Crazy times here in the UK as for most of the world. In between working from home, I'm reading and writing as much as I can to keep me sane. Hope you are all doing well! Thank you for reading - I hope that, even if just for a few minutes, this story helps you escape whatever your situation is right now. Be kind to yourselves and each other. This isn't the happiest of chapters I'm afraid... I've always wondered - I remember thinking even as a child reading the books, how utterly confused Remus must have felt - back when the Potters died and Sirius was taken off to prison and again, where we join them now - when Harry tells him Pettigrew is alive...

Chapter 26 - The map. It was always the map.

This was it. There was no worming her way out of this one. She was stuck. No way out.

Death eaters on every side, wands raised, mouths already opening to shout the last words she'd ever hear. Should she even try dodging it? What would be the point? She had nowhere to run, so she was only prolonging the inevitable by a matter of minutes. She was going to die.

She couldn't hear the curse she knew was forming on each of the five dark wizards' lips, but she didn't need to. She closed her eyes and clenched her fists as she saw a bright flash of green.

"Tonks, TONKS!"

She could hear someone shouting her name. Did that mean she'd somehow made it out alive? Slowly she opened her eyes and lay perfectly still as her head spun with confusion.

She was in her bed, hugging her duvet, in Hogwarts Castle. Not dead, very much alive.

"Tonks! I need to talk to you. Tonks!"

The voice was coming from the hall. Shit, was she late? She looked at her alarm, it was 3.07am, definitely not late.

"Wait a minute" She barked at the voice her brain had yet to identify. Tonks was an affable, warm, placid person – except when woken from her slumber, at which point she instead resembled something a little closer to a bear woken early from hibernation.

Throwing on her dressing gown from the chair by her bed and slipping in to her overly large novelty snitch slippers, she stomped out of her bedroom, through her living quarters and flung open the door.

"WHAT?" She bellowed before she caught sight of a crumpled, exhausted looking Remus standing before her. "Come in" it wasn't a question.

"I'm, I… You were asleep, I am sorry, I am so sorry. I didn't think to check what time…" Remus was rambling; Tonks wondered for a second if he was drunk, but as he glided in his usual, non-clumsy way, into the room, she quickly realised he was sober, though certainly downtrodden, exhausted and incredibly upset.

"Don't be silly. Nothing to apologise for. Come on, that's it, why don't you sit down."

Remus sunk into the sofa. Tonks had never seen him like this. He looked as though he'd seen a ghost. Tonks sat next to him and for a moment the pair sat in silence.

Remus covered his face with his hands. "It can't be Tonks. It just can't. But it was right there, I saw it with my own eyes."

Tonks didn't know what to say. She put her arm around his shoulders and held him for a few minutes. "Remus, why don't you start from the beginning. What did you see?"

Remus stood up suddenly and began pacing. "The map. It was always the map. Why didn't I think of it sooner?"

Tonks was getting a headache. "What map?"

Remus shook his head, unable it seemed to order his thoughts. Tonks went to her bathroom and fetched a bottle from her medicine cabinet.

"Here, Remus, drink this. It'll help."

Remus took off the stopper and swigged the calming draft, draining the bottle.

Tonks saw the effect register almost immediately. Though the despair remained on his scar plagued face, his shoulders relaxed, and he sat down on the chair by the fireplace.

"I'm sorry Tonks. I shouldn't have woken you. I've been up all night running it all through my head and none of it makes sense. I needed to talk to someone."

Remus looked up at Tonks suddenly, "I needed to talk to you." Seeing Tonks smile kindly he continued, "When we were in our fifth year, the three of us, James, Sirius and I created a map. It started out as a pipe dream, but once Sirius got something in his head, he was tenacious. He actually spent time in the library, reading and researching."

Tonks tried to keep up with Remus, which was never easy, but at 3 in the morning felt nearly impossible, "What research was he doing? What kind of map were you creating?"

Remus explained the origins of the marauders map. How the idea has been just to know where Filch was, making it easier for them - well namely for Sirius and James - to get up to no good. Once they'd realised that was achievable, Sirius hadn't wanted to stop. They'd worked on it for most of their fifth year and by the time OWLs came around Sirius had a working map and hadn't revised for his exams at all. Though he still managed to saunter away with a fine set of grades of course, he was an exceptionally talented wizard and jammy bastard.

Tonks sat silently for a moment digesting what she had heard. "A map? A map which magically shows who is in Hogwarts Castle and where? Remus why didn't you tell me?"

Remus shrugged, "There was nothing to tell."

Tonks wanted to shake him but looking at his face she saw thirteen years of betrayal, grief, exhaustion and isolation all at once. He looked older than any illness had ever made him seem. His shoulders slumped, his hair messy, ink stains on his fingers, every ounce of the carefully put together Professor Lupin had been dismantled and Tonks imagined what she was seeing now was exactly how Remus had looked all those years ago. When the rest of the wizarding world had been celebrating Voldemort's demise, Remus had been reeling in his whole life having been ripped apart.

She proceeded, more gently this time, "Remus, a map like this – we could find Black – or worst still if he had gotten hold of it, he could have found Harry."

Remus shook his head as he stood from the chair he was in, "No, no. Sorry. I still can't seem to gather my thoughts properly." He sat down on the sofa next to her. "I meant there was nothing to tell because until I confiscated from Harry a week ago, I'd forgotten all about it, I assumed Filch had destroyed it when he took it from us years ago." The calming potion seemed to be having the desired effect. "Tonks – Harry – when I caught him with this, he told me it didn't work, that he had seen someone on the map that he knew to be dead."

Tonks wanted so desperately to ease his pain, to lift the horrible sadness that seemed to be weighing him down; but she knew all she could do was sit and listen.

"Who did he see?" When Remus looked at her, tears in his eyes, Tonks was unable to stop herself from grabbing his hand. After a few steady breaths Remus spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Peter Pettigrew. I've stared at that thing for the past week, I've been so distracted. I just couldn't get Harry's voice out of my head. Finally, just now – well just before I burst in here and woke you - I really am sorry - I saw it. It was a flash, for the briefest of moments but there it was – 'Peter Pettigrew'".

Tonks nodded slowly, finally understanding why Remus had seemed so unhinged when he'd arrived at her door. "Peter Pettigrew is alive then."

Remus stared at Tonks. Surprise masking the sadness for just a second, "You believe me?"

Tonks nodded, "Of course – why wouldn't I?"

"I – I was worried you'd think I'd lost it! I'm not even 100% sure I haven't."

Tonks gripped Remus' hands even tighter. "You told me that you, Sirius and James made this map. Well I don't know the others, but I know you well enough to know that if you trust that it works, then so do I."

Remus smiled for the first time that evening, though it lasted for merely a few seconds before it was replaced with confusion.

"It makes no sense Tonks!" Remus stood and uncharacteristically threw his arms in the air. "Pettigrew is dead! Sirius blew him up. But you're right – the map can't be wrong, it just can't."

Tonks tried to think of some logical explanation. "Where was he…that is… erm, Peter, where was he laid to rest…"

Remus shook his head, "Was he buried in Hogwarts you mean? No, there was only a finger to bury, which his parents buried in their garden up in the Lake District. Besides the map doesn't work like that. It senses any life forces that can move - it wouldn't pick up someone who wasn't moving at all and it doesn't pick up the house ghosts. He would need to be in the Castle and very much alive for it to name him. But then if he is alive, well then Sirius…" Though Tonks wouldn't have thought it possible, Remus seemed even paler than before.

"Remus?" He seemed frozen, as though hit with a body-bind curse. Eventually he shook his head and stood and walked over to the fireplace, leaning on the mantle for support.

His voice barely audible, Tonks had to lean forward to here him and he said, "What if I got it all wrong? Oh good God. Tonks, what if it wasn't how the ministry said it was? What if…" Remus stopped and slumped down onto the sofa next to Tonks as though every ounce of energy had been drained from his body.

"Tonks…" The tears that had been teetering in his eyes now spilled over on to his checks, "I feel like I'm right back there. Halloween. So many years ago. The weight on my chest, the disbelief, the confusion, questioning everything I see, hear, am told. Replaying every conversation with Sirius in my head, wondering how I could have missed it. it's too much."

Sat on her knees on the sofa, her right arm draped over his shoulders, Tonks conjured a handkerchief to her left hand and dabbed at the tears now on Remus' chin. She couldn't think what to say. Not for the first time she realised that she couldn't even begin to imagine the pain he had gone through then or was reliving now. So, she just continued to hold him, dabbing as he allowed the tears to fall freely.

"When they died, I was away." He was looking off into the empty fireplace. Dumbledore had asked me to chat to some... some potential allies. Find out if they would be on our side or Voldemort's, convince them if I could to join us, I suppose. I took the task willingly – even though my best friends had gone into hiding. I was living with Sirius at the time in London, in a little flat not far from where Lily, James and Harry had been living before they'd gone to James' parents old house to hide from Voldemort. Things were so dire – we knew from the number of Dumbledore's most outspoken supporters going missing when no one should have known where they were that we had a spy somewhere within our closest circle. I suppose Sirius and I did exactly what Voldemort wanted us to do – we suspected each other – though we never came out and said it of course but we turned in on ourselves unsure who we could trust – Voldemort was using imperious curses all over the place – you couldn't even trust your own Mother," Remus paused bitterly, "Or apparently, your best friends. Though I suspected something, I didn't really think... "

Tonks took and squeezed Remus' hand, hoping to somehow pass him through her hands some of her own strength so he could continue.

"I should have been here Tonks. I should have seen the change in Sirius" Remus shook his head, "But now Peter…he's alive, what if…but no that can't be because Sirius was the Potters secret keeper…"

Once again Remus was beginning to ramble, "What doesn't make sense Remus?"

His eyes were wide when he looked at here, "If Peter is alive, then Sirius didn't kill him…but why did he disappear?"

Tonks shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe he was too scared, decided to just disappear. Or maybe…"

Tonks stopped, not wanting to add to Remus' pain, but the thought had occurred to her as she'd been listening to Remus speak, "Perhaps," she treaded carefully, "Peter was Sirius' accomplice."

Remus didn't move, didn't respond he just sat quietly. She knew he was trying to remember things he had been so desperately trying to forget for the past 13 years. After a few minutes looking calmer but still pained her asked, "Tonks, do you think you'd be able to get copies of the files from James and Lily's… from Peter's…well from that night? I don't want you to do anything that might get you in trouble – I just feel like I'm missing something so obvious, but I can't put my finger on it."

Tonks nodded, "Of course, I'll go in the morning…well later this morning," she shot him a small smile and received an even smaller one back in reply, but at least it was something. "I think it would be good for you to get some rest for a few hours. You aren't going to figure out anything when you're this wound up and exhausted."

Remus nodded, looking once again at the empty fireplace. "I'm not sure… that is I can't, I don't want to go back to…" Somehow, in between the incoherent words Remus was muttering Tonks understood him completely. She stood up and flicked the fire to life with her wand, summoned the kettle and waved it at him.

"How about I make us a cup of tea and you can just rest here until it's early enough – it's Saturday so the Ministry won't be too busy – I can pop in grab the files, copy the ones that aren't classified and bring them back here."

Remus smiled at her. He didn't want to go back to his room and be alone, that was what he'd been unable to voice.

"Thank you Nymphadora."

Tonks found that when he said it with so much sincerity, she couldn't be angry at his use of her odious first name. Still she teased, "Of course. Yeah, use my name now… make the most of it – once we get all this figured out and you're feeling better – the ban will once more be reinforced."

"Whatever you say Nymphadora." She heard the tiniest hint of humour in his voice as she went to fill the kettle with water. She returned only a few seconds later to find his head resting on the back of the sofa and his eyes fluttering between open and closed. She summoned a blanket from her bedroom and covered him with it.

"Sorry," He mumbled, "I'm awake."

She smiled at him, "Sure you are. Get some rest, you'll be fresher to read through those files if you get a few hours sleep."

Remus closed his eyes and seemed to sink into her sofa more comfortably. As she went to head back to her bedroom, she heard him faintly say, "Nymphadora, would you… please don't go."

She was across the room in an instant. He lifted the corner of the blanket she had draped over him and she curled up next to him. After a few moments he opened his eyes and lifted his arm up, looking at her with uncertainty in his expression. She scooted closer and lent into him, placing her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He lowered his arm around her shoulders, placing a hand on her waist and pulled her closer to him.

As she drifted off into sleep, her thoughts were a confused jumble of people she had never met but heard so much about. Just what had happened on Halloween night over a decade ago? She was determined, for Remus' sake, that she would find out.

Thanks again for reading, following and reviewing. It really means a lot guys. I really can't wait for you to read the next few chapters! GAH! I finished editing chapter 29 earlier in the week (which is a long one) and wrote chapter 30 straight after - so excited for you to read them! :D

Comments, suggestions, reviews - all super welcome! :D