A/N: I'm back in record time! It's been a week(?) I think and that wasn't too long, was it? Renaglory thank you for your review and it's so nice to hear from you again! Alice, merci beaucoup! J'apprécie votre examen. havanatitiana thank you for that review and I'm glad you liked the extra! To all my silent readers, followers, and favoriters, I appreciate your support and love. And now the moment you're all waiting for, chapter 19.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter.

CHAPTER 19

Kurapika sighed for the nth time that day.

They were now having an orientation regarding the use and other benefits of their Hunter License. He looked around and saw that everyone was wearing the same expression he was: grim.

He closed his eyes and saw her crying face. 'You're right Kurapika, I need to think of myself now.', she said.

Unable to take the silence, the blonde decided to release himself from his guilt by clearing Renée's name. "Chairman about the-!"

The door burst open and he was stopped mid-sentence by Gon's forceful entrance. All heads turned to him as he stomped towards a pale, long-haired man that was sitting on the second row.

"Where is Killua?" the boy asked, seething.

"I beg your pardon?" Illumi answered monotonously.

Gon grabbed his wrist and threw him out of his seat. "Where is Killua? What did you do to him?" he repeated, tightening his grip on the man's arm.

Illumi stared blankly at the boy's hand and didn't show any sign of pain when he felt his bones breaking. He glanced at Gon's furious eyes and it reminded him of how that girl had looked at him.

"You make it sound like I kidnapped him. He went of his own free will."

"You brainwashed him! He wouldn't have gone home on his own. You should apologize to him!"

"Whatever for?"

Gon growled at his responses. "You don't qualify to be his brother."

Illumi cocked his head to the side innocently, "There are qualifications to be a brother?"

"There are no qualifications to be a friend either! All you have to do is be kind and support him."

"Like your sister did?"

Everything went silent after his statement. Kurapika looked away sadly as did Leorio and Hanzo. Gon's eyes wavered and filled with sorrow, his grip on the man's arm loosening. Illumi, insensitive to the mood, tried to reach out to him.

The hairs on his nape stood and Gon immediately jumped back. "I will get Killua back, then you'll apologize to Ren!" he said angrily.

"Enough!" Chairman Netero said, clapping his hands loudly to get everyone's attention. "Gon, we were about to discuss that before you came in. Kurapika and Leorio have both declared their claims."

As if only noticing them, the boy's eyes turned towards his friends in surprise.

Kurapika nodded and stood. "Chairman, Killua did not deserve to be disqualified because Renée, already a Hunter by then, intervened in their fight. She was provoked by Illumi and we all know why she acted that way, but Killua should not be disqualified for something an already Hunter did."

"Though you have a point, but she still caused havoc in a fight between non-Hunters. It was their fight, not hers. The rule that if you intervene on a fighter's behalf, the fighter would be disqualified still applies." the old man replied coolly.

The blonde bit his lip in frustration.

"But why are you doing nothing on the fact that it was provocation and that Illumi brainwashed Killua after the match?" Leorio stood up angrily.

"The part where it was provocation is something we can do nothing about. It may be used as a technique or strategy to rattle one's opponent. The brainwashing, however, is just mere speculation. There is no viable proof that it occurred."

"Besides, if brainwashing and provocation was a key factor in those matches, then don't you think blondie would have already been disqualified? His match with Hisoka was quite peculiar." Pokkle piped up.

Kurapika glared at his back. "I don't have anything to explain to someone who did not even fight to win." he bit back.

The archer let out a cry of outrage and got into a stance.

"Stop it! This is not the time to be fighting with each other. If you have to do something to make yourself feel better of your win, then do it. Make yourself worthy of your title in the future." Gon said harshly, immediately stopping the two.

"Gon is right. In the end, Killua was still disqualified. We must all move on. Everyone, take a seat, Beans will continue with the orientation." Netero said calmly.

The blob-man went up on the platform and cheerfully explained the uses of a Hunter's License.

"Kukuroo Mountain right? I'll look that up now." Kurapika said as he sat down in front of the computer at the hotel's business center.

As the blonde clacked away, Gon thought of his conversation with Illumi earlier, after the orientation. He said that Killua went home after Renée made him lose by default. He said that the silver-head wanted to kill her for that. 'That's wrong. Killua would never hurt Ren. Satotz said that Killua acted weirdly. Ren is just...hurt now.'

"Hey Gon, Kukuroo Mountain is in Padokea. According to the internet, the place isn't hostile and even welcomes tourists to view the mountain. What do you think?" the Kurta asked him.

"Yeah, we take it!" the boy said, determined.

"When do we go?" Leorio muttered, scratching his head.

"As soon as possible!"

"Alright, three tickets to Padokea, leaving tonight. Let's go?" Kurapika asked.

"Definitely!" the two answered at the same time.

"Gon." The three turned and saw Satotz walking towards them before they managed to leave the courtyard.

Kurapika and Leorio walked farther and allowed the two some privacy as it seemed serious.

"I almost forgot to give you this. You were in such a rush to confront Illumi, I didn't have a chance earlier." the man said as he handed him a folded up piece of paper. In the front, Gon's name was written in red ink and he immediately recognized Renée's handwriting.

"This is... She gave you this before she-?"

"Yes. She didn't say anything and figured I would be able to give it to you without prying. Renée was sad when she left, I hope that you can help her when you do find her."

Gon gave out a shaky breath and held the letter tightly in his hands, "I promise that I would. This time, I'll watch out for her. Thank you Satotz." The boy turned around to meet his friends.

"Oh and Gon!"

"Hm?"

"Good luck."

The islander grinned wolfishly and waved goodbye at the examiner.

The three took a cab, but in the end, they ran the rest of the way towards the airport, laughing all throughout the way. They barely made it on time and got on the airship just before it took off. Leorio passed out from exhaustion when he sat down and he started snoring almost immediately. The two chuckled at him as they sat down as well.

"Say Kurapika, what exactly happened during Killua and Illumi's match?"

The blonde flinched at his question, clearly not expecting to be interrogated.

Noticing that he got flustered, Gon tried to amend it, "I mean, Satotz didn't really go into the details so I thought I could hear it from another point of view!"

Kurapika still felt uncomfortable discussing what had happened, knowing that it wasn't his place to tell. 'But then, who else would tell him?'

"I don't know where to start. After you were knocked out and brought away, Renée faced Hanzo. She was going really great at it actually and she made him admit defeat. She did it for you. Everything was going quite well with the matches, that is until Killua faced Illumi who was disguised as Gittarackur."

FLASHBACK:

"It's been a while, Kil."

The said boy was stopped in his tracks and he looked at the pinned man curiously.

Gittarackur removed the pins on his face, one at a time, and his face disgustingly morphed into the face of a man who had pale complexion, long hair, and a dark abyss for eyes.

Killua started to sweat and tremble before the sight of the man im front of him. "B-brother... Illumi."

"Yo."

All of the onlookers were surprised by this revelation.

"Brother!? As in Zaoldyeck brother!?" Leorio yelled, aghast.

Renée looked at the man and shivered 'He is too strong. Killua will be able to handle him, but with great difficulty.' The red-head looked at her friend and saw that he was sweating buckets, his fists clenched tightly, and his chin was quaking. "Killua..." she muttered in worry.

"I'm surprised to see you here, Kil. I didn't know you wanted to be a Hunter." Illumi said casually.

"I... I didn't. I just thought I'd take the Exam." the silver-head replied robotically.

"Oh! That's wonderful then. You shouldn't even be outside the house, actually. I heard what you did. You cut up mom and Milluki. She was crying."

"Any mother would cry if their son did that to them." Leorio muttered.

"Tears of joy." Illumi deadpanned, hearing him. "She's so happy that you've grown, but she's also very worried about you. She asked me to look for you. I didn't think I'd find you here though. I needed the license for my next job so this is all coincidental."

Renée glared daggers at the man. 'Liar.'

Killua just listened to his brother, rooted at the spot he was on. He dared not move, lest something happened to him.

"What's wrong, Kil? Oh yes, the fight. Well since you don't want to be a Hunter, give up now. You're not fit to be a Hunter nor will you fit in the outside world. Do you know why? Because you are a killer. You were raised to be a killer and nothing more. There is nothing that you desire other than to kill." Illumi stated monotonously.

Renée saw wisps of colored air come out from him as he said those words, and she knew immediately that he was brainwashing Killua.

"You're wrong."

Illumi masked the surprise he felt when he realized that his brother had talked back to him. "I beg your pardon?"

"You're wrong! I'm tired of killing. I left the house because I felt suffocated by our profession. Now that I've seen the outside world for myself, I have something that I truly want!" the silver-head heaved, as if speaking taxed him much energy.

"Tell me what it is." the man challenged him.

"I... It's..."

"There's nothing, is there?"

"There is! I want to be friends with Gon and Ren!" Killua yelled, then bit his tongue for his outburst.

Illumi turned his head to the left and his gaze met the girl's. "With them? You don't want to be friends with them. What you're feeling now is that you are dazzled by them and you are contemplating whether or not you can kill them. That is all."

"Don't listen to him, old man! Can't you see? We're already friends, Killua. You don't have to be so afraid."

Renée's voice brought the boy back from his daze and he looked at her, warmth immediately engulfing him. "We're already friends..?"

"Of course, dummy! Gon and I consider you as our best friend. Kurapika and Leorio are your friends too. You're part of us!"

At her words, Killua smiled and he felt his heart skip a beat.

Illumi stared at the girl icily. He did not like where this was going and he must protect his little brother, whatever it may take. "You're familiar, girl."

All eyes turned back to Illumi when he spoke.

"I haven't met the likes of you, stupid."

The man raised his brows at her statement. "I'm afraid I'm not stupid. You have memory loss." at his words, his own memory was tugged and he realized the truth in his statement. "It's you. That girl from the tribe. You remember her, don't you Kil?"

"Brother, please don't." Killua stuttered.

"Why? Haven't you told her? Aren't you friends? She deserves to know."

The silver-head looked at his brother fearfully, begging him in his head to not say a word.

Illumi was oblivious to it all. "You, Miss Godfrei, are a special case to us Zaoldyecks. You're the only target we weren't allowed to kill."

"What are you blabbering about?" Renée said, trying to not be intimidated by his words.

"Spare me your act. I know that you have no memory of your origin. Every memory of your past life was wiped out. I know you're curious. Too bad we couldn't do the same for your sister, Mehika was it?" he continued, feigning innocence.

"What..? What do you know about her?" the red-head took the bait.

"Brother, please stop." Killua begged again.

Pretending he didn't hear his plea, Illumi continued attacking the girl's mind. "You've got Kil to thank for doing this. For taking your life away. He was the one who singlehandedly ruined your life."

"Stop it, please!" the boy choked.

The girl looked at Illumi and Killua, confused. "Killua, what is he talking about?"

"That's right, Kil. Maybe you should tell her."

Killua looked at Renée, his eyes watering. "Ren I... I didn't know back then. I... It was-!"

"He's responsible for making you forget your past. He's the one who separated you and your sister." the man finished for him.

It took time to let the girl absorb his words. She debated whether they were the truth, though very much hoping that it was a lie. One look at Killua's guilty face and she knew it was real.

Renée laughed mirthlessly and said, "You lie! You're all liars! That's a Zaoldyeck skill right, lying?" She continued giggling but the serious expression of the assassins made her stop. "It can't be true, right old man?" she asked in a small voice.

"I tried, no, I wanted to tell you sooner. I just couldn't find the right time." Killua responded in an equally tiny voice, just above a whisper.

"Now do you see? We are killers. Killua is a killer. Nothing will change that. So give up, Kil, and go home." Illumi said.

The red-head saw the colored air once more and she snapped. She leaped in the air towards him, drew her sword, and slashed at his chest.

The man barely had time to react but managed to avoid being seriously wounded, the shallow cut bleeding from his front. "You're fast."

"And you should stop brainwashing him!" Renée yelled, tears flowing from her eyes.

A whistle was sounded and the crowd's attention was brought towards the referee. "Interference! Killua is disqualified, the Exam is over!"

Kurapika and Leorio were stunned speechless.

Renée was shocked as well but did not show any of the guilt she felt for the feeling that was burning in her chest and coursing through her veins was anger. Anger that was more than what she felt against Hanzo. It felt strange to have this unimaginably fierce power but she knew who she wanted to take it out on.

Illumi marveled at her power. 'Stronger than Alluka. She will be nice to utilize.'

Hisoka licked his lips in anticipation, wanting her to quickly attack and show him how grown up she is.

Killua shivered and perspired at the same time, unable to tolerate the feeling in the air. Something in his head triggered and everything went blank.

He attacked Renée, claws out.

The girl lost focus on her newfound strength but managed to respond and shoved him back after he left a deep cut across her cheek.

Kurapika and Leorio ran to protect her before the silver-head came again.

"Are you okay?" the dark haired man inquired, glancing at her pale face.

She nodded dumbly, touching her cheek that was wet with blood.

The young assassin growled and was about to pounce once more but he was blocked by Bodoro, to which proved fatal for the latter.

As the old man fell to the ground, Killua came back to his senses and he looked fearfully towards his friends and brother. He saw the red-head's bloody face and looked at his hands to see that it was tainted with red. Panicking, the boy turned and ran out the door.

"Killua!" Renée ran after him.

"Renée, don't!" Kurapika called after her.

The red-head managed to catch up to him and she grabbed his hand, effectively stopping him. "Killua, please, tell me is it true? What that bastard said, is it true?"

The boy looked at her face and saw the tears that were about to fall. "I... I wanted to tell you. I was going to, but not like this. I'm sorry." he said somberly, wiping off her tears and some blood.

"Then you know! You know where my sister is?" she asked, clenching fistfuls of his shirt.

Killua looked at her sadly, "I don't." The boy hugged her and let her cry on his shoulder. "Tell Gon I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you too, Ren. It was fun."

Just like that, the assassin was gone.

Kurapika caught up to her and she faced him. "Are you alright?" He inwardly cringed at his question. 'Obviously not. Good going Kurapika.'

Renée looked down sheepishly, suddenly aware of her disheveled state. "I just... I wanted to know who I am."

"I know."

"But then Killua-! And Gon-!" she guffawed nervously then her lip trembled again. "You're right Kurapika, I need to think of myself now."

The blonde was unable to say anything more as she walked away, heading towards the infirmary.

After she got patched up and washed, the red-head stayed by Gon's bedside for a while.

Satotz came in and saw her sitting there holding the boy's with a morose expression on her face. He cleared his throat to let his presence be known.

Renée just looked at him as he walked towards her and sat at the empty chair across from her.

They were in silence for a while.

The girl stood, "When you tell him, don't tell him about what that man said to me. I would want to share that myself."

Satotz just nodded.

She looked at him before fishing in her pocket for a piece of paper and handing it to him. "Please make sure to give this to him when he wakes. You don't have to say anything about it. He'll know."

The examiner took it and the red-head turned to leave.

"Renée, your Hunter License-!"

"I know where. Don't worry."

Satotz looked at her sympathetically. "Be careful."

Nodding her head slightly, she got out the door, coming face to face with the Chairman.

"So you're going?" he asked seriously.

"Yes."

He nodded somberly and gave her a folder.

Renée opened it and took her license from within. Not even sparing him a glance or a word of thanks, the red-head walked away.

PRESENT TIME:

Gon mulled over what Kurapika said that night.

He felt sad that he wasn't able to do anything to help her; that he wasn't there to even console her. He felt even worse knowing that he didn't understand her situation, not even thought about it. He was so caught up with his mission in life that he forgot the people around him.

He opened the letter and wasn't surprised it contained only one phrase:

'I'm sorry. To Whale Island.'

He folded it up and carefully placed it in his bag.

'I'm coming Ren, no, we're coming.'

END OF 19.

A/N: So tell me your thoughts? After this I would skip the part about retrieving Killua and their adventures in Heaven's Arena. It will all continue as in the manga or anime. The next chapter will start at the time Gon and Killua are heading to Whale Island. What do you think will happen? Please review!