So I know that last chapter was a bit rough... I'm not going to promise this one is much happier - but guys, if you've read my stuff before you'll know I'm just setting the ground work for all the feels and happiness coming this couples way... and there will be plenty of funny and joy. Just in between real life... :) Sooooo please stick with me! For now, Tonks may need some comforting guys...

Chapter 8 – He'd been the exception to her rule

Tonks couldn't help but feel sorry for Harry. He had to be one of the very few third years who was left behind as the rest of the school abandoned the castle and congregated in Hogsmeade. It had always been a highlight of her time at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was worried that Harry would try and sneak off to join his friends and so had asked Tonks and her team to keep a close eye on him. She was to stick close by him in the morning and Wainwright would be taking over in the afternoon.

She'd almost felt guilty as she'd morphed into the lanky, skulking form of Filch and suggested that Harry go back to the Gryffindor common room – she hadn't really expected him to, nor did she have any interest in forcing him to lock himself away. It would certainly be safer for him to stay in the common room but Tonks remembered her own wanderlust when she was a student. She followed him as he sulked, trudging along the corridors then she stood outside the defence against the dark arts classroom as he spoke with Remus.

Tonks felt bad for listening in to what turned out to be quite a private conversation but she was as impressed with Harry as she knew Lupin was. That he was more afraid of the Dementors than Voldemort spoke volumes but more than that she was impressed with Lupin. He'd been so honest with Harry, not hiding his concern that the boggart might turn into Voldemort and he'd said his name; even some members of the Auror department still wouldn't do that.

Although she was happy that Harry was safe and distracted whilst his friends were undoubtedly experiencing what would become one of their most treasured memories of their time at Hogwarts – their first visit to Hogsmeade; she couldn't help but feel, as she sat outside Professor Lupin's office that she'd rather be anywhere but there.

Things at Hogwarts had started off well for Tonks, she'd settled in to her role as team leader better than she'd expected, with none of the resistance she'd feared from the Aurors under her command. None of them seemed to mind being told what to by a trainee, perhaps because she was diplomatic and only played the team leader card when a definite decision needed to be made quickly – generally they decided everything as a team working alongside each other rather than as a hierarchy.

In the first few weeks she'd had the added benefit of Remus's company in the evenings and at the weekend when she wasn't on shift. She was amazed at how very quickly he had become part of her routine, she'd been convinced that a steadfast friendship was forming between the two of them but had clearly misjudged the situation.

It had been almost 2 weeks now since Remus had said little more than a hello and a goodbye to her. He was always polite when in her presence and never ignored her when they passed in the hall but he didn't seek out her company as he once had, nor accept her offers of friendship. In fact it seemed that Remus Lupin was trying, in his own gentlemanly like way, to make it painfully clear that he had no intention or desire to become friends with Tonks.

Much to Wainwright's delight.

He'd been juvenile in his jealously towards Remus at the beginning of the term, indirectly complaining about the time Tonks spent with him. They'd had a complicated relationship throughout their time training together, a year ahead of her, at first he'd supported and helped when others in her year had taken a dislike to her simply due to the Black family connection and the ease at which she aced her Disguise and Concealment assessments. However this support had quickly morphed into, Tonks had to admit to herself, a mutual admiration and they'd begun to spend much more time together. Of course dating a fellow trainee Auror, whilst not absolutely forbidden, was certainly frowned upon and so they'd kept everything fairly casual. It wasn't until she'd suggested one evening, after six months of their developing friendship, that he take her for a drink, on a proper date, that he'd told her he'd love to, but it would have to be platonic. They'd have to remain just friends because – surprise, surprise - he had a partner. A girlfriend that he'd been with for over a year.

She'd felt like a complete idiot at first. Had she really misread the signs for 6 months? Was she so full of herself that she'd just assumed he liked her the way she liked him?

It had taken a week, several bars of Honeydukes best chocolate, far too many bottles of wine as well as a stern talking to from her best friend Trixie before she'd been able to accept that she'd done nothing wrong and it had been Wainwright who had acted deplorably.

They'd drifted apart after that, until an assignment had thrown them back together about eight months before Sirius' escape. The problem was, although Tonks knew Wainwright had a girlfriend, the information didn't actually change how she felt about him. He was still smart, attractive and able to make her laugh with very little effort. He still made her feel important and valued, still looked out for her without being condescending or patronising and despite everything they'd been through, they still enjoyed each other's company.

In the end it had taken Tonks 6 months and a massive argument with Trixie before she realised just how unhealthy their relationship had become. They certainly weren't having an affair, she'd never even consider it, but she couldn't in good conscience say that they were just colleagues or friends either. Somehow, somewhere they'd stepped over a line that was difficult to see.

She'd backed off completely, shutting herself off, distancing herself, not just from Wainwright but from most of the rest of the Auror department too.

Alone.

If this was how much it hurt to try and be with someone, she was better off alone.

She knew she was strong, resilient and independent. It wouldn't take her long to heal, but she did need to heal. It felt like she was ending a relationship, although technically she hadn't been in one, she went from talking to Wainwright every single day and seeing him most days, to occasionally having to work with him.

Of course Black's escape had made it easier to distance herself from everyone at work because none of them wanted anything to do with her anyway. By the time Kingsley had suggested Wainwright as one of her team, she knew they'd had enough time apart and she'd been hurt enough the first time around to not let things get complicated this time.

They'd be friends nothing more. She often tried to make sure that he was on alternative shifts to hers and made the effort to always give him the weekends off so he could go home to see his partner.

She continued to keep her distance from everyone. For her own safety.

Except Remus.

He'd been the exception to her rule.

Quite a bit older than her and so professor like, he'd seemed harmless. Like someone she could confide in, become firm friends with without the possibility of ever getting hurt.

How could a man who owned so much beige ever hurt anyone?

But hurt her he had.

She could see what he was doing, because she'd done it herself to Wainwright and her colleagues.

He was shutting himself down, closing himself off – distancing himself.

Distancing himself from her.

They'd known each other for such a short time that she knew it shouldn't hurt her so much but it did. Maybe because she'd liked him more than she was willing to admit after the ridiculousness of her situation with Wainwright, but mainly because, once again she felt alone.

Always alone.

Urgh men right? Right?

Urgh women right? Right?

Lol affairs of the heart are never simple! Please give Tonks some love...