Chapter 11
She appeared in the shadows of her soul self right in the middle of the Comm room. She figured that he'd be there and, even if he wasn't, there was almost never more than one person there at a time. She'd have fewer people to explain things to before getting to the person that she needed to speak to most.
She wasn't disappointed.
Robin swiveled the chair at the sound of her feet hitting the floor and he froze. She stood for a moment trying to read him or glean anything at all from their bond but he remained unreadable, his face revealing nothing and his bond clamped tight. She sighed, defeat evident in her face. She opened her mouth to speak but didn't get out a sound before Robin sprang from his chair and enveloped her in a tight embrace.
She was shocked, this not being the first reaction that she expected, but she wrapped her arms around him immediately. They knew each other so well and being close to him always made her feel comforted.
A hundred thoughts ran through Robin's head as he held Raven in his arms. He had been planning the speeches and admonishments he would give her when he saw her, but when she appeared there before him there was no other course of action that he could think to do than to take her in his arms. He was so relieved that she was here and the feel of her arms reciprocating his embrace calmed the rage that he had expected.
She could feel the roiling emotions within him through their bond. Now that they were so close it was harder for him to hide the swell of feelings within him. She knew of his fury, his disappointment, his mild disgust, but she also felt his fear, and his relief that she was home.
She gasped when she felt his pain. His physical pain.
She pulled away from him and grabbed his right arm, looking at the makeshift wrap he had covered his bare hand with.
"Robin," she admonished. She had wanted to convey her concern, but the judgment in her tone for him being here in the comm room instead of the med bay made a laugh escape him before he could contain it. She could feel the reason for his laugh and she glared at him as she unwrapped his hand.
She hissed as she saw the bruised flesh and felt the cracked bones beneath. She looked at his face as she laid a hand gently on his and began to heal him.
"What happened?"
He lost all semblance of mirth.
"I let my anger get away with me is all," he said curtly, though she could sense his relief at the reduction in pain from his hand. "I'm sure you can understand why, Raven."
She looked down at his hand, feigning the need for concentration – even though she was almost done with her healing – to avoid eye contact. She checked him for more injuries and moved to heal the slice that he had taken in his side as well, and there was silence between them the whole time. She finally finished her healing and looked to his face once more. His expression was unreadable and he had clamped down on the bond again, making it more difficult for her to understand what he was feeling.
"I'm ready for this famous explanation that you've been promising," he said coldly, his relief being swapped out for his anger and frustration as he sat down.
Raven sighed and looked to the ceiling as if imploring some greater power for strength before she looked back at Robin.
She explained everything.
She told him about the strange flirtation with Red X that led to the first kiss. She told him about the other encounters and the other kisses that had inevitably come and why she had kept it from him. She pointedly looked at his newly healed hand to illustrate how poorly he took his frustration sometimes.
She told him about waking in the hospital after Red X had saved her and of the night they spent just talking. She told him about her abduction from the hospital and the mission that they had pulled off together. She explained . . . everything. Including the fact that her powers didn't lash out when she was with him and what her soul fragments had told her about their magic-based instinct and how they were at peace with the situation because of it, and they were at peace because something about him tamed her powers.
He sat through all of it, staring at her. She felt his emotions shift depending on the revelations of her story and she felt an undercurrent during the whole thing. It felt like . . . defeat. It didn't make sense and she was having a hard time understanding it.
She stood watching him after she was done, waiting for a reaction or a solid emotion to dominate his confusion. But he just sat with his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and staring at his hands.
"I know it sounds insane," she said, "but . . . my powers benefit from him and my emotions have stopped warring. They're almost tame around him; nothing breaks when . . . nothing breaks when we're . . . close, and not even when we fight. Nothing broke even today and we argued for an hour."
"You fought?" he asked quietly, speaking the first words since she started her explanation. He wasn't sure why that was the point that he had reacted to, but the words had come out regardless.
"It's Red X, Robin, of course we fought. But as tumultuous as this relationship-" Robin winced at the word. "-is bound to be, for instances of high emotions to not end in everything in the room breaking . . . it has to mean something."
She knelt in front of his chair, forcing him to look at her.
"I'm not going to end what I have with him, Robin. I understand that you may not like it . . . or be able to forgive it. But I can't just give up on it."
"You know how I feel about this, Raven. How I feel about him. And I just can't reconcile the Red X that I know with the one that you just told me about. I can't be okay with this."
She nodded at him and he could feel her heartbreak through the bond. He could tell that she didn't want to lose him any more than she wanted to lose Red X – which was the only redeeming thing about this whole encounter with her – but he just wasn't sure he could see a world where this situation worked.
"I know," she whispered. "And I know that this is my choice, mistake or not, and I will take the consequences of them, but this is the choice that I'm making. I . . . I understand if this means that my decision will cost me my place on the team." She choked on her voice momentarily. "I completely understand if that's part of the repercussions of my actions."
A lightbulb shattered above them and Raven closed her eyes in an attempt to reign in her powers, but the closing of her eyes allowed a tear to slide down her cheek that she had been desperately trying to hold inside. Robin's face softened and he reached out to wipe the tear from her cheek. The contact made her eyes fly open again and she could feel that the anger in him had ebbed.
"It'll take more than that to take you from the team," he said gently, his voice breaking. "From me. Whether you believe it or not, Raven, I feel just as deeply for you as Red X does."
She was starting to think that she did believe him. But before she could tell him that, he released his hold that he had on their bond and she could feel everything that he projected now about how he felt for her and part of her broke. She had wanted this for so long, had wanted him to feel the same way about her that she had felt about him, had wanted him to tell her . . . but it had come too late.
She let loose her end of the bond as well and she saw Robin's face crumble. He could feel how she felt for Red X and what she felt for him, what she had felt for him for some time but hadn't thought that he'd felt the same. He had confessed his feelings too late. Red X had found a place in her heart and she had made her decision. Her tie with him was somehow as deep and strong as her tie with himself and Red X had just taken the next step first. It was time for Robin to stand down. He had to accept that it was partially his fault that she wasn't choosing him.
The unfiltered emotions between them were breaking Raven too. She could remember what she had overheard him saying at the police station, when he had voiced his need to find her and that she had meant more to him than he had been able to convey. She felt, now, what that truly meant.
He sighed and she felt the bond clamped off again as he tried to regain his composure.
She wondered if things would have been different if he had said something before any of this Red X insanity had ever happened. She felt sure, after no more than a moment's thought, that it would have been.
Everything would have been different.
"I'm sorry, Robin," she said, looking at the floor when she found she couldn't meet his gaze. "I don't pretend to understand what's going on, but . . . somehow I'm better for it. And I can't lose that now that I've found it."
She finally lifted her face to look at his masked one and wished that she could look him in the eyes. But she wasn't sure she could handle it if she had to face his naked eyes. She very well might be in love with him, but she had made her decision.
"I have to go back," she said gently. "You two are actually more alike than you'd like to admit; he's going to lose it if I disappear on him. But I'll be back, Robin. My time will be divided, now, but the tower is my home. I'm not leaving and I'm still a Titan."
He nodded his understanding and stood, extending a hand to help her rise to her feet. He reached out to cup her face in the hand that she had healed. He stared into her face, his brow knitting as if he was wrestling with a decision.
He reached up with his other hand and removed his mask, a move that surprised Raven. She'd only seen him without his mask a handful of times in all the time that she'd known him and the piercing blue eyes shocked her every time. She saw the sorrow in her eyes reflected in his. They both mourned the way things might have been. He stared at her hard for quite some time before leaning forward and kissing her.
It was gentle, but full of so much passion as Robin once more let go of the clamp that he had held on their bond, letting her feel everything that he felt. He put it all into that kiss. Again, she couldn't help but lament the fact that this exact thing was what she had wanted for so long and as she tried to accept the tragedy of the timing, she found that she was reciprocating the kiss. She hadn't been able to help it with his emotions fueling her own.
And just as she could feel what he put through the bond, he could feel her emotions again too. The part of him that had broken at the fact that he hadn't brought himself to tell her how he felt sooner ground its sharp edges into his heart as it swelled with the feel of her lips on his. If only he had said something. All of this could have been different.
She finally regained her senses after what she was sure was too long and pulled away slowly, blinking up into those blue eyes of his. He spoke before she could.
"I just . . . I couldn't go on not having done that at least once," he breathed.
She stared into his naked eyes and found that she couldn't move. Her emotions were at war once more in her and she couldn't make a move toward him or away for him. She stood at a crossroad and found herself panicking.
Robin saw the conflict in her eyes, felt it in her, and when she didn't move away he made a decision to throw caution to the wind. To go all in.
He pulled her face to his and kissed her again, fiercely, with all the desire in him and waited to see if she kissed him back. The screen of the monitor behind him shattered.
O • O • O • O
Jason was pacing. He was trying to keep calm, trying to realize that he was being an idiot, but he couldn't help it.
He had tried to keep his mind on anything else, but everything he tried proved to be futile. He had tried reading only to find that he was reading the same paragraph over and over again and his brain still wasn't picking up on any of the words. He had tried watching tv but he just kept changing the channel over and over again. He had tried doing something physical but every push up, every sit up only worked him up and made him want to teleport to the tower and punch Robin in his stupid face hard enough to knock his mask off.
So here he was, pacing. He paced in front of the large windows of his condo, looking at Titans tower in the bay and trying to convince himself not to go there and at least eavesdrop on what was happening.
But she would know. She could always tell when people were lying and he was no exception to that. And he did trust her. He had to show her that he trusted her. So: pacing.
He paced because, while he might trust her, he didn't trust Robin. He didn't trust the man who hated him to do him any favors and keep his hands off the woman they both wanted. And they had that damn bond between them. If he made a move would she be able to resist it? He had told her that she had a choice and now he hated the part of him that had made the offer.
A shadow flitted at the corner of his eye and he turned to see her raven figured soul self drop from around her as she appeared in his living room, her hoodie unzipped and flapping slightly as her soul self retreated.
He couldn't help the stupid grin that came to his face that she had come back, but the tormented look in her eyes had his heart choking him as it leaped into his throat. He approached her but she held her hand out to stop him before he managed to embrace her.
"Everything is fine," she breathed, as though she was out of breath either from exertion or panic.
"Why do I fucking doubt that?" Jason sighed.
"It's fine, Jason. I'll remain a Titan, though I guess now we'll have to explain to the team that you're . . . in a kind of limbo, I guess, between criminal and hero. We'll have to keep working on that front. But . . ."
"There's the 'but' I was dreading."
She sighed and stared at him for a moment.
"I explained everything to Robin and he . . . he opened the bond between us and I felt . . . everything."
Jason's blood was turning to ice in his veins and he found himself rooted to the spot.
"He-he kissed me, Jason. And I was so enthralled by everything that I felt that I . . . I kissed him back. He said that he had to do that at least once but then . . . he did it again.
"I am so sorry, Jason. I don't know what came over me. I have no excuses for how I reacted."
He nodded slowly, processing her words and studying her face.
"You've felt so much for him for so long, Raven. Just as he had to kiss you at least once I think that you needed to feel it too."
Her face contorted at his understanding, but he couldn't tell if it was desperate relief or anguish and he asked the question that he feared most.
"But you're here now," he started. "Are you here to stay . . . or to hand me my heart?"
She stared at him in confusion for a moment before she let out a burst of almost hysterical laughter.
"Gods, I am so stupid. I'm sorry, Jason, I didn't do any of this right. I wasn't trying to push you away, I just wanted to make sure all of that was out in the open from the start. The monitor shattered when he kissed me the second time and I guess it shook me to my senses. I told him that I had made my choice. I grabbed some things from my room and . . . I left."
He noticed for the first time the small bag that she had dropped at her feet as she materialized, containing what belongings she had grabbed from the tower.
She walked up to him and stroked his face as she smiled up at him.
"I'm here for you, Jason. I chose you. I choose you."
She kissed him, slow and deep and it took him a moment for her words to truly sink in. She pulled back and smiled at him again. "You idiot," she whispered.
His face transformed and he was positively beaming as he threw his arms around her and kissed her again, guiding her back to his bed. He followed her as she fell onto the sheets and stole another deep and penetrating kiss before leaning over her shoulder.
"Let him have his stolen kisses, then," he whispered. "Consider it a consolation prize."
He stroked the hair out of her face and smirked at her. "Somehow I get to keep the real prize that I've stolen."
He swooped in and took her lips with his again, still not sure how it was that she had chosen him over Robin. All he knew was that he was the luckiest thief in Jump City and he wasn't going to take what he had for granted. He was enthralled by her and he was about to make sure that she felt exactly how much.
O • O • O • O
Raven heard a strange sound that she knew should sound familiar, but in the haze of sleep the understanding of what it was eluded her. She took a deep breath, not wanting to wake but curiosity getting the better of her. She opened her eyes to see Jason holding up his phone in front of his face. She heard the camera shutter sound again and finally realized what was happening.
"What in the hells do you think you're doing?" she asked sleepily, narrowing her eyes at him. She could see from his incredible view that the sun was just cresting over the horizon. "It is far too early for this shit."
He smirked, hearing in her tone that she was being playful. Mostly.
"You're cute when you sleep. Especially when it's only in that." He nodded his head toward his black button down shirt that she was wearing over nothing else but a pair of dark blue panties. "I can't help wanting to remember this image, Little Bird."
He took another picture of her as she laughed, looking up at him lovingly.
"Is that all?" she drawled. "Because that's not creepy at all, Jason Todd."
She laughed again and grabbed his arm, pulling him down to lay beside her. He hummed in contentment and slid his head to be right next to hers on the pillow. He held up his phone and snapped a picture of them both before pulling the phone to his face, hitting some buttons, and laying the phone on his chest.
The phone, her phone that she had grabbed from the tower, buzzed on the nightstand and she looked at him confused before reaching out to grab it. She unlocked it and found that he had sent her the picture. She stared at the rather charming picture of the two of them, her hair splayed on the pillow beneath them both as they looked at the camera with wry amusement, before turning back to him.
". . . How the fuck did you get my number?"
"Come on, Little Bird," he said smugly. "Hacking a phone is nothing. You were asleep for quite awhile. I put my number in there for you. It's under 'Lancelot.'"
"The knight that stole Guinevere from King Arthur . . ."
She shook her head at him, letting out a small laugh before looking back at the photo and smiling.
"You sent it to me. If Robin ever sees this he would recognize you instantly. Why risk it?"
He shrugged and nuzzled the side of her face with his.
"I just wanted you to have something of us for when you're out in that tower without me. You've kept my identity safe so far, Little Bird. I trust you."
She smiled a wicked grin at him before tossing aside her phone, throwing her leg over his hip and straddling him. She leaned over him, her hair forming a curtain around their faces.
"How much do you trust me, Jace?"
He grinned at both her boldness and her nickname for him, grabbing her hips and arching his into hers.
"Enough to let you do whatever it is that you're thinking of, Little Bird," he purred.
"We'll see if you regret that . . . Lancelot," she laughed.
O • O • O • O
Robin heard his phone text alert go off. He opened his eyes, watching the sun now well over the horizon, and sighed. He had come up here to the roof where he and Raven had spent so much of their time together – either in companionable silence, deep conversation, or while she was teaching him the art of meditation – in the hopes that he would find a sense of calm about the whole situation, but to no avail. He still had this searing pain in his chest and an anger that he didn't know how to quell.
He had kissed her, twice, and it was everything that he had ever imagined that it would be. And she had kissed him back and he had those agonizing few minutes of thinking that he might still have a chance to fix his mistake.
But she had left. She had left to be with the thief that she had fallen for and he didn't know how to start living with that.
He reached over and grabbed his phone, unlocking it and opening his text messages. He had one unread message from a blocked number. His brows knit together as he clicked on it. His number was unregistered. Who would have it that wasn't already in his contacts?
A picture opened on his screen and his blood boiled at the sight of it.
Black and purple hair splayed over a soft pillow, delicate hands draped on the pillow by a sleeping face with a small smile tugging at the corner of the mouth, body curled into a graceful arc. The sleeping figure of Raven was relaxed and peaceful, dressed only in a man's black button down shirt, the edge of a pair of dark blue panties peeking out from where the shirt had ridden up along her outer thigh.
A message had come with the picture. "You may have managed some stolen kisses, kid, but it looks like I won the true prize. Don't try it again. She made her choice."
Another image appeared beneath as Red X sent another picture, this one of an awake Raven caught in the middle of a laugh with her eyes trained on the photographer with a smoldering look that Robin had longed to be for him. "She's happy," read the text below.
He felt a tidal wave of emotions ranging from rage to longing to disgust. This was the Red X that he knew; cruel and calculating and self serving. Yet, somehow, he had convinced Raven that there was more to him and Robin still wasn't convinced that it wasn't just one big con.
He moved to erase the messages, but his finger hovered over the button for a long while. He stared at the images of Raven, images that he had dreamed of seeing in his own bed, and found that he couldn't bring himself to delete them. He set the phone down on the rooftop beside him and felt disgust again, but this time for himself.
He had no idea what to do now.