Disclaimer: I do not own anything; Characters belong to Joss Whedon Mutant Enemy. However this story is my own.
A/N: As always reviews are greatly appreciated, a few quotes etc may be used and obviously belong to the very talented people who wrote them. This chapter features a song it's by 3 Doors Down and called Let Me Go I thought it was appropriate - Loverswalk89
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
*Let It Roll*
'So, I'm holding out for something more. Let me hold your rolling heart of stone. Weigh down heavy like you did before. Let me hold your rolling heart of stone'
Buffy and Willow stepped into the cold night air. Checking their surroundings they were now in an unfamiliar graveyard.
"Where are we?" asked Buffy
"Looks like the other alternate I guess" said Willow
They heard a scream from the distance and both of them ran towards it. They stumbled upon another Future Buffy and Spike fighting off some vampires. Spike had just flown through the air and hit his head knocking him out cold. Future Buffy managed to fight off the last remaining vampires before she dropped to her knees next to Spike.
"Spike!" Buffy's shook him a little
Slowly his eyes fluttered open and he smiled "Hey cutie" he mumbled
"This is ridiculous" Buffy yelled "I told you to stay away from this!"
"Bit of sympathy for the bloke with a headache here luv" he said slowly getting to his feet with the assistance of Buffy
"How many concussions have you had anyway?" asked Buffy
Spike shrugged "a few" he said lighting a cigarette
Buffy sighed heavily pulling the cigarette from his mouth and throwing it on the floor and stamping on it "Those things will actually kill you! That's if a vampire doesn't get to you first!"
"Oh bugger off!" said Spike "I can take care of myself"
"Oh really? Getting knocked out almost daily is you taking care of yourself?" Buffy sighed heavily "I'm just trying to protect you"
Spike smiled a little "I know luv" he said pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms around her and gently kissing her
Buffy broke the kiss "Oh!" she huffed "You're doing it again!"
"What?" asked Spike smirking
"You can't just kiss me and expect me to drop this!" she yelled
"Why not?" Spike pouted
"Because you're human now, you're vulnerable and I know you hate being reminded of that but I can't look out for you and do my job Spike" she told him
"Thanks luv, makes me feel all manly does that" he sighed
"I know I'm sorry" she said sadly
"I wish you'd never chose me" said Spike bitterly
Buffy looked at him in shock "You didn't want this?"
"I wanted you, whatever way I could get you" he admitted
"And now it's not all the fun and game you thought it would be?" She snapped
"No, being with you it's... amazing more than I could've ever hoped for. Being human on the other hand... I forgot how shit being human is" he explained "I get drunk a hell of a lot quicker, I can't get my rocks off beating vamps up"
"You're pathetic" said Buffy "I gave you a life and you're here pining for the unlife you had?!"
"Life was easier then!" He ranted "I could at least satisfy you then"
"What?" Buffy asked taken back
"Don't think I don't know, you go easy on me as not to hurt me" he told her "Poor Spikey gotta treat him with kiddie gloves"
"What are you saying?" said Buffy
"I saw it before... Captain Cardboard. You still need a monster in your man" he said bitterly
"What? No!" Buffy denied it
"I can't be what you need... maybe you should go find Peaches"
Buffy stood with tears in her eyes "I chose you!"
"You wouldn't have if you and he didn't have that blow out before your decision! You did it to spite him and I was happy about it I was finally number one to you but this... this isn't enough for you. You need the hurt" he told her
"You're hurting me now" she cried
"I've seen enough" Buffy told Willow
"Okay" said Willow looking at her friend's face with tears spewing from her eyes.
Willow took her hand and once again they headed into the green light
XXXXX
Buffy and Willow appeared back in her bedroom at Slayer Inc.
"Well that was-" Willow started
The sound of Buffy's cries interrupted her, Willow rushed to Buffy's side and hugged her
"Whichever one I chose it's going to end badly" Buffy cried
"Oh Buffy" Willow said holding her friend as she wept "It's okay"
XXXXX
Dawn sat nursing a cup of coffee, tapping on her laptop. "Lurk much?" She said turning to face Spike
"Wasn't lurking I was standing about... it's a whole different vibe" he smirked at her as he sat down next to her
"Sure... and it's not creepy at all" she rolled her eyes
He smiled at the younger Summers woman
"So have you and Angel got over your little fight?" asked Dawn
"Oh we'll never get over it Nibblet" he told her
"You two are always gunna fight over her aren't you" Dawn laughed
"Probably" he shrugged
"You hurt her y'know" said Dawn
"I've made some big mistakes Nibblet... things I'm not proud of..." he tried to explain
"I'm not talking about Sunnydale" she told him "I mean yes, it was pretty messed up what you did- tried to do but she forgives you. I can't say that I'm all the way there yet but the soul helped and then what you did. Saving the world that helped a little more. But no I'm not talking about Sunnydale, I'm talking about you not telling her you were alive"
"Thought she was better off without me" he said
Dawn shook her head "You vampires are completely stupid"
Spike looked offended
"Oh don't give me shocked face" Dawn told him "When will you realise that you can't decide what's best for her, she has to make her mind up about that"
"Thanks Nibblet, I missed you" he told her
Dawn paused for a moment "I missed you too"
XXXXX
Buffy had just finished explaining her and Willow's trip to the alternate realities to Faith. Who sat in her chair in a state of confusion "Wow B... I'd hate to be in your shoes right about now" said Faith
"Tell me about it..." Buffy whimpered
"So what are you gunna do?" asked Faith
"I think I've been looking at this all wrong" said Buffy
"How do you mean?" Faith raised an eyebrow
"I've been selfish" said Buffy
"You? Never" Faith said sarcastically
Buffy shot her a look "I've been looking at it from completely the wrong angle, I've been looking at it for selfish reasons. Who I should be with, who should become human so they can be with me. It's not about that"
"What's it about?" asked Faith
"Who is actually worthy of this" Buffy told her
"You made your decision then?"
"I have" said Buffy
XXXXX
Angel paced the room waiting to leave for the monastery. Xander stopped him from pacing "I don't like you" Xander started
"Thanks" said Angel
"I mean it, I really don't. But the choice between the two of you, I'd rather her be with you. I know she'd be safe" said Xander
"Thank you" said Angel
Buffy and Faith came down the stairs "Are you ready Angel?" asked Faith
"As I'll ever be" he smiled
"Where's Spike?" Asked Buffy
"'M here" he said entering the hallway with Dawn
"Good luck" said Dawn squeezing his arm lightly
"Thanks Bit" Spike smiles gratefully
"Let's go" said Buffy coldly opening the front door and leaving
XXXXX
The drive into the desert was quiet. Faith sat tapping the steering wheel she couldn't stand the tension anymore so decided to turn on the radio.
The strings of a guitar blared through the car speakers.
'One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve'
Buffy sat in the front seat listening to the words. She glanced in the rear view mirror at the vampires in the back seat, each of them glaring out of the window into the darkness.
Faith listened to the words to and went to change the station Buffy swatted her hand away silently telling her to leave it.
'In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go'
Buffy looked at Angel his furrowed brow she knew the lyrics to the song were hitting close to home for him too. She caught his eye and he smiled thinly at her and turned away again
'I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin' through
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me'
Buffy looked again in the rear view mirror and studied Spike his eyes those piercing blue eyes that always made her feel weak. His leg was shaking she could tell he was nervous, he turned from the window and looked at her and slowly closed his eyes and looked away.
The song carried on as they drove further into the desert
'And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I know
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Let me go'
As the song ended Buffy braced herself for what was about to come
'You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know who I am
And you love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't know me'