Disclaimer: I do not own anything; Characters belong to Joss Whedon Mutant Enemy. However this story is my own.
A/N: As always reviews are greatly appreciated, a few quotes etc may be used and obviously belong to the very talented people who wrote them *some smut ahead* - Loverswalk89
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
*Lost On You*
'You know that I adore you.Though I couldn't give enough. Hope you'll be safe in the arms of another. Cause I can't take the weight of your love. I had a hold on your soul. But I lost my grip, let you go. I should've carried us both'
Buffy lay on her bed, the events of the previous night weighing heavy on her. Spike had asked her if his love was enough, she panicked and didn't answer him. She hadn't seen him since.
Angel had tried knocking on her door once they had got back but she didn't answer him. She couldn't deal with anymore emotional baggage.
Dawn came barging through the door "Buffy!" she said excitedly "Spike's here!"
Buffy looked at her sister and leapt to her feet and ran down the stairs to see Spike. He looked up at her and nodded slightly
"Can we talk?" She asked him
"Not much else to talk about is there Slayer?" He retorted "M' not staying, Faith is sorting me some wheels and then I'm out of your hair"
She finished walking down the rest of the steps and stood in front of him. He tried to look disinterested for a moment or two.
"Where are you going?" She asked
He shrugged in response.
"Please can we just talk?" She begged "Ten minutes"
He sighed heavily and nodded. She smiled gratefully and lead him down to an empty office and locked the door behind them.
"Is that really necessary?" He asked "I agreed to talk you don't have to hold me captive Slayer"
"It's not for you, I don't want any distractions" she told him
He nodded "So go ahead... talk" he said leaning against the desk
"Last night wasn't what I pictured" she told him
"What did you expect luv? You make Angel a real boy and I stand there and officiate the wedding?" He raised his eyebrow
"How many times do I have to explain Spike?" She asked him
"Oh so now I'm slow as well as second best" he huffed
"Can you just listen to me?!" She yelled
He mock zipped his lips
"Yes I chose Angel to become human. He's earned that and you know it. It doesn't mean to say what you have done and how you e changed since we first met means any less. You're a hero and certified champion. But without Angel we need you" she told him
"So I'm still a vamp because I can fight" he scoffed
"That's one reason" she told him
"What's the other?" He asked
"I told you, I love you. I'm not normal I will never be normal no matter how many Slayer's there are in the world. I can't ignore my calling and my calling seems to always find me wherever I am"
"You said it yourself Buffy, we will never be perfect" he sighed
"I don't want perfect" she told him "I'm not that same girl that made moon eyes over Angel, but I'm also not the same girl that used you to feel anymore either. I'm constantly changing and so are you. I don't see why we can't change together?"
Spike paused and summoned the courage to speak "I'm terrified"
"Still?" She asked recalling their last days in Sunnydale when he told her he was scared of how close they were again.
"I will always be terrified Buffy" he admitted
"I'm glad this scares you just as much as this scares me but maybe, for once, we should try doing the thing that scares us the most… So I want to give a try" she told him
"And if it doesn't work out? What then?" He asked
"I don't want to think about what ifs Spike. I just want an honest answer from you. Do you want this? Do you want there to be an us?" She asked him firmly
He thought for a moment and looked at her "I love you Buffy and I want to try"
Buffy rushed toward him and her lips crushed to his as he held her as close as he could get her. He pushed her back against the desk as they kissed deeply, hands roaming over each others bodies as their longing to be closer increased. Spike laid her on the desk as his hand travelled up her thigh and tugged at her sweat pants pulling them down. he touched her, relieved her of her underwear and made his intentions very clear.
"It's okay" she said breathlessly "I want to"
He unzipped his jeans, she gasped as he entered her they clung to each other as he rocked her back and forth "Oh Buffy" he groaned
she screamed his name with pure passion as they climaxed in unison, they lay still connected trying to catch their breath
"Spike I love you" she whispered softly into his ear
"I love you too Slayer"
XXXXX
"Uh maybe we should uh..." said Dawn visibly shaken by overhearing her sister and the vampire have sex behind the door that they stood in front of
"We totally shouldn't have heard that" Xander gulped
"And yet here we are" said Willow "I told you we shouldn't be eavesdropping!"
"It was freakin' hot" Faith smirked "Nice to know Buffy can get down with the get down"
The four of them heard movement from behind the door and rushed off in separate directions. Well all of them except for Faith who stood grinning as the two blondes emerged from the room
"Faith" Buffy's eyes grew wide in panic
"B..." Faith laughed as she left the pair of them stood in the hallway
"Do you think she heard that?" Buffy asked Spike
"No..." he denied it "Well... maybe" he sighed
"Crap"