PART ONE: ANACHRONISM

Chapter XLIV: Big Ol' Group Hug

"How are we going to get down from here?" asked Bilbo.

"That is a very good question," said Dori. "I do not know."

The two of them stood at the edge of the platform (they were braver souls than I) and stared down the edge of the pillar. I later learned that this pillar was actually called Carrock, a tall eyot formed in the upper reaches of the Anduin River. The sides of the eyot were jagged and rough—they certainly provided a lot of handholds—but the ground was a long way down. The trees blurred together into a giant blob, waiting to consume anyone who fell from such a great height.

"Where have you been Gandalf?" asked Thorin, who between goblin town and Azog's attack had not been able to talk to Gandalf properly. "Were you delayed in Rivendell?"

"I always meant to see you all safe over the mountains," said Gandalf, "and now by good management and good luck we have crossed the Misty Mountains. Indeed we are now a good deal further east than I ever meant to come with you, for after all, this is not my adventure. I may look in on it again before it is all over, but in the meanwhile I have some other pressing business to attend to."

I squinted at Gandalf, trying to figure out what he was up to. In none of my Skips had I heard what meeting Gandalf had needed to attend in Rivendell, but I suspected it had something to do with why Gandalf wanted to leave now.

Thorin seemed to suspect the same, because he remained quiet even as the rest of the Company and Bilbo pleaded with Gandalf to stay with them a little longer.

Gandalf looked down at them all with sympathy in his eyes (certainly more sympathy than he'd ever given me). "I can give you a day or two more, since I can help you out of your present plight, and I need a little help myself. Very few people live in these parts, unless they have come here since I was last down this way, which is some years ago. But there is somebody that I know of who lives not far away."

Balin frowned. "But to find this somebody, we must first find a way down this eyot."

"That was not very nice of the eagles," said Ori, "to place us here."

I had said that a minute ago, and Dwalin had criticized me.

"They probably flew away laughing amongst themselves," said Nori, nodding in agreement with his brother.

"Those cruel eagles," muttered Óin, joining the conversation.

I looked at Dwalin expectantly, but he remained silent. Apparently, complaining about heights was only bad when I did it.

"You should be thankful to the eagles," said Gandalf. "They rescued us from the clutches of the orcs."

"They could have picked a better spot," said Glóin gruffly.

"There is only one way down," said Thorin. (Don't say it, I thought, don't say it.) "And that is to climb." (Damn, he said it.)

The dwarves grumbled amongst themselves, and my face turned stark white. It was a long way down. Long, long, long way down. Climbing was not my strong point, and this time there was no Boromir (cue cringe of pain) to carry me. I supposed I could ask Thorin to carry me down, but somehow I didn't have high expectations of him. Unlike Boromir, Thorin preferred to help me get over my fears.

"I have a better idea," I said, getting to my feet.

Thorin rolled his eyes. "Here we go."

I stood…oh God it was high up…and took a step, and another step…oh God it was high….another step and another…I was going to be sick, it was so far down…I stood at the edge of the platform, gazing down at the forest far below.

"What are you doing?" asked Balin.

"I don't do heights," I said.

"Then why are you standing on the edge of the platform?" asked Dwalin.

"Didn't I say before?" I said, smiling. "It's better to jump off a building than have someone push you off."

"I am confused," said Ori.

Thorin wasn't confused. Thorin understood what I was about to do perfectly well. He lunged forward and—right before I could jump off the eyot—grabbed me by the back of the shirt. He dragged me away from the ledge.

"Who was it who said not do anything stupid?" asked Thorin.

"No!" I cried, trying to pull myself out of his grasp. My arms were extended in front of me, and my hands scrambled through the air, trying to grab onto something so I could pull myself back to the edge. "Let me go! I want to jump! Anything but climbing down!"

"You are being stupid," said Thorin. He did not put a lot of effort into holding me back. The strength difference between the two of us was too great. He only had to hold onto the back of my shirt with one hand, and I couldn't go anywhere.

"I'll just Skip away!" I cried. "I'll just Skip away before I land! Don't make me climb down!"

"You said yourself," said Thorin, "what if this is the one time that you do not Skip."

"And what if it's like every other time?" I asked. "Let me go! I will not climb down! Never! Nope!"

"You do not have to jump this time," said Thorin. "Why take the risk when it is not necessary?"

I glared up at him. "Better to jump when I have the choice than to fall when I'm least expecting it."

"Do not make us watch you jump," snapped Thorin.

"I am confused," said Ori. All eyes turned to him.

"Yes, you said that two minutes ago," muttered Nori.

"She is afraid of heights," said Ori. "But she wants to jump."

"It is Ana," said Balin. "Do we really need more of an explanation than that?"

Ori considered this for a second. "No. That explains everything."

"Thanks guys," I muttered. "It's nice to know you think so highly of me."

Thorin released my arm and I stepped back from him. We glared at one another for a moment.

"I can never tell if the two of you are getting along or fighting," said Kíli with a laugh.

My glare shifted to Kíli. "We're fighting. Definitely fighting."

Fíli elbowed his brother in the side. "Do you have no tact? Never interrupt Ana when she's fighting with Uncle."

"Fíli's going to make a good king," I said, watching the two brothers argue amongst themselves.

"He would make a great king." Thorin spoke just low enough so the other dwarves couldn't hear. "He has a noble, loyal heart, but most importantly, he possesses common sense."

I nodded. "Something Kíli, unfortunately, lacks."

Thorin looked resigned. "He has a noble and loyal heart though."

"He's a good kid."

"He is age seventy-seven," said Thorin. "Decades older than you."

"Yep," I said. "Definitely a good kid."

"See!" Kíli gestured towards Thorin and me. "Are they fighting or are they amiable? I can never tell!"

Fíli placed a hand on his forehead and sighed. "Brother, I just explained to you the meaning of tact…"

"We're still fighting!" I cried. "This was just a momentary truce."

Thorin scowled. "Do you still plan to jump off the ledge?"

"I just don't want to climb down from here," I said. "It's better to get it over with quick."

I took one step towards the edge of the platform, but Thorin grabbed my wrist again.

"You are being stupid," he said. "I will not let go until you cease to be stupid."

"Which means you will be holding onto Ana for eternity," said Dwalin oh-so-helpfully.

After a moment of consideration, Thorin amended his words, "I should say, 'I will hold on to you until you cease stupidly wanting to jump.'"

"It's not stupid!" I cried.

"Are you saying that jumping off the edge of a platform because you are afraid of heights is not stupid?" Thorin raised his eyebrows.

I opened my mouth to argue, paused, and then said, "It may be stupid, but I never claimed to be the most intelligent person around. I don't want to climb down this thing. I'm clumsy and uncoordinated, and you know as well as I do that I'll probably fall. And I'd rather just get it over with now."

"Ana." Thorin's voice was dark with warning.

"You can't stop me," I said, taking a step towards the edge.

"You do not have to jump!" cried Bofur. "You need to share your feelings of despair and hopelessness with us so that we may help you through this troubling experience. We do not wish for you to resort to the most extreme solution without trying all other possible solutions first. You are a part of our Company, and we are here for you if you need us."

I stared at Bofur. His dark brown eyes were wide with earnest and the ears of his floppy had were quivering. He was an adorable ball of emotion. All the dwarves, in fact, were looking at me with worry, even Thorin, though he tried to hide it.

Unbidden tears sprung to the corners of my eyes, I tried to wipe them away as I said, "Don't worry—I won't jump off of any more buildings! I didn't know you felt that way! I always thought I was just this annoying girl who showed up every once in a while, I didn't know I was a part of the Company."

"The Company was chosen to number fourteen," muttered Dwalin, but Dori and Nori quickly shushed him. I think they told him something like "just go along with it to make her feel better." Whatever they told him, it worked, because Dwalin then tried to smile at me and said, "But I suppose we could name you an honorary member."

All eyes turned to Thorin, who as their king and leader of the Company, was the one only with the right to make me an honorary member. Bofur and Bombur were making gestures to encourage him, while Gandalf watched this entire exchange with faint amusement.

But before Thorin could respond, Glóin said. "We found the stairs."

"What? Stairs?" Completely forgetting about being an honorary member, I scurried to Glóin's side and saw that, sure enough, half hidden in the side of the eyot, there was a stone staircase.

Thorin snorted. "And that is why you do not jump from ledges the first chance you get."

The relief and gratitude hit me all at once, and the tears just wouldn't stop flowing. I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand and sniffled. "I love you guys so much, and you all have awesome beards. Except Bilbo. Who's just a really awesome hobbit."

And then, I flung my arms around Bofur and Glóin, pulling them into a tight embrace.

"We love you too!" cried Ori. He ran forward and flung his arms around my neck.

"Do not leave us out!" cried Kíli as he and Fíli joined in the group hug. One by one the others dwarves joined. Dori, Nori, Bifur, Óin, Glóin, Bombur, Balin, and finally Dwalin. Bilbo joined in too, though he was sort of hesitant to hug the dwarves. Even Gandalf took part. Eventually, it was only Thorin standing awkwardly to the side.

"Come on, Thorin," I cried, standing on tiptoe so I could see over the tops of the dwarves' heads. "You have to hug too!"

"I would prefer not to."

Dwalin grabbed Thorin's arm (one of those "if I have to do this, so do you" moments). He pulled Thorin into the group hug, and soon we were all sandwiched together in an emotional bonding embrace. Ori and I were crying. Bofur kept patting us on the head and trying to calm us down.

"Ana," said Fíli. "You cry too much."

"Shut up," I said. "I'm enjoying my dwarf therapy session." I reached out and grabbed hold of Fíli's right sleeve. I blew my nose on the cotton and sighed with relief. "My nose was clogged."

"Thank you," said Fíli, wiping his sleeve on Bombur's stomach. "You are too kind."

"Is Ana now an honorary member of the Company?" asked Ori.

From the outside of the pile, Thorin muttered, "Sure."

"I think we should stop the group hug now," said Dori, who was trapped between Dwalin and Balin.

"Agreed," said Nori on whom Bombur was practically sitting.

The group somehow managed to untangle themselves and we returned to standing separately on the platform. Except for me. I was still hugging Bofur tightly.

"What are you doing, Ana?" asked Gandalf wearily.

"He's so soft and warm," I said. "I want to hug him for eternity."

Thorin sighed. "Let go of him."

"There is so much love in the air," said Ori, clapping his hands together excitedly.

"I think it brings out my allergies," said Dwalin.

Bifur stepped forward, grabbing Bofur's left shoulder and my right shoulder, and pried us apart. I tried to hold onto Bofur with all my might, but, unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to rival a dwarf. (I really needed to hire a personal trainer.) Eventually, Bifur tore me away from his cousin. Unfortunately, Bifur used a bit too much force. His brown eyes went wide with horror as I stumbled backwards—step, step, step, oops edge of the cliff. I stood on the edge for a moment, my body deciding which way it was going to fall, and then down I went.

"Ana—!" someone (maybe Thorin) shouted.

I screamed. "Bifur, I will cut off your beard while you sleep—"

Skip.

"—and I will kill what you love!"

"Ana?"

I blinked. I was back in the coffee shop near my apartment. Bonnie and Nick were still sitting the table, though with refreshed cups of coffee. A heavy silence had settled in the shop as all the employees and customers had turned around to stare at me—the crazy girl screaming about revenge.

I smiled sheepishly and waved at them. "Kidding."

An old woman shook her head and muttered something to her husband about "kids these days". Slowly, the other people returned to their conversations, and I was left to my private business. I settled in the empty seat opposite my friends. They were still dressed in the same clothes as this morning—Nick had on jeans and a collared, pastel blue shirt (which probably meant he was going on a date later) while Bonnie wore a red sweater and leggings. I shook my head in disapproval, definitely not Middle Earth approved attire.

"You were gone a long time," said Nick.

"How long?" I asked.

"About four and a half hours," said Nick. "We figured you'd turn up eventually."

"We drank lots of coffee," added Bonnie.

"Good to know." I leaned back in my seat and stared at my friends for a moment. They were both so relaxed, so calm. They had no idea that two hours ago, I had been hanging from a tree over a cliff's edge. "I want some hot chocolate."

"Hot chocolate?" asked Bonnie. "Aren't you the girl who calls hot chocolate the child's version of coffee?"

Nick elbowed Bonnie in the ribs. She frowned at him, and he shot her a meaningful look. Then, he turned to me, saying, in the gentlest voice possible, "I'll get you some hot chocolate." He rose from his seat. "When I get back you have to tell us what happened in Middle Earth."

If Nick was trying to be subtle, he was failing at it. It wasn't a secret why I sometimes drank hot chocolate now. I watched Nick walk over to the counter before turning back to Bonnie.

"'I will kill what you love'," said Bonnie, smiling a little. "Was that meant for us or for someone else?"

"Bifur pushed me off a ledge," I said. "And we'd just had a huge group moment before that too."

"I'm really curious to hear the full story now," said Bonnie.

Upon seeing my friends calmly waiting for me, my anger towards Bifur had drained out of me, and instead I found myself wondering if he was taking it well. I was certain him pushing me off the edge of Carrock had been an accident (though one never knew with Bifur) and I hoped he didn't think he'd murdered me or something. Bofur would probably explain things nicely.

"Wait for me," called out Nick. He grabbed the Styrofoam cup of hot chocolate off the counter and joined us at the table.

I took the cup from him and sipped it. It tasted like a child's version of a mocha coffee. I took another sip. I still don't understand why Boromir liked hot chocolate so much.

And so, I told them the story. I told them about the Company being chased by wargs and about Thorin's stupidity and about my stupidity and about Bifur's stupidity. There was a lot of stupidity going around. More so than normal. Which is saying something. I left out a few things, of course. I didn't tell them about the pit that formed in my stomach when I thought about Thorin dying, or that sometimes it crossed my mind that it might be nice not to Skip when I jumped off a building. I didn't tell them any of that; I kept the story funny and entertaining.

And when I had finished the story, Nick said, "Sounds fun."

I sighed. "I'm even more traumatized when it comes to heights than before."

"You and Thorin are hilarious," said Bonnie. "You're so happy-go-lucky, and he's so grim. And I'm sitting here listening to it going, 'Thorin, you the man.'"

"Correction," I said. "'Thorin, you the dwarf.'"

Nick placed his elbow on the table top and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. With the utmost sincerity, he said, "Ana and Thorin would make the cutest couple."

I spat out a mouthful of hot chocolate, the brown droplets splattering all over the table top. "Say what?"

Bonnie handed me a napkin, but I was still too stunned to do anything more than hold it and stare at Nick.

"I ship you two so hard," said Nick, smiling dreamily. "You two are the definition of opposites attract. It's so cute. The way he pretends to be mean, but he actually cares about you deeply. He even carried you while running away from the scary wargs. And you risked falling off a tree to save him from doing something stupid. It's all so cute." He paused. "Not to mention, it'd be really funny to see you two date."

I used a napkin to mop up my mess of hot chocolate. "Nick."

"Yes, Mrs. Oakenshield?"

"You're frigging insane!"

"Whatever you say, Mrs. Oakenshield."

I turned to Bonnie. "Please hit him for me."

Bonnie slapped Nick over the back of the head. "I've been wanting to do that for a while," she said, brushing off her hands.

"Ow," grumbled Nick. "That wasn't necessary, Bonnie. You've never met Thorin, but he and Ana are so cute together. Better than you and Jack." Nick turned to me for that last part.

"That name," I muttered, mentally slapping Nick again for bringing up that unwanted topic. "I should have known he was no good."

"How?" asked Nick.

"His name reminds me of jack-in-the-box. Have you seen those things? With the creepy little clown jumping out of a box…in what universe was this a good idea for a child's toy? It's frigging scary."

Bonnie and Nick stared me.

"You're one strange girl," said Bonnie.

"How does your mind work?" asked Nick.

I took a sip of the hot chocolate. "Anyways, there's no romance between me and Thorin. He is too majestic for such things." I couldn't even imagine it. I couldn't imagine romancing anyone in Middle Earth. They were a distant world, a place that I went to that kept me from my life in this world. Though, it occurred to me, perhaps the truth was actually the opposite. My life was in Middle Earth, and it was my Skips to this world that stopped me from living it. I shook my head. "Even if there was romance, it would never work. We're from two very different times and places."

"Keep giving excuses, you romantically awkward person," scoffed Nick. "All right. I'm ready to go. Four and a half hours is way too much time to be spent in a coffee shop."

"But I only just got here," I said.

"Not my fault." Nick rose from his seat and tucked the chair under the table with his foot. "You can bring your hot chocolate with you."

"I've never met Thorin," said Bonnie. "I don't think I can discuss Ana's love life until I've met him. Ana, next time you go to Middle Earth, bring me with you."

I took a long sip of my hot chocolate to avoid answering.

"He's short," said Nick, who seemed just as uncomfortable as me with the idea of Skipping to Middle Earth. "Like Ana-level short."

"We're the same height," I said.

Nick grinned. "That makes you an even more perfect couple."

I glared up at him. "I will regret nothing if I dump this cup of hot chocolate over your head."

"You're not tall enough to reach my head," said Nick.

"Just pour it over his pants," said Bonnie. "He has a date with Karen after this."

"Oh." I grinned over at Nick. "How would you like to show up for your date with wet pants?"

"I would—what was the phrase?—kill all that you love."

"Kill what you love," I corrected.

"Which basically means I would have to kill Thorin," said Nick. He sighed and shook his head. "What a shame, I knew he really wants to regain Erebor."

I pulled the lid off my hot chocolate and moved towards Nick. I prepared to dump the drink all over his jeans, but Nick caught my wrist. Some of the steaming hot chocolate sloshed over the sides of the cup and down my arm. I yelped and dropped the cup. Hot chocolate sprayed in all directions as it struck the ground, splashing over my shoes and jeans. I leapt backwards and slammed into Bonnie. And then, because I am just the luckiest person alive, I Skipped. Taking Nick and Bonnie with me.

Frig.