A/N: Ok, let's see if I can convince the muse to cooperate before Harm and Mac are back on our screen's tomorrow night, and I have to resist the urge to throw something at them again!

Chapter 9: Separate Ways, Worlds Apart

Mac hears his soft request, but her heart can't go there just yet. It isn't that she doesn't want to. Lord knows, she wasn't prepared for all of the feelings that resurfaced when she saw him again. Let alone the utter heartbreak she felt when she saw him with another woman and a child that she had assumed belonged to him. She still needs time to process through everything. They need to talk through several past mistakes, and where they are currently, before she can even consider honoring his whispered plea. She isn't sure that she wants to rehash all their misunderstandings, but at least some of it will have to be dealt with if they are to have any kind of future. Wait! When did she decide that they had a chance for a future? She really need some time to sort through all the jumbled pieces of her life, but she doesn't want to shut him out again either. She decides to start with the present, and work her way backwards. Now that she knows THAT woman isn't with Harm, at least not in a biblical sense, this an easier topic to tackle before opening old wounds. Maybe as they talk, she will find some clarity. Or, he might end up in a hospital bed as well. She can't look up into his eyes just yet. She knows the intensity of his gaze when he is fixated on something, and right now he is focused entirely on her. Years ago, she would have relished in the attention. Now, she isn't sure she is ready to handle it.

She mumbles into his shoulder, "But Harm, I didn't see Sergei at the ceremony. Why were his wife and child there, and not him?"

Harm bows his head, as he quietly answers her first question, "No. Sadly, Sergei had to return home to Russia to attend his mother's funeral."

Mac does look up at Harm then, knowing that he has always held a place in his heart for the woman who took care of his father after he was able to escape from a Russian prison. She also knows that he would have gone to the funeral as well, if duty hadn't precluded him from it. If he had been there instead of here, she would have missed out on a chance to reconnect with him. Apparently, fate keeps finding a way to intervene, regardless of the stupid choices they have both made over the years. She looks up at him with tears still in her eyes, and notices that his are suspiciously moist as well. She surmises that Pitchta's death is affecting him also, not even considering the possibility that something else could be conjuring up all these emotions. She softly says, "Oh no, not Pitchta. What happened?"

Harm pulls one of his arms back around to the front of her so that he can brush the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. A gesture that still feels so familiar to her, even after all these years. He says, "We really don't know. Sergei had just spoken to her the previous week, and he didn't mention anything about her being sick. Her death was sudden. He didn't want to subject his son to all the travel and the sadness, so Galina and Nicholas are staying here with me so that I can look after them while he is gone."

Mac sighs, "Yeah, all you Rabb men are the same, you think you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You never want to let anyone be there for you when you need it. I'm sorry for the loss for both of you. She was a kind, caring, courageous woman."

Harm sighs, knowing that she is right. He is very protective of those he cares about, and always willing to comfort them when needed. However, when he himself feels pain, he often bottles it up and puts on a front. One of the very few people who has ever seen past that shield is the woman sitting with him now. Even if she hasn't been able to read everything he has felt all these years, she still has penetrated further into his walls, and his heart, than anyone ever came close to. He tells her, "I let you be there for me when Pitchya told us how my father died."

Mac shakes her head at him, muttering, "only because you needed an interpreter." Loud enough so that he can hear, she adds, "To an extant you did, but you crawled right back in your shell even before we left Russia."

Harm says, "I know, I'm sorry."

She decides to let that subject go for now, and switches back to a slighter safer topic of discussion. She continues, "Your apartment isn't big enough for you, Galina, and Nicholas."

Harm looks away as he quietly tells her, "I don't have my apartment anymore, Mac. Well, I do, but's its not currently MY Apartment."

Mac gasps, "What? Why not? After all the work you put into it, I would have thought that you would keep it as long as you had any chances of being stationed in or near D.C."

Harm replies, "I sublet it when I was transferred to Italy, and when I was stationed back in DC, I just couldn't bring myself to stay there. It is currently Keeter's place of residence."

Mac turns his head back towards her, and looks him straight in the eye, "Harm, tell me why."

Harm isn't quite sure how much of the truth he is willing to tell her at this point. He settles for simple, "Too many memories, Sarah. I would look around the apartment, and all I would see is you."

Mac scoffs, "If it bothered you that badly, why didn't you try to find me?"

Harm takes a long breath before responding. He knew that they would have to deal with the hurts of the past at some point, but he didn't want to delve into it headfirst now. He starts rubbing his hand up and down her back, hoping that the soothing motion will erase some of the pain that his words are bound to bring, "At first, I was angry as hell at you. I wanted to banish you from my head, and my heart. But, when I got over the anger, I just couldn't take it. I missed you too damn much."

Mac's first reaction is to jerk away. How dare he be angry at her after the way he shut her out before she left on that damn mission to hell? When she tries to break free, he places a bit more pressure of his hold against her back.

She completely understands most of what he was going through, because she was going through much of the same. They had gone their separate ways, they were a world apart, but on some level their hearts still called out to each other. Frustrated with him for both then, and now, she inquires, "Then why didn't you even reach out? I get that you were angry, I was furious with you too! But as the years passed, the anger dissipated, and I missed you too."

Harm bows his head again, and quietly whispers, "Because you told me that we would NEVER work out, and I took you at your word."

Mac raises her voice a little higher, "If that is true, then why are you here now?"

Harm sighs deeply, and removes his hold on her. He stands up, and starts to pace, praying that he can find some words to make her understand. Even though there were several moments in time that he had lost almost all hope of them ever resolving this dance between them, some flicker of light constantly burned inside of his heart. For her. Only for her. He looks at her from across the room, needing the bit of space, as he utters, "I'm not sure how to explain it. I could push you out of mind, but I could never force you out of my heart."