A/N: This is the second part of the previous chapter, which means this one is also written from Charlotte's perspective. Just so you don't get confused. Last chapter before epilogue.

Chapter 15: The key to her heart (part II)

Following that picnic, their days continued much as they had been before or so it appeared on the surface, but inside Charlotte there was a shift. She felt it so distinctly and struggled to understand what had caused it and what it meant.

During the picnic, she had finally shared the secret that she had come to Sidney's room one night and found his bed empty. She revealed the leap of faith she once had taken, taking a new leap of faith in telling him so. She shared the pain it had caused her. They say shared sorrow is half sorrow and in retrospect she could see that this somehow helped her to leave it behind, almost like clothes you discard because you have outgrown them. He had in turn exposed how he fell in love and had remained in love all this time and she sensed that it was true. All these pieces served to rebuild her trust in him.

Secondly, the intimate moment they had shared changed her. It was like previously slumbering parts of her had been awoken by being held so close by him. The memory was clearly imprinted in her mind. Now, whenever he was near, her body seemed to gravitate towards him. Her logical, independent self was still slightly wary and trying to put up a fight, but rapidly losing it against her growing affections and treacherous body. She wanted him and that was not a thought, it was a sensation. A instinct impossible to resist. She was not even sure that any part of her wanted to resist it anymore. If he wanted her and she wanted to be his, how could it be wrong?

Her feelings were much like a small rivulet turning into a spring flood, growing in strength every day until she barely could hold it inside. Being close to him became more and more charged somehow. His presence overshadowed everything else around her.

Eating and sleeping was increasingly difficult because of this restless energy and aching need inside. When he was close to her without touching her, the air between them seemed to almost fizz. When he brushed against her or touched her, her blood felt as if it was boiling.

Nothing in his behaviour suggested that he was running out of patience, but she was. The wedding was approaching but he did not seem like he was preparing to leave after it. He had said he would stay until she sent him away but hoped she never would. Charlotte finally admitted to herself that she did not want to send him away and now, at last, she wanted him to know that.

It was well past midnight the night before the wedding when she consciously accepted that this was the case. She wanted Sidney to stay and she wanted to be his wife and, perhaps more importantly, she trusted that he wanted the same. Once her mind was made up, she became eager to tell him but did not dare go knock his door in the middle of the night. She turned restlessly in the bed, convinced she would not be able to fall asleep at all, but finally she must have anyway because when she opened her eyes again daylight had returned.

She rose from her bed, padded over to the window and gazed outside. The sun had barely made it over the horizon and a thin veil of fog hovered over the fields. It was still in the very early morning hours, just past dawn it seemed, but she did not have the patience to wait any longer. She had to speak to Sidney, there was this unstoppable urge inside her. She could not hold off another day, another hour even if perhaps Babington's and Esther's wedding day was not the best choice for such a conversation. She swiftly got dressed and headed for his chambers down the hallway. Outside his door, her courage almost failed her but then she knocked hesitantly.

Almost immediately she heard noise from someone stirring inside, like he had been awake already. During the torturous moments it took before he opened the door, her heart was beating frantically. When the door eventually swung open and he stood before her, surprise was written all over his face. He looked as if he had hurried to become respectable enough to open, with stubbled chin and dishevelled hair, dressed only in a white shirt with a few buttons unbuttoned, half tucked into the breeches. The sight of bare skin where there normally was a tidy cravat, caused a surge in her stomach and she had to tear her gaze away and pull herself together.

"Charlotte? Is something the matter?"

He gently grasped around her forearm and his touch stirred up more disconcerting emotions inside her.

"No, nothing. I just… Would you care to join me for a walk?"

"Now? At this early hour?"

"Yes.. I… We will be occupied with the wedding all day, so I thought… It would be nice to have some time alone before. If you want to?"

His whole face lit up, the charming creases appearing at the corners of his eyes made him look younger rather than older.

"You want to spend time alone with me?"

The alarm in his voice had been replaced by happy curiosity. She only nodded, because her mouth had turned uncomfortably dry. Her palms felt clammy and her legs a bit wobbly. She was not sure why her feelings and reactions suddenly became so overwhelming after weeks in his presence doing quite fine.

"Let me get dressed a bit more properly and I will join you downstairs in a few minutes."

She would not have objected if he had joined her looking like this but did not say, just left him to it.

Similar to the other time when they had left the house for an early morning walk, they initially walked in silence and Charlotte was convinced he must be able to hear her heart pounding loudly inside her rib cage. She had acted on impulse, driven by an irresistible need and now she was not sure what to say, how to start, but the silence soon became unbearable.

"Don't you just love to be outdoors this early in the morning?"

She glanced at him and saw him cock an eyebrow in amusement, which only increased her nervousness. How silly this must seem to him, an impromptu stroll at dawn.

"It is so silent except for the birds and the air is so fresh and the morning dew still remains on the flowers and leaves. I love dew, it is so beautiful. Just look at this lady's mantle, the drops are glistening like diamonds in the sunshine. Esther and Babington are so fortunate, it will be a wonderful day for their wedding. I'm so much looking forward to it. I haven't been to a wedding that I can remember, if you don't count ours and that was…. well, not quite the same."

Once she got started she could not stop herself from rambling nervously. Insignificant words kept pouring out of her mouth, until Sidney gently grabbed her elbow causing her to hold her breath. His watched her inquisitively, with a wry smile on his lips. Oh, how full and lovely his lips were. In his haste he had forgotten his hat and now the breeze ruffled his hair. She liked him much like that.

"Charlotte, this is not like you. Did you really bring me out here at this hour to talk about the weather and the wedding? I don't mind at all because I enjoy being with you, but it is somewhat surprising. Is there something else on your mind? Something you want to tell me?"

There was, but how?

She pulled away from him and briskly walked a few steps, stopped with her back turned to him and inhaled deeply a few times to collect herself and summon her courage.

"Have I upset you?"

He had followed her, and his voice came from so close behind her that she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"No… no, but... Can we walk? It just feels… it is easier to talk when I don't look you in the eyes."

"Of course."

She could hear amusement, curiosity and a hint of concern in his voice. She knew she was acting like a complete fool but could not help it.

Now walking side by side again, she was able to resume the conversation and finally approach the core of the matter.

"There is indeed something I need to tell you."

"I'm all ears."

They continued on a winding path and approached a small beech forest. This early in spring the foliage was almost surrealistically intensively green and walking along the path with the tree crowns above and sunshine seeping through, was like entering a tunnel of green light.

"I thought I was managing quite fine, you know. I believed I had found a way to live a good life without you. You had sent me away, but I was coping… Then you came… and I realised that my feelings are unchanged."

Glancing at him sideways she saw his body tense. His head snapped her direction and she quickly turned her gaze forward again, unable to go on if she faced him.

"The moment I saw you in that field when I was hunting, I realised that despite all the anger and grief, I feel for you as I did when you sent me away. I mean to say, before you sent me away."

Her heart was pounding out of her chest now.

"What did you feel then?" he asked softly.
She swallowed but said nothing because now her tongue felt like glued to her palate. Sidney's eyes burned on her and after some time he continued to fill the silence in her place.
"If you won't say, then let me tell you this… When I first saw you outside my room this morning, I instantly feared something was wrong. Feared that you had come to the conclusion that you no longer wanted me around and would ask me to leave after the wedding. But now… the way you are acting, what you just said… Do I dare to hope?"

He was silent for a moment, with bated breath waiting for her answer, but she still could not make the words come over her lips.

"If you won't tell me what you felt then, I will tell you what I felt that day and every day since, just to make sure that there is not a scrap of doubt in your mind about that."
They had stopped, and he put his hands lightly on her shoulders, turning her towards him. She still felt the need to avoid looking at him but was like clay in his hands. When she turned her face up, his expression was one of utter sincerity.
"I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I felt like half of me disappeared when you left, and worse for knowing I had made you. I lost hope, direction, joy, life. Only here, with you during the last weeks, I have found that again."

Now it was his turn to divert his gaze a moment, only to immediately return it to her face.

"I am not the most eloquent man, at least not when it comes to matters of the heart. It has not been easy for me to tell you how I feel. It has been far easier trying to show you, now when I allow myself to do so. I may have seemed rough to you in the past, but in fact it was always much harder not to show you my true feelings, so once you gave me permission to try and do that… it was a relief. I could finally be myself fully with you."

He shook his head slowly, in what seemed like sad desperation.

"…But words… they still seem inadequate. I still feel like they fail me, like I constantly stumble and fall when all I want is to make sure you know that I am yours with everything that I am. I have been for a very long time and I will be to the end of my days, if you will have me or not. I hope you know by now how deep and sincere my feelings for you are. So I ask of you, won't you please try to share with me how you feel too? I will be the last one to judge if words don't come out as you intended."

She fixed her now teary gaze on his cravat and tried to keep from hyperventilating. He had already confessed his feelings to her most beautifully, despite his self-doubt. She finally believed him, both his words and his actions, so she did not understand why this was so hard. Why she felt like she was about to throw herself off a cliff, or throw up, or both. The plea in his eyes mixed with her own urge to tell him was in the end too much to resist and finally she overcame her hesitation.

"I know I can live without you, but I don't want to."
"Why is that?"

His tone was not in the least way challenging. It was a question from someone who perhaps knows, but very much wants to hear the answer anyway.

"Because I love you. I did then and I do now, perhaps even more. No, not perhaps. I know I love you more because I allow myself to do so and for the first time I dare to hope..."

When the words dropped from her lips, she finally looked up at his face again and saw a sunny smile transform it. She had seen Sidney smile before, but never had he looked so genuinely happy as in this moment. Her words released the tension inside herself too and an unbridled joy welled up inside her.

"You love me", he repeated.

"And you love me", she established in return.

"Yes."

He let go of his gentle hold of her shoulders and instead closed his arms around her to pull her close to him. For the first time, she dared to circle her own arms around his waist to hold him too, revelling in the strong solidity under her palms and the feel of his hard chest pressed against her softer one. When his mouth slowly searched for hers it was exactly what she wanted, needed, craved.

What she felt inside when his lips gently touched hers for the first time was indescribable. The intimacy and giddy exhilaration caused by being mouth to mouth with the only man she loved and wanted, were almost too much too take and she clung on to him not to lose her balance. He seemed more than willing to hold her, and she sensed he needed her to support him in turn. Her hands moved from his waist to coil around his neck and bury themselves in his curls. Such soft, thick hair and how she had longed to touch it. His hands moved up over her back, one cradling her head protectively yet assertively. Breaths got ragged as they were completely absorbed in the presence, sensation and taste of one another.

When they finally broke away, both looked and felt dizzy and as if someone just had woken them up from a trance. They laughed slightly embarrassed at how they were affected, but at the same time did not truly care because they were so incredibly happy.

"We should probably head back and prepare ourselves for the wedding, so we don't miss it. Babington would never forgive if his best man did not show up", she said even if she had no wish to end this.

"I suppose you are right", he chuckled but made no sign of letting her go from his hold. He pushed away a few strands of hair from her face, then looked around to localise where they actually were, something neither of them had paid any attention to for some time.

During the last part of their walk, the forest had opened up and they found themselves in a sunny glade. The ground was covered by a green and white carpet of blooming lilies of the valley. Now both looked around in silent awe, letting the sweet flowery smell fill their nostrils.
"So beautiful", Sidney said but with eyes fixed on Charlotte rather than the flowers.
"I have been here before but then they were not in bloom then, I have never seen anything like it."

"Me neither."

She let go of him long enough to bend down and pick one of the delicate white flowers.
"I'm glad it is not a field of bluebells."

She said pensively and touched the little bell-like shape of one of the flowers and almost expected it to jingle.
"Why?"
"Because there is an old saying that if you walk through a field of bluebells you will anger the fairies and they will curse you so you will not have the one your heart desires."

Her eyes locked with his again, conveying that he was the one.
"I'm not sure if I believe in fairies but I wouldn't want to risk anything... ever again... when it comes to you. I'm also glad this is not a field of bluebells."
He put an arm around her again as he spoke, took the flower from her and tucked it in the hair behind her ear, then cupped her cheek.
"Charlotte?"
"Yes?"
"Am I allowed to kiss you?"
Her face was turned up towards him as if she was one of the flowers and he the sun.
"Don't you think it is a little late for asking?" she teased but even if they already had kissed for long, his request caused a tingling sensation inside her. At the same time she was strangely calm. The angst of the early morning hours, before she spoke what was on her mind, was gone. He knew, and that was how things were supposed to be.

"I'm asking if you will allow me to kiss you for the rest of our lives, as my wife."

Wide-eyed she gasped.

"You want that?"
"More than anything."
Charlotte felt like they were rewriting their history in this moment. The past was not forgotten, it had taken them were they were now and in light of the present it was less hurtful. It had made them grow together instead of apart. They had started over with a proper courtship and this was the proposal they never had.

"Then... yes."
She saw the same exhilarated, yet calm, joyfulness she felt reflected in his eyes. He held her even tighter and she clasped his lapels, to anchor herself not to push him away.

She had wanted this, dreamed of it, for so long that she could not quite believe it was happening for real. She could not imagine a more beautiful place for it to happen. Hidden birds were chirping and there was the soft whooshing sound from the breeze moving among the tree leaves, but other than that it was silent. Sidney and the sun made her feel warm inside, like her core was thawing after a long, grim winter.

The kiss lasted long this time too. Much longer than it ought to, considered they had a wedding to attend, so when they finally made their way back to the house it was with hurried steps, almost running, while holding hands and laughing.

Charlotte's preparations for the wedding had to be done much quicker than she had planned, but her morning had been better spent and by the look Sidney gave her when she came down the stairs she knew she would do well enough.

"Now you look like one of those ethereal forest fairies you spoke of", he told her as he took in the sight of her, clad in a pale green gown. Her hair was neatly pinned up in a hairdo with a matching green ribbon tied like a diadem and the lilies of the valley she had picked earlier dispersed among the locks. The way his warm brown eyes rested on her made her feel more beautiful than ever before.

When her husband took her arm to lead her to the awaiting carriage, she thought that it was astounding how things could change over the course of a day. This morning she had been in agony when she prepared to tell him her feelings. Now she felt happy and secure. If her life would continue as it was in this very moment, she would be completely content. She knew he loved her. He knew she loved him. She had never been happier.

The wedding ceremony was to take place in the little church attached to Babington's estate and the following celebration at Babington Manor. As Babington's estate was vast, it was almost an hour's ride by carriage to get there even if it was bordering to Sidney's smaller estate. Needless to say, Mr. and Mrs. Parker were not displeased with being confined to a closed space in each other's company during that hour. When they arrived he had to help her tidy her hairdo as some locks had escaped and when they entered the church together her lips were plush and her cheeks unusually rosy in a very flattering way.

During the ceremony, Sidney's eyes darted to her more frequently than was appropriate considering that the best man was expected to pay full attention to the bride and groom. Charlotte had to admit that she found it hard to look away from her husband standing there beside the altar, looking more dashing than ever. Esther was an extraordinarily beautiful bride, Lord Babington a handsome groom, but her husband was the magnet she was drawn to. She fought to grasp that finally he was truly hers and could not help staring adoringly at him. It seemed to be the same for him. A smile was constantly playing on his lips and there was a twinkle in his eyes which had not been there before. She tried hard to remain serious, even bit her lower lip to manage, but in the end split up in a big smile and he returned it with a silly, wonderful grin. The joy of knowing that they now belonged together was so overwhelming that it could not be contained.

After the vicar had declared Lord and Lady Babington husband and wife, everyone gathered outside the church to throw flower petals as the newlyweds came out the doors. For a split second Charlotte lamented that her and Sidney's wedding had not been a celebration with friends and family like this, but then thought that all that mattered was that they had found their way back to one another, a feeling which was enhanced when Sidney appeared by her side and took her hand. It did not seem to bother him that such displays of affection was not common in public and it certainly did not bother her.
"Charlotte, will you please come with me inside for a bit?" he said in hushed voice close to her ear, causing a pleasant buzzing feeling.
"But the wedding luncheon? Everyone is going to Babington Manor now." She frowned her brow in confusion.
"Don't worry. We will be there in time for that, this won't take long", he reassured her.
They returned inside the church, now empty except for the vicar, still standing by the altar and Sidney pulled Charlotte along with him in that direction.
He stopped only a few meters away from the altar. The vicar did not seem surprised at all to see them there, she noticed.
"Charlotte", Sidney said in low voice so only she heard. "I told reverend Frickleton that we were married by the blacksmith in Gretna Green and that it would mean much to us, at least to me, if he would give us his blessing too so it feels like we have been more properly wed. He has agreed to do that, if you want it?"
Much to Charlotte's surprise he then went down on one knee, holding her hand.
"Charlotte, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife a second time? It would make me the happiest man on Earth."
Her mouth fell open and her eyes glazed with tears. It had felt like a proposal earlier in the glade, but this truly was. There was a moment when she could say nothing because she was too emotional, but then she smiled.
"Yes, there is nothing I want more."
Upon hearing those words, and still holding her hand, he carefully pulled the wedding ring off from her finger, then got to his feet and led her the last steps to the altar where reverend Frickleton smilingly greeted them.
During the brief, unromantic ceremony in Gretna Green, they had stood beside each other stiffly and apprehensively without touching. Now she placed her hand on his arm. Their hearts were filled with love and the church filled with light from the tall windows as the reverend spoke the solemn words and they exchanged their sacred vows.

When Sidney for the third time put the wedding ring on her finger they both knew that now they were husband and wife for real and this time until death did them part, because none of them would have it any other way. Their hands were trembling and when he looked up from her hand after returning the ring to where it belonged, both were tearful with emotion.

They were not expected to kiss here inside the church but ignoring decorum, he leaned in and placed his lips to hers.
"I love you, Charlotte Parker, never doubt that again."
"As I love you Mr. Parker."
Reverend Frickleton cleared his throat, seeming slightly embarrassed at witnessing such an intimate moment, wished them all happiness and then turned to leave. Giggling like naughty children caught with the hand in the biscuit jar, Mr. and Mrs. Parker left the church and went to join the festivities.

-o-

The celebration was over, and the carriage was taking them back to their own home. The wedding luncheon had been extended by many hours as neither the wedding couple nor the guests wanted it to end. The entire afternoon and evening had been absolutely wonderful, filled with Lord and Lady Babington's happiness and their own. After a sumptuous meal, there had been plenty of refreshments, mingling in the garden, music and even spontaneous dancing.

Charlotte and Sidney had barely let go of one another. When she for a moment thought she perhaps was clinging on too hard to his arm and loosened her hold, he had determinedly put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his side, indicating that was exactly where he wanted her. During the luncheon they had been seated next to one another and as often as they could let their hands lace under the table and in between smiled like fools. Afterwards they had laughingly sneaked away to the boxwood labyrinth in the enormous garden, where they had kissed until they ran out of breath before they attempted to find their way out again. They were feeling intoxicated but by love rather than wine.

Lord and Lady Babington were happily surprised to see them like this but had not asked what had brought about the change. It would not have been polite to do so openly among the other guests and anyway it was obvious to everyone that the reason was love.

It had all been so lovely, but eventually she had longed for the festivities to come to an end because she could not wait to be alone with Sidney. Her husband. However, when she finally had him to herself in the carriage heading home, she almost dozed off because it had been such a long and emotional day. Her head leaned heavy to his shoulder, her hand rested on his chest and she could feel the safe warmth and strength from his body. When she snuggled into him like this, they fit so perfectly together. He had put his arm around her to hold her in place as the carriage cringed and leaned his head on top of hers. She could feel him press his lips to her skull. She wished they would sleep together like this tonight. All night. Once she had been afraid he would ask that of her, now she hoped he would.

At last, the carriage rattled to a halt in front of the house, their house, and suddenly she was wide awake again. When they walked up the stairs side by side, with her hand on his arm, she felt her pulse increase with every step. She was not sure what they would do now. She wished to have him in her bed tonight, but she did not feel brazen enough to suggest it. They had waited for so long, far too long, but they had only fully reconciled this very day. Maybe he was not ready to receive her in his bed already.
They stopped outside the door to her room, both feeling slightly awkward.
"I hope..."
"I have..."
They spoke simultaneously and the mutual laugh that followed released some of the tension.
"You say."
"No, ladies first."
She was not sure what to say without seeming too forward, but she also wanted to make her wishes clear so that there would be no more misunderstandings between them. Looking into his eyes she saw a combination of love, desire and vulnerability glimmer there and it dawned on her that he was even more insecure than her about what to do in this moment.

He had repeated countless times that he only wanted from her what she would give freely and that still held true. Suddenly she knew with absolute clarity what she had to do to close the remaining small gap between them for good.
"I was about to say that I have something for you... a wedding gift."
A bewildered smile spread over his face.
"A wedding gift? But we didn't know we would..."
"Just stay here and I will get it."

She touched his arm and smiled reassuringly even if her own stomach twisted with nervousness.
Soon she stood before him again with blushing cheeks. What if he did not want what she was about to offer him?
"Give me your hand, please."

"Last time you did this you tried to return your wedding ring. That morning, on the stairs, when we said goodbye", he reminisced with hoarse voice, and a pained shadow travelled over his face. "I couldn't bear the thought of you not wearing it. Such a momentous mistake all that was."

Tears emerged in her eyes at the memory. So mistaken they both had been that day with regards to what the other one felt, both wrapped up in despair because they were convinced their love was unrequited. But that was then and now was now and not the time for sadness.

"I'm not returning my wedding ring ever again. I am yours."

"As I am yours."

"Give me your hand then."

"As you command Mrs. Parker", he smiled then and did as she said.
She took it, placed something in his palm, closed his fingers around it and then moved it to her lips to kiss it.
"Now you can look."
Slowly, he opened his hand and looked down to find a key lying in his open palm.
She watched him intently. When he returned his gaze to her face his dark eyes had widened.
"Do you know what it is?" she asked apprehensively.
"I think I do. Is it the key I once gave you?"
She nodded and swallowed hard.
"It doesn't fit any lock here, but you said once I should do with it what pleases me. It would please me very much if you have it."
"You want me to...?"
He glanced over her shoulder, inside her room.
"That is what I'm trying to tell you without making a total fool of myself."
Embarrassed she cupped her own flaming cheeks to hide them. He stepped closer and circled his hands around her waist.
"You are not making a fool of yourself. You are making me incredibly happy."
"So you want it?"
"I have wanted that for a very long time, Charlotte."
Indeed, Sidney looked like a man who could not believe his fortune. Now he watched her from under long eyelashes, speaking almost bashfully and she could not understand how she once had found him intimidating.

"It means the world to me that we exchanged our vows a second time today. I meant every single word. I always said I would marry only for love, and now I finally have. I thought love had eluded me and I was destined to remain alone, but you proved me wrong and I'm infinitely grateful for that. "

He bent his head to kiss her, but she placed her fingers to his lips to prevent him even if she wanted it badly.
"If we kiss now, I'm afraid we will never stop, and I would like... I would like to prepare myself properly for our wedding night."

"Of course." He chuckled fondly and his shyness seemed to evaporate. "My loveliest, dearest wife, you are so wise. If I kissed you now there is no way I would be able to stop until morning came."

His words made a shiver of need travel through her.
"Me neither."

Instead he pressed his lips to her forehead and then, with one last long, yearning look, let go of her and stepped away to allow her some time alone. It seemed like he could not stop smiling.

Elated and full of anticipation she closed the door behind her with a soft thud and could not help but childishly skipping a few steps, hugging herself. In every sense she felt like a newlywed bride with the first night together with her husband ahead of her. A husband she loved so dearly. She tried to wipe off the silly grin from her own face, telling herself now was the time to behave like a woman not a child, but it was hard when she was brimming with joy.

Swiftly she ridded herself of all her clothes and let her hair down. When she untangled the locks, the lilies of the valley that had adorned the hairdo, fell to the floor and filled the room with their lovely scent.

Washing herself by the basin, she felt flushed imagining that soon he would be touching her skin instead. For the second time since her mother gifted her the special nightgown, she brought it out from the wardrobe where it had been resting neatly folded. She had given up all hope of ever wearing it, because it was intended for her wedding night and she had believed that would never come to pass. Not after she turned around on Sidney's threshold. Now her heart was singing whilst she pulled the exquisite garment over her head and let the thin muslin fall around her otherwise naked limbs. Her fingertips traced the white roses which so carefully had been embroidered around the neckline. She knew her mother had wished her marital bliss when she had made each of those neat stiches and now that happiness seemed to be within her grasp.

Just like that other time, she now looked at herself in the full-length mirror. Her eyes twinkled like all the night sky stars were reflected there, her cheeks and lips rosy and her long hair fell like an unruly, dark waterfall around her shoulders almost down to her waist.

That time she had nervously prepared to go to him. Now he was coming to her.

The knowledge that within minutes Sidney would be here and see her like this was daunting and exhilarating in equal measures. Would he approve of her? Would she live up to his expectations? And what was she to expect herself? She did not know, only that whatever it was she needed it like oxygen and hoped he would guide her.

Fortunately, there was not more time to allow self-doubt or nervousness to grow, because there was a faint yet decisive knock on the door. Charlotte swallowed and willed the swarm of flapping butterflies in her stomach to calm down.

"Come in", she invited her husband and expectantly watched the door knob turn.

A/N: A few words towards the end of this story.

It took much thoughts, turning words around and the longest chapter ever to wrap this up, but I hope you enjoyed it.

I never meant for the story to be quite so angsty as it turned out but hope the happy ending makes up for that. I wanted them to go through friendship, growing love, understanding of those feelings, loss, grief and growth to end up as adult and equal matches. I wanted them to understand they would be unhappy without the other and therefore choosing one another.

If you are asking yourself "WHAT?! Did she take us through all this bloody angst without giving us the wedding night?", the answer is "No". There will be an epilogue and it will continue where this chapter ends. It will hopefully be tasteful smut, but definitely smut and I know that is not to everyone's taste, so I chose to put it in the epilogue. There will also be glimpses into their future life, so if you wish to read that but do not like the smutty parts you simply have to skim.

The epilogue is outlined but not yet written so you will have to wait a bit for that and use your own imagination in the meantime.

If you do not join them to the epilogue, I want to say a heartfelt thousand times Thank You for reading and reviewing! You guys have been amazing in encouraging me all the way and it has been my absolute pleasure to write this story.

/Miss P