way? 'We need to-'
'Is that...it can't be…?'
The Ariados raised the spines on its back, tensing it's skinny legs as it readied to pounce. My golden display did little to discourage the Pokemon. I took a step back, reaching down into my core to touch the dark energy resting there. I'd need more than wits to survive this battle. The spider didn't hesitate, rushing in with a poison jab.
I had no choice to defend, my focus shrinking down the hyper awareness of my opponent in battle. Alert for every and any danger. Fighting was like a dance, as I sidestepped a pin missile and retaliated with a quick attack to the closet leg. I was lost to the adrenaline pulsing through my golden rings.
Until a small female voice broke my attention.
'Is that...is that Sim?'
XXX
'He's got a chip...and the scan confirms it's her missing Pokemon. He's the one.'
My body ached all over. I'd been awake for sometime but refused to open my eyes. Wherever I was...it wasn't in the forest. Lush human fabric supported me underneath, plush against my fur. I was warm and had something wrapped tightly around my stomach. That's where the pain seemed the most intense. The longer I lay still, the more it became a dull throb rather than a sharp ache.
Something clicked shut. My ears perked up. There was a scrape of a heavy material over something hard. Footsteps and the deep breaths of a human. Danger! All the sounds were so foreign that it was hard to identify what any of them were, nor what they meant. I lay as still as I could, faking the shallow breaths of sleep. I was safe in the darkness of my eyelids.
'You mentioned she was ill?' A female human spoke. Old, by the sounds of her rasping voice.
'Uh, yeah. Will he recover from the poison?'
I recognised the male who spoke. It was one of the adolescents from the forest. He must have brought me to this human place. Maybe it was a place for the sick? I'd eaten certain berries in the past to help with specific ailments...but I'd once heard humans had specialist places where they could perform miracle recoveries. I twitched at the thought, the curiosity at such a prospect overcoming my fear. My eyes cracked open.
I blinked away the blinding white light.
'I think so. It's only a scratch but he's in ill health. I think a few weeks of consistent, nutritious meals will be the biggest cure. How long was he missing?'
The conversation tickled my ears, but the words turned to gibberish as I scanned the room. I was placed on some kind of table, soft padding underneath my body. It was a small enclosure, with little beyond a narrow window and what I think were called chairs? Everything smelt wrong. I cringed from the white colour coating everything, avoiding the eye contact of the boy sitting next to me. His eye level whilst sitting was only marginally higher than my own on the bed. I felt like I was being inspected.
'Only a few weeks. It was in Ilex forest and we think he got lost. We've been...we've been searching for ages.'
An old lady, dressed in loose white clothes like the room, paused over me. Her white overall smelt like it had come in contract with tens, if not hundreds of other Pokemon. She made some noises, chatting with the boy some more, before leaving. I watched her go. For now, the humans seemed content to simply ignore my presence. Even on the soft bedding I couldn't relax.
The young male was contemplating something. I huffed and laid my head down, knowing I must rest to heal the wound in my side.
'Can you remember me?' the human spoke after a few minutes of indecision, fiddling with his hands. 'Or, uh...can you understand me? Nod if you can.'
I puffed in annoyance, adjusting myself around and turning my back to the boy.
'I know you're in there Sim.' He tried another tactic. Had I not displayed that I did not want to be hassled by the human? I sighed, resting my head on my paws. If it wasn't for the pain in my stomach and the fabric tight around my middle, I would have leapt off the table. Frustration. Even if I pretended the threat was genuine...there were no real hazards in the small white room. Although annoying, the boy didn't appear dangerous. Even as he walked around the bed purposefully to make eye contact once more.
'Come on! You remember me. I'm Micheal and your Sim. We used to be best friends!'
"Leave me alone." I told him sharply, fully aware that he wouldn't be able to understand. I grew annoyed not only at his pestering, but the strange rightness about his words prodding my memories. His face seemed to suit the name he claimed, my eyes narrowing as regarding my round crimson eyes.
Can't you remember being an Animo-
I yelped, jumping in surprise at the words falling between my ears. I could hear the boy but he wasn't speaking! My body tensed as I inched back, a dull ache in my middle a painful reminder of my wound. That was impossible? Was he...could he hear me?
'It's ok.' Micheal returned back to his normal speech, hands raised and showing his palms, 'Sorry Sim. I didn't mean to scare you.' Once more he referred to me by that title, calming me before reverting back to dropping thoughts into my mind.v
Sorry...I didn't mean to scare you Sim.
I shivered at the mental contact.
Huffing out a short sight, I reassessed the young human with a tilt of my head. "Sim…?" I tried to mimic the sensation, pushing the thought outwards. If a weak human could do it, then surely an Umbreon like myself could. S...Sim? I tried again. It wasn't that the concept of a name was exactly forign, but the uncertainty regarding why it didn't feel wrong. I'd heard that sound somewhere before. Maybe I'd been called something similar in the past? It was common to forget that you were once raised in an Eevee litter. I never could remember what had become of my siblings.
'Yes! That's your name…your human name. Can't you remember? It was our fault. I'm…I'm...'
The boy known as Michael trailed off, sighing heavily. He inched closer, stretching out his hand in an attempt to pet at my head. I ducked away, uncertain of whether I truly wanted the human's pity. For some reason, the action seemed to upset the boy even further. He practically deflated, shoulders sagging as he retracted his fleshy fingers.
'Can you remember Fleur?' Michael tried, fixing me with a blue-eyed stare.
I stared back, No.
'You used to visit her all the time. It was...it was why this all happened. Her dad caught you and gave you to Fleur as her first-'
A snarl grew at the back of my throat. The response was automatic, rage surging through my blood as my hackles rose. A growl developed as I bared my fangs. "Nobody owns me!" It was disgusting to even contemplate such a notion.
Only then did I see Michael's reaction, the bitterness in my mouth fading as I snapped my muzzle shut. The human had slid back on his chair. His eyes were wide in what I identified as shock, face pale. I'd raised myself off my haunches, an animalistic response to make myself seem bigger and scarier. My nose floated a few inches from the boys, close enough that I could lunge forward at any moment. It was instinctive, happening within a split second before any rational considerations could stop it.
Shame pitted the base of my stomach.
"I'm sorry..." I apologised, ears flattening against my scalp. Rage dissipated into a confused afterthought as I wriggled back from the side of the bed. Pain welled up in my flank but I ignored the wound, ashamed from what I had just done. Curling around myself, I folded into a ball and dropped my head against the soft fabric underneath me.
It was a few minutes until Michael spoke,
'It's ok Sim. You just need to concentrate and not let your instincts control you.'
Nothing...Nothing controls me. I replied bitterly, projecting the thought in my mind. I don't wa-
'We miss you. We all do.' The boy cut through my denial. I heard his chair shift, burying my face into my paws in an attempt to block out the world. A snarl clung to my throat I felt energy seep into my golden rings. Their glowing was difficult to control in my distress, occasional pulses a dead give-away of the internal turmoil inside.
I'm not Sim. I'm free now
'Free from what?'
I wasn't expecting the question. A cold shiver ran down my spine, starting in my neck and cascading all the way to the tip of my tail. Who was this boy to question me? I was a Umbreon; wild with no commitments and no concerns greater than the next meal. And yet, even with that headstrong affirmation, it felt hollow. Did being wild equate to being free? Whereas I had the independance to live and hunt where I wanted...I was just another victim of the weather, seasons, and the remote moonlight above. But I could be anybody I wanted to be! I could choose my own destiny...my own name even! Yeah! My name is not Sim its...its...ITS….UGH! W-why does that title cling to my thoughts! It was a stupid name some old human had given me! Just like...just like the name of that human girl!
The turmoil in my head imploaded to leave only silence.
What...what human girl? I could picture her face but the name escaped me. Only that deep down, there was some indescribable emotion yearning to see her again. Where did that come from?! What am I thinking….what am I feeling…?
'Sim?' The boy called Micheal leant closer to the table. The medical squeaked under his weight, 'are you ok?'
"Just leave me alone."
XXX
It took me a full day to fully recover from the poisoning. Given that it would have taken three times that long on my own, I couldn't complain. Michael was there when the humans washed me, dressed my wound, and provided food to eat. The whole process was mechanical, if awkward. I dozed for much of the time, ignoring the young male and the bland human world I had found myself in. The sooner I healed the sooner I'd be free.
I missed the forest. Not simply because I had home and territory there...but for the rustle of the wind in the trees and the scent of wildflowers. The comforts of a world I knew and respected. Lying in the veterinary hospital, I realised I'd never had the opportunity to stress over my thoughts. In the wild I was always busy looking for the next meal, a fresh water source, or something warm to line my burrow. It was a routine that had become habitual. Living with humans was different. They fed and watered you, supplied a warm bed and met any other needs of the body. It made you weak, living like that. I had too much time to lie and ponder what it all meant.
That didn't mean I wasn't grateful for it. So much so that I almost felt a pang of worry when I was finally allowed to leave.
'I'm going to have to keep you in here for a while.' Michael explained when we stepped out of the Pokecenter the next morning. I paused by his feet, eyeing the street from atop of the foyer steps. 'Hey. Sim?'
Rolling my eyes, I glanced up at the annoying teenager. Only then did my eyes widen in shock.
"Wha….No! No!" I jumped away from his feet. "Back off!"
Michael clasped a red-and-white Pokeball in his hand. The device was already enlarged. Only the press of a button needed to recall me into a featureless void. Danger! A snarl rose in my throat. I backed away instinctively, tail raised as my feet prepared to flee.
'Shhh...it's ok.' Michael hushed, crouching down to match my eye level. He slipped the Pokeball back into his pocket, my eyes watching every move until he revealed his empty palms. I glared at him with my crimson eyes. The mere knowledge that I had been assigned to one of the storage devices made my stomach churn. The human seemed aware of my disgust.
'It's ok.' Although he spoke the calming words clearly, another voice echoed between my lobe-like ears.
We're going to see Fleur in hospital...so you won't be allowed in. I can let you out, but only next to her bed. Trust me, you'll only be in the ball for like ten minutes. Tops.
I watched his face for anything to betray his true intentions.
It's going to be fine. It's either you come with me to see Fleur or I put you up for adoption. Michael attempted to threaten, clearly frustrated about my disdain of being captured. There was a sad smile there too...like I should have known better. Still stuck between conceding my urge to trust the teenager, the human dropped another string of words into my mind, Come on, it's really going to cheer her up. Fleur's missed you. We all have...
Fine.
I dropped my shoulders, already closing my eyes in fear for what was going to happen. Cowering, my heart skipped a beat at hearing the whoosh of sound that accompanied the ball opening. One moment I was standing on the concrete...the next there was only black.
Whether it was a memory or just a bad nightmare, I recalled having been in a Pokeball before. There's no real sense of time nor being, no physicality to the void. Your awareness becomes a point source that simply exists until you are once more recalled. After the feeling of shock subsides, the whole process is strangely anticlimactic. In fact it was rather familiar.
The utter isolation and lack of self sparked a strange internalised crisis which I tossed about the void. What was worse; the feeling of isolation I have chosen, or an empty loneliness that has been forced upon me?
It was all over as quickly as it started.
I suddenly felt all four paws holding my weight once more.
Blinking, I instinctively dropped into a defensive stance. Ears up, tail out, haunches tense...only to realise I was on yet another hospital bed. My paws sunk into the soft and spongy material. Looking around and I somehow recognised the interior or what was clearly a human hospital. Had I been here before? A wing of beds, each sectioned off with their own curtains, and the cloying scent of disinfectant. I sneezed, turning around to find myself face to face with another of the teenagers. Human! I froze, suddenly realising I was sat on a bed already inhabited by a young female. She smiled, a white bandage wrapped around her forehead.
'Hi.' She grinned, though the bags under her eyes showed just how forced it was. 'I heard you've had a rough time too.'
'Seriously? What are you doing with him up on the bed?!' A loud female voice cut through what felt like a strange reunion. Danger! Shaking away that odd thought, I ducked away from a large woman that appeared next to the bed. Crouched between Fluer's legs, there was nowhere to hide as the old woman pulled herself out of a chair. I growled, hackles raised.
'It's ok, this is..uh...Fleur's Umbreon? The one that disappeared.' Michael reached over, trying to pet my head gently as if to prove I was tame. This didn't exactly go to plan. I snarled at the outstretched hand, already fuming about the offhanded way that I had declared as under the ownership of this girl.
Hey Sim. Calm down. She's just worried. Fluer's voice echoed between my ears. With a huff, I forced myself to relax. Letting Micheal scratch at my ears, I shot the girl with a deadpan stare. Just because she had strange power over me didn't mean I had to enjoy it.
'Oh. So this is Moon?' The large woman spoke the name like it was some kind of epiphany. 'So you did find him! Well. At least your silly trip into the woods wasn't so silly after all. Though you need to be more careful dear! I still can't believe you thought it would be a good idea to wander round the forest so late!'
'Mum!' Fleur objected sharply. 'It didn't mean to trip over. It was an accident. I can look after myself!'
'I was only worried about you dear.' The girl's mother explained. She continued to chatter, the humans talking back and forth in their sing-song voices. Given that I was no longer the centre of attention, I took the opportunity to scan my surroundings. Discomfort. Once I got over the stench of chemicals and the whir of boxy machines, there wasn't much going on. A few other beds were occupied with visitors, or simply cut flowers left in vases. Although a room to cure the ill, the air wasn't itself sickly. Open windows across the ward allowed a fresh breeze to waft inside.
I adjusted myself on the mattress so as not to stand on either of the young female's legs. Just as I was starting to settle, a sudden volume increase sent my legs shivering once more.
'Mum! Don't you think I'm a bit old for that now.' The young woman complained, dragging my attention away from studying the one of the nurses opposite.
I noticed something wasn't quite right with the human. Her scent was a strange mix of human and something damp, like that of a slug-like Gastrodon. Fleur's broke my concentration, head turning to find the source of her discontent.
'It's only a little something! Think of it as a get-well-soon gift. Anyway, I must dash off to the office. I'll pop by after work to check in with you. Love you!' The old woman bent forward to peck her daughter on the cheek, not that Fleur seemed happy to accept the contact. She grimaced, offering a quick 'love you, bye!' to her mother. I watched the woman go, nose tingling at a similar scent of Gastrodon puncturing their human musk. Maybe the nurse and Fleur's mother both used the same perfume?
'Ugh.' Fluer moaned as soon as her mother had exited at the opposite end of the ward. She grimaced at something plush cupped between her hands, shaking her head in apparent abhorrence. A lock of blonde hair fell across her fringe and the teenager tucked it away neatly behind an ear. 'Mothers!' she declared with a huff.
Michael agreed, settling down into the chair next to the girl's bed. In tandem, both of them turned to study me. Still perched awkwardly on the bed, I didn't know what deserved such scrutiny. Tensing, my eyes flicked between the two humans. There were teenagers which (for some strange reason I had yet to understand) had been lurking around a forest near midnight. And (for an even stranger reason) I had jumped in to save them. The familiarity to their faces was confusing. I didn't know any humans...and yet I felt like I had known the girl in the hospital bed all my life. Even her name Fleur roused a bubble of emotion in my stomach I had no name for. Protect? Kneading my paws into the soft blankets, I pushed away the uncomfortable thoughts.
'How are you feeling?' Fleur asked gently. I could see her hands twitch, though she refrained from petting me. The object in her hands spilled out, a ball of white and grey that landed between my front paws. 'Ah shit. Sorry s...sim.'
I stared down at what appeared to be a plush toy. A mimic of a Starly composed of sewn fabric and fluff. I grunted, unsure how to react to the plaything.
'Hey. Maybe I'll give it to you. That can be your welcome back present!' Fleur chuckled, picking up the toy bird and lifting it level with my eyes. I wasn't amused, looking past the plush to give the human a flat stare. Welcome back where?
Just play along with it rumbled between my ears. The words were femanine and certainly belonged to Fleur, though the words were in complete juxtaposition to the cheerful expression on her face. How are you feeling? Can you...can you remember me?
My head tilted to the side. Did I know her? I had no memories of anything but living in the forest, but my strange behaviors suggested some kind of connection with the human. Perhaps it was before I evolved? Every time any form of recollection rose the surface it was snuffed out, my attention being dragged elsewhere as if I didn't want to remember the experience. She must have captured me? Maybe she tried?
Sim?
I ignored the pestering. Fluer dropped the plush, leaning back in her white pillows with a sigh. Sat next to her, Michael wiped at his eyes. 'He's still a little nervous,' the boy spoke aloud. It became clear I might be sitting here some time. With a huff, I circled round a few times before lying down at the end of the mattress. Instinctively, my ears remained alert for any dangers as I rested.
XXX
No man is free who is not master of himself
Epictetus
Epictetus was a Stoic of Ancient Greece. Born a slave, he later obtained freedom and found a school for philosophy, his teachings recorded and published by his pupil Arrian. Epictetus' teachings identified that philosophy was a way of life as much as a way of thought, something which should be applied by the learner. His teachings state that of everything in life, we are rarely in control of anything but our judgements. Nothing, he once said, beyond the use of our opinion is properly ours.
XXX
One thing you learn from living with humans is an appreciation for sustenance and resources. I've survived for long enough in the wild to be grateful when food was just handed to you in a bowl. It was an easy life. I didn't have to worry about shelter...or anything really. I slept in Fleur's room with a soft cushion to lie on just below her window. My favourite chew toy, a Starly plush, cuddled up next to my belly. I might not have the same privacy staying with the teenager, but it seemed a fair exchange for always being warm and fed. I missed the woods...the memories a stark reminder of everything I had to be grateful for.
'Come on then Moon.' Fluer beckoned me down the hallway, a long lead jingling in her hands.
I enjoyed our long walks each afternoon. They were reminiscent of my days foraging in the forest, although the urban location was incomparable. With a full belly, I got to enjoy the simplicity of being outside and exploring the world, not constrained by the constant search for prey. My tail wagged behind me in a somewhat reserved manner as I trotted up to the girl. I still ensured not to display too much enthusiasm, more from pride than anything malicious. Although I had chosen to stay with this human, I gripped to the aspect of myself that remained a wild Pokemon. I was a being of choice, not command.
'There we go.' Fleur hooked the lead around my new, red collar. With a quick ruffle at the fur between my ears, she pushed open the door. I shot out before she had time to yank the lead, greeted by warm sunshine and the scent of recently mown grass tickling my nostrils. Ah! Fresh air!
Our walks usually lasted an hour or so, winding around the nearby parks and wide boulevards of semi-detached houses. Fleur liked to chat as we trotted past the neatly kept gardens, watching school kids enjoying their evenings playing in the streets. We conversed in the strange thought speak, an ability that I discovered to be limited to their small group. No human had yet contacted me by those means.
We've got a task today Fleur announced from above, distracting a nice sniff I was having of a flower.
Task? I reiterated. My ears perked up at the sound of children laughing as we crossed a quiet road, stepping, into a large parkland area. The teenager held my leash such that it rarely pulled taut, gently guiding me down a dirt path to a small river across the green. She knew I was sensitive about being led.
Yup. There's a few people that the group wants me to keep an eye on. We're not sure if they're Yeerks...but they run a business from home selling tropical fish. It would make a great cover for housing Yeerk pools.
Over the past week I've learnt a lot about Fleur and her little group of teenagers.
They hunted as a pack, working to defend the world against outside invaders. Confusingly, the teenagers weren't able to tell who was infected and who wasn't, the so-called Yeerks inhabiting the bodies of different humans like hidden parasites. I often pondered this, Fleur and the three others only discussed the subject via speaking telepathically into each other's minds. Some things they feared saying aloud, even amongst their loved ones. The communication was selective and it was often clear I was being left out of some things. Why would they include a Umbreon they saw as little more than a pet?
I trotted alongside Fleur's feet, trying to enjoy the sunshine even after being reminded of the girl's grim duty.
Which house?
It's just the other side of the park, Ryder Street. I think..shit. OK, that's her out for a walk. She's just on the bridge on her way towards us. Tall, long black hair. See her?
I identified the woman, pausing to watch her before the tension on the lead dragged me into a trot once more. Giving Fluer a short glare, I fell into step besides her. A cyclist overtook us on the left forcing me to dodge out of the way. There were so many sights and sounds in the park that concentrating on one was challenging. The woman continued her stroll unawares, Fleur taking the lead to ensure we crossed paths.
My tail wagged uncontrollably at the thrill of the strange hunt. It was a confusing predicament as we walked past calmly, studying the woman whilst simultaneously making ourselves as unnoticeable as possible. I liked to think of the motion as playing spies...though I couldn't recall what Pokemon 'spies' were exactly. Maybe they were some sort of secretive bird-type?
She's a Yeerk I confirmed, giving her a sniff around the legs as we passed. Danger? Fleur jerked the lead, the collar biting into my neck.
'Moon!' The young human grumbled, even as a more extensive reprimand fizzled between my ears, What do you think you're doing? We're trying to be inconspicuous!
I whined, lowering my head in shame. I thought I had been doing the right thing trying to sniff the woman. Tail between my legs, I followed Fleur slowly, making my guilt clearly visible. The woman didn't seem to notice. To her, I was no different from any other disobedient pet.
'Hey. Don't be like that.' She sighed, coming to a stop. Shame. I crouched at her feet, unsure how to behave in situations like this. Fleur very rarely got angry and it was hard to judge what I had done wrong. I didn't fear her hurting me...but the dishonor at letting her down was pain enough. Fleur bent down to scratch behind my ears. She'd learnt my favourite spots by now, tickling the black fur above my shoulder rings as a way to comfort me.
How do you know she's a Yeerk? Fleur queried in the privacy of our own thoughts.
She smells like one.
Uh, ok…? You can smell Yeerks. Since when? The teenager continued petting my fur, her brow creasing in confusion with the telepathic question. It was clear she didn't believe me.
They smell sluggy... I tried to explain, a little abashed given how willingly I accepted her petting. I scanned the park behind Fleur. Although I liked the attention as she fussed me around the ears, using the excuse for our telepathic conversation, some element of pride was embarrassed about just how tame I had become. They smell like Gastrodon… or a Sliggoo maybe? A mixture of scents. Unpleasant.
'Good boy,' she praised me. The comment was said offhandedly, making my public petting look more natural. However, there was nothing fictitious about the delight rising in my stomach at the praise. Fleur didn't seem to notice my body language brightening as she continued to drop words in the space between my ears.
How did you learn what Yeerks smell like? The teenager continued to question. She straightened, giving me one last ruffle of fur, before continuing across the park. I followed with my tail wagging, falling back into our own pace. We went to cross the river, my claws tapping across the wooden footbridge creak. How can you recognise their scent?
From people we know are Yeerks I tried to avoid the question.
Like who? Fleur countered. We stepped off the bridge as I pulled ahead, picking the shortest path up the small hill on the other side of the stream. I pretended I was busy sniffing the grass, absorbed in the scents of the world around me. The young human saw right through my feint.
'Moon…!' Her voice dropped into a grumble. I fought the natural obedience within me pushing me to automatically respond.
You do not want to know I clarified, weaving around a small nut tree and continuing our wander up the hill. Fleur was forced to duck under the same branches, following my lead and it's chaotic trail.
'Moon!' she yanked at the leash. I was dragged backwards to heel at her feet, half-debating whether to keep fighting at the reins. Following her glumly onto the path, I hung my tail in defeat.
How was I to explain the truth? Fleur's mother was inhabited by one of them! Shame. The Yeerks were like slugs that wrapped themselves around a human's brain. They slithered in through their ears, compacting themselves really small to gain control of the functions of their host. I hadn't seen it, but I recognised it. The jerky motions to the woman, those moments of terror in her eyes when nobody was looking. Her habit of leaving the house every three days for the yerk to feed, hidden by mundane human activities whose names I didn't understand. Not to mention the putrid smell of a slug. It was cloying, reeking about her bedroom like a haze.
Although I may not understand humans, I understand their behaviour. Fleur's mother was important to her and to know that they were infested and a potential threat...I didn't know how to reveal the truth.
I sulked at my trainer's feet. Fleur just grumbled, tugging at me to follow her back out of the park.
'I don't know what's gotten into you.' The teenager sighed, shaking her head gently. However, the words didn't match what she dropped between my ears.
Come on Sim, I'm just not-
"Don't call me that!" I snapped back, baring my teeth for a moment. I wish I hadn't. Fleur stopped still, clenching her lead in her hand as she glared down at me. My growl turned into a whimper when I suddenly realised I'd overstepped myself. Shrinking under her gaze, I lowered my eyes. She bent down to my level, resting her hands on my head. I cowered, unsure why my trainer began a gentle stoke along my ears.
'It's ok.' She soothed, Look. I didn't mean to upset you. Just...keep up the good work, alright?
I avoided eye contact. Huffing, Fleur straightened. With a gentle tug at my collar, we once more returned to our afternoon walk. This time, in relative silence. I felt my tail droop behind my back as I followed the teenager's feet.
I was too busy stuck in my own thoughts to pay attention to where we were going. It wasn't the typical route around the suburbs, given we turned past my favourite lamp post for marking. I had to piss against a random brick wall instead. The cloying scent of a Purrloin bringing a growl to my throat. I couldn't help but wonder why Fleur created such a strange confliction of emotions beside me. Protect. I'd always been a wild Pokemon...but there was something about the human that seemed right. I wanted to look after and protect her. It was innate, an underlying urge that had always been there...and somehow been rediscovered. Sighing, I tried to push away those thoughts. It was an unnecessary worry regarding a factor I knew remained outside influence.
Fleur ambled along at her normal pace. She had the decency to pause, letting me sniff at a few spots that local Pokemon had marked as their own. Urban Vulpix scents marked the sidewalks. My trainer quickly grew tired of my constant delay.
'Come on Moon!' She began to hiss...but her voice wavered.
Glancing up, I noticed the uncertainty on her face. The widening of her eyes, the drop of her lips, and the frown upon her brow. All human signs that something wasn't quite right. She was staring at one of the nearby houses, though not for long before she averted her gaze.
'Let's keep moving.' She murmured, growing insistent when I refused to budge.
The house. I...knew this place? A small cul-de-sac with a road joining on to the local estate. Semi...semi-detached? Was, was that a human term? Their abodes were joined, gardens between them in a pattern that was startlingly familiar. Even the scent itched at something in my memory. A recognizable smell of bricks, tarmac, and grass which tingled in my awareness. Home? I didn't mean to stay frozen to the spot, paws clenching at the pavement. I couldn't drag myself away.
"I…?"
Even trying to voice my uncertainty seemed wrong.
I know this place... My ears flattened against my head. How?
Fleur sighed heavily. Her fingers tickled at the fur behind my ears but I shook her off, eyes glued to the house before me. The layout of the windows, the front door even, something about the sill at the top left...did I used to sun myself there? I had a mental image of inside even though I'd never been in any human den but Fleur's. A bedroom so familiar it might have been mistaken as the den I hatched within.
You used to live here.
Here? I wasn't convinced. I was a wild Pokemon...wasn't I?
'Yes...Moon. Here' The teenager spoke aloud, trying to calm me with a scratch around the ears. Come on. I don't want to hang around here too long...they, uh...they know me.
At last I put one paw in front of the other, dropping into a slow walk by Fleur's side.
I wasn't sure of the silence between us. That place? It didn't make sense! I'd been here before somehow... although I knew for certain I never had. Having become so used to just ignoring my emotions, I wasn't prepared for the massive surge of strange sensations through my mind. Places I'd seen but never witnessed. People I'd talked to but never met. A life I'd never lived...I couldn't have!
Who knows you? I asked, confused
Fleur pretended to ignore my question. When she did at last speak, it was with the strange house far behind us.
Do you ever remember me? Fleur asked a few minutes later. We were taking the route across the estate back to her house. I didn't know how I knew that…I just did. It was like I'd used this path a hundred times before. Except it wasn't any of the forest trails I'd grown up with...unless…
But you're….? I tried to question the teenager. Why did I need to remember her if she was right there? You're here?
Fleur sighed,
As in, do you remember me before? When we used to be friends?
I wanted to huff and shake off her strange question as ridiculous. We were friends now, right? But there was a truth to her words that I wouldn't have otherwise recognized. We...we did used to be friends? Somehow. I was so caught in my own thoughts that I almost tripped over my own feet, bumping my nose into the back of Fleur's legs. She'd stopped, watching me in concern. I didn't know I was shaking, feeling her hands softly stroke at me fur like something out of a dream. Protect? Fleur...fleur knew about me. She...I...became an Umbreon for her? To get to her? To be with her? It didn't make any sense. Only it did.
'Hey. We're still here for each other.'
I could hear the tears in her voice, nuzzling her hand.
I... I know.
XXX
Aubade by Philip Larkin
[Extract]
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse;
the good not done, the love not given, time
torn off unused; nor wretchedly because
an only life can take so long to climb.
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
the sure extinction that we travel to
and shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere, And soon;
nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
XXX
The sun rose slowly across the town suburbs. Orange rays were bent double by the clouds, the world awaking to the resonation of wind in the trees and birds singing. I'd become used to the sounds and sights of Fleur's home basking in the low sunlight dancing across the brickwork. Partly because my own nocturnal habit ensured I was awake through much of the dawn...but also because it was a common time for the Animorphs to hold their meetings.
Given that the team of teenagers had to keep their work a secret, they often met in the early hours of the morning when nearly everything was asleep. Since Fleur's own mother was inhabited by a yeerk, we had to be extra careful to ensure my trainer's strange behaviours went almost unnoticed. She would use her abilities to morph into something small and agile, clambering out of her bedroom window under the cover of darkness.
I missed the opportunity to do something similar. The capability to change form at whim and explore the world through another's eyes. I'd been an Umbreon for so long that I forgot what it was like to be anything else. The Animorphs reminded me how amazing the sense of discovery had been trying different bodies. The memories of my former self bubbled to the surface now and then. I held an oddly neutral perspective on the rediscovery of my past...as if I was watching a thousand versions of the same circumstances, each with a different outcome.
"See Moon! That wasn't so bad!" Fleur exclaimed, trotting beside me.
Unlike my trainer's normal form, the teenager had morphed into a Pokemon very similar to myself. She bounced alongside on her four dainty blue paws, a diamond-shaped tail waving behind her. There was something about being a Glaceon that seemed to suit Fleur. The ice-type's gentle voice and calm deposition seemed to fit Fleur's sunny attitude. You could tell she enjoyed the Pokemon body. The sensation of the wind in her fur and a hundred scents of the dawn on her nose. It was a reminder of how wonderful my own form was...not that I had the same opportunities as her to change it.
"So, what do you think? You want to help…?"
She almost said help again but she stopped herself, the pause undeniable. I puffed out a sigh, using my keen eyesight to guide us back to her house. When in a morph like this, there seemed to be a subtle change to our relationship. Although Fleur would always be my trainer...her ice-type form seemed to evaporate the authority to leave only a cosy friendship behind.
It reminded me of what we used to be like before.
"Yes." I agreed quietly, "If I can?"
It wasn't the most sensible of questions. The new routine to my life was curious, although not unprecedented. On one paw I wasn't sure how a wild Pokemon like myself could assist a group of teenager humans with the ability to shapeshift into any Pokemon they touched. On the other...I was pleased to be included back into the group. I knew it was different...that I was different. I could see the haunting pain in their eyes for what had happened. But it wasn't a fear for me...it was for themselves. I seemed to represent everything that could go wrong for the teenagers, an example of the risk they were facing every time they morphed.
Being included back into the Animorphs was a strange experience. Any former uncertainty at recovering a part of my past life was equally joyous in how I once more slotted into the team. Although no longer the awkward boy named Sim from a disharmonious household three blocks away...my return had filled the hole that had perpetuated in my absence. I was Moon...Fleur's pet Umbreon who had come to terms with his new role...his new life. Not that I had any control over that choice.
It was hard to explain the calm acceptance of my fate to the teenagers. They didn't seem to understand the mentality by which I adapted to my new form. Stoicism. I don't think it's a human concept, the grim admission that many things of life are out of your control. I could only fulfill where my potential led me. Up to now that had always been as a wild Pokemon...or somebody's cute pet. I simply fulfilled the role that I was given. An actor left on stage to read the lines they'd been given to the best of their ability.
"Of course you can help! You can be our eyes on the ground and our nose in the...uh, skies? Like, smelling yeerks is the best tool we could possibly have!"
The Glaceon's excitement was emphatic. She grinned, nudging my shoulder instinctively. I was sure Fleur didn't have the true knowledge of her form to understand the intimacy of the little shove. To know the bubble of joy it brought to my stomach.
"I'm surprised you can't smell them yourself in this form." I noted carefully, nodding towards Fleur's sleek figure. She trotted across the grass with a slight bounce in her step.
"Nobody had the same experience as you Moon." She remarked dryly.
The smile dropped from her muzzle when she noticed my dampened reply. Pokemon talked as much in body-language as via words. I didn't mean to let it show, ears drooping as I puffed out a little sigh.
"Sorry. I didn't mean…"
"It's ok." I countered with an exhale. "I'm content."
The Glaceon paused, her paws sliding into the dirt a little as she turned to face me. I almost butted into her before I could stop myself, head tilting to the side in confusion at the sudden halt.
"I...you lost a lot." Fleur spoke deliberately.
"No. I took a risk." I replied, "It happened...and here we are."
It was clear from the look in Fleur's blue eyes that she didn't believe it. She seemed unable to comprehend that it was no longer in a state of denial. The ice-type was making the night air frosty, her tail wagging slightly as she placed herself down in front of me.
"But…?" Fleur trails off. She's struggling not to upset you...or say what she thinks will upset you. Puffing out a sigh, you try to convey your thoughts as something that the human will understand.
"I like to think everything ended that day...and that since then I'm living on borrowed time. I've lived my life...and now I take what's left and live it properly. You know? Live by my nature."
Fleur tilts her head for a moment.
"And you're happy with that?"
"With you...yes." You confirm, a small smile spreading across your muzzle. Your rings glow in the morning gloom, illuminating the garden path. "I guess in the end...it all worked out."
I'm Moon. An Animorph and the pet of a group of teenagers acting as the only line of defence against the Yeerks. I might be an Umbreon but I can smell Yeerks, and that might be the only tool we have to locate these aliens before it's too late. I can't tell you who I am. Or where I live. That would be far too risky. And as part of the Animorphs once more I must be careful. Really careful. So I don't trust anyone...well apart from Fleur of course. I'm immune to Yeerks invading my head but if they find us...well I won't let it happen. We're the only protection humanity has got from the aliens.
XXX
You want to be a part of the sun, you never stay behind.
But if you ever stare the world again, you'll crawl.
You never trust the world we are. Come here, again my love
But if you wake the time the sun awake, new sun.
No Clear Mind - A New Sun
(Dream is Destiny)
END
Authors Notes
Mastered is an experimental story looking into the adaptation of an individual to permanent change, with heavy themes of stoicism...and Pokemon of course! As an Animorphs crossover fiction, this admittedly has very little animorphs content, except for an overarching context I wished to explore. This story was on the backburner in my efforts to finish FH: Winter, and risked being a shelved concept. However, it held some key ideas I wanted to play with, including character development. As stated, this is a oneshot, though I might work on more Animorph fanfictions in future!
XXX