Before I say anything else, I don't know where the hell this idea came from but it hit me at like 2 am and demanded that it be written (or at least the beginning of it to be written) so it was.

This song wasn't attach to it to begin with but it does sort of help with the story. The song is Carry You Home by James Blunt.

Set after S05E11. That is if Rachel didn't make it out of the caravan with Bianka in time.

Carry You Home

Trouble is her only friend and he's back again
Makes her body older than it really is

It was but wasn't a shock.

Eddie knew something was wrong. The day had seemed to end with this feeling of dread, but he didn't expect what happened that evening.

It was Tom that dropped Philip back home and said he needed a word. Both him and Melissa looked at each other as they wondered what he needed to talk to them as Philip ran straight upstairs. It was like the other man didn't know where to start, and he could tell that it was testing Melissa's patience. Mainly because Tom was part of a life that he left behind that he didn't want to. Philip only still went to Waterloo Road because he refused to be moved.

It was clear that Tom knew that he just had to come out with it. It was the only way to do it.

"I'm sorry, but Rachel's dead."

It felt like he had been shot. He was certain that Tom was describing the events that led up to her death, but Eddie was too busy, holding onto his chest, trying to stop his heart from breaking all over again. He started crying at some point. The tears streamed down his face and Melissa tried to catch him as his legs buckled, and he fell to the floor. He was certain that she was saying something that she thought was comforting, but nothing that she could say would be that. Because she was the reason that he had left Rachel on her own. Maybe, if he was still with her, he might have been able to save her.

She says it's high time she went away
No one's got much to say in this town

The days all blurred into each other. Eddie wasn't sure when his classes began and ended, and he didn't have any time off until the headmaster sat him down in his office and asked what was going on. He wished that he could say that he didn't break down again, but he felt like it was the reason why he was given compassionate leave.

The worst day was the funeral.

Melissa had told him that they didn't have to go, but he was going whatever. He owed Rachel that. Something that he reminded Melissa about. They should have been the ones organising it rather than the school.

Maybe he hadn't realised how much Waterloo Road had changed until he walked in and didn't recognise half the teachers. Kim was there still, arms open when she noticed him. It was a weird situation. Here was someone that he was in a constant battle with bringing him the most comfort. Maybe it was because they both knew Rachel and knew her well.

She asked how he was, and he didn't know how to answer the question.

"Fine. You?"

She gave him a smile before saying that she was fine too. She quickly introduced him to Christopher Mead, his replacement. Eddie felt like Chris had a few unsaid things about the whole thing but had obviously been told not to say anything to him.

"We didn't know if you would turn up," Kim said.

"Why wouldn't I turn up for Rachel Mason?"

"Do you want to say something?"

"Please."

Melissa sat with him, but he knew that she was more annoyed that he could say nicer things about her dead sister than he could about her. Because, even when they were lowering Rachel into the ground, Melissa still just couldn't be nice.

All the old Waterloo Road staff came up to him to offer their condolences. Even Grantly surprised him by being quite complementary of Rachel, until Kim told him that Grantly had let the student that Rachel followed to be taken by her father. Then he understood Grantly's behaviour.

"Do you think she was scared?" Eddie asked as it was only really him, Kim and Chris left.

"I think so," Kim said.

"I would have thought her last thought would have been something like 'Not this again'."

"I think her last thoughts would have been with you. I think, if she had her phone on her, she would have called you to say goodbye properly."

"You know, I was happy. With the fact that she could have found someone else to make her happy." Eddie sniffed. "I think this is worse."

"Or is it the way she was always going to go? Saving a student."

"She did always like saving people."

"Are you going to be okay Eddie?"

"Yeah." He paused. "Just maybe… I thought that… Maybe Florence would have had a chance to meet her auntie at some point. Rather, just having me and Philip talking about her."

"How is he taking it?" Chris asked.

"Same as me."

"Which is?"

"Not really sleeping, just about eating. Only finding some happiness with Florence. He is going to fall out with Melissa soon enough."

"Really?" Kim said.

Eddie nodded. "Even when Rachel is gone, Melissa can't be nice. Don't think that is helping."

"Eddie, do you both need help?"

"Philip maybe. I'll be fine."

"I'll have a word at school."

Eddie didn't quite think that Kim was convinced, but he had to say something. He had to be strong. Because that was how Rachel would have wanted him to be.

If she had wings she would fly away
And another day God will give her some

The day that they found out that Rachel had a will was the day that Eddie knew that the arguments would start. He was actually surprised that he had been invited along. He was sure that Philip was probably going to invite him anyway, as moral support, but he was sure that Rachel wouldn't have left him anything.

Melissa was also invited along and Eddie was sure that she had already started to think about what she was going to do to Rachel's house. He knew that Melissa must have known that Rachel had money. It was the only reason that she was probably being nice to him. Because she thought that it would be left to her, as Rachel's sister.

That wasn't the case and it was clear that Melissa wasn't happy with that as Rachel left her their mother's pearl necklace.

"To my nephew, Philip James Ryan, I leave my entire estate." The solicitor said.

"Sorry?" Melissa said.

"All of Rachel's estate, so her house and her money, goes to Philip." He paused. "There is obviously the small fact that Philip isn't 18 yet. Although Rachel did plan for this, just in case. I think the fire caused her to be a little more… cautious." He looked down at the will. "In the event that I, Rachel Mason, may die before Philip James Ryan is 18 years of age, I would like Mr Edward John Lawson to take over as the Executor of my estate, looking after everything until Philip James Ryan is of age."

Eddie was fairly certain that Melissa stormed out at that point. He was too dazed to even notice. He turned to Philip and it was clear that the other man was thinking what he was.

They could finally get away from Melissa.

Trouble is the only way is down
Down, down

"You don't have to do this," Kim said as he stood at the top of the stairs, staring at the door of the antechamber, with a box in his hand.

"Someone needs to clear out her things. As the executor of her estate, I suppose that is up to me."

"Philip said. Apparently it was a bit of a shock."

"Melissa isn't happy."

"He also said that you had thought about moving in. With Philip."

"I'm trying to work out whether it is a good idea or not. We have to go there at some point… to do like I am doing now."

"You don't have to do this."

He turned to her. "And wait for Chris to box it all up. Place things in the wrong place. I've already watched her try and box up her teaching career once. I know where it all goes."

She gave him a small smile before he nodded and with the strength that he didn't previously have entered the antechamber and her office. He wondered whether they could do something with her door sign. He didn't want it, but it might be nice to have it around the school, maybe to remind the students of the Head that changed Waterloo Road.

It was clear what was hers and what Chris had started to accumulate on her desk. He tried to stop thinking of everything as her's, but he couldn't stop himself. Everything in this office should have been hers until she said otherwise. She should have been the one to box up her teaching career or to box everything up to move onto a different school.

He picked up the Crime and Punishment book last. He knew it lived at the school. He had asked her about it once but all she had said was that he had given it to her at school and she had put it there and just kept forgetting to take it home.

He looked up as Steph walked in.

"Heard you were here." She said.

"Someone had to do this."

"Good on you Mr Lawson."

It was that sad smile that everyone gave him that he knew meant that, no matter how many run-ins they had, everyone in this building respected Rachel for the headteacher she was. The prejudice over her past had disappeared and everyone saw her for the woman she had become, not the teen who had made a mistake.

"What are you thinking?" He asked as Kim joined them.

"You know, she was going to give the school to the lunatic," Steph said. "Was going to sneak out the back door until I stopped her. I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't stopped her or Chris hadn't told me."

"You would still be mourning Bianka," Kim said. "Max wouldn't have gone after her. He probably would have called the police but we only knew where they were because Rachel was there."

"Waterloo Road wouldn't have lost its head though," Steph said. "And Rachel would still be alive."

"You are kidding yourself Steph," Eddie said. "We all know that it is the way she was. You know, the only reason she didn't make it out of the fire was because she was trying to save Stuart Hordley. The man that tried to destroy her and she almost lost her life to him. Because that was Rachel. Trying to save people from themselves because no one saved her."

A weird silence fell between them and Eddie took the time to find a space in the box for the Crime and Punishment book.

"You know… they are advertising." Kim said.

"Are they?" Eddie said.

"That's what was said at the last governors meeting."

"Thought that they would have parachuted someone in."

"No, they aren't. The LEA are happy for Chris to be acting head for the moment."

"So?"

"Why don't you go for it?"

"Finally have my shot at being head?"

"It is what Rachel would have wanted."

"Rachel wanted me to have a proper chance at being a father. That is why I left. Because she broke up with me and we both couldn't take it if we still worked together."

Kim walked over to him and handed him an envelope. He slowly took it off her and stared at it.

"It was on Rachel's desk. We cleared it slightly so we knew what was important to the school and what was important to her. I didn't even know what it was until I started reading it. As soon as I realised what it was, I stopped reading. I don't know what she was going to do with it, because it is unfinished. But that might show you what she wanted."

He pulled the piece of paper out of the envelope and could only smile at her handwriting. Overall, Rachel's handwriting was legible, even when she was writing quickly. She used to complain about his, apparently, unreadable scribbles. The complaining turned more into teasing the closer they got. He had never tried to better his handwriting before, putting it down to him being a numbers man rather than a words man, but she made him want to better it and, even if it didn't happen all the time, he could leave her a few notes that she would read with no problems.

Eddie,

I don't know why I am writing this because there is every chance that Melissa will get to the post before you and she might hide or throw this away before you even get the chance to look at it, that is if I post it, but I needed to write down my thoughts and feelings.

I have had other boyfriends. Since the whole Amanda thing. Not one of them, or to come to think of it, anyone I have ever known, knows me like you do. You don't know how much I am missing just throwing you a look and knowing that we are on the same page. There were times when all I had to do was turn to you and you already knew what I wanted you to do.

I know Kim is still here but it hasn't been the same with her recently. And Chris, your replacement, is just finding his feet. Not that he won't end up being suitable for Waterloo Road, he is just taking his time with it.

The problem is, and this isn't Chris' fault and it isn't fair on him, I am constantly comparing him to you. When he is the complete opposite of you. You were experienced, he doesn't seem like he is. You never agreed with me the whole time, Chris seems to do just that. (Although he will end up doing a very you thing.)

I don't believe in The One or soulmates or anything like that. Even as a child, I never thought that there was just one person out there for me. Maybe that was because of the rocky relationship that my parents had. But Eddie, right now, I do, maybe, believe that you were the One.

The last day of term was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and, with every day that passes, it doesn't get any easier. Because I love you, Eddie Lawson. And I was a fool to let you go.

If I could turn back time,

He stopped reading as her writing finished.

"If I could turn back time what?" He whispered.

"I assume… you would already know that." Kim said.

"The pub. On her first day back." He looked up at them. "I pushed her too soon and she pushed me away."

He could tell that Kim was hesitant of what she was going to say next. But what she said made a lot of sense, later on, when he was rereading the letter.

"Rachel wouldn't want us like this. She wouldn't want us going over all the what-ifs. She would have wanted the school to carry on. We owe it to her to make that happen."

It was the only reason that, later, he put down the letter and typed out an email to a Ria Cheetham, inquiring about the Headship at Waterloo Road.

Within 36 hours of him sending the email, he had been re-acquainted with Ria and asked to come in for a chat, where he had found the energy to have a shave and iron a shirt, where he was introduced to Jennifer Headly. She shook his hand with a look in her eye like she, too, had spent some time around Rachel.

"Ria tells me that you were Rachel's deputy before Chris," Jennifer said.

"I can also assume that she mentioned that I wasn't very happy with the LEA appointment." He said.

"You were told by the governors that you would be Acting Head. Do you want a drink?"

He said that he would have a coffee while Ria had a tea. It surprised him when Jennifer went off to make them herself. Either they were short-staffed or Ria wanted a word. The latter seemed more probable.

"Why did you leave?" Ria asked.

"I didn't want to."

"I was shocked actually. One week there were rumours that you two were dating and the next thing I knew, the application for a Deputy Headteacher for Waterloo Road landed in my tray. Rachel must have been glad for the merger. At least she could choose a deputy from the new intake."

"We were dating." He said before he paused for a long time. "And then we weren't. We couldn't work together without being together."

"Understandable. She was quite the woman."

"One way to describe her."

"Would you be able to go back?"

"It was something Kim said. About Rachel wanting the school to carry on. She wouldn't want any nutter to go in and think that they can improve the school any more. Waterloo Road doesn't need… a new head. It doesn't need any more change that it is already going through. It needs." He stopped. "It needs someone who will find her plans for the place and carry on with those plans."

"As long as you feel like you are up to the job."

"Of course."

"Sir, it's good that you are back."

Eddie turned to Danielle, noting her sad smile. The same sad smile everyone seemed to still be giving him. It was probably because, even though he knew that it was a couple of months ago, there were days where it felt like Tom had told him yesterday and there were days where it all felt like it was a lifetime ago.

"It's good to be back."

"Mr Mead's alright. But, I think, even Miss Mason knew that he wasn't like you."

"Are you here to catch me up then?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Sir."

"One of the people that like to know everything. Danielle, you do surprise me."

"Well then, Sir, that might depend on how much you know about Tyler."

And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight

Waterloo Road was never trouble-free for long but it was like, with Rachel's death, all the little friendship tiffs and wannabe gangsters had decided that, in her honour, to knuckle down. The merger, which he had found out had been a total disaster to start off with (the fight on the first day he would have easily placed a fiver on it happening), had worked, with all differences set aside.

There were new initiatives that Eddie had put off until the next academic year, to give him some breathing space if something big was going to kick off. But the only other thing that they had going on was Ruby's breakdown, which was luckily contained, away from the pupils. It was why he was interviewing for a new Healthy Schools Co-ordinator.

The man, standing at the little memorial for Rachel, was obviously the man that Eddie was after but wasn't paying attention. A number of thoughts flowed through his head.

Was this an old boyfriend? Or maybe just an old friend? An estranged family member? Obviously someone that knew her. But did he know her as Rachel or as Amanda?

"Adam Fleet?" Eddie said as he got closer.

"Sorry. Yes, that is me."

"Did you know Rachel?"

"Old school friend. So I knew her as Amanda."

"Right."

"How?"

"Trying to save a student. The student's father blew up the caravan that they were all in."

"Right."

"That was just Rachel." Eddie looked at the memorial for a moment. "Melissa, her sister, is in the area. I know she is nothing like Rachel, but you could get back in touch with her."

"That would be great."

"Shall we get this interview over and done with?"

"Probably should do."

As strong as you were, tender you go
I'm watching you breathing for the last time

The end of the academic year was a weird one. Most of the upper sixth form had returned for the last assembly for the year. If his eyes were deceiving him, he felt like it may have been more than just the upper sixth, more like some of the students that had left the same time he did.

"It was something that Miss Campbell said," Eddie started, his eyes flicking over to the woman briefly as she moved with Dex. "That made me believe that returning was the right thing to do. Each one of you have had the honour of having Rachel Mason as your headteacher. A head that would give you a chance if you gave her a chance. You can ask Bolton Similie about that. He can tell you about the deals that they made.

"I think it goes without saying that Rachel gave everything to this school and, for those that knew her properly, she would always put her students and her school before herself, a quality that I equally admire and has caused me many heart attacks. But she would have wanted us to carry on. She is not the first teacher to die and it would be nice to say that she will be the last, but this is Waterloo Road after all.

"She has easily joined the others that have lost their lives, probably trying to help from beyond the grave. Because that was the person that Rachel was. She was insanely selfless and… she loved every single one of you." He paused for a moment. "So, for you that had the honour to know her and work with her and make deals with her, make sure her hard work doesn't go to waste. Make her proud. Not that she wasn't already that, but make that her legacy. Continue to make her proud."

If he wasn't already crying, he was when Bolton stood up, chanting 'One Miss Mason' like he had done when she had come back after the fire. The room erupted in the same way.

The assembly wasn't meant to be about Rachel, but for someone who tried to make things not about her, it felt fitting that it was.

A song for your heart
But when it is quiet

"Are you ready Dad?" Michael asked.

"Just about," Eddie said as he grabbed his keys.

"Well, Phil and Flo are going to be here soon."

"How do I look?"

Michael looked at him. He knew what he was going to say, because he had been saying the same thing for the last four years now. The yearly tradition didn't mean to become a tradition but it did. Because it wasn't like Melissa was going to visit it.

"Handsome, Dad. I think she will find you handsome."

"Flowers?"

"In the sink."

"Good man," Eddie said as he turned to the kitchen.

"Well, you forget every year."

He plucked the flowers out of the sink and looked at them, knowing that his son had made a good choice. She would have liked them.

They walked out of the front door as Philip pulled up and there was a bit of switching around as Florence moved to the back as Eddie slipped into the front.

"Philip. How's work?" He asked.

"Not bad, you?"

"It always goes quiet around this time of year." He turned to look at his daughter. "How's school?"

"Mum wants you to have a word. Apparently, she thinks that my teacher couldn't teach her way out of a paper bag."

"Well, neither could your mother. But I never said that."

"Don't worry Dad. I'm not going to say anything."

Eddie could just about see, in the rearview mirror, his 12-year-old son and eight-year-old daughter start to chat amongst themselves, giving him and Philip a little privacy.

"Did you ask her?"

"Yeah."

"Outright refused?"

"She said that she didn't see the point of it."

"Still bitter that she left everything to you."

"Probably."

"Well it is our thing, isn't it? We don't need her."

"No, we don't."

But we need Rachel was the words that they both thought of but never said.

Florence got there first, as she had done every year since she knew where it was. Michael was a little ahead of Eddie and Philip, so got there second to have a word with the woman who had brought him and his dad back together. The closer they got, the more Eddie slowed down his movements, so that Philip could have a moment alone with his auntie.

It was the shout of Dex from Florence that alerted him to the fact that Kim was there. Eddie had stopped a couple of feet from the grave. Trying to build the same courage that he had to build every year.

"How are you?" She asked as she joined him at his side.

"Could be better, you?"

"Same. How is the old place?"

"Quiet for the moment. How is the school you are at?"

"Not the same."

"I'll look after them," Philip shouted before he went to find his half-sister and Dex.

"Ready?" Kim asked.

"Never am."

"Still think about everything that could have been different."

"More Florence. She deserved to meet her auntie. Not visit her grave every year, hearing stories about her."

"And Rachel would have loved to meet her. Maybe, the stories will make her more like her auntie than her mother."

"Maybe."

"Shall we go and see her?"

Eddie turned and smiled at her, knowing that there is no one else he would rather share this day with than Kim. Because, ultimately, they both knew Rachel best. Even if they had broken her heart in different ways. They would always carry her with them. Because Rachel Mason was a remarkable woman who tried to do remarkable things. That enough was a good enough reason to try and keep her memory alive.

I know what it means and I'll carry you home
I'll carry you home