A/N: as much as I know we could all use a happy, lighthearted story as a distraction, I do have to issue a tissue warning for this chapter. Remember, I'm a baby and I'll always give you an HEA… eventually. Carry on.

After all this time you give me butterflies, butterflies

Why'd you lie? Don't hurt my butterflies, butterflies

Watch them die, you killed my butterflies

~ Gabbie Hanna, Perfect Day

BPOV

Walking into the theater Monday felt kind of like walking toward a guillotine. I hadn't heard anything from Edward other than his two-word text response to my apology late Saturday night. I told him I was sorry, he said me too, and that was it. The rest of my weekend had consisted of Rosalie berating me for not telling her how pretty Edward was before hand and letting her make a fool of herself in front of him. Looking back on the party, Rosalie's uncharacteristic floundering in front of Edward was probably the highlight.

I would have been much more worried about the whole situation if I wasn't already coming to terms with the end of my time with Edward. I hated that I was partly responsible for the arguments I was sure Edward was having with his kids, but there wasn't much I could do about it now.

All I could do now was walk into work and spend the next week finishing what I started. There were just a couple more things I needed to get done before I could confidently leave Edward to his own devices.

I knocked softly on his office door, opening it slowly without waiting for a response.

"Hey, I…" my voice trailed off as I walked in and was met with identical glares from Masen and Lucy.

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled. I stood awkwardly in the doorway, feet teetering back and forth. "I had some things to talk you to about, but it can wait. Um, work things. Things for work."

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head at my own stupidity. "I'll be in my office. When you can talk. About work."

"It's okay, Bella," Edward said softly.

I let my eyes meet his and for about three seconds, everything was fine. Then, a muttered "Bitch," came from Lucy's direction.

My stomach fell into my gut and my eyes dropped from Edward's immediately. I had moved on from the whole home wrecker concept a long time ago. It was a hard thing to look past when I had Edward's kids staring at me like I ruined their lives, though.

It was something I was so familiar with, too. I watched my mother build a new family with another man and his son. I knew the feelings of betrayal that went in with that. Granted, my parents were divorced at the time and one of them wasn't already living with someone else, but I was sure the feelings were similar. It wasn't a connection I had made before. And I didn't like it.

"Lucy," Edward snapped.

"It's okay, Edward," I sighed. "I'll be in my office when you have time to talk."

I closed the door tightly behind me, ignoring the raised voices as I walked away. Once I was in the sanctuary of my tiny little office, the sight of an iced coffee on my desk made me want to burst into tears.

I set Edward's forgotten coffee down on my desk and dropped my bag at my feet. I stared at the iced coffee in front of me and wondered how my life had ended up this big of a mess.

The simple answer was a pair of bright green eyes and a crooked smile. The long answer was I was a girl with more self-doubt and insecurities than I knew what to do with. Then a guy came along who smiled at me and called me pretty and made me feel more positive emotions than I knew what to do with.

The door opened slowly and Edward walked in. He said nothing, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring at me from across the room.

"I'm sorry," Edward admitted quietly, eyes soft and sad. "For what Lucy said, for Masen's reaction last night."

"It's okay, Edward," I mumbled, keeping my eyes down.

"No, it's not," he responded quickly, voice harsh. "They know – after everything – it's not okay."

I wasn't sure what to say, especially not knowing how exactly their family dynamic worked. I had done as asked and stayed out of his personal life as much as I possibly could have. I never asked him about Irina and I had only spoken to his children a handful of times. I had a hundred and one questions about the whole thing, but I kept my mouth shut. Even when it killed me to do so.

"Thanks for the coffee," I sighed, finally picking up the cup for a distraction.

"Back at you," Edward smiled, finally walking over and taking his cup off of my desk. After a long swig he sobered up again. "You don't have to worry about them. They're being… difficult right now, but they'll get over it."

I gave him a small nod, even though I wasn't sure if I believed him.

Edward grabbed a random crate that had been discarded in the corner of the office, bringing it in front of my desk to sit on. "You said you had something to talk to me about?"

"Oh, yes," I mumbled, rifling through my bag to find the paper I needed. I pushed it across the desk toward Edward. "These are your options for cover stories. Journalist, photographer, dates, and their pitch are all there for you to choose from. I need you to choose two, maybe three in case one falls through."

I gave him a minute to look over the paper.

"Very thorough, Ms. Swan," he said softly.

"I, um, put stars next to the ones I would choose, but you can choose whatever you want. They're all good options. Just let me know in a few days which you want to do."

"Okay," Edward nodded. "Thank you, Bella."

I expected him to get up and leave. Instead he sat on that uncomfortable crate with his eyes never leaving me. Maybe he was in here hiding from his kids or maybe he got that same sense of comfort from me that I got from him.

Whatever it was, the few minutes of peaceful silence together was nice.

-B-

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. I tucked my feet underneath myself on Edward's couch, facing him as he sat next to me. The last few days had been a bit of a mess.

Edward's kids were always hovering around the theater, so I kept mostly to myself in my office. I was genuinely busy, so it was a good distraction. This would be my last week spending so much time at the theater, and I wanted to make sure writers wouldn't revert back to their old ways or anything like that. It helped immensely that Edward had made the decision to fire James and a couple others that seemed to be leading the group down the path to some bad decisions.

Between Edward and I there was this new, uncomfortable tension. Like a countdown was constantly ticking in the background whenever we were alone. Which wasn't often thanks to Masen and Lucy hovering around.

As much as I understood their shock and confusion at the whole thing, at the end of the day they spent a majority of their time with their mother and her boyfriend. I was by no means Edward's girlfriend, but why was it so outrageous that Edward have someone?

I had gone home alone and resigned to the fact that our weekly Wednesday night together wouldn't happen. Then, I got a text from Edward a few hours later and was at his place within the hour.

That ticking time bomb feeling was still floating around us, and Edward answered the door with a glass of something strong smelling in his hand.

Green eyes fluttered over to me, looking heavy and tired. "Not really."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, tugging at the hem of my dress.

Edward shook his head sadly, finishing his drink with a large gulp. He leaned forward, the glass clattering to the coffee table before he ran his fingers frustratedly through his hair. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Bella. Christ, I should be apologizing to you. The way Masen and Lucy have been acting around you…"

I dropped my eyes to my lap. I had gotten glares from them every time I saw them, grunts in response every time I tried to say something to them, and had heard more than a few mutterings from them as I walked by.

"Can I… ask you something you probably don't want to answer right now?" I whispered, my curiosity getting the best of me. Edward nodded and I continued. "I understand having an issue with a parent being with someone else, but… they live with Irina and her boyfriend a majority of the time. I'm not saying I'm… that we're… But why are they so okay with Demetri?"

Edward let out a heavy, deep sigh before standing up and grabbing his glass. He wandered off to the bar behind us, glasses clinking as he shuffled through his stash. "Do you want a drink?"

"No, thank you," I sighed, assuming he was going to ignore my question.

Edward sat back down, full glass in his hands. "They've known Demetri their whole lives," Edward admitted quietly. "He had been my best friend since I was ten."

I suddenly felt about as defeated as he sounded.

"He set Irina and I up on our first date. He was my best man at the small wedding my mother put together for us… Shit, he was probably one of the first people to hold Masen and Lucy after they were born."

I shook my head as he kept going. "You don't have to… I understand."

"He's always been family to them. And… as fucked up as the situation is, I know he cares about them. I wouldn't just let my kids go live with a guy Irina picked at a whim."

I swallowed thickly, finally understanding the situation a little bit more. And I hated it. Didn't want to think about it anymore.

"I'm sorry I lied to you, that first time you asked about him. Technically he is our neighbor, but…"

"It's okay."

We were both quiet for a while again. I leaned against Edward's side, resting my head on his shoulder while we both stared out the large glass window in front of us. We were sitting on the same couch I first met with him on. It was amazing how many wonderful, confusing things had happened since then.

I supposed, even though I was about to lose one of the only good things that had ever happened to me, there was still a lot of good that had come out of the last couple of months. I was more confident in my work, a little better at speaking up for myself in a healthier way, and I realized my upbringing hadn't killed any possibility that I could love or trust another person.

I rested my chin on Edward's shoulder, turning my head to look up at him. "You're very handsome," I sighed at the same moment the thought crossed my mind. It wasn't supposed to come out of my mouth.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Edward responded without a moment of hesitation. He downed his drink and smiled over at me.

I lifted myself up and over him, resting my knees on either side of his hips and my arms on his shoulders.

Edward tossed his empty glass to the side of the couch, cold hands running along my thighs. "This… is like something out of my fantasies."

I cocked my head to the side, staring down at him. I thought men's fantasies were supposed to be much more scandalous than a girl in a sundress on their lap. "It is?"

"Mmm," Edward sighed, hands getting much more brave and sneaking higher up underneath my dress. "I've wanted you like this," he said, accentuating his words with a tight squeeze of my ass, pulling me hard against him. "Ever since the first time you sat across from me on this couch."

My frown got deeper. That was the second time I ever saw him. I could have overthought his admission, wondered if the only reason he ever listened to me was because he wanted me naked, but all of it was inconsequential now.

I leaned into him, my lips barely brushing against his. "So, take me."

Edward let out a groan before attacking my lips with nipping teeth. His hands were desperate but surprisingly soft at the same time. Squeezing my thighs, pulling my hips against him, trailing up my torso only to play with the fringe of fabric along the top of my chest.

"What else happened in your fantasy?" I asked, my last word coming out with a gasp as he pulled at the top of my dress. It was a simple, wrap summer dress. Easy to throw on after I had already changed into sweatpants earlier, and even easier to take off. My head fell forward against Edward's shoulder at the same moment he tugged at the tie around my waist.

"I've thought of it all, baby," he sighed, both hands coming up and cupping my breasts. "Every way I can get you to moan my name."

My fingers dug into his shoulders as my hips continued to rock steadily against him. I involuntarily moaned his name when his lips replaced one of his hands on my breast. I got my payback, though, when my hand slid between us and he groaned against my skin.

"Stand up," he grunted, landing a gentle swat on my ass. I could have sworn he muttered an apology before continuing. "Take off your dress."

I did as I was told, standing from Edward's lap and quickly letting every fabric on me fall to the floor. All while watching Edward toss his t-shirt behind the couch and kick his jeans to the floor. It was quite the sight.

I never would have thought watching a man touch himself would be a pleasant sight. Watching Edward, hand on his cock, as he ripped a condom open with his other hand left me squeezing my thighs together, though.

Edward leaned forward, hand immediately going between my thighs, smiling up at me as two fingers easily slid inside me. I had to brace myself against his shoulders to keep upright.

"Come here," he said after a few minutes of delicious torture.

I threw myself at him, lips going directly to his. I didn't want to talk or think anymore, so I quickly lined myself up and dropped my hips down on him.

"Fuck," Edward grunted out, head falling back against the couch. His hands were tight on my waist, eyes squeezed shut.

The undiluted pleasure on his face sent a shot of pride filled pleasure through my own veins. I leaned back, one hand bracing myself against his knee while the other dug into the hair at the base of his neck, rising and dropping myself over him. It didn't take long for my even breathing to turn into huffed pants.

Even as I did my best to clear my mind of every fucked up facet of our situation, I got an odd sense of clarity on that couch with Edward. I knew I was finally doing the right thing, for both of us. He deserved to finally move on from everyone that had screwed him over the last sixteen years, and I deserved to stop torturing myself every time I saw him.

I whimpered his name, my head falling back, feeling that wonderful tightening in my abdomen. It was enhanced by Edward's hand making a slow path from my navel, up between my breasts, until his fingers gently traced over my lips.

"I've waited so long for you, baby," he muttered, eyes clear of the haze they had just a few minutes ago. "So long."

I buried my head in his neck, muffling the embarrassingly loud moans that escaped with my release. In my head, I could take his words and make them mean he wanted me. Waited for me, somehow knowing I was looking for him, too.

Reality… now, that was a different story.

-B-

My inherent ability to make any situation awkward as hell had come back with a vengeance. It had never really left, but it was never usually around Edward. Now, it was ten times worse around him. If I passed him in the hallway I couldn't look him in the eye. The only time I wasn't stuttering over myself was if we were talking about work, something he seemed less and less interested in the last couple days.

I was almost relieved that I had everything ready to go to tell Edward tonight. Relieved and soul-crushingly depressed, but still a little relieved. Because I had spent the last two days reliving every possible memory I had with Edward, wondering how I had gotten into this mess in the first place.

The whole love thing… it was never supposed to happen. I had grown up with the mindset I was unlovable. My mother certainly didn't love me, and my father was too busy with more important children to ever think about me. I always thought it had left me with the inability to love in return. Because I hated… everything.

Not so much anymore, I got over a lot of my anger a long time ago. But I used to. I hated the kids I had classes with and my freshman year professors and basically everything until Rosalie kind of kicked me in the ass and told me to get over it.

But I didn't love anything. I liked my job. Liked going to the gym and reading the occasional book when I had time. The closest thing I had to someone to love was Rosalie, in a purely platonic way, but I had never thought too much about it in that way before.

Somehow, despite all of that, the butterflies in my stomach knew the second I set eyes on Edward that I loved him. And I knew even after I killed them all tonight, I would still love him.

I sat in the same spot I did the first night I met Edward, on the small couch in the back of his dressing room, waiting for him to finish up for the night. I clutched my bag to my side, my entire plan for Edward neatly stacked inside of it.

The sight was familiar, Edward walking in and tossing his mic at someone out the door. He wasn't frowning this time, though. He smiled at me in the mirror, taking a large sip of water in the process.

"Hey," he sighed, turning around to lean against the counter behind him.

"Hi," I mumbled, standing up and securing my bag around my shoulder. "Can I come over tonight? Not for… I have a few, um, work things to talk to you about."

Edward looked at me, eyes full of questions, but nodded his head. "Of course."

"Thanks," I sighed, heading for the door.

"Bella," Edward called before I could reach the handle. His hands cupped my face, my breath catching in my throat when he kissed me.

I gave in quickly; my arms falling lazily around his shoulders and enjoyed the moment while I could.

Forty minutes later I was walking into the house behind Edward, met with a couple frowning teenagers.

"What's she doing here?" Masen grumbled.

"We have some work to discuss," Edward said sternly. He pulled out his wallet and tossed a credit card at him. "Order some pizza, we won't be long."

With a hand on my waist Edward led me upstairs. I hesitated as he walked toward his bedroom.

"I promise to be on my best behavior," he told me with a smirk.

We ended up at his sitting area, Edward the picture of ease on his leather couch while I sat in a chair across from him. My fingers fumbled with the papers in my bag for a minute before I had them all in my lap.

I looked up at him, taking in what would probably be the last genuine smile I got from him. "A lot of what I'm about to say probably won't come across great because of the fact that we're sleeping together," I admitted, fiddling with the stack of papers in my hands. "But, that doesn't change the fact that as your publicist and, hopefully, as a friend I want you to be happy."

Edward frowned, head cocked to the side, and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

I took a deep breath before ripping off the band-aid. "A few weeks ago, your mother and sister invited me to lunch. They told me everything," I confessed quietly, ignoring Edward's sharp intake of breath. "That you nearly filed for divorce years ago, that Irina's basically blackmailing you with your children. Your mother is scared you might get back together with her once Masen and Lucy turn eighteen."

"Hell will freeze over before I – "

"I know," I interrupted quickly, feeling like he was choosing that part to address because of our affair. "Everyone knows you've made yourself miserable for years to try and make your kids' lives easier, but you can't keep going like this, Edward."

I leaned over and handed him the stack of papers. "This is kind of a game plan. Press releases, statements, worst-case-scenario headlines and such and what your response could be to them. I can't predict the future, but it'll get bad," I shrugged. "You know that, it's why you put it off for so long. But, Masen and Lucy are sixteen and you deserve to move on with your life."

"Bella, I – I can't," Edward groaned, eyes still scanning the papers in his hands.

"Yes, you can."

His eyes shot up at me, so sad I wanted to cry. "No, I – When Irina told me she was pregnant, I tossed some cash at her and told her to get rid of it. I was young and cocky and simultaneously thought it was my decision to make and not my problem at all. I eventually got my head out of my ass and Irina didn't… But, Christ, Bella, I owe her everything for not doing what I said."

It seemed like the final puzzle piece in the mystery of why Edward was still allowing himself to be dragged down by Irina. Some decades old guilt for a very warranted over-reaction by an eighteen-year-old. If there was one thing in the world Edward loved, it was his children. Even when he was mad at them, as it should be.

I had promised myself I would keep my distance from him, starting with this conversation, but he looked so sad I couldn't help but fold myself on the couch beside him. "You don't owe her anything, Edward."

He quickly started shaking his head.

"Yes, it was a wonderful thing that Irina didn't do what you told her to and I'm sure you've thanked her in a million different ways for that. Anyone that knows you knows that you love those kids more than anything else in the world. But, all of that doesn't mean you have to sit back and punish yourself for the rest of your life for a stupid fight you had when you were eighteen."

His head slowly turned toward me, eyes glistening and looking far too lost.

I wiped my thumbs under his eyes. "If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you, Edward."

I almost didn't catch it in time. The movement was so subtle, so natural for us these days, that I nearly fell into the kiss as soon as he leaned in. I pressed my lips together, quickly standing up from the couch.

"That's… that's the other thing I have to talk to you about," I mumbled. This was the hard part. The band-aid that would be a real bitch to pull off, one that would leave a stinging red mark on me for a long, long time. "We can't… see each other like that anymore."

Edward's eyes snapped to mine, sadness still swimming in them but a new glint of shock behind them, too.

"I know your divorce, if you choose to go through with it, might not go all that smoothly and I don't want to cause you any issues. And… You don't need me hovering around the theater every day anymore. I already talked to Newton about it and I'll start working from the office again Monday. Your show is good, your writers are good, and you know what you have to do, now."

Edward's frown got deeper as I turned to grab my bag from the floor. I had everything, word for word, memorized in my head. Had gone over it for hours every night this week, and hated every minute of it.

"I understand if you want someone else to handle all of that," I sighed, motioning toward the stack of papers still in his hands. "I think my job is pretty safe so if you want to request someone else… I understand. All of that is yours, theirs if they want to use it."

Edward dropped the file to the couch, standing far too close to me. "Just because I won't see you every day… I still want you, Bella," he whispered, grabbing my hand.

It took every ounce of will power I had to pull my hand away and take a step back. "I can't," I choked out, not doing a very good job at keeping my emotions out of my voice.

"Why?" Edward challenged, voice desperate.

"Because I love you," I blurted out, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. I sniffled and wiped it away angrily. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining everything. I know this was just sex and I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty or anything. I didn't make that plan because I had some grand ideas of you leaving her and choosing me, so please don't look at it like that."

An odd mix of the anger I was so familiar with and a crippling surge of sadness overwhelmed me. "It was those fucking butterflies… I didn't know what they meant and I didn't realize until it was too late and now it's just kind of killing me every day."

I took a deep breath, taking another step back from Edward for good measure and wiping away a few more fallen tears. I didn't have the nerve to look at him, not after everything I had said.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, walking away without another word. I had my hand on the front door handle when Masen and Lucy rounded the corner.

"You ruined everything, you know," Masen grunted.

"We had a good routine. Mom and Dad finally stopped screaming at each other every time they were in the same room. Dad was happy – "

"He's not happy," I snapped, frowning at both of them. "You have no idea how many years of his life he's sacrificed so your lives could be easier. You think this little dynamic you guys have is normal? You think your father is happy not being able to move on from a woman who has kept him trapped for so long?"

I shook my head and opened the door. "You can hate me all you want, but the situation was fucked up long before I came along."

I let the door slam shut behind me and hurried over to my car. Blinking away a few tears in the process, I fumbled with my keys in the ignition for a moment before managing to get it to start. I caught a glimpse of unruly copper hair by the front door, but I couldn't bring myself to get a good look at him.

-B-

I was proud of myself. I managed to get to my car without breaking down, and then I drove home without tears blurring my vision. All in all, a massive success considering my mind was occupied by the image of sad green eyes the entire drive home.

Walking into the house, I had enough energy and mental stability to make it to my bed. I tossed my bag in the corner, curled into a ball underneath my comforter, and proceeded to torture myself with every wonderful memory I had of Edward Cullen.

"Who the hell are you?"

"You're not the only one who has done their research. Isabella Swan, twenty-two and daughter of Charlie and Renee Swan. Divorced, but both remarried with multiple children."

"I used to love it. I loved writing the show, learning about all of the guests, making people forget their problems for an hour each night."

"She didn't just walk into the fucking wall."

"I'm sorry your parents are… fucking vile. But, I'm not sorry you're here."

"Would you like to go to dinner?"

"You're so fucking beautiful it hurts."

"I enjoy you. And I think you enjoy me."

"I don't want her. I want you."

"If I were a better man, I would leave you alone. Let you get on with your life and career. Instead, it is taking every ounce of my willpower not to drag you into the bedroom behind me."

"You're going to go and get this date over with. And then, you're going to come to my place, and I'm going to fuck you until you forget his name."

"It's… I'm thirty-five. Closer to forty than thirty. And I'm just… pissed about it, I guess."

"Just because I won't see you every day… I still want you, Bella."

The whole stupid story ran through my mind time and time again. Weeks of research on the man and I was supposed to hate him on sight. He was supposed to be arrogant and selfish and a hassle to work with. He wasn't supposed to be sweet and kind and protective. He wasn't supposed to make me feel like… me.

It wasn't fair. Life had never been fair or kind to me but this was really, really, unfair. Everything in me told me he was supposed to be mine. He was supposed to smile at me with that crooked smirk and hold my hand and tell me silly jokes to make me feel better.

But, he didn't have that same feeling and it was so fucking unfair.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late, but I picked up sustenance for the weekend. What do you… Are you okay?" Rosalie's voice started out chipper and excited, getting tinged with worry and confusion as I heard her walk in my room.

I felt the bed dip beside me. She flipped some of my hair out of my face and I used most of my energy to open my eyes and look up at her.

"What happened?"

I sniffled loudly, burying my head in my comforter to wipe away the embarrassing tears. There was no use in lying to her anymore. "I've been having an affair with Edward."

It was freeing, finally saying it out loud. Devastating that the reason I could say it was because it was over, but nice to not have to lie to Rosalie anymore.

Pale blue eyes stared down at me, wide and confused. "How long?"

"Since New York," I admitted, wiping away more tears that seemed to keep multiplying.

Rosalie sat up beside me, fidgeting a little in her place. "Did he… do something? Hurt you?"

"No," I answered quickly. "I, um, ended things."

Things were quiet for a few minutes before Rosalie quietly asked, "Why?"

"Because I love him," I whispered, my voice cracking. "But, he's not mine to love."

A/N: apologies again for the delay. I hope this chapter finds you all well and gives you a few minutes of relief from the world today. Next update will be as soon as I can, I promise. Thank you for every review, they truly make my day. Especially these days. Stay safe and I'll see you soon!