A/N I hope you all like this oneshot. Review and tell me your opinions. If you haven't check out my other stories. All Clexa do not worry.
It has been a month since Lexa had been shot and Pike had been overthrown. After Lexa made her full recovery, which took two and a half weeks, she and Clarke had not spent a night apart. It seemed that everyone was in the dark about the new budding relationship between the Skai Prisa and the Commander.
And so, it was when Lexa was making her way back from Clarke that she found herself eavesdropping on a very interesting conversation.
"Hey, do you know who Clarke's been banging recently?" Raven asks Octavia. Lexa assumes 'banging' is one of the Skaikru terms for intercourse.
"No," Octavia says. "Why do you ask?"
"Just wondering," comes the reply. Lexa knows she should not be listening to this, but she cannot seem to leave. "It must be one hell of a fling. The woman's been glowing for like a week now."
Damn this Skaikru language, Lexa thinks to herself. She does not know the meaning of the words, but she deduces that a 'fling' can either be pretty good or pretty bad. Suddenly, Lexa feels the urge to know what they have been saying about her and Clarke's relationship behind their backs.
"What is a fling?" Lexa asks as she emerges from her hiding spot. "I heard you talking and I want to learn all of your Skaikru terms."
"Oh," Raven says, obviously not thrilled that Lexa was listening. "A fling is like a relationship, except super casual. It's kind of like sex only, very little or no feelings."
"Oh." Neither girl says a thing as Lexa's face drops. Then again, she has been hiding emotions for years now, so they probably did not notice. "Thank you Raven," Lexa says hurrying away. She needed to get out into the wilderness, where she feels at home, and nothing can touch her, especially not Clarke.
Lexa avoids Clarke for two weeks, and it seems like the blonde is picking up on it. Lexa changed her schedule to have each meal two hours earlier, to awake before the sun and to be in her tent before it has gone to rest. She sees Clarke try to approach her multiple times, but each time the blonde made her way to the Commander, she would go into a tent and tell her guards to let no one in. Not even Clarke.
But when Clarke is determined, there is nothing stopping her. Suddenly, her schedule shifts, and Lexa knows how hard that is for Clarke, who is a late sleeper (like most of the original Skaikru). However, that does not seem to stop Clarke as she approaches Lexa one morning, before the camp had risen, and certainly long before the delinquents have even begun to stir.
Lexa is caught off guard, as she was leaving her breakfast area, and she is unable to find anyone around to possibly formulate an excuse as to why she must leave immediately. So, she watches as Clarke approaches her slowly and cautiously, as one approaches a prey, afraid to startle it and scare it off.
"Yes Clarke," Lexa says, hiding her feelings with a mask of disgust.
She sees Clarke's features shift, telling a tale of utter shock. Lexa momentarily feels bad before remembering how Clarke was treating her. Using her.
Lexa takes Clarke's stunned silence as a motion for her to continue. "Listen, you and I feel much different about one another. This," she says pointing between the both of them, "is not working."
Lexa pushes past Clarke and does not see the tears that now fall freely from the blonde's eyes.
"But…Lex," Clarke whispers to no one as she breaks down. "No, no, no, no. NO! Lexa!" she cries as the sobs come to life. "Come back." Clarke curls into a ball, right there, in the middle of the dining area, and she breaks down and stays there for hours, as people wake up and walk past her to get their first meal of the day, casting her an odd look. But none of it matters to the blonde. The only thing that mattered to her just turn around and left.
"What the actual fuck did you guys do?" yells Murphy. It has been three weeks since Clarke's break down and no one had seen the girl. Only Monty was allowed to bring her food, and even then, she did not talk, just sat there with him.
"We didn't do shit. Stop being a dick," exclaims Raven defensively.
"Oh don't give me that shit. You two are the ones who gossip, so either you did something to Clarke, or you know who did. Because Clarke has just been stabbed in the worst place possible. The heart."
"We don't know anything. We don't even know who Clarke was sleeping with a month ago."
"Sleeping with?" asks Murphy clearly confused. "Clarke was not sleeping around a month ago."
"Yeah she was. She was happier than ever. Even you had to have seen that Murphy."
"Oh shit."
"What is it?"
"Clarke was in an actual fucking relationship. With someone she was genuinely in love with."
"Who? It's impossible. That was right after the whole Pike situation, there is no possible way she found someone in Arkadia that quickly."
"Who said anything about her being from Arkadia?"
"No freaking way. Clarke was in a relationship with a grounder. Oh my god. This is golden."
"Was," Murphy stresses.
"Oh my god. No," Octavia speaks for the first time in the conversation. "She was with the only person we told that Clarke was in a totally casual relationship with someone. Turns out she was the someone."
"Who did we tell though?" Then, the realisation hit her like a ton of bricks. "Oh fuck."
"Precisely," says Murphy. "And of course, she trusted you because you guys are Clarke's friends. She assumes you talked about it."
"Shit," mutters Raven. "How do we fix it?"
"Guys," yells Monty sprinting towards you. "Clarke's gone."
Octavia had rounded up Murphy, Bellamy, Jasper and the rest of the 100 to help find Clarke. However, the only breakthrough came when Raven had finally reached Lexa. Raven tried telling Lexa that she and Octavia were just making assumptions and Clarke did not tell them that it was just casual, but what finally got Lexa going was the thought of Clarke missing.
And of course, Lexa knew where Clarke was, where Clarke would go whenever she was feeling awful. She would walk amongst those whose lives she took, and she would try to remind herself that her life was at least going better than theirs had gone. And Lexa was partly right. They did end up finding Clarke in the Mountain, but not in the state they expected to find her.
They found her in a bed in the medical department of the Mountain, a needle hanging from her arm. Next to her bed, they found her letter.
Dear whoever is reading this,
I'm not even sure if you know who I am. For all I know I have been dead for one hundred and thirty years. For all I know, you could be my best friends' children, or grandchildren. If so, I hope you have peace on the ground. I hope Lexa was able to find peace.
Lexa. If Lexa is no longer the Commander, take this letter to the current Heda. I want the current Heda to tell Lexa something. Tell her she was special. Tell her she was loved. Tell her that my last thought was of her, and I hoped that she found happiness, however so. Tell her that I hoped she found Costia, her lost love, in death. Tell her that she is not to blame for my death. Tell her that she was right. Love is weakness. She has finally proven it to me. Tell her that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for burning her people. I'm sorry for trying to kill her. I'm sorry for loving her and reading all the signs wrong. I'm sorry for not realising that you wanted nothing more than my body. But tell her she should have just told me that. I would have let her do the worst things she could possibly think of to me. I would have let her have my body, and I would have loved her from a distance. I would have pretended to be in it for the sex. I would have willingly given myself up to be used, even if my body were tossed aside once it served its purpose. I would have done all of this if I could still talk to her, still argue with her, because I can survive without her heart. Without her body. But I could never survive without her mind.
Sincerely,
Probably-long-dead and undeniably-unlovable Clarke Griffin, Wanheda, Skai Prisa, the only girl dumb enough to fall in love with the Commander.
Lexa's tears ran their course down her cheek as she read her letter.
"No Clarke," she said, picking up the unconscious blonde and taking her to the rover that Raven parked outside. "You're wrong. I was weak for hiding from my feelings. I will never find happiness without you. I will never see Costia again, because I don't want you. You did not read a single sign wrong. I was always in love with you, and I always will be. Nothing can come between you and I. Don't you give up on me, not now. If you die now, I am following you, right after I send Raven and Octavia off. You can't Clarke. You can't die on me. I forbid it."
Lexa urges Raven to drive faster as she continues speaking to Clarke. "You are not unlovable Clarke. You cannot die thinking you are. If you do, I will never forgive myself. I promise you Clarke, if you come back to me, I will love you like no one has loved another in all of time. I will love you more than Romeo loved Juliet, more than Apollo loved the sun. I will love you like no one has loved before, I promise you that Clarke. Just come back to me."
The rover comes to a halt and Lexa immediately rushes out, Clarke in her arms. The grounders can see her tear stained cheek, her red eyes that were somehow still watering and the way her lip quivered as each second passed, but Lexa did not care one bit.
"Abby," Lexa greets. "Save her. Please. I'm begging you. No matter what you must do, save her."
Abby nods and takes her daughter.
After they injected her with the antidote, they still had to wait a few hours before seeing if it actually saved her, or if Clarke was still going to die. Every single second of those hours, Lexa spent besides Clarke, mostly crying and begging Clarke to come back to her.
It is early morning when Clarke finally stirs.
"Hey beautiful," Lexa says as Clarke struggles to take in her surroundings. "Listen Clarke," Lexa started before she was cut off.
"They say you hear everything when you are in a coma. It's true. Even when you are at death's door."
"Good. Then there is no need for words."
"Yet you still talk," Clarke smirks.
And she sits up, a movement that causes her immense pain, but she does not have a care in the world. She then kisses Lexa for all that she is, and Lexa kisses her back with enough emotion to fill the Atlantic.
"I love you Clarke. More than I have ever loved anyone in my life."
"I love you too Lexa."
A/N The original plan was much darker, although it had a happy ending, but I decided against it. I thought this version would have been more enjoyable. Again, please review, it means a lot.