"...Sorry... I don't... I don't feel the same way."
"...Yeah. I know."
Hakurei Reimu sat listlessly on the veranda. This type of behavior wasn't out of character for her, but this scene was different for one reason: Reimu had just been rejected.
It's not like I expected it to go any differently... but maaaan, getting rejected really sucks, huh?
She thought about getting up and sweeping the path, but decided she was perfectly entitled to wallow for a bit longer. She knew her feelings weren't going to be returned but she had never been the kind of person to lie to herself. Sure, she agonized over falling for someone who was so clearly in love with another person, but life wasn't always fair, you know? So Reimu psyched herself up, waited for the right moment, chased everyone else out of the shrine, and then faced her confession the same way she faced everything else: straightforward and with excessive force.
Huh… guess we have that in common… maybe that's why I fell for her.
It was a funny thought.
She wasn't laughing.
The whole thing had been pretty selfish of her in hindsight. She knew Marisa wasn't in love with her, but she also knew that Marisa was way too dense to figure it out for herself. If she had just left things alone, then things would have continued on just like they were forever. Unfortunately, just the thought of doing that made her feel sick to her stomach. She admired Marisa for her honesty, and she knew Marisa appreciated her for the same reason. What kind of meaning could a friendship like theirs have when Reimu was holding back?
A warm breeze rushed through the yard, unsettling the leaves and ruffling her hair. At least she had picked a nice day to get rejected. She had expected to be inconsolably moody all day and planned accordingly, but she was surprised by how normal she felt after the fact. Perhaps it was because she never got her hopes up in the first place? Possibly. A more pessimistic and cruel side of herself remarked that she was simply used to being alone. Also true, she acknowledged. She sipped at her tea and immediately grimaced. It was cold. How long had she been out there, she wondered? She glanced at the other cup she had prepared for Marisa when she "came to play" this morning, and then up at the position of the setting sun. It was still rising when Marisa came over. Reimu had apparently spent her entire day spacing out.
…I missed lunch.
She didn't feel very hungry. She thought about getting up to make dinner, but instead chose to sprawl out on her back and enjoy what remained of the evening sun. She closed her eyes and remembered the scene of her confession. Reimu had originally wanted to ease into things, but she immediately realized she wasn't cut out for subtlety. Instead, she went with a blunt "I like you. Please go out with me." She thought of bowing, but the extra formality would have made things awkward. Well, more awkward. From an outside perspective, the poleaxed look on Marisa's face would have been rather funny. The only thing Reimu felt at the time was resignation. She knew what was to come.
"I… what? You like… you're serious? No, wait, of course you're serious. Uh. Wow. Geez. Um, thanks? No, that's wrong…" Marisa closed her eyes, took a deep breath, held it, and released. When she opened her eyes, she was calm and completely serious. "Reimu...Sorry... I don't... I don't feel the same way." Going by the pained look on her face, it was clear that Marisa felt terrible about what she was saying. Reimu wondered what kind of look Marisa saw on her face. She wasn't sure, so she looked away.
"...Yeah. I know." Just as she expected, really. She saw Marisa take a step towards her, pause, then take a step back. She seemed to realize that comforting Reimu wouldn't go very well for anybody. At the time, Reimu was just thankful nobody would see her when she inevitably fell apart. They sat in silence for a while. Marisa seemed to be waiting for something, but Reimu didn't have anything else to say. She simply gazed into her cup of tea and waited for Marisa to leave. Eventually, after an indeterminate amount of time, she did exactly that.
Done reminiscing, Reimu opened her eyes. The sun was close to reaching the horizon now. Soon it would be too dark to see, and the chill would force her to go inside. Just as she was considering getting up to go to bed early, she felt a twinge in her senses. A slight annoyance worked its way through the dullness in her head before it too was snuffed out by apathy. Of course she came. She'd always had a knack for showing up at times like this. The twinge disappeared, only to be followed by a disturbance that was far less subtle.
"Reimuuuu~! I'm here to play~!" Damn it, Yukari. Surprisingly, the thought was accompanied by far less exasperation than she usually felt. Maybe she brought some outside world stuff with her… Normally Yukari just mooched off Reimu, but sometimes she brought along some gifts from the outside world. And by "gifts" she of course meant alcohol. She could really go for some drinking right about then. For a moment, she regretted chasing Suika away that morning. Heck, knowing her, she might have just slept through the whole thing anyways.
"Reeeee-iiiiii-muuuu!" Yukari dragged out each syllable of her name to the point of complete obnoxiousness. Honestly, was she going to stand out front and yell all day for her to come to her? Well, forget it. She had already decided she wasn't going to do anything today, and that included entertaining a needy youkai. Yukari would eventually give up and- No, wait, what was she thinking? Yukari would just escalate. Ugh. Well, whatever. If Yukari wanted to see her that badly, she could easily come find Reimu herself.
*clink*
Was that-?! She nearly fell over as her body tried to stand up from pure instinct at the sound of a coin hitting the bottom of the donation box. Sitting in one place all day wasn't good for the circulation in her legs, however. By the time she massaged some feeling back into them, her brain had caught up with her instincts. Yukari was just trying to get her to come out front. Well, forget it! She thought to herself. She wasn't moving from this spot! She was allowed to be selfish after-
"Oh," she breathed softly. Just like that, she remembered why she was sitting there in the first place. She felt silly forgetting for even that short period of time. Excitement fleeing from her body, she let out a deep sigh.
"My, my! Such a deep sigh! Surely you don't find my company so disagreeable?" That wasn't even worth the energy of thinking of a reply. Craning her head back, she was greeted to the sight of Yukari's slovenly perch on one of her gaps. This was normally when Reimu would deliver a scathing retort, which Yukari would simply laugh off and follow up with teasing, and before she knew it they'd be either fighting or drunk… Usually both. Instead, Reimu just looked her in the eyes for a long moment before letting out an even deeper sigh. "…You're going to hurt my feelings, Reimu." And yet, she just seemed even more amused. Typical Yukari, really. She broke eye contact and continued staring out at the yard.
"…I'm really not in the mood right now, Yukari." For good measure, she accompanied her statement with a shooing motion with her hand. Instead of leaving, Yukari simply chuckled lightly and sat next to her. Honestly… She thought. Getting Yukari's attention was like stepping in chewing gum. The sound of pouring liquid drew her attention. "Would you like some tea?" She asked in a deadpan manner, as Yukari poured herself a cup. Yukari beamed at her.
"I would love some, thank you!" She took a sip and grimaced. The betrayed look she shot Reimu would forever be a cherished memory of hers. She had taken a sip from the tea that had been sitting out for hours. Yukari gave her a smug smile and waved her hand over the cup, and suddenly the once-cool tea had steam wafting from it. She took another sip… then cringed again. "I suppose simply heating it up wasn't enough… I don't suppose you have something a bit more fresh?" Yukari asked.
"There's plenty of tea leaves in the kitchen. Feel free to make some more," She said with a shrug. Normally Reimu would have caved and made a fresh pot, but she wasn't feeling particularly energetic at that moment. As much as her youkai guests wore on what little patience she had, she appreciated the liveliness they brought to her lonely shrine. Brewing tea for guests wasn't too much to ask from her in return for some company. Yukari looked at the half-empty pot cold tea and grimaced again. She looked at Reimu and opened her mouth, paused, then narrowed her eyes slightly.
"Yes, I suppose I will do just that," Yukari said simply before slipping into gap shortly before it closed itself. Seconds later, the sounds of movement from her kitchen could be heard. Reimu raised a brow at that. She had expected a comment on how providing for guests was the duty of the Hakurei shrine maiden, or how this level of hospitality was the reason she never received any human visitors, or even some childish whining. Reimu sighed and listlessly slouched into a lazier posture. Honestly… I'll never understand that woman. Her relationship with Yukari had always been a strange one. She had frequently gapped into her shrine at all hours of the night simply to tease her, eat her food, stir up some chaos, and then disappear just as the bullets started to fly. It was practically a guarantee that she would leave things worse off than when she arrived, so the offer to actually do something useful was… concerning.
The sound of the door opening and closing broke her from her thoughts. Yukari exited the shrine with a fresh pot of tea and a lantern. Without saying a word, she set both items down, poured out two cups of tea, and handed one to her with a soft smile. "…Thanks." Reimu said. Yukari said nothing and calmly took a sip of her own tea, looking pleased to have washed the taste of old tea from her mouth. Reimu stared into her cup for a while, before taking a sip herself. It was good. It didn't take her long to drain the rest of the cup. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was, but she supposed it wasn't surprising considering how long the tea had sat there undrinked. Noticing this, Yukari picked up the pot of tea and gestured towards her cup. Reimu let her fill it up, but this time she simply stared into the cup once more. Before her thoughts had the chance to wander, Yukari clapped her hands together.
"So! How have you been, Reimu? Terrorized any poor, sweet, innocent youkai lately?" Reimu looked up at Yukari, prepared to let her know exactly what she thought about that comment, when she saw the look on her face. Her lips were curved into that familiar teasing grin of hers, but this time it didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. She almost seemed concerned. It was a combination of that and her already lethargic mood that caused the usual sharp retort to die in her throat. She dragged her gaze away from Yukari to stare at the orange sky. It truly was a beautiful day.
"…I got rejected," she said quietly. She almost couldn't believe she admitted that. For a moment she considered brushing it off as a joke, but she decided to let it hang out in the open. Saying it out loud hurt far more than she expected it to, as if it hadn't been quite as real until she admitted it. Rather than push the feeling away, she tightly held onto it. Even the pain was better than the pervading numbness from before. With that in mind, she chose to keep going. "This morning. I confessed, and I got rejected." It didn't really explain anything, but Reimu's resolve fled as quickly as it came. She just felt tired now. She took a sip to hide her trembling lips. She stubbornly gazed out at the sky, refusing to see what Yukari's face looked like.
"…Ah," was all Yukari said. Reimu waited for her to say more, but the silence simply stretched on as if they were both afraid to break it. Somehow… Reimu thought, that really pisses me off. Anger was good. She seized onto that feeling of anger, stood up, and stormed into the shrine without another word. Yukari simply let her go without a word. Moments later, Reimu returned with an unopened bottle of sake and plopped back down on the veranda. She poured a cup for Yukari and glared at her, as if daring her to refuse. She didn't. Reimu poured a cup for herself and immediately threw it back, relishing in the burn. Feeling bolstered, she continued with renewed confidence.
"I already knew I would be. Rejected, I mean. I've seen her stammer and get all blush-y with Alice enough times to know how this was going to go down. But I thought 'Hey, worst that can happen is that she says no, right?' and went for it," Reimu laughed, pouring herself another cup. Rather than rush, she chose to savor this cup. "No… I guess that's not quite right. What I really thought was 'Let's just get this over with so I can move on with my life.'" She stopped and glared at Yukari again. Getting the message, Yukari quickly finished her drink and held her hand out for another. Reimu happily obliged, already feeling cheerier than before. Like hell I'm the only one getting drunk tonight. With that reminder of her goal at the front of her mind, she finished the rest of her drink before she kept talking. "Maybe it would have been better if I didn't say anything and left it at that, but it would have driven me crazy. I can't even imagine trying to be friends with somebody while keeping all that crap bottled up."
"Hmmm, yes, I suppose I can understand," Yukari said in a strained tone. Reimu looked at her, but Yukari was simply sipping her drink while looking off in the distance. Reimu decided to join her in watching the last of the colors in the sky bleed away. "You know, I'm rather curious," Yukari spoke up suddenly. "What was it about Marisa that drew you to her?"
"…I never said it was Marisa…" Reimu mumbled into her cup. Her only response was a dry stare. "…Whatever. Yes, fine, it was Marisa. She's… I don't know. I never understood it too well myself. For a while, I thought it was just because she was the only visitor I got. Just friendship, right?" She went to take another sip, but the cup was empty. In spite of the evening chill beginning to set in, she was feeling rather warm. She reached for the bottle, but Yukari beat her to it and filled her cup for her without a word. "…Thanks. Anyways… I don't know. Growing up here in the shrine was always pretty lonely, but once she started coming here… I never felt like that." Reimu shrugged and went back to staring in her cup. "Didn't hurt that she was cute too." Shit, she actually said that out loud. She took a drink to hide the sudden blush, but Yukari's laugh quickly ended the notion that she was successful.
"My, my~! So honest~!" Why did she think this was a good idea again? Ugh. Stupid Yukari. Stupid alcohol. Reimu scowled and opened her mouth, but Yukari spoke before she had the chance. "Do you feel lonely right now?" Reimu paused and really gave it some thought. After a moment, she slowly shook her head. No. She didn't feel lonely at all. "Hmm~ that's good! I would have been rather sad if you were." Yukari said it in a teasing tone, but there was something to her tone that she couldn't quite place. Reimu took another drink. "Do you think I'm cute?"
She choked on her drink. Oh god, it was in her nose. As she coughed and tried not to spray her drink everywhere, Yukari was holding her stomach and laughing at Reimu. No, seriously, why did I think this was a good idea?! She leveled the best glare she could in Yukari's direction, but all she got in return was a beaming smile and some poorly repressed giggling. "…Not cute at all," Reimu mumbled. All this did was cause her to laugh even harder. UGH. Reimu fumed and sipped at her drink and chose to just let Yukari get it out of her system. As annoying as Yukari was, she was thankful for the company after stewing in her own heartbreak all day long. She could let it slide this once.
That said, it was hard to reconcile the idea of this Yukari with the image of a legendary youkai capable of striking fear into the hearts of men and yadda yadda when she was acting like this. It always took her a bit to remember that, when she mentioned Yukari as the 'annoying freeloader' in conversation and people looked at her like she was insane. Despite that, she never felt like treating Yukari as anything else. It was hard to take anyone seriously when they were snorting with laughter and slapping their knee like an old man. In fact, she could admit to herself that Yukari was actually kind of cute when she was being so openly happy like this.
Yukari's laughter immediately cut off as she stared at Reimu with widened eyes. Reimu was confused before she realized she had once again let her inner thoughts leak out. She really needed to go easy on the drinks. Exceptional alcohol tolerance didn't mean a thing when she was drinking from Suika's stash. Yukari looked away and hid her face in her cup, but it appeared as if she was having as much luck hiding her blush as Reimu had. Reimu had never seen her so flustered before. This was… This was kind of fun! "Oh? Are you embarrassed? That's rather cute of you," Reimu practically sang to her. The tips of Yukari's ears turned a light shade of pink. "Hmmm~ cute, cute, cute~." She kept going, enjoying how Yukari was practically beginning to panic now… until suddenly, she stopped and looked directly at Reimu, blush gone and replaced with a mischievous grin. Oh, that doesn't bode well.
"Oh ho? I'm cute, am I? I'm flattered!" Yukari spoke in a tone that sent chills down her spine. No, this certainly did not bode well at all. "I'm truly pleased that I'm able to provide you with such pleasant company! It's just that…" Her grin widened, and Reimu felt as if she was being cornered. "Well. Earlier, you said similar things about Marisa." Yep, definitely being cornered. "My, my~! I had no idea you felt so strongly about me~! Of course, I'll gladly accept your feelings!" Reimu's face was completely red now. She tried to take another drink, but found her cup was empty. She held it in front of her face regardless, in the desperate hope that it would shield her. Yukari seemingly took pity on her and poured her another cup of (surprisingly potent) sake. Reimu mumbled her thanks and took another sip, before finally looking over at Yukari, only to pause.
Yukari was giving her a… well, she was smiling. It didn't look like her normal smile, though. It actually reminded her of… hmmm. It reminded her of someone else's smile. She racked her brain trying to remember, but her thoughts were rather fuzzy at that moment. It sort of reminded her of Alice for some reason, which was odd. Alice never smiled at her. She only ever smiled for… Oh. Oh! That's where she'd seen it. It was at the most recent impromptu party at her shrine. Marisa had dragged Alice along and talked her ear off the whole night, while Alice just smiled and interjected with short comments here and there. It was the same smile Yukari was giving now, with a sort of tender fondness that felt somehow private.
And it was directed at her.
Despite the chill that had begun to set in with the encroaching night, Reimu was feeling far too warm. She wasn't entirely sure how much of that was the embarrassing thought of being flirted with, or because she was multiple cups deep into the sake. It was really good sake. Suika was going to whine for days when she found out Reimu drank most of it, but Suika was always whining about something. She cheerfully took another sip before realizing she had lost her train of thought. Focus! She reprimanded herself.
"Is everything alright, Reimu?" Yukari put a hand on her shoulder to bring her out of thoughts, and Reimu jerked back as if touching a hot iron. "Ehhh~? Are you treating me like a leper now?" Yukari pouted. She was beginning to sound remarkably drunk herself. Yukari was a very touchy feely drunk, and Reimu didn't think she was equipped to handle that at the moment. Not without a few more drinks, she thought as she downed the rest of her cup. It was really good sake. "Reimuuuu~! Stop ignoring me!" Yukari was now sprawled over the short distance between them with her arms hanging around her midsection. This would normally be where Reimu threw Yukari off her and shouts "Get off me you damn youkai!" Instead, she just spaced out while Yukari whined into her stomach.
She looked down at Yukari's sprawled out body while she alternated between giggling and whining, all the while swaying as if they were being rocked on a boat. By all accounts, she was acting completely normal. Normal for Yukari, anyways. If she didn't think faster, Yukari would eventually move on to rubbing her head into Reimu's chest. 'Maybe I was wrong… Yeah, I just imagined it!' She nodded firmly to herself. Mystery solved. This called for a celebration drink.
"Imagined what, Reimu?"
"Oh, I thought you were flirting with me."
Silence.
Siiiiip
Silence.
"Wait… Was I talking out loud?" She looked at Yukari and found that she was looking at Reimu with a look of… Sympathy? Pity? Something like that. Whatever it was, it was clear that this damn youkai was looking down on her. "Don't give me that look! I know it was a stupid thought, you don't have to tell me. I'm just… way too drunk, that's all!" As if to emphasize the small lie, she raised her cup to take another drink… and spilled sake over herself. '…That might not have actually been a lie…' She thought as looked at the spilled sake, with the sort of sorrow normally reserved for the death of a family member.
It was really good sake.
"Reimu…" Yukari's sweet voice came out as she gently held Reimu's hands in the act of refilling her cup. Reimu gulped and looked up and into her eyes. Yukari was staring at her with an emotion she felt she was only now beginning to understand. For a moment it was as if time had stopped, as if nothing existed except for the two of them. Yukari opened her mouth and finally broke the heavy silence that had built between them. "…Are you an idiot?" Yukari asked, her shoulders shaking as she repressed the laughter bubbling up.
'THIS DAMN YOUKAI!' Reimu ripped her hand away and fumed, while Yukari tried to get her laughter under control. "Tried" being the key word here.
"It's just…" She giggled. "I can't believe you justnoticed. It's been years! I always thought you were pretending not to notice!" Yukari gave a distinctly unfeminine snort and then broke down laughing once more. Reimu felt her fingers twitching towards the needles in her sleeves.
"Honestly, it's not that funny, you…" Reimu paused as Yukari's words clicked into place in her head. "Wait… So, you were flirting!" She accused, dramatically pointing at Yukari. This had the unfortunate side effect of causing Yukari to laugh even harder. Patience wearing thin, Reimu reached into her sleeves and pulled out a stack of seals. "Oi." Yukari looked at her and immediately stopped laughing, comporting herself into a dignified sitting posture for the first time that night. Slowly, she removed her hand from her sleeves and instead reached to pour herself another cup. Yukari was ready with the bottle, eager to avoid bloodshed.
"What a pair we make, hm? Both of us pining fruitlessly for someone who doesn't even notice," Yukari chuckled. "It must be interesting to be on both sides at the same time, hm?" What do you even say to that? She decided to say nothing. "Although I suppose I could be in the same situation. Do you think someone else has an unrequited crush on me as well?" Yukari motioned to herself with her hands. It was as blatant an attempt at fishing for compliments as Reimu had ever seen.
"I think you're OK," she deadpanned, to Yukari's near-comical disappointment. Best not to encourage that sort of behavior. "…This is really awkward," she muttered into her drink. She hadn't meant to be heard, but her track record for that wasn't exactly the best that night. Yukari giggled lightly as she sipped at her own drink. Reimu narrowed her eyes as she realized that Yukari was remarkably more sober than her. If she was gapping her alcohol back into the bottle again, they were going to have words. Last Words.
"Isn't it?" Yukari said, sounding oddly pleased at the thought. Reimu would never understand youkai. "You had the right idea. This is much more enjoyable than my original plan."
"So you're stealing my plan now? Does that mean you're trying to get rejected as well?" Reimu needled with a leer. The leer froze on her face when Yukari simply sent a sultry grin her way and placed her hand on Reimu's.
"You tell me," Yukari spoke softly, leaning slightly in her direction.
"Y-You're going to have to do better than that. I'm nobody's cheap date," she said with a bravado she didn't quite feel. Yukari hummed and looked thoughtfully at the distant horizon.
"Yes, quite right… I know a wonderful café on the Outside. We can talk more over lunch, see where things go? My treat, of course." Reimu was hooked at the mention of free food. Yukari noticed. "…I really have been going about this the wrong way…" she muttered. "How does tomorrow evening sound?"
"…Fine?" Reimu hedged, no longer sure what to do with herself, but still on board with the free food. That was all she cared about. Just the food. Nothing else. Anyone who said otherwise would be exterminated with extreme prejudice.
"Wonderful! I'll swing by to pick you up then. Make sure to be ready to go, it's bad manners to keep a lady waiting." She stood up to leave, then paused and gazed at Reimu with a soft look that made her insides squirm in embarrassment. Yukari leaned over and softly cupped her cheek, tracing an invisible path with her thumb. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Reimu. I've always thought your frowns were cute, but your blushing face truly is the best." Right on cue, she felt her face grow unbearably hot. "Ah, there we go! This truly is a better way of going about this, isn't it? To think I have a chance at seeing something this cute every day…"
"Y-Y-Y-" Between the drinking, the high stress confession, and the sudden revelations, it was only a matter of time until her brain gave up the fight and she reverted to her baser instincts. "You damn youkai!" The air surrounding them began to heat up to match her face. Yukari decided to quit while she was ahead, and opened a gap underneath her. All that remained of her was the echo of a giggle and the remainders of a fading warmth where she had held Reimu's face in her hands.
When it was clear Yukari wasn't coming back, Reimu flopped bonelessly onto her back and groaned into the night air. She wanted nothing more than to go to bed and declare today a wash, but she found herself unwilling to move just yet. In the privacy of the night, Reimu allowed herself to smile for the first time that day.
A/N – Hi everyone! So, a quick backstory on this fic. Most of this has been written for well over a year, but I never got around to polishing it up. Then I came up with Monster of Logic and that took all my thoughts up for a while. I stumbled on this recently and decided to finish it. Hope you enjoyed this cute little oneshot! More Monster of Logic to come whenever my muse decides to cooperate with me for more than ten consecutive seconds.