~.~
-THE OUTSIDER-
by Iland Girl
'for those in search of home.'
A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction
I don't own anybody but Erin... for now...
Chapter Five: Old Wounds
"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed."
― Iyanla Vanzant
The train ride was rough, but it was moving along nicely.
I had been in my seat for about an hour now, and honestly, it was refreshing to look at a countryside while travelling. A change of scenery from the urban life that the city brought. A quiet that I wasn't entirely accustomed to. That and I had never actually been on a train before. That was something to appreciate, almost made this seem like some tacky adventure across the world rather than some strange dimensional travel. It didn't make a ton of sense to me, and yet the time to panic and freak out over it was completely lost. I had to get a grip or I would never get home, get back to Auntie and Bray…..
It hadn't even been three days and my heart was already feeling the loss. I needed to distract myself, so I stretched and casually glanced over to the inside of the train car.
A man stared back at me.
At first I thought it was a casual glance, I was wearing some weird clothing considering the other people around me, but then as I looked away and back again I found his gaze firmly fixed onto mine. It was making me uncomfortable, so I tried petting Thor to calm my nerves.
Five minutes later and he was still staring.
Not just staring….. watching. I felt like this was more than just a simple staring at someone who looks strange. Other people looked at me too, I was an absolute mess, but this was a lot more than a glance at a bizarre looking girl. No this felt like he was actively staring.
Studying.
"C'mon Thor, let's go for a walk." At the call of his name he hopped up, tail wagging as he followed me out. We left the car and went to a further back one. I settled into an empty seat there and took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Petting Thor helped a lot with that. It was a short lived break though, as not even twenty minutes later Thor was growling next to me softly. I looked up to see the same man staring at me from the doorway.
Nope, not doing this.
I got up and we quickly made out way to the door. Looking back I saw the man slowly following. He was definitely following me. So I needed to get rid of him. There were only two more train cars before the back. I had to get around him.
The train cars were pretty basic, just one door. How was I going to get around? Then it dawned on me. I turned to Thor.
"Let's see how your acting skills are bud."
So I shoved Thor into the next compartment- and no it did not go without complaint or whining- before I shut the door, then used the ladder next to the railing to climb onto the roof of the train. When the man came out, he looked around briefly. I hid underneath my hoodie to keep from exposing myself. He took a long pause, looking around himself, taking his time to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary. I flattened myself down so much that the only way he could see me was if he fully turned around. In that time I could back up and out of view entirely.
When he seemed satisfied with whatever he was looking for, he opened the next compartment door. Thor jumped out at him, growling and snapping a lot more than I had initially expected of him. The man grunted, before tossing Thor off of him. For a brief moment I panicked and thought he would chuck him off the train. Instead he used strength, which definitely did not match to the compact size of man, he grabbed Thor by the scruff and stuffed him into the train car door he had come from before slamming it shut.
"Stupid mutt, but now you're out of the way." He said before opening the next door and vanishing inside. I grinned, then turned to begin my terrifying crawl along the top of the train car to the other side. My instincts said to just look where I needed to place my hands as I practically crawled along the roof. This was definitely not as fun as they made it seem in the movies. This was heart wrenching as each time the train rounded a turn it set you off balance.
Against my own will my eyes drifted to the train cars ahead of mine. At first I only thought to let my eyes trail for a brief second before resuming my crawl. However, in the distance I could see a very disturbing sight. The train had miles and miles of track left, but above a bridge between two steep hills looked to be a gap.
The tracks were broken.
What were the god damn odds.
"Are you kidding me?!" I screeched before sprinting for the ladder. Said ladder was a welcomed sight before I opened the door and called Thor to come through. He happily bound up to me and followed to the next train car, which I sprinted across with little care for who I interrupted. Several people scolded me, but I didn't even pause before pushing through the next. This continued until I got to the front car. A guard stood there, but one growl from Thor and he flinched just long enough for me to push through.
At the front of that car I saw that most of the people in there were definitely not operating the train. This looked to be something akin to 'first class', so when I called out for someone to help me, most people also looked around, uncertain what to do.
"How the hell do you stop this thing?" I muttered, getting more antsy. There had to be a way! Where the hell were the operators? Was there anyone I could turn to for help?
"Stop the train?" A man spoke up. I turned to him and nodded. He pointed to even further up the train. "Well, if you're that serious, you'd have to climb over the coal and talk to the conductor. There is a small way beside it, but I would wait if it's not an-"
"Okay thank you!"
I didn't have time to wait, and if all I had to do was get to the front of the train then there was no need to scare the rest of the people. Something with a simple answer, right? I looked to Thor, wondering how I would get him through all of it, but Thor had his own solution. As I opened the door to face the coal car, Thor took a running leap and jumped on top of the coal.
"That works." I muttered before following the path on the side of the car to the front. Which, I have to say, was probably one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. That alone didn't prepare me for what I came across.
No one.
There was nobody in the front of the train.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
I panicked, there's no way around describing it. One quick look out the side window told me I had maybe 2 miles to figure out how to stop this train. It was the first time in my life I wished I had an interest in mechanics.
"How do you stop this damn thing?!" I screamed, scared- what should I do? Try and stop it? Disconnect the cars? What. Do. I. Do?!
Thor barked at me, I ignored him the first time, but then he really started barking. I looked over where he was sitting, right next to a large black lever. He whimpered, then reared up on his back paws to rest on said lever.
He couldn't be serious, a dog was telling me what to do…?
"Fuck it." I muttered, rushing over and helping him slam the lever down. It took a lot, and I mean A LOT of weight to push down, but then it slammed down and the whole car slowed aggressively. I fell, Thor fell, and we both slid towards the front of the train. He yanked my hoodie to stop me at the last second from sliding into the furnace. I held onto him, both of us leaning against a wall, then I pushed to get across to the larger window to look out.
Ahead we were about to go up hill and right into the line of the broken tracks. However, the front of the train was stopping so hard that behind us the cars were folding, derailing quickly.
"We're going to need to jump!" I called to Thor. He barked once to me, and I almost stopped to marvel at the ridiculousness of the situation. A dog was agreeing with me…
The train wasn't slow enough yet, and the cars were pushing on the head. It definitely wouldn't stop in time. I started to worry about the car right behind the coal, but just as I thought that I saw the coal cart flip sideways, breaking off from the first passenger car. It was pulling on the train head.
"Looks like our stop bud, ready?" I called to Thor. He barked, coming to stand next to me. I had to put my faith in the fact that he actually understood me, because he was way too big for me to manually yank out of the car. I put my foot on the window, said a quick prayer, an began my count down.
"One… Two…..Jump!"
"That's gotta be a Lallier. She's got the hero complex to boot."
"You weren't supposed to scare her. Now what do we do?"
"Hehe, leave her, besides, the Elric brats are going to do a lot of the footwork for us."
"And if they find her? They will take her and lock her away."
"They won't, they're afraid too. Our best bet is to take her to Aerugo, but we wouldn't get far on foot. We'll have to consult with the boss."
"Yes, Mother will want to hear of this."
"She will, all in due time."
Edward and Alphonse came across the wreckage about an hour after leaving the station. The brothers had rigged up a miniature engine to hurry along the tracks. While their intent was to help any survivors, there was one survivor they were very intent on.
Well, her and her dog.
The wreckage didn't bring them a lot of hope at first. It looked pretty bad, but as they got closer, they found that most of the passengers were alive and in decent shape. The cars were turned over, broken, and some were still upright, but the people inside had survived.
Through questioning many of the survivors, they heard of Erin and how she had been sprinting through the train. A man from the front car said she went to the engine car.
Which had gone through a broken bridge. Ed and Al stared at the bottom of the valley, at the fire, both at a loss for what to do next. Did Erin stop the train? Had she seen the broken bridge? Why the Hell did she do that herself?
"Brother…. You don't think….?" Alphonse began, but Edward could only clench his fingers in response. He turned away, ready to search the wreckage again to be sure, when a cry could be heard.
Barking.
A dog was barking.
They were slow to react, but after a few seconds it sunk in that maybe it was Thor. The brothers looked to the last safe spot to possibly exit the train, where the bridge started, and half slid down the hill, was Erin and her dog.
They approach quickly, finding that Erin had slid right under the bridge and effectively out of view. Had the dog not barked, they likely wouldn't have seen her.
"Erin!" Alphonse cried out. The girl was horribly muddy, she groaned when he called out. Erin opened her eyes, stared up into their faces.
"I hate trains."
She promptly fell back asleep.
The brothers felt significantly lighter after that, but could not help gravitating towards the rest fo her face. Her hair had slicked back with mud, and exposed a large nasty scar across the right side of her face. Her eye in that area was not a metallic grey, but rather a dull grey or that who was blind.
Edward carefully pulled the girl out of the mud and back onto the bank. He wasn't entirely sure what to do, but he figured checking for any major wounds should be a first. Erin, surprisingly, didn't have anything other than some nasty cuts to her forearms.
"Al, lift her up, I can't carry her." Edward explained. The younger brother did so with ease. It wasn't that the girl was heavy, in fact Edward found her to be startlingly light, far to light for someone of her size. It was the fact that he was sliding down the hill slowly. This mud probably saved Erin a painful landing, as she appeared to have slid from the top of the hill.
Talk about a lucky break.
"And that's all I can tell you. Well, that's all I know I mean." Erin explained to them. She had gone into detail about the train, about how the man had followed her, how she saw the break, went to see the conductor, and found no one there.
Edward had the haunting feeling he would have to make a report to the Colonel about this.
Erin then looked down at her arms, which they had hastily cleaned to keep the wounds from being infected, and looked slightly embarrassed.
"Would-uh, it be possible to take a shower? And- uh, do you have any spare clothing? I hate to ask, but at this rate what's one more request? Oh," she paused, reached into her pocket, and produced the money. "I should give you this back."
Edward sighed. She wasn't out of line, if anything, she deserved a lot more. She saved a lot of lives today. He was surprised to call her a very brave girl, something he definitely didn't peg her for upon their first meeting. He pushed her hand holding the envelope back to her and ignored it.
"Yeah, I have some, go shower, I'll leave them out for you." Edward said. He was caught off guard by her smile again. Maybe the girl was going into shock from the whole event, but that smile had gotten him both times now.
"Thank you, for coming to get me, and this too. I mean it." She turned to her dog. "And you, you deserve a bath mister. You probably saved my life." Erin said while discarding her torn sweater. It looked like the dog had tried to grab her at one point, but the hood was torn pretty much to shreds now.
The dog whimpered, covering his face with a paw, and all Erin did was pet him gently.
"C'mon boy, baths aren't that bad." She urged, and the dog whimpered once more before following her in to the bathroom before she promptly shut the door.
He waited a few minutes longer, as the shower turned on, before he spoke to his brother.
"Anything seem fishy to you?" He asked his younger brother. Alphonse looked down at him.
"What do you mean? I don't think she was lying." Alphonse said. Edward frowned.
"No, I don't think so either, but….. I don't know. Do you really think it was coincidence that the train derailed?" Edward thought out loud. He kept his voice down though on the off chance that Erin could hear him. Alphonse thought for a moment.
"Now that you mention it, it does seem strange that the train she was on derailed. She's definitely not from around here….. do you think someone is after her?" Alphonse asked. Edward shrugged.
"I don't know, but there's definitely something not adding up. We should take her with us for now. The Colonel will want to know about this. Speaking of, we better get a move on." Edward stood and stretched. Alphonse got up too.
"I'll go get you guys some food. It'll be easier to lie and say I've eaten then." Alphonse said before making his way out. Edward left some clothes by the door, let her know, then went about organizing himself and his trunk to go. It was only a short while later that Erin and Thor came out of the bathroom. Thor now looking a much lighter shade of grey than the murky mess he had been. Erin too looked much better. It was odd, seeing her without her hoodie. The tank top he gave her fit loosely, but he could see just how thin she was now that she was wearing his clothing. Her pants had to be worn again, but he had cleaned them alchemically
He cleared his throat when he realized that although he had a purpose for looking at her, he was technically staring at her body. That wasn't his intentions though.
"Here, I can take your clothing. We can clean it later, but right now we have to get going." Edward said. She handed over her torn shirt and hoodie, looking pretty sad that she had to part with them. She stood there looking rather uncomfortable, probably feeling exposed.
Dammit, he was feeling bad.
Her face as he held out his red coat though, it was worth the embarrassment.
"So where are we going again?" I asked, leaning back against the train seat. As much as I tried to get comfortable I was also glancing around a lot to see any creepy looking men staring back at me.
"East City. Ed has to report back in to the Colonel." Alphonse explained. I looked at him, surprised.
"A Colonel? What do you do?" I asked them both.
"Ed's a State Alchemist. We do research and small missions for the Colonel." Alphonse said while Ed muttered to himself. I watched him, hearing small tidbits of 'pompous know it all' and 'sending me around the country' and a few choice words. I got the vibe that Ed did not like the Colonel all that much.
"I see, you must be really good at alchemy then?" He glanced at me when I asked, but looked back out the window.
"I guess so." He said in such a dismissive tone. I frowned, but Alphonse pick up the slack.
"Don't worry about Ed, he's just sulking that we're late getting back to the Colonel." Alphonse explained, making me look down.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."
Edward looked at me fully then.
"Don't apologize, you saved people on that train." Edward implored. I looked up briefly before scratching behind my neck.
"It wasn't much….." I tried to down play.
"Don't do that," I looked up to see Edward looking at me seriously. "You saved lives. If you dismiss that it diminishes their value too."
I stared at him, starting to understand Edward a little bit more. He put a lot of value in human life. His or anyone else's. The look in his was intense, as usual, but it held an air of pride that I hadn't seen before. It made me sit a little bit taller and nod at him.
"Of course, that wasn't my intention." I said while keeping eye contact. We stared, and then suddenly he seemed to have caught himself again and looked away. He seemed pissed again, but I wasn't sure why. Alphonse chuckled lightly next to him. I raised a brow, but no one answered me. I scratched the top of my head, sighing.
"Oh, I wanted to ask you, about your scar," Alphonse began. I tensed. "What happe-"
"Why don't you piss off?" I snarled. Alphonse leaned back as though I had physically lashed out at him. Edward looked at me, surprised. It took all of five seconds for me to realize how sharply I had snapped at them both and what I had done. My eyes widened, and in my embarrassment I couldn't take them looking at me.
I got up, and I ran.
Shit shit shit shit! Why did I do that? Why did I say that?
I ran to the back of the car and out the door. The back train car had a railing around the sides. I gripped to it tightly as I stared out to the tracks disappearing.
I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to snap at him. Everything had been going so well too, and for a half second I actually forgot I had the ugly thing. Then he mentioned it and it all flooded back, every bad memory pushed forth. I hated this thing, I hated what it represented, hated what it did to me.
Hated that it meant I would never be able to move on.
The car door opened, and I half expected Alphonse to come out. It wasn't him though, it was Edward. I was ready for one hell of a tongue lashing, maybe an actual smack down too. My entire body tensed again, I was prepared.
He leaned against the railing next to me.
I stared at him, waiting for an attack, but the elder brother looked calm.
"It'll take more than that to get him to let up," Edward started. I was caught off guard by that. He continued to stare out. "He knows when someone is hurting, and even if they don't want it, he wants to help."
I felt embarrassed, looking away to the tracks we had already covered as I leaned against the train car. My back was still tense, I was still ready, but something told me to try.
Just try.
"I didn't mean to yell at him, or you." I confessed. I could see the corner of Edward's mouth twitch. He stood up and looked at me properly.
"We get it, you've got old wounds, and you're not ready to share them. You're not alone in them, we have some too." The sadness in his eyes was enough for me to believe him. He had seen things too, he understood what it meant to try and rip of a bandage. Old or fresh, wounds were wounds, and some never left you. I bowed my head.
"Don't take too long, he's probably fussing in his seat still." Edward ended before stepping back into the car. I watched him go, and decided to take a minute longer. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths.
Just try.
When I walked back to my seat, all three boys looked up to me. I sat back down, and just as I was about to open my mouth and properly apologize, my stomach growled. Loudly.
I blushed, the brothers stared, Thor licked my cheek.
"I have sticky buns?" Alphonse offered. I stared at him, recognizing an olive branch when I saw one. He didn't say anything more until I took one from his hand. Thor sat next to me, sharing a few of the buns while conversation started up again.
"So explain to me, how does one become a state alchemist?" I asked. Edward saw a distraction and jumped into explanation. It may have also been a chance for him to not so humble brag that he became a state alchemist at age 12, absolutely unheard of before. That was three years ago. I wanted to scream 'where are your parents?!'
But in the back of my head I also noticed the lack of mention. I noticed how Edward only ever took off his left glove, how Alphonse never ate in front of me.
"We get it, you've got old wounds, and you're not ready so share them. You aren't alone, we have some too."
So I never asked, and they never asked about my scar again, and it was a surprisingly pleasant train ride. I petted Thor, ate sticky buns, and was told stories about Edward and Alphonse running across this country call Amestris. Every now and again I would throw in a tidbit about my home, but mostly let Alphonse talk away- I got the feeling he didn't get to talk to many people our age- and talk he did.
And it was good.
Hi everyone! Long authors note, but please read it all! Also, look how fast I was! This is what reviews do for me! I was SOOOOO excited!
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Means a lot, it really does. Check your PM boxes if you're not sure if I replied!
So Erin has escaped a very whacky train adventure! You might be wondering why I put that in there? Well let's be honest, there was no solid reason fro the Elric brothers to drag Erin around with them. I mean sure they like her, but they have a very huge sense of protecting people by holding them at arms length, so logically if they liked her they would send her where they thought she would be safe. Also in the previous story there was a train wreck, but it involved Ed and Al, and that was where they learned of Eastrin's kidnapping. I didn't like the conjunction and found it wasn't a smooth telling of the story. Instead of scrapping the idea, I thought it would really put into perspective what kind of character Erin is, because up until now she has been pretty much in a slump, but she is trying very hard.
I also want to put it out there, Erin is in no way some super star saviour. In fact I consider most of that train ride a self preservation tactic rather than a 'I'm gunna save the day' visage. Erin is going to be evolving a lot in this story, and I promise you she is, above all, going to stay as realistic as I can keep her while still progressing her in the world of FMAB.
And now a little side note about Erin's face scar.
Also, as a person who has not had to be exposed to physical scars, I am trying to do those who have gone through these experiences with the respect they deserve while also trying to portray Erin's thoughts. She hates the scar for what it symbolically represents, but also considers it a handicap. Forgive me if you do no see your scars that way, but Erin's scar also represents emotional scars other individuals have to carry with them. I am a person who has gone through depression and has had suicidal thoughts. I've gone through the whole young adult 'who am I?' crisis, and I've been exposed to a lot of loss and the horrible sensation of helplessness when it comes to trying to save those that need it, but I couldn't.
So please treat Erin's scar not just as a physical scar, but a mental one. Come with me on this journey with Erin, and put yourself in her shoes every now and again. This story, I promise, is a positive one. It is a story about growth, and all the fears and anxieties that come with it. When I first started this story all those years ago I got an overwhelming number of Private Messages telling me that this story helped them with those scars, which is why this story got this rewrite, because those people deserved a story that I could be proud of and also carry with them to help in any way I could. Thank you to those people, because they helped me a lot too. And I encourage anyone who ever feels lost or alone, to always remember that you are one of many many MANY out there that feels this way.
You're not alone, my little Outsiders.
Please stay safe and healthy.
Iland Girl