Chapter 19: Sensible or Senseless
Mac softly nibbles Harm's lower lip, regaling in the fact that she can now kiss him like this, like she always wanted to, and seriously pondering how she ever walked away in the first place. She slips her tongue into his mouth to dance with his, and he gladly accepts the invitation, groaning softly at the intrusion. He threads his fingers through her hair, pulling her as close as he can without injuring her or pulling cords out, savoring this wondrous contact.
When they break apart this time, they are both equally dazed, and their breathing is a bit labored. Harm has also felt all of his blood rush south, and as much as he would love to ravish her, right here in her hospital bed, he knows that he can't. Yes, they have finally admitted to one another the long-held secret love they kept hidden not only from others, but from themselves and each other as well. Although they have talked about their feelings, there is still their past and the current geographical logistics to work through. Harm, after catching his breath, sneaks one more quick peck of her luscious lips before asking, "Do you want to rest a little, continue this, or talk a bit about what we are going to do?"
Mac chews on her bottom lip, knowing that when they open their mouths to speak, they tend to get in trouble. The only rational reason she can come up with at the moment to have her mouth agape is to fuse it with his. Words usually fail them, but in this language of lovers they are currently expressing, they seem to communicate just fine. As a thought comes to her, she bursts out laughing.
Harm wonders if her thoughts are running similar to his, or if she is just trying hard not to upset him by starting the discussion down their tortured past. He inquires, "Did I ask a silly question?"
Mac replies, "Not really. I was just thinking that if Mother Nature had been smart, she would have made both of us mute or deaf."
Harm furrows his brow, wondering where she is going with this. He can't imagine not being able to talk. He never would have been able to sway juries with the silver tongue he possesses otherwise. And he loves arguing with Mac, it is part of who they are, as long as they leave the personal stuff out it. Having sexual tension and teasing each other are one thing, but getting downright ugly and blaming each other for real or perceived misconceptions is another. He really hopes that they can avoid that this time around when they do start rehashing their past. He's not sure he even really wants to go there, moving forward with a clean slate from today might be the best way to go. But didn't they try that once before? They had agreed to start at the beginning after the Jag-A-Thon, and neither of them managed to correct their prior miscommunication issues. They still didn't tell each other how they felt, and they let another twelve years pass them by. On the other hand, if they don't deal with their former demons, it might come back later to bite them in the ass at the most inopportune time.
Mac starts doodling idly through the hair on his forearm as she tells him, "If you couldn't talk, I wouldn't have been waiting for umpteen years to hear the words you finally told me earlier today. I would have trusted your actions, instead of assuming what your motives were. If I had paid more attention to the things you did for me, your sidelong glances, or even just the look in your eyes, I would have seen what I needed to years ago. If I couldn't speak, I wouldn't have uttered a phrase that made you decide to give up instead of coming after me."
She glances up into his piercing hazel eyes, whose hues seem to randomly change color depending on his mood. It's odd that she never realized this before today. She gives him a sultry smile as she adds, "Setting all of that aside, I have discovered today, that we can converse perfectly well with our hands, our facial expressions, and various other non-verbal cues much better than we do when all of our senses are in perfect working order. We just need to pay better attention."
Harm considers this for a moment before taking action, thoroughly making sure she understands both his verbal and non-verbal cues. He leans down and starts with her ear. He runs the tip of his tongue lightly around her shell before drastically lowering his voice a few decibels, "But if I couldn't talk, I couldn't whisper 'I love you' affectionately in your ear. If I couldn't hear, I wouldn't notice how your breath catches when you say it back." He trails a line of kisses from her ear to her lips, and captures them lightly with his own. He tells her, "If I couldn't taste, I wouldn't be able to savor the sweet tanginess of your lips." He continues his ministrations to the curve of her neck, adding "If I couldn't smell, I wouldn't be appreciative of the light floral scent of the perfume I buy you mixed in with the spicy aroma of just you." He looks up and pierces her eyes with his, "I've already experienced what it's like to lose part of your vision. I could easily live the rest of my life never being able to fly at night, but I wouldn't want to go a single day without seeing the love emanating from your eyes mirroring my own." He takes his fingers, smoothing her hair back to tuck it behind her ears, and cups her face in his hands. He looks lovingly into her chocolate orbs and states emphatically, "And I have spent a lifetime not being able to touch you like this, and I want to be able to experience it every day for the rest of our lives."