I'm so sorry for the delay! We've had Ofsted in at work - anyone outside the UK ... they are inspectors who ensure that the standard of teaching is up to snuff and they leave no stone unturned... it has been a stressful month to say the least! However nothing is a better at helping me de-stress than Remus or writing about him. So... onwards we go - Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7 – Alone

Remus stood leaning on the window sill in his living quarters, admiring the landscape. As the air that swirled around the trees on the grounds of Hogwarts became brisker, as though warning that winter was on its way, Remus was certainly feeling cold.

Cold and alone.

Always alone.

It wasn't something he usually dwelled upon. It was simply his lot in life – he'd learned that at a young age. It seemed everyone he got close to, everyone he had ever cared about, eventually he'd lose them. Some he'd just lost contact with, some he'd grown apart from, some had been murdered, and one had gone to prison for mass murder.

After everything that life had thrown at Remus Lupin, most days he was just happy to be alive. Then there were the bad days, the ones where he felt guilty that he'd survived where his friends had perished. Better, wiser, kinder people than he had been taken and he'd been left behind. It didn't seem just, it didn't seem fair to him or them. He'd been left alone and with a sense of duty.

Of course in those first few weeks, in the aftermath of the war he'd contemplated joining his friends. What had stopped him at first was the feeling that he simply didn't deserve to, a coward and a beast who had failed to protect his friends; how could he even be sure he'd see them on the other side.

Then Dumbledore had stepped in. He'd given him a month to wallow alone in the middle of nowhere then tracked him down and told Remus in that voice which even years after leaving school still told Remus there was no room to argue, that he had arranged a job for him working as a Professor's assistant in Geneva, Switzerland. It was a chance at a new start.

Dumbledore had also reminded him what his friends had died for and that to not live the life he was now free to would be dishonourable to their memory.

So Remus had started his new life in Switzerland. Just as the Muggles in that country, the wizarding world was very neutral – no one seemed to care what he was or wasn't, no one asked questions. Remus found that everyone seemed to accept him without needing to know too much about him and that suited him just fine. Of course this meant that whilst there was always someone he could chat to over a quick bite to eat, the friendships he made were shallow. None of those people really knew who he was or anything he'd been through.

If they did they probably wouldn't have had anything to do with him.

It was an unfair assumption he knew, but an assumption he wasn't willing to allow anyone to disprove. At least as long as he kept people at an arm's length, when they did leave him, like they always did, it wouldn't hurt quite so much.

But since he'd arrived at Hogwarts a month ago, he'd already broken his own rules and really he had no one to blame but himself.

He'd known taking this job was a risk, moving back to the UK and at the very time that Sirius had escaped from prison – he knew people would talk and he suspected that Dumbledore had bought Remus here to protect him, whether it was from Sirius or himself he wasn't sure.

The breakout was certainly trudging up old feelings for Remus along with the urge to wrap himself into that cocoon of mystery and solitude that had protected him for the past 13 years. He was so proficient at putting on a front, a calm, professor like front that he thought he could hide the turmoil inside even from Dumbledore. No one needed to know just how much Sirius' escape had messed up Remus' head. As long as he kept it under the surface – pretended that all the memories, all the pain were locked in a vault somewhere deep in his mind that he couldn't access, he might, somehow just get through this like he had the last time.

But then she'd broken through.

All she'd asked was "What was his first name?" and he'd wanted to fall on his knees in front of her and tell her the whole blasted story. The whole story, the parts that no one knew, not even Dumbledore.

He'd seen the signs, the way he felt a little nervous excitement whenever she knocked on his door, the way he could recall exactly how she looked when she laughed, the pang of jealously he felt whenever she mentioned Wainwright or any other guy that could see how beautiful and talented she was. Remus was falling – and not like a feather, floating slowly into a pool of reciprocated feelings and happy ever afters, but like a cannonball speeding towards a fiery furnace of "Why the hell didn't you tell me you were best friends with the man I'm trying to capture and imprison" and "Get away from me you dirty Werewolf."

She was so young, so beautiful, so funny and stubborn. He knew he should never have allowed himself to become acquainted with her, but she had seemed too determined and it had become very quickly apparent that Tonks usually managed to get what she wanted.

The past few weeks in her company had been the happiest Remus had allowed himself to feel in over 10 years. Meeting someone, realising there is a connection, common interests and an instant spark; for the first time in an awfully long time, Remus had almost felt normal.

Just a man who likes a woman.

Just a liar who likes a woman.

Just a beast who liked a woman.

In that moment of weakness, as Remus fought with himself and managed, somehow to keep his mouth shut, to not throwing himself at her feet and beg her to understand him, his story – he'd known.

He'd have to do what he'd done so many times before.

Distance himself.

Become a recluse – it had only happened once before and that time, he'd allowed it to go too far – he'd allowed too many people to get hurt just so that he could feel… something, anything.

Not this time. He'd distance himself, he'd throw himself into his work, he'd make excuses for his inability to spend wonderful evenings listening to her stories and sharing tales of his own.

He'd make sure that once again, no one cared enough for him to notice.

Notice that he was closing himself off.

Remus felt a chill entering his quarters, he closed the window and made his way to the sofa where he took the blanket and wrapped it around himself for warmth – though it did little to warm his soul as his mind repeated the word that had haunted much of his adult life.

Alone.

I can't but apologise for the utter desperation and sadness in that chapter but I felt that it needed to be in there. We hear so little about what Remus went through in those 13 years between Lily and James dying and Sirius finally being freed - it must have been awful for Remus. However I promise that brighter times are to come and that a certain pink haired witch is going to brighten up Remus' life - literally :) Reviews are encouraged and ALWAYS appreciated :)