A/N - Oh my word... here we are the penultimate chapter! It's only taken me four years to finish this story! Thanks so much for sticking with me guys. Thanks for all the comments, favs and follows, everyone single one means so much. I'd had this story in my head for a long time and I'm so happy to have been able to finish it - as my stories always seem to - it ended up with a little mind of it's own and pulled me in a few random directions, but I've told the story I wanted to tell :) I think some of you have been waiting for this particular chapter for a very long time... hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 30 – Remus, tell me about File 5794

The stony stillness of the caste so late at night seemed to match Tonks' thoughts.

There was nothing. As she walked, Remus beside her, back to the tower that housed the staff living quarters, she felt numb.

The pair walked in silence, broken only by the occasional snore from the portraits lining the walls. It was late, or more accurately, early enough, that predawn light had just started to brighten up the corridors, so they didn't need to light their way with magic.

As they approached the corridor which would lead them to their rooms, Remus gently placed his hand on Tonk's forearm.

"Can we, I mean, I think we need to talk."

Without looking at him she muttered something she hoped resembled an "OK."

Remus seemed to hesitate before he spoke barely above a whisper, "Will you come with me to the astronomy tower. I can't bear to go to my room, I need some fresh air, but I do want to talk to you. To apologise…"

"There's no need." Tonks took a few steps forward, wanting to get back to her room, close the door and shut out everything that had happened in the past few hours.

Remus caught her arm again, squeezing, "I'd like to anyway. Tonks, please…"

There was a lilt to his voice that she hadn't heard before. She looked up over her shoulder to meet his gaze, realising she hadn't done so since their eyes had met in Dumbledore's office, and all at once the nothingness inside her dropped, like a theatre curtain falling, showing all her thoughts, feelings and emotions. He looked so very pained. She wanted to reach up, to cup his face with her hands and tell him everything was going to be ok. Instead she nodded and turning she began to walk with him towards the astronomy tower.

"Thank you."

The cacophony of feelings and emotions she now felt were so strong, the castle seemed as hectic and chaotic as the first day of school. Her mind flashed through so many different thoughts, never finishing one before jumping to another, that she felt overwhelmed. It seemed impossible that Remus couldn't hear the turmoil rampant inside her.

When they reached the top of the astronomy tower, Remus conjured two cushions and the pair sat staring out over the grounds. The light was rising slowly on the horizon, casting beautiful shades of yellows, oranges, blues and pinks over the water. They sat in silence, breathing in the fresh morning air and Tonks tried to settle her mind enough to pick one of the many things she wanted to say to Remus.

"I'm sorry." She spoke quietly.

Remus' head whipped round to look at her, "You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"

Tonks sighed and stared at her hands, twined together and sat in her lap, "I shouldn't have disarmed you; I should have trusted you."

Remus' head shook as she spoke indicating his vehement disagreement to her words, "no Tonks, I'm the one who should apologise, you were just doing your job. I should never have raised my wand at you – you did nothing wrong. You followed your Auror instincts perfectly. The only blame lies at my feet." Remus looked away, out over the water, then down at his own hands. "And you did trust me. Sirius is alive because you trusted me. You'll never know…" Remus coughed and shifted uncomfortably on his cushion, "That is, I don't think I'll ever be able to fully explain just how much that means to me."

As Remus stared at his hands, Tonks stared at the side of his face. The thoughts swirling around her head made her feel almost dizzy. Like she had a Rolodex for a brain that spun so fast she couldn't pick out a thought to settle on.

"But you didn't trust me."

Immediately Remus turned, kneeling in front of Tonks and taking her hands from her lap and holding them to his chest. "That couldn't be further from the truth. I just know how good of an Auror you are; I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd immediately called for backup, but I knew if you did, there would be no way to save Sirius."

Tonks shook her head slowly, her eyes on their hands, resting in the centre of Remus' chest. "No, not tonight, I mean you've never…" Tonks stopped and tried to gather the courage she certainly didn't currently feel she had. She looked at him, holding his gaze, "Remus, tell me about File 5794."

Remus sat back on his heals, letting go of her hands. She could see the lines; the scars on the left side of his face where the light touched it. "Did you read it?" His voice was barely above a whisper. Seeing Tonks shake her head he continued, "But you know what it says?"

Tonks nodded, "mmm I think so. But I want to hear it from you. If you want to tell me."

Remus closed his eyes, "that is the least you deserve. I should have known you would figure it out. I should have told you; I just didn't know how to...no, that isn't true. At first I didn't want to tell you, I enjoyed your company too much to risk letting anything come between us then, by the time I knew how I felt about you, that I needed to tell you, I worried doing so would put you in a dreadful position at work."

Remus stared at her, seemingly looking for something he thought he might find in her expression.

"So, will you tell me now?"

Remus took in a deep shaky breath and looked at her, "File 5794 details the events that transpired on the 14th April 1964." Tonks nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I was four, my Father and I were taking a shortcut through the woods, he bent down to tie his shoelaces and let go of my hand, I took off at speed suggesting that we play hide and seek, only I got lost. The rest of the story I can only tell from what the file says and what I've been told, I don't have any real memories of it."

Remus shifted, sitting cross legged in front of Tonks. "Being early spring it got dark quickly, and whilst frantically searching for me, my Dad tripped over the root of an old oak tree and knocked himself unconscious. He came to a few hours later and found me not 100 yards away, curled up in a ball. The only thing I do remember is him waking me up, of feeling so happy he was there, that I was safe." Remus paused, taking in another shaky breath, he closed his eyes before continuing, "what I remember most clearly is the look of fear in his eyes – even if at the time, I didn't realise that's what it was. It's the same look I've come to expect from anyone when they find out who...what I am."

Remus stopped and dropped his head. Tonks shuffled forward so that her knees were touching his and took one of his hands in hers and placed them both on her leg. With her other hand she gently placed her index finger under his chin, pulling his face up to look at her.

"I was bitten that night Tonks. I'm a werewolf."

Tonks slid her fingers over Remus' cheek. "I know." She whispered. "But thank you for telling me."

Remus didn't move. He stared at her, searching her face once again, only this time Tonks thought she might understand what he was looking for. "You won't find it Remus. Because I don't feel it. Not when I look at you."

His brow furrowed, "Find what?"

She moved her hand from his cheek to brush his fringe from his eyes, "Fear."

"Oh." Remus sat so still, she thought he looked like he had been hit with petrificus totalus. "How long have you known?"

Tonks had been asking herself that questions too. "A while. Though I ignored it at first, not for any other reason than because I wanted you to tell me when you were ready."

"How did you..."

Tonks sighed, "It took me longer than it should have, considering the amount of time we've been spending together all these months, but in the end it wasn't any one thing, more snippets of things that stuck in my head. You said once, when we were arguing because you hadn't told me you were friends with Sirius, well you asked who I thought I'd been spending my evenings with and then you said 'a monster not to be allowed to participate in decent company.' Apart from thinking you were being ridiculous I didn't think much of it at the time, but for some reasons my brain filed it away. It didn't seem like something you would say about having been friends with Sirius." Then when I went to the ministry to get the files, Tom, that's the Reception Wizard in Records and Ratifications, he said it had been awhile since he'd looked through the child cases linked to dark creatures." Tonks paused "You're not you know? A monster."

Remus' shake of his head was in stark contrast to his adamant reply. "I am. That's exactly who I am."

"No!" Tonks spoke sternly, "A werewolf might be what you are Remus Lupin but it is not who you are."

She thought she saw the beginnings of a tentative smile dancing at the corners of Remus' mouth before it faded into a frown.

"You can't think like that. It is part of who I am. I'm a dangerous, dark creature Tonks. Not the kind of company an Auror should be keeping."

Tonks scoffed, "Remus you are not a dark creature. Once a month a dangerous, dark creature takes over your body. Who you are is made up of all the other days when that creature is dormant. On those days when you're kind, funny, stubborn, pig headed," Tonks smiled, "charming, annoying, clever, bookish – that's who you are. And Luckily for you, I couldn't give a rat's arse what the ministry thinks of the company I'm keeping."

Remus gave her the tiniest hint of a smile. It wasn't much, but Tonks took solace that it was a step in the right direction.

"Do you really mean it? You're really not afraid of me, of what I am?" She had never heard him sound so uncertain.

"Oh I'm afraid of you. But not because you're a werewolf." Tonks tugged on his chin again, bringing his eyes up to meet her own, "I'm afraid every single time I look at you, scared silly by just how much I care for you. It terrifies me actually."

Leaning in, she placed the softest of kisses on his lips and pulled away again. "Remus, I know all of this," she gestured between them, "how we met, that we weren't initially as open with each other as we could have been, tonight – all of it has been less than ideal, but if we had a time turner here right now, I wouldn't go back and change a single thing. Meeting you, getting to know you, has been the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Remus brushed the back of his fingers along her cheekbone, his hand trembling slightly, then slipped his fingers around her neck and pulled her towards him. His lips were warm and soft. The kiss was tentative and spoke of the uncertainty he still felt. Pulling back he lent his forehead against hers, his fingers playing with the hair at the nape of her neck, "Tonks, I don't deserve you."

Tonks snorted, "Yes, how on earth could a witty, dashingly handsome professor ever deserve a clumsy, crass, loud, in every sense of the word, metamorphmagus?"

"You're not crass." Remus smiled as Tonks swatted his shoulder playfully.

"So just clumsy and loud?" Remus' arms slipped around Tonks as he repositioned them both, Tonks now sitting in his lap.

"I love your clumsiness, it's endearing and ummm… well I wouldn't necessarily say you're loud, I'd prefer not to see the end of your wand twice in one night, but you're certainly not subtle," he ran a pink spike of her hair through his fingers. "But those are just two of the things that made me fall for you."

Tonks kissed him fiercely. Her hands sliding over his shoulders and into his hair, his arms tightened around her waist. Pulling away, with a longing in his voice, Remus asked, "Tonks, do you really think this could work?"

Tonks smiled against his lips, "I think we could make it work, if we wanted to."

Remus kissed her gently and then pulled back to look at her, clasping his hands together at the small of her back. "I do Tonks. I really want to make this work."

Tonks took his cardigan in her fist and pulled him back to her mouth, "I think we've already made a pretty good start…"

I hope that was worth the wait! Let me know your thoughts! Final chapter coming soon... Hope you are all staying safe! To health care workers/ key workers, you're amazing. Thank you for all you do!