BPOV

I had been awake since four. The hotel restaurant was closed when I wandered down at five, fully showered and ready for the day. I didn't have it in me to do more than throw my hair in a messy-but-not-too-messy bun, tug some dark jeans around my waist, and button up a white blouse with black polka dots.

The hotel receptionist let me sit in the empty restaurant for a few hours before they opened for breakfast. I managed to catch up on some work that I had fallen behind on thanks to our trip and my nights being consumed by everything except work the last few days.

I emailed Newton a weekly update, as I had been doing for the last month… month and a half that I had been working with Edward. I refused comments on rumors that his network was looking to replace him and I reminded the handful online media outlets I had contacted of Edward's show tomorrow night.

Publicity was all a big board game. It was sucking up to the right people and knowing when to play your cards. Because I worked for Newton & Cheney, I had an excellent group of media outlets that were willing to talk to me and because Edward had the last name of Cullen, everyone was extra willing to listen.

He had been the black sheep of his family for a while, but people were starting to see that was turning around. Slowly. In the beginning, I was doing damage control and trying to get people to stop writing about him because it was all bad things. Now, we had reached a point where they had something else to talk about.

It was good and bad, because there was no pleasing everyone. I had to attempt to keep a balance, because the internet was a dangerous place.

Half an hour before we needed to leave I packed up my work, downed the last of my coffee, and begrudgingly sulked over to the elevator. It had taken every ounce of my work to distract me from last night and what today would hold, and now I had to face it all.

Because I was fairly certain Irina didn't book herself a separate hotel room and, after last night, I was now very aware of how much of a trigger just seeing her was to me. I had done nothing to solve the problem, despite the very simple solution of not sleeping with Edward anymore.

I took a deep breath outside of Edward's door. I had a key to it in my wallet, just like he had one to my room in his. I couldn't very well let myself inside this time, not after hearing a commotion that was likely made by his entire family being in the room.

It took a minute after I knocked for the door to open.

"Hi, Bella," Alice greeted me, holding the door open for me to walk in. "We have breakfast in the dining room if you're hungry?"

"Oh, I'm okay. Thank you, though."

I walked with Alice through the familiar suite. Edward's family was gathered in the living room, plates discarded on the coffee table. Alice skipped back over to the chair Jasper was sitting in, plopping herself down in his lap. Lucy and Masen were standing at one of the large windows, arguing quietly about something. Carlisle and Esme were seated side by side on the sectional.

And I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"I'm afraid we disrupted Edward's morning, Bella. He should be ready to go in a few minutes," Esme admitted, a soft smile on her face.

"Oh, that's fine," I mumbled, holding my bag with both hands in front of me. This was the exact kind of situation I tried to avoid putting myself in. I didn't really know what to say to people if I wasn't talking about work.

I felt like if I asked about them I was prying and if I talked about myself I was boring them. The alternative was this awkward silence that always followed me around.

"Renata seems impressed with the impact you've had so far," Esme told me, smiling at me from across the room.

My brows shot up, staring at her in surprise. Renata was her and Carlisle's publicist, had been for decades. I was pretty sure she worked for Alice, too, though her career was less scrutinized than the rest of her family's. She had been one of the first people that Newton & Cheney brought on, but never wanted to become a full partner. I had heard the rumor that she thought becoming a partner meant more time behind a desk and less actually working.

It always confused me why she never took on Edward as a client herself, since she had such deep family connections.

"Can I ask why she never worked with Edward?"

"She's been itching for a change of pace I think, but I've been talking her in to staying on with us for years. She doesn't take on new clients anymore. She did work with Edward for a while, but he's always hated the hoops of the industry."

I nodded, having had that conversation with him a few dozen times.

"Thank you, for working so well with him. I know he can be stubborn," Esme said softly.

The whole exchanged made me feel like shit. Sure, I worked hard to make the little progress I had so far with Edward and his career. But, I was also having an affair with this woman's son. When she was paying me to work for him.

"You're always bad mouthing me, Mother," Edward sighed, walking into the room quickly. His hair was still a little damp but his eyes were bright. He was in a plain black button down and jeans.

Esme playfully frowned over at him. "Oh, shush."

Edward went over to his children, pressing a kiss to the top of each of their heads, both of which shoved him away somewhat playfully. "Be good for your grandparents."

"Yes, Dad," they both grumbled at the same time, shaking him off of them like the teenagers they were.

"I'll see you guys this afternoon," Edward said to everyone else, receiving nods and agreements from them all.

I stood in the doorway and watched it all silently, thinking about how Jasper was sitting in the same chair I sat in two nights ago, wrapped in a towel and eating pizza with Edward at one in the morning.

With his goodbyes done I followed Edward to the foyer. Before we could make our exit, Irina emerged from the other bedroom on the opposite side of the suite. She was in one of the provided robes, her hair tied up on top of her head. She was still frustratingly beautiful even though she seemed to have just woken up.

"You're leaving?" she asked with a small yawn.

"Yes," Edward replied curtly.

Irina stood in front of him, reached up on her toes, and pressed a kiss to Edward's cheek.

A simple act that made me want to throw up.

"You need to shave. You know I hate how prickly you get," she grumbled, turning around quickly and disappearing back into her room.

I turned my back on Edward before he could say anything and headed out the door. I felt him a few paces behind me, but neither of us said anything as we waited for the elevator.

I let my body sag against the side wall as soon as the doors closed in front of us.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked cautiously, almost like he was afraid of my answer.

"You ask me that a lot," I sighed.

"I know," he grumbled. I saw him run a frustrated hand through his hair in his reflection in the doors. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I know," I whispered, quickly exiting the elevator as soon as the doors opened.

-B-

Thankfully, the day was full of distractions. With the show being tomorrow night there was no lack of things to do around the set, and the anxious energy was hard to breakthrough. So, my own doom and gloom attitude went unnoticed by everyone. Mostly.

I sat in one of the audience chairs, scrolling through emails on my phone during a run-through when Ashley plopped herself in a chair beside me.

"You seem sad," she said bluntly.

I looked over at her, eyes wide and not really sure how to respond to that. I was sad, but I couldn't very well tell her any of the reasons why.

"Just… stressed," I told her with a shrug.

It wasn't a lie. I was stressed and sad and confused and a million other things all at the same time.

"Your rehearsal looked great," I told her honestly, but also hoping it would distract her. I was excellent at deflecting attention off of myself.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "But, I know that look. Is it boy trouble or girl trouble?"

I frowned over at her. "What?"
She shrugged with a smirk. "It makes all the difference, whether we're dealing with a guy or girl. I mean, I'm not judging. You do you, or you do whoever the hell you want. If we're trying to solve the problem, though, gender makes a difference."

"There's really no problem," I assured her. "Boy or girl."

"You're a horrible liar," she told me, staring at me incredulously.

I sighed, looking around the studio. There were people everywhere, but absolutely no one was paying any attention to the two of us. And I was desperate for someone's opinion, because I had no idea what I was doing anymore. I sat up, managing to cross my legs underneath myself in the small seat.

"Okay, there might be a guy," I admitted.

"I knew it," she exclaimed with a smile. "Tell me everything."

I couldn't tell her everything, and I shouldn't tell her anything, but I felt like I was about to combust. Blow up in a smoke of stress and worry and self-doubt and guilt. I had said about two words to the girl but maybe that was a good thing. I would probably never see her again and she was a completely unbiased opinion.

"He's gorgeous and sweet and funny and has about two tons of baggage to go along with my two tons of baggage. And there are a lot more reasons we shouldn't be together than reasons we should. But I just… can't bring myself to end it."

I nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, waiting for her response.

"Is he good in bed?" My eyes widened at her question. "What? It's a valid question!"

I rolled my eyes, my cheeks heating up. "Yes," I admitted softly.

"Well, then there has to be a reason you can't end it. If the spark is still there in bed and you're not doing anything illegal, there can't be any harm in keeping it going. Maybe you just have to outlast the four tons of baggage."

I sighed, picking at my nails. "I don't think anything is technically illegal," I mumbled, only half-joking.

Ashley let out a chortle. "I like you." Her name got called from across the stage. "I've got to go, but I want an update on this tomorrow before the show, okay?"

I nodded and she left quickly. None of my problems were solved. Ashley's solution seemed like something I would convince myself of just because I didn't want to lose what I had right now. But, it did go along with what I convinced myself of right after our first night.

Let myself enjoy it while I could. Get him out of my system, ride it out until it inevitably ended on its own.

-B-

"Have I told you how much I hate interviews?" Edward grumbled. We were in his dressing room while he had a short break before another run through this afternoon. The show had set up a couple interviews for an entertainment news show to air tonight. It wasn't typical practice, but Edward wasn't a typical host. And I may have encouraged it.

"Then you really went into the wrong profession," I told him from the couch. "You seem to hate about ninety percent of what your job entails."

I looked up from my phone to see Edward smirking down at me. He had been attempting to fix his hair, his back to me. Now, he leaned against the counter with curious eyes.

We hadn't gotten a chance to talk about much of anything besides work all day, but I was grateful for it. My mind was still a hundred different kinds of confused. Before he could say anything, the door opened and we were once again interrupted by his family.

I didn't mind the interruption this time, because he looked like he was about to ask a question I probably didn't have the answer to. I stood from my spot on the small couch in the back of the room, maneuvering myself around the sudden boisterous crowd.

"Ten minutes," I told Edward over the chatter, leaving him with his family.

I wandered out to the stage and watched as everything was set up for the interview. It was a simple setup; a few lights and a couple chairs. Things weren't all to extravagant around here.

The woman interviewing him was getting her mic situated, and I saw my list of approved questions in her hand.

Fifteen minutes later Edward was seated opposite of her, his family and I standing off to the back. I crossed my arms over my chest and listened carefully, breathing a sigh of relief with every answer Edward put out that wasn't finished with an eyeroll or frustrated sigh.

"You have quite the entourage with you today," the woman, Christine Williams, shifted the subject with a smile. "Your wife – "

"Next question," I snapped quickly.

She turned around to me with a cocky smile. "I don't see the harm in bringing up his family."

"There's no harm in it," I shrugged. "But, it's an interview about Saturday Night Live, not Mr. Cullen's personal life."

"Mrs. Cullen is right there, Ms. Swan. It would make for a great segment if she was shown supporting her husband."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Irina take a few steps toward Edward. My arm reached out involuntarily, grasping her forearm before she could get too far.

"Next question or we can pull the whole interview right now," I snapped.

Christine let out a frustrated sigh before resituating herself and getting back on a preapproved topic. Irina snatched her arm out of my hand and went back to stand by her children.

The whole thing had turned my already bad mood worse.

-B-

Friday night I ended up sitting in my suite alone. The sun had set hours ago, leaving bright city lights to illuminate the living room. My body was exhausted but I knew better than to think I would be able to fall asleep.

A decision was all I needed. As soon as I made up my mind, I would be rid of this constant knot in my stomach. The constant fuzziness in my head from my thoughts going in every direction. I knew, in the back of my mind, that I wasn't making a decision because I wanted to make the wrong one.

I had made a decision days ago. I was going to take whatever Edward gave me and enjoy it while I could. Live by his motto of no more thinking or worrying. Then his family showed up and I went into a little tailspin.

I heard them get back a while ago. Edward and his kids and wife. They went out to a late family dinner after Edward was done for the day. Alice, of course, invited me until she was blue in the face but I didn't even have to fake a migraine to get out of it.

My phone had been in my hands since I heard them get back. The message already typed out, my finger hovering over the little blue arrow that would send it down the hall. Maybe he was already asleep and wouldn't hear the message. Or maybe his phone was dead.

I pressed the arrow quickly, before I could change my mind.

Can we talk?

I stared at the phone, waiting to see the bubble pop up that meant he was typing out a reply. It was two in the morning so I could hardly expect one, but that didn't stop me.

Then, I heard a key click in my door, turning quickly to see the familiar outline of Edward's frame walk in the door.

I tucked my legs underneath me on the couch, eyes on him as he walked over slowly. He was in a pair of blue flannel pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt and I hated myself for immediately wanting him out of them.

Edward sat on the coffee table opposite of me, leaning toward me with his elbows on his knees.

"Hi," I whispered, knotting my fingers together in my lap. I kept my eyes down, because I knew better than to let myself get lost in his.

"Hi."

When we were alone, everything was easy. So easy. Even with my inexperience and awkwardness. None of that ever came out around him. If it did, it would be a lot easier to drop the whole idea. Instead, he came in here and sat across from me and made my mind stop racing for the first time in about twenty-four hours.

"I panicked. When I saw your family," I admitted, finally looking up at him.

"I know," he sighed, running a hand along his still-scruff covered jaw.

"Then I got drunk. And that didn't really help."

A wry smile covered his face. "It never does."

"I want you," I said weakly. Edward's eyes burned into mine and it made my abdomen tense. "But, I shouldn't."

He nodded. "I know the feeling."

"I don't know what to do," I mumbled, my hands itching to reach out for him but knowing it wouldn't lead anywhere useful.

Edward sighed, running his hand through his hair. "If I were a better man, I would leave you alone. Let you get on with your life and career. Instead, it is taking every ounce of my willpower not to drag you into the bedroom behind me."

I swallowed thickly, my eyes drifting to the dark bedroom over his shoulder. "I know the feeling," I repeated with a sad smirk.

I fell back against the couch, chewing on my bottom lip and staring at Edward across from me. My mind was already made up. Had been since the morning after our first night together. I wanted him, he wanted me, and I was selfish enough to take whatever I could get.

It was just a bitch working around the whole morals thing.

"You know, my life would be a lot easier if you were the asshole I thought you were to begin with," I mumbled, attempting to smile over at him.

I got a small smile in return. "Sorry to disappoint."

The whole time Edward had seemed sad, maybe a little dejected. His voice was soft and even, but not in a natural way. Like he was forcing it. He stood and hesitated for a moment before pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. When he turned to walk away, I called after him.

"Um, wait," I mumbled. "I know you have to go back but can you just… sit with me for a couple minutes?"

Edward nodded and I scooted over on the couch. He sat down carefully and without thinking I bunched my blanket up on his lap and laid down.

I had gotten spoiled with hours of uninterrupted sleep the few nights I got to spend in bed with him, and I was exhausted from only a couple hours last night. As soon as I relaxed against him, I felt my body start to drift into unconsciousness.

Gentle fingers brushed through my hair and quickly lulled me to sleep.

-B-

"Feeling okay?" I asked Edward quietly. He had about twenty minutes before the live show started. His family was already in the audience, as was evidenced by the pictures they had been sending him for the last half hour. It was just him and I in his dressing room until someone came to collect him in about ten minutes.

"About the show? Yeah, I've got it," he said confidently. But, then, the pacing started. Back and forth a few feet in front of where I sat on the worn-out couch.

"I'm sorry," he told me quickly, hands tugging at his hair. "For putting you in this position. I know that if anyone ever found out you could lose… a lot. Everything. And I'm so fucking sorry for thinking more about getting us both off than your career. I never should have slipped up in the first place."

My stomach dropped. "You said you didn't regret it," I whispered.

Edward stopped pacing and looked at me with wide, bright eyes. "I don't, baby. But, I know you do. Because you've been walking around here with those sad, brown eyes for two days."

His words were making my head spin. I hadn't had much time to think about our situation all day. Everyone had been busy since we got to the studio; Ashley hadn't even accosted me to give her an update. There were rehearsals and rewrites and more rehearsals basically up until they went live. Sometimes even after.

As always, work was my favorite distraction. Edward, however, hadn't been quite as distracted and I had apparently.

"I don't want to lose you," he said hesitantly. "You've done a lot for my career just in the month and a half you've been here and I genuinely appreciate it. And you. I'll keep my hands to myself. Everything will be strictly professional and I'll make sure no one ever finds out. I'm sorry."

There was a knock and we both heard his name muffled through the door. Edward nodded at me, straightened his suit coat, and walked out the door.

I sat there stunned for a few minutes. Did I regret it? Would my life have been easier if I never knew what I was missing out on with him? Probably. But, what kind of life would it be?

I wasn't the most well-adjusted adult and I knew it. I was faking my way through a job I was severely underqualified for and lying to myself about how much Edward meant to me. I had avoided my mother and her family from the moment I left Florida and I only barely tolerated my father and his.

My life wasn't much of anything. Until I started working for Edward. Yeah, it was a cliché to think he had brought something to my life that I was missing, but it was how it felt. He made me feel less lost and alone, even if it was just for a few hours at night.

And I was tired. So fucking tired of just going through the motions. I wanted the fun and excitement that people talked about in their twenties even though I was usually too awkward to achieve it. Perhaps it was going to the extreme, getting that fun from an affair with a man twelve years older than me, but maybe I deserved it.

After all of the shit I had gone through, maybe I deserved Edward to be my one good thing.

My eyes snapped to the television in the corner of the dressing room. I had been conflicted, watching everything live or watching what the public would see on their screens. It would give me a better sense of how it was received if I wasn't distracted by a live crowd, though. Plus, I didn't really relish in the thought of being surrounded by Edward's family for ninety minutes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Edward Cullen," the announcers voice boomed over the television. There was an echo from down the hall, where the actual events were taking place, but I kept my attention on the screen.

Edward walked out the door, past the band and gracefully hopped down the few steps. His smile was contagious, even through the screen, and the way he walked was familiar and light.

"Thank you," Edward exclaimed, a bright smile on his face and a slight flush on his cheeks at the continued applause.

"I'm Edward Cullen," he started. "Host of The Tonight Show… with Edward Cullen, in case you couldn't piece that together. Most of you probably don't watch the show, or haven't seen anything more than a clip of it online in years. According to my newly hired publicist it's been nearly unwatchable for years. Also, according to my newly hired publicist… Watch The Tonight Show with Edward Cullen every weeknight on NBC," Edward joked with a smile, giving a hearty thumbs up to the camera.

The rest of the show from there on out was… brilliant. Everything the world needed to see from Edward to get the last few years out of their minds. Or, at least start to. There was an overwhelming sense of pride constantly flowing through my veins with every perfectly pulled off sketch that went by.

During a commercial break my phone started buzzing beside me. I made the unfortunate mistake of answering without looking at the name, assuming it was Rosalie.

"Hey," I sighed happily.

"Bells?"

Mentally cursing myself, I attempted to keep my composure. "Hi, Dad."

"How's it going down in Los Angeles?"

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. Maybe I was picking up Edward's habit. "It's fine," I sighed, not bothering to tell him I was across the country, three time-zones over.

"Your mom called me," he started, sounding unbearably uncomfortable.

I rolled my eyes to myself, resisting the urge to squeeze my phone as hard as I could. They always did this. One of them would have an issue with me, call the other to complain and then attempt to solve the problem by saying I had overreacted.

"This rivalry you have going on with Tyler is all in your head, Bells. Your mom – "

"I don't have time to talk, Charlie. I've got to go."

I hung up quickly, tossing my phone in my bag. An odd sense of calm washed over me. Like the last two days of overthinking and rethinking and doing it all over again were finally done. A distant memory because I had no more fight left in me.

I just needed one good thing in my life. One good thing.

I smiled at the ending credits, watching Edward stand beside Ashley and the rest of the cast smiling and waving. I picked up my bag and nearly immediately the door swung open with a swarm of Edward and his family.

"You did so good, dear," Esme said, eyes glassy as she hugged Edward.

"Yeah, you totally redeemed yourself for like the first three years of your acting career," Alice chuckled, snickering to herself and seeming more than a little tipsy.

"Thank you, Alice," Edward answered with a roll of his eyes.

I leaned against the counter in front of the mirror and grabbed the cold water bottle that had been waiting. Edward had collapsed in the director's chair he had gotten ready in, eyes on me as I handed him the bottle.

"Thank you," he muttered, opening it quickly and taking his eyes off of me immediately.

Everyone else had broken off into their own conversations, talking about what sketches stood out to them. I kicked the foot of his chair softly, just to get his attention.

"I don't regret it," I told him quietly. "I'm all in."

A/N: Less angst next time, I promise. That being said, I have run out of pre-written chapters, but I will still try my best for two updates a week. Next chapter should be up on Friday!

Confession time. Yesterday, a reviewer pointed out that my ages didn't line up, and I sincerely apologize for the oversight. It was said throughout the first half of the story that Edward was thirty-two and had his kids at eighteen, but they were sixteen now. Obviously, that math doesn't add up. Again, sorry for not noticing it myself. I was constantly rearranging ages before I started posting the story and completely messed that up. I have (hopefully) changed every mention of the timeline to make Edward thirty-four. Bella is still twenty-two. You have no idea how frustrated I am with myself for this. Sorry for all of the mix ups.

Thank you so much for your continued love on this story. I can't believe we've already surpassed 400 reviews. Thank you!